2. Brace Yourself

Never work with children or animals.

—W.C. Fields

If you’ll be spending your days photographing kids, you’ll need to be part circus clown and part shrink. Taking time to get inside each child’s head to understand them as an individual will make your job easier and your images more authentic.

This chapter gives you a format for getting the lowdown on each kid, while preparing you for some personality types you may encounter. You’ll also learn how the age and stage of development of a child can affect how that child performs during your session and what to do about it.

The best way I know to gather information on my subjects is by consulting with their parents prior to the photo session.

The client consult breaks the ice and allows us to get to know each other a bit. Mom and dad need to determine if they like me well enough to pay me to photograph their kids. And I need to make sure the clients understand my style, how I work, and what I’ll need from them during the shoot, so there are no surprises when it’s time for our session.

I’ve created a client consult form that I use with all my clients, which is included in Appendix A. Besides names and ages of each child, I like to ask for specific details, such as:

• What are they into these days? (any obsessions?)

• Who’s the girlie-girl (or tomboy)? Who’s the athlete or the bookworm?

• Who’s the brat?

• Who’s the pleaser?

Address them directly and don’t talk down to them. Ever.

• What do they want to be when they grow up?

• What is unique about each child?

• Which sibling does she get along with best/worst?

• Any physical characteristics that are unique or that you’d like highlighted?

• Hair, eye, skin color

• Is it OK to give them candy/treats?

• Do they have a favorite toy/blankie/object that is near and dear to them?

• What problems do you anticipate I will run into when working with this child?

• What is this child’s best quality?

• Any unique quirks? (thumb sucking? hair twirling? silly expressions?)

Connecting with kids before I pick up the camera allows the parents to actually enjoy the shoot. Rather than having to spend time micromanaging or threatening their kids to behave, the parents can sit back and watch the “show,” enjoying their kid’s antics and personality.

Try speaking to one of his siblings first and refer back to the Slow Warm-Up along the way, piquing his interest in the conversation. For example, if the Slow Warm-Up’s name is Hayden, you might say to Hayden’s older brother, “So, does Hayden like video games?” Most younger kids can’t stand to have their older sibling speak for them so they’ll pipe right up and answer you, which starts the conversation between the two of you. If there isn’t another sibling around, you can try this trick with the parent.

The little 18-month-old boy in FIGURE 2.1 was a very shy Slow Warm-Up. He didn’t want anything to do with me, so I began by photographing his older sister. Once I had a few frames of her, I made a big deal of showing her the results on my camera’s LCD. The Slow Warm-Up became interested and wanted to see what we were doing. Between me and his big sister, we convinced him to get in a few shots so he could see himself in my camera.

The resulting shots of her convincing him to cooperate highlight their relationship at this stage in their development.

Get the Sassy Pants on your side early in the shoot. Pull her aside and, confidentially, put her in charge of something. For example, you could say something like, “I need your help; can you make sure that all the shoes are lined up over there?” The phrase “I need your help” is crucial to getting bossy kids on your side. It feeds into their need to be in charge of something and their need to please the actual person in charge (you!).

The little girl in FIGURE 2.2 was a very charming Sassy Pants. Super smart and running rings around all of us, she had big plans. I put her in charge of her parents during the shoot, which she loved. All I needed to say to her was, “I need you to be in charge of your mom and dad. Don’t let them get off those chairs or they are going to be in trouble!” Her reaction to being assigned as the disciplinarian brought new energy to the session.

Difficult kids (even some babies) sense that you need something from them, and they are determined not to give it to you. The Difficult Child may run away from you, make crazy faces, or burst into tears at the slightest provocation. You coax and cajole, and parents threaten, but still it’s a no-go with this type of kid.

The phrase ‘I need your help’ is crucial to getting bossy kids on your side.

The dynamic turns into a tug-of-war. When you find yourself on one side of a tug-of-war, it’s time to “put down the rope.” Try these four magic words that will instantly slacken the rope and relieve the tension: “You don’t have to.”

Of course, this might seem crazy because although they may not have to cooperate, you do have to get the shot. Trust me; saying those four words will ease the pressure in the moment and give you some space to problem solve how you can best gain the child’s cooperation.

