CHAPTER 7:
Common People Problems— A Handy Reference

Chapter 6 offered a process for untangling judgments so that people problems could be analyzed and handled as business issues. Besides judging or labeling people, there are other common people problems that are prickly for managers. Several of the most common ones are discussed in this chapter, using real-world examples. A simple process is offered here to help you handle these types of problems. If you develop this simple skill for solving people problems, you will form a habit that will help you invigorate relationships and work collaboratively. This habit will help you achieve work results through others.

People problems can be solved, and it is the manager’s job to handle these problems. Sometimes what seems at first to be a “people problem” is an opportunity to explore differing points of view. Multiple viewpoints can contribute to innovative and better products and services. Having different perspectives can help the team develop conflict-resolution skills, which strengthens the team. When coworkers are able to honestly state their views on the work, they develop trust in the working relationship and confidence that misunderstandings can and will be worked out.

Defining People Problems

“People problems” is a shortcut term many use to describe unresolved interpersonal conflicts, as opposed to mechanical, technical, or other work problems. Sometimes managers who are quick to resolve other work-related problems procrastinate about resolving work problems that they perceive are related to people. A manager might not like a direct report, or might judge him, as discussed in Chapter 6. Or a problem might exist between coworkers who report to the manager.

Sometimes there are elements of emotion involved and the manager isn’t sure how to properly tackle the issue. Perhaps the manager wants to avoid confrontation or an unpleasant conversation. Or the problem is with the manager’s boss or peer. The manager isn’t sure how to approach a person she perceives as having equal or more organizational power because the stakes are higher. Oftentimes the manager just plain does not know how to define “people problems” as logical work performance issues to be solved by a rational process.

Conflicts can be about differences in opinion, traits, or beliefs. Sometimes a person thinks he is right and refuses to explore the other person’s viewpoint. On the other hand, a person may lack confidence in his own ability or opinion or lack the capacity to defend his position without escalating conflict. Sometimes people fear looking bad or losing their jobs or reputations, so they choose not to be honest communicators. Others overlook the value and necessity of developing strong working relationships.

Causes of Problems Among People

Misunderstandings and other communication problems among people at work are probably as old as work itself. How could it be otherwise? People have backgrounds and viewpoints that differ from those of others. Because of this, it is difficult to articulate meaning in a nonemotional way that others can understand dispassionately. This section will examine many factors that can cause communication problems.

Too Much Togetherness

The old adage “familiarity breeds contempt” means that it is quite common for people who are together a lot—at home, at play, or at work—to become upset with each other. When people work closely together, there are bound to be misunderstandings and communication problems among them. Too much in-person contact might just be annoying, especially if a coworker has a habit we don’t like. It is to be expected that people may become impatient with one another if they see each other frequently. Or they may take each other for granted and not make enough effort at communicating properly. They may misinterpret a message based on what it meant in the past when they worked on something similar.

Didier’s cubicle is next to Pierre’s. They have worked on projects together for over three years. Pierre has been the team leader and, from Didier’s perspective, has imposed his way of approaching the project every time, supposedly because of time constraints. Today, Pierre asks Didier, “What are some alternative ways to approach this project? What do you think we should do here?” Instead of answering the question directly, Didier might use his past experience with Pierre and be cautious. Will he waste his energy if he spends time analyzing the best approach and then Pierre does what he wants anyway? Has Pierre changed his leadership approach and does he truly want Didier’s opinion?

Not Enough In-Person Contact

The opposite of too much togetherness is not seeing each other in person enough. Not being together in the same location contributes to many communication problems. Today many managers have direct reports who work at remote locations—at home, at a coffee shop, or at another office location. Other office locations can be in other cities or in other countries—even on other continents. These remote workers are connected to coworkers via the Internet. They work virtually, meaning technology links them together regardless of the geographic location or the time zone. Virtual teams collaborate and can be in constant contact worldwide.

