Emotional Intelligence47
I’m hearing that you think this process will be ineffi cient, and you
don’t want to waste your time. Is that right? What am I missing?
Once you’ve successfully completed this reframing, you can proceed
with normal confl ict-resolution techniques (see chapter 12, “Leading
Teams”).
This process may make your employee feel vulnerable, especially if it takes
place in a group setting. The rest of the team may feel vulnerable, too, if
they identify with their colleague’s distress or if their colleague is attacking
them. To get to a productive resolution, assure everyone that you’re con-
ducting this conversation in good faith.
Step 4: Defend the team norms—gently
Call out unacceptable actions, especially if other people are involved. The
rest of your group needs to know that you take the rules you’ve all agreed
on seriously, and that you have their back. But do so gently, with empathy
for how the person is feeling; take into account how calling the employee
out will affect him emotionally.
I know you’re frustrated, but sarcasm isn’t helpful in a discussion
like this. Can you restate your point?
Step 5: Off er an apology or sympathy if it’s appropriate
Sometimes what’s going on with an employee is . . . you. Perhaps you did
something inappropriate; maybe you unconsciously hit one of his hot but-
tons, or you might just be intimidating. When you acknowledge your own
infl uence on the employee’s emotional landscape, you signal that you’re on
his side and you want to help him resolve whatever’s at the heart of his
problem.
I’m sorry I was dismissive when you fi rst raised these concerns.
I’m sorry that you’re going through that in your personal life.
I defi nitely don’t want this issue to add to your stress right now.
48Develop a Leader Mindset
These strategies will help your employees maintain their equilibrium in
the moment and develop their emotional intelligence over time. You’re
helping them become stronger contributors to the group—and to your
organization.
Building social awareness on your team
Raising your individual employees’ EQ will improve group dynamics,
but you can also develop the emotional culture of your team as a whole
by establishing a set of common expectations for how you’ll interact every
day, guidelines around how you’ll all handle stress and overcome chal-
lenges, and rules about how decisions are made, according to Vanessa Urch
Druskat and Steven B. Wolff, who, as researchers at Case Western Reserve
University and Marist College, developed the theory of group emotional
intelligence. These norms will help manage the group’s mood, especially
under pressure. A positive mood will, in turn, infl uence the motivation and
productivity of each member of the team.
A handful of small, targeted interventions can have a big effect. Here
are some suggestions:
Set ground rules—and stick to them
• Call group members on errant behavior.
• Assume that undesirable behavior takes place for a reason. Find
out what that reason is. Ask questions and listen, and avoid nega-
tive attributions.
Take time away from tasks
• Gather for periodic outings outside the offi ce to get to know one
another.
• Have check-ins at the beginning of your regular meetings to ask
how everyone is doing.
Emotional Intelligence49
• Acknowledge and discuss group moods. Make time to discuss dif-
fi cult issues and address the emotions that surround them.
• Express acceptance of team members’ emotions.
• Support members by being fl exible and offering emotional support
or material help if they need it.
When things get tough
• Reinforce that the team can meet a challenge. Be optimistic. For
example, say things like, “We can get through this” or “Nothing
will stop us.”
• Create fun ways to acknowledge and relieve stress and tension.
• Remind members of the group’s important and positive mission.
• Remind the group how it solved a similar problem before.
• Focus on what you can control; focus on problem solving, not
blaming.
When making decisions
• Ask whether everyone agrees with a decision.
• Ask quiet members what they think.
• Respect individuality and differences in perspectives.
• Validate members’ contributions. Let others know they are valued.
• Protect members from attack. Never be derogatory or demeaning.
When you implement new rules, involve your team. Remember that
you’re not alone as a manager in trying to create a culture of self- awareness.
Your team members are critical to the process. Consult the team as you
create your ground rules, and make explicit compacts around language
you will use to address confl ict or break tension.
50Develop a Leader Mindset
Creating cultural change isn’t easy, especially around emotions. But
remember, you don’t have to change the way people feel and think all at
once. If you can tweak the way they behave even a little bit, the emotional
stuff will follow on its own.
Developing your emotional intelligence is work that will continue through-
out your leadership journey. It’s a foundational skill that underpins the
leader’s mindset: how you manage your own motivation and build relation-
ships that support your goals; how you help your employees get better at
their jobs; how you help many diverse personalities work together toward a
common goal; and how you make the right business decisions under stress-
ful, changing conditions.
Recap
■
Emotional intelligence is a more powerful determinant of strong leadership
than technical competence, IQ, or vision.
■
Emotional intelligence as Daniel Goleman originally defi ned it is a combi-
nation of self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social
skills.
■
While you can’t gauge your own emotional intelligence objectively, you can
begin to get a sense for your perceived strengths and weaknesses through
self-refl ection and by getting feedback from trusted friends and family
members.
■
Your mood as a manager is literally contagious. Our bodies communicate
stress, hope, and the like with others at a physiological level.
■
Keep your cool in hot-button situations by acknowledging your triggers and
then using thought exercises or physical cues to pull yourself out of the emo-
tional whirlwind.
Emotional Intelligence51
■
Spot strong emotional reactions on your team before they bubble over. Help
your employees articulate their reactions in productive ways by practicing
active listening and reframing what you hear in language that will help all of
you move on to normal confl ict-resolution techniques.
■
Promote positive emotions by defending team norms, off ering an apology or
sympathy when it’s appropriate, and helping your employees save face after
embarrassing outbursts.
Action items
❏
Chart your emotional patterns by making notes in your calendar during
each day or after a particular emotional episode. Then look for correlations.
How do your moods aff ect your productivity and your interactions with col-
leagues? Do certain activities tend to fan emotional states like irritation or
enthusiasm? Consider whether your reactions are adaptive or maladaptive.
❏
Check in with a colleague or friend and ask for feedback on your moods and
behaviors.
❏
Think back to a recent confl ict on the team. What were the turning points as
things went south? Where were the key gaps in understanding? If the prob-
lem has been resolved, what actions made it better? Are there one or two
explicit team rules that could have prevented the whole situation? Get input
from key players or witnesses.
❏
Experiment with one or two new rules to solve a recurring problem with of-
fi ce dynamics—for example, your team’s tendency to become pessimistic
or fractious when they’re under pressure. Explain why you’re implementing
this rule and set a fi xed period of time for the test. During this time, press
your employees to uphold the new rule; write it on the wall during meetings,
include it at the bottom of emails, and uphold it carefully with your own ac-
tions. Then check back in with the group: Do they think it worked? How did it
aff ect the group’s dynamic?
..................Content has been hidden....................
You can't read the all page of ebook, please click here login for view all page.