Chances are, you encounter drama in your workplace on a daily basis. My guess is that if you had a nickel for every time someone asked for advice because they’d been “harassed at work” or they have to deal with an employee who is “gaming the system,” well, you’d have lots of nickels.

Some of the drama is subtle and nuanced, related more to perception than the actual facts of the story. Other times the stories you hear are blatant and in your face. These are the stories that make you cringe and ask yourself, “Did she really do that?”

The skills required to address these situations vary, but regardless of where the drama falls on the intensity spectrum, you need to do everything in your power to manage, if not eliminate, it. Will it really take blowing up your organization to identify, prevent, and fix workplace drama? Yes (but not literally!).

#WorkplaceDrama: Identifying Problematic Behavior

Workplace drama takes many forms, but all drama is rooted in conflict and heightened emotions. The drama might involve just a few people (at least initially). But like a progressive disease, the drama spreads if it isn’t dealt with swiftly and effectively. And too often unchecked drama ends up infecting an entire department, division, or company. Identifying the problem is vital to ultimately figuring out how to prevent it and solve it.

So how does drama manifest itself at work? Here’s a partial list:

• “Harassment.” This word is in quotes for a reason; it’s a word that is misunderstood and therefore misused. Too often, people use the term to describe behavior that is annoying or bothersome. While that is the dictionary definition of “harassment,” the legal meaning is quite different. More than likely, you’ve had this conversation before. You’ve had to explain this distinction between the layman’s definition and the legal definition, though hopefully you’ve made it clear that even behavior that is “less than” illegal is nonetheless problematic and needs to be addressed. Harassing conduct takes many forms and involves the entire gamut of personal characteristics, but the type of workplace harassment that is most often discussed remains sexual harassment. And of course, in the post-#MeToo world, it’s taken on an additional urgency. In many instances, an employee complaining about “harassment” is actually referring to disrespectful, rude, or demeaning conduct, and, in more severe cases, workplace bullying. Having a respectful and civil workplace environment is vital to having a truly healthy workplace culture, but a problem can’t be fixed if it is imprecisely stated. It requires a new plan and it is one of many ways that a company needs to blow up before it can rebuild.

• Bias – conscious and unconscious.  You’ve seen bias, or at least allegations of it, every day, right? It may take the form of a boss who is playing favorites, inaccurately describing someone’s performance, or making judgmental comments. Undoubtedly, you’ve also had discussions about unconscious bias—whether it involves African-Americans who are arrested for waiting for a friend at a coffee shop or women who say they experience “mansplaining” at meetings. The reality of unconscious bias and the ways in which it affects our decision-making is well chronicled, even if the average employee still doesn’t understand it completely.

• Perceptions of unfairness. “I work just as hard as Sarah, but Joe always gives her a higher rating and a higher raise.” “I just wish I knew the rules of the game so I could succeed at this company.” “They tell us that there is a procedure to deal with this issue, but we all know rules are bent if you have the right title.” “I honestly have no idea why my boss dislikes me and treats me so disrespectfully.” Whether these examples ultimately uncover actual unfairness ends up being of little consequence. If employees have a reasonable perception that an individual or “the company” is treating them unfairly, you have workplace drama you need to deal with. (More on this in Chapter 5.)
• Ethical lapses. Many examples of ethical lapses involve a lack of thought and analysis. While there are certainly examples of employees embezzling money or committing other blatently fraudulent acts, in many instances the ethical lapse is an employee receiving a gift from a vendor, a committee leader advocating for his friend’s company during an RFP process, or a manager going against policy and hiring someone without going through the pre-established procedure. Regardless of whether the conduct is purposeful or is due to laziness, ethical blunders, and how the company deals with them, are a common source of drama at work. (More in Chapter 4.)

There are, of course, many other examples of workplace strife, but these examples of drama at work are the ones we see most often.

Root Causes of Workplace Drama

Just as important as identifying and recognizing drama (preferably early, when it can still be easily addressed), is recognizing its root causes. Any one of these examples—not to mention a combination of them—has the potential to devastate your company.