If Ron works in Toronto and his direct reports work in Tokyo and London, he must develop a top-notch ability to manage by results, because he cannot observe what his team is doing on a day-to-day basis. Ron must also hone listening skills, because he will be working by phone when voice-to-voice communication is needed. Without seeing people in person, Ron will not have the benefit of observing nonverbal communication like body language. Most communication will be done via the Internet, which presents many opportunities for misunderstandings.

When the Message Sent Is Different from the Message Received

A typical communication problem is often categorized under “the speaker sends a message but the listener receives a different message.” Why? There are many possibilities. Our life experiences frame our point of view, and our listener’s life experiences form his outlook. Let’s say Soula explains something to Kyle. Soula thinks she is perfectly clear, but Kyle hears a different meaning. Soula might be using jargon or vocabulary that Kyle is not familiar with. Or Soula might have a generational frame of reference (music, literature, historical events, technology, terminology, and so on) that differs from Kyle’s orientation. If Soula has done the job a long time and Kyle is new at it, they have a different perspective on the work. There are many other reasons for this message sent and not being heard problem, including cultural differences and traumatic or major events that shape how a person sees things.

We could include e-mail under the category of a reader assuming a different message than the sender intended. Words and tone in e-mail messages are frequently misunderstood, and tempers flare. Sometimes the e-mail thread goes on too long, when a phone call could have straightened out the misunderstanding.

Not Knowing the Context

Sometimes we understand the vocabulary but not why people say what they say or do what they do. Their behavior may seem out of place or it may not fit with the rest of the behavior we have seen from them. For example, in one class I led, no matter what the team exercise was, “Send them to an anger management class” appeared on the wall charts as part of the team solution. I observed who was offering that as a solution and casually sat next to her at a break. When I engaged her in a general conversation, she quickly told me that, two weeks before, her son had been at Virginia Tech when a man murdered so many students. In fact, her son had been in the very building at the time of the crime. No wonder “anger management class” was on her mind. We often don’t know the context for a person’s remarks until we converse with him or her.

In another class, a woman, who had been a major class contributor for one and a half days, was daydreaming during the second afternoon of the seminar. When we ran into each other in the ladies’ room, she volunteered, “I know I’ve been daydreaming and I’m sorry. I got a call at lunch that my friend is dying and if I want to see him alive I’ve got to get there tonight. My husband is picking up our baby from day care right now and driving two hours down here to pick me up. Then we need to drive an hour and a half South to see our friend.” Who would have guessed she had so much going on? We find out only when we don’t judge people and offer a compassionate, gentle ear. Then, they may choose to include us in their concerns.

Not Listening

Another reason for miscommunication is lack of listening. It is easy to miss a person’s meaning if one doesn’t focus on the message. Listening is covered in Chapter 11.

“Personality Conflict”

Some people say they have a “personality conflict” with certain other people. They might say there is “bad blood” or “ill will” between them. Frequently these problems are just preferred behavioral styles and easily solved. Often in my classes we use assessments so people can learn about their own preferred styles and those of others. The assessments are lists of questions about how you act in certain situations or words that best describe you. Then the assessments divide up behaviors into quadrants that give more information about why a person acts and responds to work, other people, time, and the world the way he does. It is amazing to see the proverbial lightbulbs go off when managers have an explanation for why they have conflict with other behavioral styles and receive advice on how to solve it.

Downsizing Effects

When an organization is downsizing and running lean with fewer staff to do the work, it causes people to be stressed. They may worry about the quality of the work they can produce. Or they may be concerned about lack of time to accomplish their tasks or insufficient time to give appropriate depth in the analysis they need to provide for a task. The same thing can happen when companies are expanding with limited assets. Stressed managers managing frustrated employees can trigger miscommunications and problems among people who previously got along together.

When there is turnover or downsizing, personnel changes impact staff, who may have to learn to work with new people. If people leave, there is lost expertise and lost momentum. The people remaining may have to quickly learn new responsibilities and not be allocated time or resources for training. Stress can cause finger-pointing and lack of patience with each other.

