STEP FOUR

Build Trusting
Relationships
that Last

Building trust with customers can take a few seconds, a few minutes, or possibly longer. It depends on your role and your job. Someone who works at a checkout counter in a grocery store can build trust by waiting for someone to get that last minute item. Instead of saying, “You’ll have to get back in line,” she may smile and say, “I’ll hold your place for you.” Someone who works in child welfare, and has to visit a mom for the first time after her children have been taken away for safety reasons, may take months to build trust.

People offer trust in different ways. Some are skeptical. Some are warm and receptive. The time it takes to create a foundation varies from person to person. However, there are ways that you can foster the relationship that will help sustain it after the first encounter.

Consider someone in your life whom you trust. Use Worksheet 4.1 to list what it is that makes you feel close to that person.

WORKSHEET 4.1

What Makes You Feel Connected to People?

• What do they do that makes you feel like you can tell them about yourself?
  
  
  
  
• How do they respond to you?
  
  
  
  
• What do they do in terms of action?
  
  
  
  
• How do they make you feel about yourself?
  
  
  
  

Make a Connection

Some cultures believe that a person does not exist until they are acknowledged. That’s an indication of how important it is to recognize someone in your presence. The following story illustrates how people wait to be acknowledged, and it also shows how important it is for leaders to be aware of how their actions impact staff members, even when they don’t suspect it.

Brian was involved and committed to great service. He respected his employees and appreciated their hard work. One day, I was training his employees about the importance of greeting people. A participant in the class said, “But Brian never says hello!” That surprised me, so I asked, “Do you think that not saying hello is intentional? Do you think he’s ignoring you?”

The answer was “no.”

I continued, “What do you think is happening?” The participant said, “He looks like he’s thinking all the time.”

Brian was a deep thinker who always examined how things could be better. When he walked, he didn’t always look around. I told him about the conversations in class. He said, “Oh, I never thought about that. I’ll be sure to look up when I’m walking. Thanks for the feedback!” And he followed through by looking up. Employees were thrilled by his attention, and how he engaged them by asking, “How is your day going?” or “What’s your best seller today?” or “I saw how well you interacted with that last customer. Thanks!”

The moral of the story: Say hello. You can learn about a company’s culture by who says hello to whom. If people say hello to you, it is an indication that the environment is open and receptive. If nobody greets you, the culture may be less friendly or a hierarchical structure may discourage interacting outside of silos.

Listen to Show You Care About Meeting Needs

Building trust involves solving problems and having a passion for getting things done. Taking action necessitates knowing what needs to be accomplished. The only way you can truly determine a problem, or find out what the customer wants, is to listen. Many people cringe when they hear this. Why? Because everyone has heard it so many times that it seems trite. Unfortunately, we hear it more than we do it. See Tool 4.1 for tips on listening.

Listening is a gift, just like compliments are gifts. When you listen, you establish a connection that is real and genuine. You are the initiator of the reciprocity phenomena discussed in Step 3. Customers are more likely to hear you after you have heard them.

TOOL 4.1

Tips on Listening

Let the customer

• tell you the issue without being interrupted
• give you the whole story before you jump in and tell him or her what to do
• share emotion
• complain
• vent
• express anger.

One of the most important ways you can show anyone that you care is to listen. Listening involves putting your ego aside, not interrupting, and not trying to prove that you have the right answers. The customer wants to be in control, but he or she is not in control just by the nature of needing something from you. You hold the cards. Give some power back by listening.

Noise Gets in the Way

Behavioral scientists have studied how much time people spend listening and how it is done. For a conservative estimate, 50 percent of daily communication time is spent listening. However, most operate at only a 25 percent efficiency level. This is primarily because we think faster than we are able to speak, and don’t always comprehend everything someone has said. “Noise” gets in the way. We are often

• thinking ahead
• preparing something to say back
• wondering how to get to the next meeting without making a rude exit
• worrying about work piling up
• evaluating what the other person is saying
• imagining what will happen if the stock market goes any lower
• fearing layoffs
• worrying about retirement money.