The six-year-old girl in FIGURE 2.4 was part of a larger group of grandkids being photographed with their grandparents. She was not happy about the whole situation, and as I was getting started, out of nowhere, she burst into tears.

Immediately, I put down the camera and asked, “What’s wrong Avery?” She screamed (with tears and snot streaming down her reddened face), “I hate taking pictures!” Before Grandma and Mom could start coaxing her into complying, I said, “It’s OK, you don’t have to.” Everyone looked at me like I was crazy. I “put down the rope” and let her sit with that thought for a second. Then I asked her to come over to me so I could tell her a secret, but I didn’t want anyone else to hear it. Intrigued, yet wary, she approached. (The Difficult Kid can smell manipulation a mile away.) I whispered in her ear, “Wouldn’t it be funny if after we’re done taking pictures, I pretend to get a picture of Grandpa and you together? But when I say ‘now,’ you spank his bum and I’ll snap a picture of him saying, ‘Ouch!’” She started to giggle and agreed that would be a good idea. To confirm the arrangement, I whispered, “OK, so can we just take a few pictures and then we’ll spank Grandpa? But it’s our secret; don’t tell anyone!” This gave us a secret pact that no one else knew about; she felt like the privileged insider and cooperated like a pro for the entire 90-minute shoot. Of course, she got her reward in the end—and so did Grandpa!

Rather than trying to squelch The Poser, let her go for it and see what happens.

The older sister Poser in FIGURE 2.5 was one of my more animated subjects. She was in a constant state of flow, but her little brother was not always on board. I let her do her thing to her heart’s content, knowing that the results would be entertaining. The contrast between the two shows off their personalities and makes me laugh.

The Wild Card looks for attention, and he’ll take it however he can get it. I love to photograph these types of kids because they introduce an unpredictable element that keeps the shoot from becoming too posed. That doesn’t mean they can’t be annoying. If you keep your higher purpose in mind, you can put up with almost anything to get a great shot.

The best approach for dealing with the Wild Cards of the world is to “dangle the carrot.” Broker a deal that includes an end-of-the-shoot-jumping-karate fest or whatever they are dying to try in front of your camera, with the stipulation that they have to give you a few shots that you want first. Deal? If they can’t wait until the end, get a couple of shots for you and then let them do their thing. Then switch back and forth between your idea and their action shots. The back-and-forth method works best for younger kids who can’t delay gratification as easily as the older ones.

The little boy in FIGURE 2.6 kept complaining that he was “girl trapped” between his sister and cousins. Allowing him to act like a lead singer while the girls played backup put his personality front and center.

The best approach for dealing Wild Cards is to ‘dangle the carrot.’

For a photo of older sister and baby brother we once tucked a Smarties candy behind the baby’s ear and asked the sister to try to find it. The manhandled cranium is shades of things to come.

When I’m photographing an older sibling with a newborn, I like to get the older sibling on my side by highlighting the differences between how big the older brother/sister is and how the baby is just “little” and can’t really do anything. I’ll sometimes start out by asking, “Is that your baby? She’s just little. She can’t run or jump like you can she? You are so big. I’ll bet you’re a big helper.” Comments of how big and responsible they are work well for older siblings in the three-to-four-year-old range (FIGURE 2.7).

If you’ve scheduled a shoot for a baby who isn’t quite steady sitting on his own, a Bumbo is a wonderful tool to have (FIGURE 2.8). This baby “sitter” helps the baby to sit up without having to be held up and allows you to capture sweet slobbery smiles. And it may help your subject discover something new, like his toes.

A child’s first birthday is a big milestone to document and, for many families, the last time they will be comfortable having their child photographed without clothes. Adding a cake smash at the end of the shoot is fun to do for the expressions you can capture and the experience. But remember to keep your camera up, because other family members may want in on the action (FIGURE 2.9).

Try to make the shoot into one big game.

Getting toddlers up off the floor is your only hope in maintaining some control. A sturdy chair, trunk, or platform about 18 inches off the floor will give most toddlers pause before they try to climb off it. It will also give you a few seconds to get a shot.

Little chairs can be used as well, but keep in mind that toddlers love to pick up and move chairs; still, this gives you some time to get an image or two before they take off (FIGURE 2.10).