Requests of Other Groups

Any time a manager makes a request of other departments for resources or to do work, the manager might not understand how the request impacts the other group. There may be a conflicting process or priority that needs to be ironed out. Both managers need to talk frankly about their needs and how they can work together to achieve the overall goals.

Uncertain Priorities

Organizational priorities that conflict and change rapidly cause miscommunication, hallway gossip, and uncertainty. This leads to stress and further communication problems.

General Tips for Preventing People Problems

What should a busy manager do when faced with miscommunication, regardless of its cause? Besides using the process detailed below, there are some generic pointers a manager should keep in mind. Focus on the positive and assume peer managers and other colleagues have the best intentions. This will help shore up communication. Communicate frequently and consistently from team to team to create trust and reduce uncertainty. Tolerate others’ stress and help them find a process to address their own concerns. Helping them can buoy up the relationship. Some managers need to remind themselves to step back, breathe, and not judge others or be quick to say, “That’s not right/fair.” This time for reflection can provide the space for logical problem solving. It is also important to accept that having people listen to you does not equal getting your way or the way you wanted it to happen. One of the key ways to prevent problems with people is to be specific about observed facts and behaviors versus labeling/judging them (as covered in Chapter 6). Labeling can escalate people problems and cause new ones. It is indirect, ineffective communication and can be hurtful to people and their reputations. During times of stress, there is all the more reason to focus on preserving relationships and analyzing problems in solvable ways.

Solving People Problems: A Three-Step Process

Why use a process? A repeatable process helps you to develop a routine habit and saves you time whenever you encounter what you think is a people problem. You can easily discover what is bothering you, turn it into a clear work issue, and quickly move into action steps, just like you would do with any other business problem.

You may need to run your problem through the four-step process offered in Chapter 6 first, if you have started with labeling the employee. Once that is cleaned up, you can zero in on the facts of your people problem and decide what to do.

Here is a three-step process you can use:

1. State the issue

2. Define the problem and state the observable facts

3. Decide action steps

Typical Problems Managers Have with People

There are many communication problems that keep managers awake at night. This section will delve into several of the most common ones. You may not currently be experiencing these problems. However, they do crop up for many managers.

This chapter is intended as a reference chapter. You can scan the list below for a particular challenge you face and then go directly to that problem. Then later, you can return to the list as these familiar problems arise.

Problems that are unique to first-time managers are addressed in Appendix B.

A. Managing Friends

When Your Friends Become Direct Reports

You’re Torn Between Being a Manager and Being a Friend

B. Managing Former Peers

Preventing People Problems

Handling People Problems

C. Dealing with Problems with Direct Reports

She Wanted Your Job

He Has More Experience

She Went Around You to Your Boss

He Is a Great Strategist but Can’t Complete Tasks

She Does Too Much Personal Stuff at Work

Good Performer Starts to Come to Work Late

D. Clearing up Other Communication Problems

Employees Work Virtually

Leftover Problems with a New Group

Getting Employees to Positively Accept Change

E. Helping Employees with Their Communication Problems

Generational Differences

Office Politics

How to Get Work Done with Different “Personalities”

When Two Employees Don’t Get Along

F. Managing Up

When the Relationship Is Going Well

When the Relationship Is Not Going Well

G. Handling Organizational Concerns

Handling Your Group When the Organization Has Problems

Examples Using the “Solving People Problems” Process

These examples are actual work problems managers mention and real-world solutions. Your problems may vary and you may choose to refer only to a few of these examples. Your problem definitions and action items might differ because your situation is unique. However, if you follow the three-step process for solving people problems, it will help you move to action, just like you do with other management challenges.

A. Managing Friends

When Your Friends Become Direct Reports

In your management career, no matter how high level the position to which you are promoted, at some point, you will probably be managing friends. I have both reported to and had direct reports who were friends.