What did you say?

Listen on the Idea Level

The idea level is the thought level of communication. It encompasses what a person is telling you about a situation. It can be describing events or a policy. It could be when a patron asks if the library has the history book she is trying to locate.

“Listening” can also be done via the Internet. I was at the library trying to get the latest book by one of my favorite authors. When I accessed the catalog, I didn’t find the author, even though he is very well known. I saw an “ask a librarian online” feature and used it. Someone from Orange County was able to “listen” well enough to solve the problem for me in the Broward County branch library where I was using the computer. But, the person had to “listen” very carefully, including clarifying my request.

Me: “I’m trying to find the latest book by John Naisbett, and I can’t find anything in the catalog. This is odd because I have several of his books. I was just trying to get the latest.”

Librarian: “So you want to find the latest book by the author you are looking up? Is that right?”

Me: (Ecstatic that he understood) “Yes! That’s right! Thanks.”

Librarian: “Was that John Naisbitt?” he wrote, spelling the last name correctly.

Me: “That’s it. Sorry. I spelled it wrong.”

Librarian: “If you hold on a minute, I can tell you exactly where you can find it at the West Regional Library if it is on the shelf.”

Me: “Oh, thanks so much. I can take it from here. I really appreciate your help.”

Librarian: “My pleasure.”

Electronic “listening” and problem solving takes place in a variety of ways today, with technology issues, phone problems, ordering online, credit card problems . . . you name it. In order for a customer to be understood in writing, it is especially important to ensure that you understand. Paraphrasing is one of the most powerful ways to assure people that they have been heard. In face-to-face communication, it is essential. In electronic communication, it is equally as important.

Paraphrasing helps to decipher the actual problem. Even the most simple of transactions often need to be clarified. Think of a drive-through when someone is ordering—a live person is talking and a speaker is amplifying.

Customer: “I would like your mixed vegetable salad with oil and vinegar dressing and a bottled water.”

Waitstaff: “That will be a mixed vegetable salad with bottled water?”

Customer: “Yes, but I want the oil and vinegar dressing.”

Waitstaff: “Oh, thanks for repeating that. It usually comes with low-cal ranch dressing.”

Use the tools you have to get it right the first time, and to let the customer know you care. Repeating back and paraphrasing are important. If you don’t already do it, these two communication techniques can dramatically increase the trust that you build with customers, colleagues, and employees. And that trust is immediate. Following are some examples.

Repeat

Repeating back what a customer has said may include introductory phrases such as

• “Now let me see if I got this right . . . you want to fly into New York, but leave from Boston?”
• “I just want to be sure I understand. You have been waiting for a supervisor for 15 minutes, and nobody has come to address your concern.”

Why Paraphrase?

Paraphrasing is putting into your own words what someone else has said. The purpose is to let the other person know that you understand his or her message. It is also to give customers the added assurance that not only did you hear them, you understood what they were trying to say, and the meaning they were trying to convey. The paraphrased statement in the following story is underlined.

“I was just trying to be kind,” said Joyce, the young agent at the bus counter. “The lady was so sad. She was buying a ticket for the bus. She was telling me about her son. He was a doctor, and she just found out that he was in a car accident. I said, “So you are concerned about the accident?” “Yes,” she said. “My son has a broken arm and lots of bruises. He will have to be out of work for a long time, and I don’t know how he will be able to function because he is all alone.” Joyce said, “So, there is no one to take care of him, and you are very worried.” “Right,” the lady said. Just then, a cell phone rang. Nobody answered it. It sounded like it came from the woman’s purse. Joyce asked if it was hers. The woman then realized that she had a cell phone her daughter had given her, but she didn’t know how to use it. “I don’t know how to use this!” she said. Joyce responded, “I know they are difficult to figure out if you have never used one. I’ll answer it for you if you’d like.” It turned out that it was the son calling to say he had hired a nurse to care for him, and he was sure he would be able to return to work shortly. After talking with her son, the woman said, “Thank you so much for being here and for listening to me. It meant so much.”

