Self-Development131
Asking for and using criticism
One of the best ways to receive genuine, real-time feedback is to ask for
it. Make this a part of your normal routine. At the end of a group meet-
ing, when you’re closing out a coaching session with an employee, or when
you’re driving back from the airport with a colleague after a business trip,
ask this question: “Do you have any feedback for me about how that went,
and how I could do better next time?”
Whether people—especially your employees—actually take you up on
those questions will depend on how you react to even the fi rst whiff of criti-
cism. Does your response teach them to stay silent from now on? Or do you
reward their honesty with respect, attention, and gratitude?
Criticism is easier to receive when you’re aware and in control of your
own emotional reactions. Executive coach and Stanford Graduate School
of Business lecturer Ed Batista recommends that when you hear the words,
“Don’t take this personally, but . . . ,” you stop and recognize three elements
of the conversation:
• Your threat response. Your brain is following age-old neurological
and physiological patterns. Acknowledge that you’re being trig-
gered and remind yourself that your perception of threat doesn’t
mean you are actually under attack.
• The power dynamic. We become extremely sensitive to status dur-
ing these conversations, and it’s tempting to project a lot of nega-
tive motivations onto the other person. Is he lording his power over
you or trying to assert supremacy? Is she trying to undermine your
authority? Acknowledge your fears and choose to make the gener-
ous assumption: “This feels bad for me, but I think they’re trying
to help.”
• Your agency. If you’re feeling ambushed or blindsided, you might
freeze up. It might not seem like it, but you do have a choice about
whether you participate. Ask yourself, “Do I need to step out right
132Managing Yourself
now? Or can I continue to hold this conversation?” Giving yourself
the option to leave may actually settle your emotions.
One of the best ways to assimilate feedback as it’s being shared with
you is to listen actively and probe for more insight: “Tell me more.” “I’m
not sure I knew that about myself. Help me understand what you’re see-
ing.” Asking for more information takes you out of a personally defensive
posture and puts you back in the inquisitive, curious mindset that is the
hallmark of great leaders.
Over the long term, you can make these experiences easier by deepen-
ing your relationship with the feedback givers. When it’s time to talk about
more diffi cult topics, you’ll feel safer and more curious about their input.
You’ll also be able to relate the negative information to the bigger picture;
your sense of purpose and your plans for growth.
Know your strengths
Not all feedback needs to be negative. When you reach out to your col-
leagues to collect their constructive criticism, you should also engage with
them on your strengths. The “Refl ected Best Self ” exercise, created through
the University of Michigan’s Center for Positive Organizations, can struc-
ture this process. Your goal here is to compose their experiences (and your
own) into a unifi ed vision of your best self to measure future decisions and
actions.
Start by picking a wide range of people: family members and friends,
past and present colleagues, teachers, mentors, and so on. Ask them to
describe your strengths and to share specifi c stories about when they’ve
witnessed those traits.
Then organize all the material you collected and search for common
themes. Group examples by theme and then take a stab at explaining who
you are or how you behave when you live up to those ideals. Exhibit 8-1
shows an example of one row of a table you can create listing your strengths;
each row would highlight examples of a different theme.
Once you’ve compiled these memories and themes, turn the bullet
points into prose. Use the feedback and your own observations to write
Self-Development133
a two- to four-paragraph description of your best self. Try opening with
these phrases:
• “When I’m at my best, I . . .”
• “I enjoy . . .”
• “Others rely on me to . . .”
• “My best work is . . .”
• “I feel most like myself when . . .”
• “I thrive when . . .”
Now rerea d what you’ve w ritten: Where is your current role best a ligned
with the self-portrait you just created? Where are the biggest sources of
friction? What elements of your role do you have the power to alter—the
composition of your team, the way you do your work or spend your time?
Finally, design some small experiments to bring your job into better
alignment with what you’ve learned or put yourself in the best possible po-
sition to succeed. Instead of initiating a grand overhaul that requires ap-
proval from higher-ups, try making two or three targeted adjustments at
a time. For example, if you’re at your best when you’re collaborating with
others, look for areas of overlap with your peers in other units and start a
regular series of meetings about how you could better work together.
EXHIBIT
Refl ected best self—sample row
Common theme Examples given Possible interpretation
Curiosity and
perseverance
• I gave up my promising
career in the military to get
my MBA.
• I investigated and solved a
security breach through an
innovative approach.
I’m at my best when I’m meeting new chal-
lenges. I take risks and persevere despite
obstacles.
Source: Adapted from Laura Morgan Roberts, Gretchen Spreitzer, Jane E. Dutton, Robert E. Quinn, Emily Heaphy, and
Brianna Barker, “How to Play to Your Strengths,” Harvard Business Review, January 2005.
134Managing Yourself
Engaging with feedback from your boss and employees will advance
your thinking about the kind of leader you want to be. Building around
your strengths and mitigating or improving in areas of weakness will allow
you to develop into a stronger leader. It also supports your career develop-
ment process over time, throughout your career.
In order to supervise others well, you must invest in your own competencies
—infl uence, communication, personal productivity, and self- development.
To connect with and advocate for your employees, you must develop per-
sonal power and an authentic voice. And to help them organize their work,
you must understand how to prioritize your time and projects. These skills
make you a stronger contributor in the organization, but as a manager,
they also deeply affect the overall functioning of your team.
Recap
■
The fi rst step in your self-development is articulating your career purpose:
What do you want out of your work, and what do you want to accomplish?
■
Search for development opportunities by fi rst examining the options avail-
able in your workplace.
■
Feedback from those you work with can help you understand where to
grow—as well as your areas of strength.
Action items
To defi ne your career purpose:
❏
Complete the “Find your purpose” questionnaire at the beginning of this
chapter.
Self-Development135
❏
Reformulate the answers to your questions into a statement: “My pur-
pose is . . .”
❏
Refi ne your statement, sharing it with friends, family, and colleagues to
get their input.
To fi nd opportunities within your organization:
❏
Take advantage of formal development opportunities your company
off ers. Talk to your boss and to the HR department to fi nd out what’s
available.
❏
Conduct informational interviews with internal leaders about any func-
tions that interest you. Use your contacts within the company to set up
meetings and come prepared with good questions and great manners.
❏
If no existing opportunities catch your fancy, propose the job you want to
do. Figure out where there’s an unmet need or untapped opportunity in
your company, and how your current team will survive your transition.
❏
If you can’t move to a totally new role, pursue incremental opportunities
in your current position, such as joining a cross-functional team.
❏
If you truly see no chances for growth in your current organization,
use your network to fi nd opportunity elsewhere. Exit as graciously as
possible.
Solicit feedback from your boss and your team:
❏
Ask for feedback as often as possible—at the end of a meeting or after
a presentation—from your colleagues as well as those above you in the
organization.
❏
When you receive criticism, be prepared for completely natural emo-
tional responses that may pop up. If the feedback feels bad or wrong,
why? What happens if you make a more generous set of assumptions
about where the other person is coming from?
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