What helped me work well with direct reports who were friends was hearing the late Peter Drucker give advice on the topic. Many thought leaders consider Drucker to be the inventor of management as we know it today and a great thinker on the topic. I was in an audience when he advised us managers to meet with all staff—including former peers and friends—whenever you are promoted. He said to ask them what helps them get their work done and what hinders them. I followed his advice each time and found it a great opener for collaborating on how my staff, including my friends, and I would work best together.

1. Issue: You are promoted to manage someone who is your friend.

2. Problem definition/facts: Other direct reports are watching to see if you will treat your friend with favoritism. They are uncomfortable. You and your friend have to set boundaries to clarify your new roles. If you, your friend, and the rest of your staff have no trouble with this new reporting relationship, keep on doing what is working for all of you (bravo). However, if there are any difficulties, you might want to choose some of the action steps listed below.

3. Action Steps:

Speak individually and immediately to each staff member about the new working relationship you will have and your intentions to treat each person fairly. Ask what helps and hinders them and what their suggestions are for working well together. Set clear expectations. Listen to their concerns. Be empathetic. Follow through on items brought up during the meeting.

Define each person’s roles and responsibilities, including your own in your new management position.

Be fair with everyone so there is no perception of favoritism. Other staff members’ perceptions are their reality, even if the perception is not the same as your intention.

Do not use the friendship as leverage to expect more or less than the job requirements of your friend.

Speak immediately and individually to each friend about the new boundaries you both need to set so you can work well together in the new relationship. This may include not talking about work when socializing and not talking about socializing at work. Ask their opinions on how to make the new reporting relationship work. Approach your friends as team members, emphasizing their expertise (just like you do the rest of the staff). Mention that you will be relying on them to meet goals.

Expect a transition phase to establish credibility in your new role and for direct reports to develop trust in your capabilities at the next level of management.

Separate business from personal interactions and feelings.

Consider how you would feel if the roles were reversed. How would you like your friend to treat you?

When You’re Torn Between Being a Manager and Being a Friend

Even if you follow all the action steps in the previous example, you might still run into snags as you and your friend adjust to the new role of you as the manager. One conversation may not be enough to reinforce the boundaries and new roles. Be alert for signs that you are being distracted by your friendship. It is a normal transition that you both need time to adapt to. However, as the manager, it is up to you to take the initiative to quickly address any lack of performance. You owe it to the whole team.

1. Issue: The manager is uncomfortable executing management responsibilities with a direct report who is also a friend.

2. Problem definition/facts: A friend tries to bend the rules, over-step the work boundaries, and take advantage of the friendship instead of performing as expected.

3. Action Steps:

Hold a one-on-one meeting with your friend to rediscuss work expectations and new roles. Emphasize that expectations and goals must be met and rules must be adhered to regardless of the friendship. Tell specifically what you observed in your direct report’s work behavior and how it impacts you as the manager and the team. Explain what must now happen and consequences if your direct report does not comply.

Discuss boundaries you previously agreed to. Now that you have worked together in the new roles for a while, you both may have a better idea of what will and won’t work for you. Redefine boundaries, ask what their boundaries are, and make sure there is an understanding of what is acceptable to both.

Separate work from friendship, and clarify what can be discussed during work and nonwork hours.

Tone down the friendship aspect at work.

Treat the friend with the same work expectations as the rest of the team. Review the expectations, reasons, and consequences.

Don’t shut down the friendship unless one of you is unable to separate the roles. It is okay to socialize, but best not to discuss it at work and best not to discuss work during socializing.

Allow transition time as your friend gets used to the new boundaries.

If it doesn’t work, accept it.

B. Managing Former Peers

Preventing People Problems When Managing Former Peers

No matter how long you have been managing, every time you manage a new group or are promoted from within, there is the potential issue of how to manage former peers. Embracing your latest promotion and getting your feet on the ground as quickly as possible is certainly going to make you and your staff free from anxiety. However, your efforts to make them comfortable so they can stay productive outweigh your own comfort level. When staff have a new boss, no matter how well they knew you in your previous role, there is uncertainty for them about how to proceed in the future. The sooner you take the opportunity to handle the ambiguity they face, the better. Clear expectations and role definitions will help point them in a decisive direction. Listening to their feelings and dealing with them before they become stumbling blocks benefits everyone.