Empathize

In the previous story, examples of empathizing are in bold. The heart-felt “thank you” from the woman at the bus station shows the effect that a few minutes of genuine caring, demonstrated by empathy and listening, can create.

Empathizing involves feelings. We have feelings all the time, but we’re not always adept at talking about them or identifying them by name. The following are some feelings that you might recognize from customers and ways you might validate their feelings by addressing them:

• Anger: I can hear that you’re angry about . . .
• Disappointment: You must be disappointed that the item didn’t come in yet.
• Frustration: It must have been frustrating to be transferred all those times.
• Satisfaction: I’m so glad that you are satisfied with the resolution.
• Appreciation: Thanks for letting me know that you appreciated my call. I’m glad you were able to get to the sale.

See Worksheet 4.2 for practice in identifying feelings. See Worksheet 4.3 for practice in paraphrasing.

Assess Your Listening Skills

After you have completed Worksheets 4.2 and 4.3, fill out the Noise Detector Assessment in Worksheet 4.4 to check your listening skills, identify your strengths, and determine ways that you can improve your listening skills.

WORKSHEET 4.2

Feelings Inventory

Instructions: Make a list of all the kinds of feelings you think customers could be having in your business environment. Making a list will help you be more aware of how to validate customers’ feelings. Make a list of internal customer feelings.

Ask the Right Questions

Questions aid in obtaining pertinent information. There are several types of questions that can be used to elicit information. When you ask questions, it is usually most effective to vary the types of questions you ask so you do not sound like you are interrogating a witness. Questions should have a purpose. Let the customer know the purpose of your questions. Following are several types of questions you can use.

WORKSHEET 4.3

Listening on Both Levels

Instructions: Paraphrase the following statements and follow up with statements of empathy.

I do not feel like my suggestions are appreciated. Everyone says they would like to hear new and innovative ideas, but when I present recommendations, people are too busy to listen.

Paraphrase:

Empathize:

I can’t believe I have been waiting in line for ten minutes, and now you are closing this counter. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to get here? I had to crawl through traffic at ten miles an hour because of the construction on the highway and now you’re closing. How can you do that?

Paraphrase:

Empathize:

WORKSHEET4.4

Noise Detector Assessment

Scoring

How many of the following did you record?

What are some ways you could improve in the areas that you would like to grow?

Open- and Closed-Ended Questions

You can use open- or closed-ended questions to help you clarify or define a situation. Closed-ended questions are worded to solicit a short, quick, yes or no type answer.

Examples:

• Did you receive the merchandise?
• Did you order online?
• Were you at home when the delivery came?
• Can you bring in the receipt?
• Would you mind speaking with a supervisor?
• Did you call last night?
• Do you have your ticket?

Open-ended questions are used to obtain additional information. Open-ended questions require longer, more detailed answers and provide you with more facts, information, or feelings in the situation you are addressing.

Open-ended questions may begin with:

• Can you tell me more about . . . ?
• What else . . . ?
• What happened . . . ?
• How did . . . ?
• What would happen if . . . ?

Which questions you use depends on the circumstance—and whether you want to control the information you are receiving, whether you want more information, or whether you have the time for elaboration. Asking an open-ended question, such as, “What happened?” could give you information you did not originally have, and could influence how you view the situation. It also gives customers and associates an opportunity to describe their perception of the situation or conflict. A closed-ended question could give you information that you do not need to expand on.

Defining Questions

These questions help people focus on a solution. They are sometimes considered safe questions that allow the customer to gain perspective. Defining questions provide a video replay of how and under what circumstances the problem occurred.

Examples:

• Under what circumstances is this likely to occur?
• When this happens, what do you do?
• What are the positives for you in continuing to buy this product?
• What changes should be made within the company to assure the best customer service?
• How often do policy and systems issues impact your service?
• How did you handle the situation?