1. Inauthentic leadership: A lack of authenticity creates or perpetuates a belief that management is hypocritical, that they only talk the talk but don’t walk the walk. In this environment, employees lose enthusiasm for their jobs, passion for what the company represents, and, most dangerous, they lose trust.
2. Problem-solving deficit: A lack of authenticity leads to inconsistency, usually seen in the form of the failure to implement solutions in an even-handed way. Over time, this creates actual unfairness (and also creates a strong perception of a lack of workplace justice).
3. Persistent confusion: Unfair or illegal?: Repeated inconsistency in dealing with conflict (e.g., ignoring misconduct, conducting sham investigations into claims of misconduct, uneven distribution of consequences when misconduct is proven) not only leads to the erosion of trust, but it also increases the probability that employees will perceive any level of misconduct not only as unfair, but also as illegal. This increases the chance that they will make internal or external claims of legal violations. If made internally, the company must go down the compliance route and conduct a formal workplace investigation. Or the employee might choose to file a lawsuit. And in today’s social media–filled world there is another choice. An employee’s grievance could end up on a blog, an employer review website, a social media site, or as an exposé on the front page of a national newspaper. Yesterday’s biggest workplace fear might have been an employment lawsuit. Today, brand value is more easily lost with one press of a button . . . a button that says “post.”

4. Lack of transparency: Long-standing fear of getting sued has, paradoxically, led to decisions that increase the chance an employer will be sued. (I discuss this in great detail in the “Fearlessness” section in Chapter 5 by walking you through the litigation-avoidance paradox.) A prime example is with the lack of transparency. Convinced that they are prohibited from sharing “confidential,” “private,” or “personal” information, companies create shrouds of secrecy. In some instances, it’s inaccurate or incomplete information about why someone was disciplined or fired. In others, it’s making large-scale corporate changes (reorganizations, selection of new leadership, etc.) behind an impenetrable wall, with no employee knowledge or input. No matter the specific secret, two lessons are clear: Employees know more than you think they know (so trying to pull the wool over their eyes is obvious to them) and you do more harm than good since employees know you’re lying (employees have a very well-honed BS meter). Old-fashioned though it may sound, it really does pay to be honest.
5. Communication gaps: Confusion between unfair and illegal behavior, an uneven playing field (or the reasonable perception of one), and secrecy do not mix well. To make matters worse, employers only teach employees “legal language” (that is, employees only learn about “harassment” and “discrimination”). This gives employees one of two messages. The first is: Don’t come to me with a complaint unless it’s one of unlawful conduct. When this happens, employers don’t find out about problems until they reach crisis level. The second message is: When you do eventually report your concerns, do so by using charged legal terminology such as “hostile work environment” and “retaliation,” rather than reporting facts and consequences. This then causes the company leader to go into defense mode rather than problem-solving mode. This merry-go-round of posturing makes it clear that we need to establish a common and productive language at work . . . one that actually has the goal of fixing the workplace drama problem.

6. Increased division: This confusion drives an us-versus-them mentality that causes even further division and mistrust. With increased division comes an erosion of empathy and self-awareness. It becomes nearly impossible to see the issue from the other person’s perspective and to be self-aware and humble enough to admit mistakes. Viewed through this lens of suspicion and selfishness, actions are more likely to be negatively interpreted which makes drama inevitable.
7. Culture of complicity: The us-versus-them culture becomes permissive and tolerates bad behavior. And tolerance inevitably leads to even more egregious behavior (since the bad actor is emboldened by the tolerance). After all, in this type of culture, trouble is always blamed on the person on the opposite side. What results is a failure to view situations objectively and we instead view them through the expedient lens of quick blame. We hide behind “business decisions.” Sure, Charlie is hard to take, but he’s so valuable to the company.   Yes, Jessica has made some decisions that push the bounds of ethics, but it’s only because external factors make it nearly impossible for her to do her job effectively. Once you start making these types of excuses, you’ve crossed a dangerous line and drama will be ever-present.

8. Blind spots pop up: As each side begins to think the other is out to get them, we develop blind spots, and our ability to anticipate and respond to drama becomes weaker. Of course moving someone to a lower position on the organizational chart during a reorganization will lead to hurt feelings and claims of unfairness, but reorg strategists think, “Hey, they’re lucky to have a job.” Yes, it’s true the company has lost one-third of its female leaders in the past six months, but that’s just a coincidence and says nothing about the company’s commitment to diversity—unless you ask the remaining female leaders. The ability to anticipate and plan for drama is a critical skill that is unfortunately missing at most companies. (See Chapter 6 for more on how to take action in situations that are known to result in drama.)
9. Wrong solution: Since we aren’t identifying root causes to the drama, we implement ineffective solutions or we overcorrect. In either case, we make an already difficult problem even worse. The most typical answer to drama in today’s workplace is to “review our policies and procedures.” More rules. There is a growing perception of HR and leadership as cops, thus making the drama worse, not better. Just as bad as implementing the wrong (read: not well-thought-out) solution is overcorrection. This too is rooted in a failure to think critically and creatively about what might actually solve the problem. Your diversity metrics show low numbers of underrepresented employees at your company? Clearly the answer is to begin hiring anyone and everyone who checks the “diversity box” without regard to qualifications. While this might solve your short-term numbers problem, it inevitably breeds resentment, hurts your business and does nothing to ultimately help with “diversity numbers” since you’re setting the candidates up to fail. Drama, drama, drama.
10. Unwillingness to admit wrongdoing: The thought of apologizing in corporate America is unfathomable to many. But if we want to move the needle on culture, it’s a key ingredient. We all make mistakes. We fail to anticipate problems. We fail to take the time necessary to make wise decisions. We ignore problems, hoping they will go away. Making the mistake is human; failing to admit and make amends is fatal. A company made up of leaders (or employees) who fail to admit wrongdoing is an inauthentic company, thus perpetuating the cycle of mistrust.