1. Issue: You begin your newest management role (any level of management) and there is uncertainty about what you will expect and how you will manage.

2. Problem definition/facts: You want to take action to prevent problems before any occur.

3. Action Steps:

Don’t make dramatic changes during initial stages. State what will and will not change initially. Be clear and decisive. Explain the changing dynamics and your new role. Validate/value what you bring to the new position. Put your conversations in language that benefits company goals. Encourage participation and feedback from former peers.

Write job descriptions for your management position and for staff member positions (or review if already in place). Have an open dialogue about the differences in roles and responsibilities. Empower self and former peers to perform separate roles.

Get feedback from ex-peers about their feelings. Listen. Using their own descriptions, acknowledge that you understand how they could feel that way. Don’t take it personally. Be respectful and sensitive to their feelings, but do not shirk your responsibilities in order to be liked. Ask how you can best work together in the new situation.

Define employee roles and responsibilities and levels of authority for tasks.

Explain clear expectations and hold employees accountable to meet them. Ask about their expectations of you.

Develop direct, regular, open communication with boss and staff.

Be direct when assigning work, not as if you are asking a favor.

Dress and deport yourself appropriately to your level of management.

Don’t play any favorites and discuss any perceived favoritism openly. Declare your intention not to play favorites. Ask exactly what employees saw or heard that led them to think there was favoritism.

Handling People Problems When Managing Former Peers

You have made your best effort to be understanding and inclusive while being clear about your expectations. Despite your efforts to initiate communication and prevent problems with former peers, inevitably there will be some problems at some time during your career. First, check your own comfort level when giving directions. Even if you are uneasy, you must assign work clearly with all direct reports. Next, are you managing the relationship with your boss? If your boss is ill at ease delegating authority to you because you are new in the position, your staff may pick up on that lack of trust. Work that out with your manager quickly.

1. Issue: The manager needs to cope with a myriad of problems that can occur with former peers.

2. Problem definition/facts: The former peer may exhibit jealousy and resentment, may resist your authority, and may not defer to your guidance. Former peers may think there is favoritism. They may not follow work procedures, they may resist the shuffling of the workload, or they may resent taking work assignments from a former peer.

3. Action Steps:

Expect difficulties. Give it time. Embrace the experience and enjoy the new learning. Management skills grow by successfully working through these difficulties.

Deal with problems at the time they occur. Do not procrastinate.

Keep following the action steps outlined in the previous Preventing People Problems section. Focus on being objective and fair. Revisit the definition of roles/responsibilities and the levels of authority for your position and for your employees’ positions.

Solicit opinions and feedback to make former peers feel their opinions are valued.

Recognize experienced team members by utilizing them as mentors or coaches within the team.

Make all feel valued by giving regular positive feedback and mentioning their strengths and accomplishments.

Work through difficulties with a positive and professional demeanor and as much confidence as possible. If needed, speak one-on-one to clear the air.

Get management training on communication ASAP.

When you need to reshuffle the workload of former peers, acknowledge the reality and need for rearranging the work. Explain the whys. Distribute work equally and according to skill level. Emphasize opportunities for growth and development on new tasks or projects.

When assigning work to former peers, do the same thing you would do with all direct reports. Define goals, parameters, and requirements. Know the capabilities of each staff member and match them to the tasks. Find out which tasks they prefer and see if projects can be assigned to match preferences, especially if the work relates to development goals. Provide the resources to do the job successfully. Be clear about deadlines and follow up to ensure they are met. Hold weekly meetings to check on progress.