Try to make the shoot into one big game, and don’t be afraid to make a complete fool out of yourself. Enlist mom or dad’s help to blow bubbles, throw balls, and stand behind the camera making funny faces—whatever it takes to get the shot.

Preschoolers want to be big, especially if they have older siblings. Let them make some of the decisions during the shoot. Do they want to sit in the chair first or would they rather stand on the box? It might seem like a small thing but feeling that they have some options helps them to stay engaged longer.

During the client consult, I often recommend that moms let their preschoolers bring in a favorite toy/blankie/object (FIGURE 2.11) that represents where they are at this stage in their life. It gives them something familiar to interact with and has integrity as a prop in the final image.

I’m not above a little bribery, so I keep a well-stocked candy jar and what I call the treasure suitcase filled with mini cans of Play-Doh, bouncy balls, bracelets, parachute guys, and other interesting toys. I’ll mention the treasure chest when I catch the kids doing something good and say, “Wow, you are doing such a great job; you might get to pick two prizes from the treasure suitcase!”

This is the age at which I engage in direct connection with the kids before the day of the shoot. Once I’ve booked the session with the mom and I know a child in the house is old enough to read, I mail the kids of the family a secret word puzzle. I use one of those blank puzzles that you can write on and jot down a secret word on it. Then I break it into an envelope and add a note telling the kids to put the puzzle together to discover the secret word. When they come in for their photo shoot, they can tell me the word and they’ll get to choose a prize from the treasure suitcase when the shoot is done. Kids I’ve never met will burst in the door just dying to tell me the secret word, and parents love that I’ve taken the time to motivate the kids about the shoot.

Kids at these ages are old enough to include in the creative process. I suggest to the moms to get their children’s input on what they’d like to bring to the shoot. Most common are sports uniforms and balls (FIGURE 2.12), favorite books for the bookworms, favorite outfits and shoes, or whatever the kids are obsessed with that can give them some input into what we are creating together.

During this phase, many children will go through certain religious rites of passage, such as baptisms or First Communion (FIGURE 2.13). Don’t let these important events go by undocumented.

Have tweens bring as much stuff as they want to the shoot and then work with them to decide how they’d like to be photographed. A great photo shoot experience at this stage can give girls new confidence in themselves (FIGURE 2.14).

Boys are usually less enthusiastic to begin with, but give them a skateboard or something physical to do and they’ll turn up the energy (FIGURE 2.15).

Action shots are big with boys, but once they’ve started jumping around it’s difficult to settle them back down, so start with Dirty Harry (strong, silent, and masculine) and end with Jackie Chan (jumping through the air like a maniac).

As a photographer, you can have a profound influence on building the self-esteem of the girls you photograph. Take the time to notice the details of their clothing, hair, nails, and so on. Compliment them as you notice them doing something great, whether it’s a cute look or pose. Girls want to be seen as pretty, even the tomboys (FIGURE 2.17). Your encouragement during the shoot will give them the experience of feeling like a supermodel.

Benefits. Oldest kids are usually obedient and ready to comply with whatever is asked of them. They consider themselves adults and are motivated by adult approval.

Challenges. Oldest kids are the most worried about how they look; their need to be seen as competent can cause them to appear nervous and stiff in photos. Your main job with oldest children will be getting them to have fun and loosen up (and quit bossing their younger siblings around).

You really have to put on your psychologist’s hat.

Don’t make the mistake of putting the oldest children in charge of their younger siblings. This scenario plays out every day in their real lives, so replaying it in the shoot usually backfires because the younger kids are sick of being manhandled by big sister.

The most common problem when you’re photographing siblings at younger ages is the older kid trying to control the younger, which starts a negative chain reaction of coercion and rebellion. Nip it in the bud early by giving specific directions. Rather than saying, “Give your brother a hug.” I’ll ask them to, “Put your hand behind your brother and lean on your hand.” This gets them close enough to each other without too much contact.

Benefits. Middle kids are usually more confident than their older siblings. They tend to be more comfortable in their own skin and don’t care as much about what others think. They aren’t the oldest or the baby, so they aren’t under any illusions that it’s all about them.