Unchecked, these triggers create a negative work environment and cause tangible (and detrimental) effects. Widespread mistrust leads to low morale and low productivity, high (and unnecessary) turnover, increased claims of unfairness, difficulty in recruiting and retaining top talent, legal claims, and, of course, damage to corporate brand.

A key question then is, how did we get here?

Legal Compliance: Friend or Foe?

Employment laws prohibiting discrimination at work have been around since the 1960s. Over the years those laws have expanded to include a prohibition of harassment, including sexual harassment and retaliation, among other types.

A review of the intent of those laws makes one thing clear: They were enacted to provide an important, but not exclusive, avenue for redress. They were never meant to be the sole way to solve problems at work. In fact, they weren’t even meant to be the primary go-to for the elimination of workplace drama. At their core, these laws seek to provide a level playing field, a set of standards to ensure consistency in decision making, an avenue to address egregious behavior. They were certainly not established to increase animosity at work and were not meant to question every business decision or establish a way to keep track of daily behavior.

But a deep misunderstanding of the law has negatively impacted the way both employees and company leaders make decisions, and this has had an equally negative impact on workplace culture.

• Misguided corporate reaction: In terms of company leaders, the answer has been to wear legal blinders at all times—to make business decisions through the narrow lens of risk management. By doing so, leaders have lost sight of what actually creates a healthy, respectful, and inclusive work environment. Companies rely on “solid” legal advice: Approach conflict resolution with a fear-based, “I’ll get them before they get me” mentality. While there are many lawyers who provide sound advice—advice that complies with legal mandates and also focuses on business success—too many attorneys have convinced companies that being scared is the best way to avoid lawsuits. The irony? Over the years claims have gone up, not down. In fact, high-profile scandals have become an almost daily occurrence. Apparently, we’re doing it all wrong. (See more on this in Chapter 5, where I introduce you to the concept of the litigation-avoidance paradox.)
• Misguided employee reaction: Employees have been similarly brainwashed into believing that the only way to get justice is through the legal system. Gone are the days of wanting to participate in fixing what’s broken but salvageable. Don’t get me wrong, there are, unfortunately, many instances in which the legal system is the best and only way to resolve harassment issues (think Harvey Weinstein, both his behavior and the shameful failure by the corporation to protect his victims). But this isn’t always the case. More often than not, situations can be dealt with through precise reporting, an appropriate corporate reaction, and a mutual problem-solving approach. But it will take the re-establishment of trust, respect, and accountability to do so.

Two equally important phenomena, both based on a hyper-focus on the law, track the inevitability of the #MeToo movement:

1. Focus on fear: Fear-based and inauthentic decision-making leads to bad decisions. Blind spots created by that fear leads to a culture of complicity. In story after #MeToo story, targets of harassment speak of what is essentially double victimization. First, there is the sexual harassment itself.  What’s worse, the victims say, is working with leadership that turns a blind eye to what’s right in front of them. What happens? Employees (both targets and bystanders) don’t trust the system so they don’t report problems when they can still be easily solved. Or worse, they report the problem and the company does nothing. The employee leaves or sues. The fear-based mentality is reinforced: “See, all they wanted was to sue us.” And so it continues.
2. Taking your eye off the ball: While the workplace was consumed with worries about the law, a brave new world emerged and no one noticed. This brave new world is largely fueled by social media. Employees are increasingly using social media as the channel to change the workplace power dynamic. They are reclaiming control of the employment relationship by using posts, blogs, and company review sites to vent their frustrations. And it’s been incredibly effective. Media personalities have been removed not because of lawsuits or the threat of a claim, but because of detailed newspaper stories –stories where every gory detail of bad behavior gone wild and details of a complicit corporate culture are exposed to the world. Fast-rising tech companies have been rocked, not because of legal claims, but because of a single blog post gone viral. Employees are using social media to effectuate change and a company that ignores this reality does so at its own peril. Understanding and embracing this brave new world is vital for a company to maintain a healthy internal and external brand.