Relay Question

The relay question bounces the question back to the one who originally asked it: “What do you think?” This is a good way to involve customers in decision making when the solution requires cooperation. It is also excellent for coaching, as discussed in the example of “Barbara’s Chair.” If colleagues or employees need to talk through a problem, asking what they think is a way of helping them discover answers on their own. You act as a sounding board. Using relay and open-ended questions can build trust by demonstrating your faith in the person’s ability to solve his or her own problem.

Past Success

In these questions, you focus on the customer’s past successes with your services. Examples include:

• I see that you have shopped with us before. How did you perceive service in the past?
• What can we do for you to continue the relationship we have established?
• What would it take for us to regain your confidence?
• Tell me about the service provider you liked so much.

Scaling Questions

Scaling questions make complex features of a customer’s experience more concrete. Scaling questions can be used to prioritize the customer’s perception of hopefulness. They usually take the form of asking the person to give a number from 1 to 10 that best represents the severity of their problem, with 10 at the positive end of the scale. Higher numbers are equated with more positive outcomes or experiences. Examples of scaling questions include:

• On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 meaning you have every confidence that this problem can be solved, and 1 meaning that you have no confidence at all, where do you see yourself today?
• On the same scale, how hopeful are you that this problem can be resolved?

See Tool 4.2 for more on questioning.

Trust Starts Within Your Own Company

Trust is a big topic. The suggestions provided so far are for you to begin to establish trust with a customer. In order to maintain trust, you have to be consistent with the excellent service you provide, and the company you work for needs to consider building trust as a critical factor in its mission, goals, objectives, and practice.

Trust as an Organizational Value

Your company must hold the following principles as sacred:

• All business actions and interactions must be honest. This means that the company advertises and promises what it delivers. If a car dealership runs an ad that says, “$3,000 off new autos,” it shouldn’t be just the test vehicles on the lot. If a hotel touts “best service,” upper management, the waitstaff, check-in staff, bellhops, and sanitation staff should know that their service is included.

TOOL 4.2

Questioning

Questions are a form of control. When you ask a question, you are controlling the direction in which the conversation will go. Wait until the person has thoroughly explained a situation or talked through a problem before you ask a question. It is important to wait when

• someone is trying to tell you something or is describing an incident
• a person is telling you how he or she feels
• you have asked a question and the person is answering
• the person has paused to think
• the person gives you the verbal or nonverbal message that he or she feels like you are interrogating them
• you will take the customer off track from what he or she wants to tell you.

What should you do? Just listen. Your questions will most likely be answered if you give the customer the respect he or she deserves to tell you what happened. When the story is done, you can ask appropriate questions or begin problem solving.

If you say you will be back in a minute, make it a minute. If you need to check with your supervisor to see if you can waive a procedure, give the customer a timeframe in which to expect an answer. Customers will usually wait and will often be much more patient if you tell them the truth.

• You must be a part of the solution. Support your company by being part of it and taking responsibility. Be honest about a problem (such as the computers are down, you are moving, or you are out of that color shirt), but provide a solution if you can, “I’ll call you when the computers come back up,” “I’ll get that information for you as soon as I unpack the boxes tomorrow,” or “I can backorder that shirt for you, or would you like to try another color?” Avoid statements that separate you from your organization, such as, “They can’t get the phones working.”
• Products must work. There are a lot of gadgets on the market, as well as many high-ticket items. People are wary of brands they don’t recognize, but they sometimes want to purchase new items for price, variety, or simply because they want to be one of the first to try a product. Make sure your products work. If you key in “products that don’t work” on Google, you will get results about many products that consumers have found defective. The sites listed in Step 2 will also yield a variety of results.

Put It All Together

From the first moment you come in contact with a customer, you are building trust. Step 4 examined how trust develops personally between customers and staff, as well as how companies build trust. Step 5 will focus on the importance of staying positive, even in challenging customer service situations.