Challenges. Middle kids have a finely tuned sense of injustice. “It’s not fair!” is most often heard coming from a middle child’s mouth, so beware of any favors or treats promised. You’ll have to keep them equal for everyone or the attorney-in-training middle kid will let you know. Middle kids can also be major attention seekers; either negative or positive attention will do. If acting up and stirring the pot will put them in the spotlight for a minute, they’ll go for it (FIGURE 2.19).

When it comes time to pose the siblings together, I’ll make a big deal about bringing the middle child in first and then the oldest, leaving the youngest to be popped in at the last possible second before we shoot. Posing kids in this order makes the middle kid feel special. Middle children never get to go first. They are used to either the oldest dominating or the baby being catered to in every situation. Giving middle children a little love will make major points and gain their cooperation quickly.

Benefits. The youngest children are used to performing all their tricks to an approving audience, so they can be ideal subjects. Youngest kids look to their older siblings for cues and will usually follow along with whatever the group is doing.

The key to successful parent interaction is to manage expectations.

Challenges. Babies of the family are used to having their way, and they know that nothing proceeds until they are on board, which can result in a holdup of the entire shoot if the youngest is in power-play mode. Youngest kids are usually the most tied in to the parents. They know they can squawk and mom will make the older kids bend to the baby’s will (FIGURE 2.20).

For families with younger kids, I usually let mom handle the youngest while I’m working with the older kids. I’ll get everything set and then pop the baby in at the last minute. For older-aged kids, I’ll still get all the “big kids” set and then act like I forgot the youngest with a comment like, “Hmmm, who are we missing here?” Eager to not be left out, the youngest is usually ready to jump in and be part of the group.

The most important thing to tell every parent is “no threats”: Caution parents against threatening or bribing the kids ahead of time to “be good” during the shoot because this puts the photo shoot in the same category as going to the dentist. Instead, encourage them to say things like, “We’re going to Miss Allison’s studio to have fun, play, and take some pictures (FIGURE 2.21). Afterward, we’ll go get a treat!”

1. Not ready to go. Kids are a ticking time bomb from the second they walk in the door. They won’t wait for you to set up your gear and test it. You should have everything pre-tested and ready to shoot the minute they arrive.

2. Not taking control. Taking charge of everything that happens on your set, regardless of where that set is located, is the mark of a professional. It is your job to create amazing images of your client’s children. You must call the shots in order to make that happen. Establish this expectation in the client consult.

3. Taking too much control. You need to be in control, but you also have to go with the flow of what’s happening at the moment. If you are stuck on a certain pose or getting frustrated because the kid isn’t performing to your expectations, take a deep breath and look for what is in front of you rather than what isn’t. Don’t stay with the same setup for too long; if it’s not working, move on.

4. Trying too hard. Kids can smell a phony a mile away, and if you come on too strong too soon, you’ll turn them off. Treat them as you would any adult. You wouldn’t talk in a patronizing or syrupy sweet voice to a peer, so don’t use that tone with kids either.

5. Not being in the moment. Worrying more about the shot you have in your mind than the shot right in front of you is a sure path to frustration. The beauty of children is that they live in the moment. Let their energy and personality take you on a journey; you might be surprised where you end up.

6. Not being true to the kid. Some kids are natural smilers; others have a more somber countenance. If you ask your subjects to do something and they really don’t want to do it, move on to something else. Don’t try to force something that’s not natural for that child because it won’t ring true in the final image.

7. Too amped too soon. Remember to start with the calmer, more posed shots and work up to the crazy. Once you enter into the three-ring-circus stage, there’s no pulling it back to a place of calm. You have been warned.

8. Not rescheduling when the kid is sick. Sick kids can’t perform well, and even if you manage to capture some decent images, the mom will look at the photos and say things like, “Oh, that’s so sad. Look at him. I can tell he’s sick. He just doesn’t look like himself.” Reschedule. Reschedule. Reschedule.

9. Not doing a client consult. I’ve heard every excuse in the book for why photographers don’t do a consult, and none of them is valid. Take the time to get the lowdown on the kids, and let the parents know how you work. By doing so, you’ll eliminate about 80 percent of the problems you run into during a shoot (and after). Do it.

10. “Smile!” Seriously? Don’t say it. Ever.