If we are serious about working together to revolutionize the workplace, then it’s time to stop playing to not lose and begin playing to win. After all, doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result, is what got us into this mess in the first place. This leads to one conclusion: The answer isn’t to continue to operate with compliance blinders but rather to focus on trust, mutual respect, transparent communication, and, above all, authenticity.

The #1 Culture Problem in Organizations: A Lack of Authenticity

Of all the underlying reasons that drama creeps into our workplaces and ruins corporate culture, a lack of authenticity is the most serious.

We know the drill: Have a policy for everything, make employees sign acknowledgments for all those policies, draft a statement about your company’s “commitment to diversity and inclusion” and post it on your company website. Defend every claim of unfairness with your standard statement that your company is “committed to an environment free of harassment” and that you are an “equal opportunity employer.” I’m not necessarily saying any of these are bad, I’m saying they are rote responses that send a clear message: “We are an average company who implements average solutions.” And what’s worse is a company that says these things but means none of them.

Here’s a common scenario:

Company:

We have a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to sexual harassment.

Employee:

My boss tells sexually suggestive jokes and makes sexually charged comments and at the last sales conference he invited me up to his hotel room. (Employee’s inner-dialogue: This is hard to do, but I want this to stop, and I’m going to believe the company’s stated commitment to keep me safe.)

Manager:

Well, was he drunk? (Manager’s inner-dialogue: I have so much work to do, this is the last thing I want to deal with. And besides, this employee is complaining about a guy who brings a lot of money to the company.)

Employee:

I don’t know? (Employee’s inner-dialogue: Is this person serious? What happened to zero tolerance?)

Manager:

Were you drunk? (Inner-dialogue: I mean, it’s a fair question.)

Employee:

No. (Inner-dialogue: Well, I guess I know where this is going . . .)

Manager:

Okay, we’ll look into it, but I’m sure he was joking. (Inner-dialogue: I better not find that any of this is true . . . I can’t lose this guy.)

Employee:

Um, okay. Thanks, I guess. (Inner-dialogue: I should have listened to my coworker who told me to keep my mouth shut.)

How do you create and maintain a culture that says what it means and means what it says? Try this three-step process: Define it. Live it. Color it in.

• Define it:  You can’t “live your values” until you’ve defined what those values are. This involves more than putting a mission statement on your website. What does your company really stand for? Why do employees and leaders join and stay with your company? If your company’s focus is on increasing revenue (for example, a start-up that will perish without showing profit quickly), then don’t pretend to be a company that wants to retain employees for a lifetime. If you are a company whose passion is making the world a better place, say so and structure your culture to attract employees who buy into that philosophy. More than ever, culture matters to employees, often even more than compensation.
• Live it: So now that you’ve found your company’s true north, how do you make it real? First and foremost, walk the walk. Be radically authentic. All work on defining your culture will go to waste if your employees sense that it is simply lip service. If you’ve defined integrity as a core company value, then act in all instances of ethical lapses. All of them. If you say you believe in and value diversity and inclusion, then be a champion for a comprehensively and creatively designed and deployed D&I plan.
• Color it in: Simply defining and living your values isn’t quite enough. Be meticulous about linking your company culture to your company’s purpose and passion. And do so in detail. Will you draft and distribute an employee handbook (yawn) or an inspirational guide that gives employees genuine guidelines about what to expect, and also tells them what is expected of them? Will you talk about your values during interviews, at performance meetings, during coaching sessions and even when an employee is exiting your company? If not, why not? Once you’ve made your company purpose clear, it’s time to yell that message from the rooftops every chance you get.

Practicing profound authenticity is the first step on the path to a drama-free workplace.

The Courage to Be Different (and Therefore Effective): Focus on the Good

We know the problem—drama that appears in the form of harassment, bias, a perception of unfairness, or ethical lapses. We know the root causes for the drama: a lack of authenticity and transparency; failure to properly identify, anticipate and prevent strife; a perpetuation of a destructive us-versus-them mentality; and failing to properly fix problems once they’ve been identified.

Now comes the hard, but fun, work. Blowing up all preconceived notions about how to decrease or even eliminate drama from your workplace. Yes, it’s necessary to identify mistakes and root causes of drama. But the most effective way to eliminate bad behavior is to study and focus on good behavior. What does that look like and how can we model our conduct, our policies, our practices after those positive examples? Whether your goal is to manage risk or to create a healthy environment, the old way of doing things simply doesn’t work in today’s workplace. It’s time to blow up those tired solutions.

And definitely don’t forget that “the good” also includes fun. A workplace culture that is boring, robotic, or dry is not one that has reached the top of the Healthy Workplace Culture Pyramid.