C. Dealing with Problems with Direct Reports

When She Wanted Your Job

When someone else wanted your new job and was not selected, open communication with your new direct report is essential. The first time I was promoted to manage managers, one of the contenders for the position had more management experience than I did and was certainly qualified for the job. She was also a peer with whom I had enjoyed a friendly relationship. Although we had managed groups in separate departments, we had supported each other with information and cooperation. Now that I was going to be her manager, we openly discussed the situation right away. I empathized with her sadness. I said I believed she could handle the job as well as I could, based on her background and specific strengths. I wanted the new working relationship to work for both of us. I asked how we could be a team and make our new unit be successful. We needed collaboration to pull the merging groups together into one new unit. She and I strategized a way to work together and created one of the most cohesive, productive teams I ever experienced.

1. Issue: Working through problems with people who wanted your job.

2. Problem definition/facts: They may say they deserved the job and you didn’t. They may try to sabotage your success by making derogatory comments about you to coworkers and people outside the department. Or they may just be disappointed, but willing to work well with you.

3. Action steps:

Have a one-on-one meeting immediately and discuss the situation openly. Allow the person to express opinions and vent. Listen to feelings with empathy. Discuss her strengths and achievements. Tell her you value her on the team and specifically why her contribution is important. Praise her accomplishments and skills. Ask how you can work together to make the new roles work well. Can you delegate special advanced tasks to her? Can she train and mentor others?

Define separate roles, responsibilities, and levels of authority. Keep the chain of command clear and make sure your authority is not undermined. Build a united team with your boss to gain support for your level of authority and decision making. Respect yourself and be confident about the reasons for your selection.

Keep open communication. Have weekly progress meetings with each staff member, including this person.

Help this coworker with a skill development path (without making any promises of promotion).

Periodically, discuss with this person how she feels about the relationship going forward.

When He Has More Experience

Many managers will hire or acquire direct reports who have more experience than they do. Some managers report discomfort in managing older or more experienced direct reports. I faced this challenge as a twenty-five-year-old first-time manager. Friday I went home as a senior analyst and Monday I suddenly managed my former peers, almost all of whom were more experienced than I was. Some had decades of experience in the company. This is tricky because you cannot change the experience level you each have. What you have to manage is all the feelings around that—yours and theirs. Your confidence in the knowledge and skills that led to your selection as manager is of utmost importance as you execute your management duties. What were your management strengths that got you promoted? Honest and open dialogue will also help clear the air and advance your working relationship.

1. Issue: Managing direct reports who have more experience than the manager.

2. Problem definition/facts: He has more technical, industry, and management experience. Since he has been with the company longer, he has more institutional knowledge. He resents reporting to a person with less job experience.

3. Action steps:

Meet with your boss to get clear expectations and levels of authority on responsibilities. Gain your manager’s support and advice.

Let go of any fear of being upstaged. Gain trust by demonstrating your leadership and job expertise. Lead by example.

Meet one-on-one with the more experienced individual. Clearly define the meeting agenda and keep on track. Recognize his experience and past contributions. Discuss how he thinks his knowledge can best be utilized going forward. Ask what new projects or career challenges might use his expertise. Ask what works best for him regarding types of tasks and how they are assigned and monitored.

Collaborate on a way to proceed with his interests aligned with team interests. If he is qualified, invite him to lead others or designate him as your back up. Ask him to mentor or teach less experienced or newer staff. Set those opportunities in motion.

Provide opportunity to showcase his talent and knowledge. Reinforce the high level of experience by giving high visibility projects. Embrace his knowledge and let the team know you appreciate it.

Clear the air with regular, open one-on-one discussions. Tell him how his contribution impacts the organization/team and why.

Consider his views on how to collaborate on projects, problem analysis, decisions, and planning. Ask his opinions on goals and strategies best for the team. Listen/be receptive to learning from him. Defer or delegate appropriate decisions to give him ownership. Keep him in the loop about goals, plans, and changes. Solicit his support. Use him as a resource. Ask for his opinions and reinforce his value to the project.

Flex and adapt your communication style to best work with his style. (There are a number of style assessments available. Check with your Human Resources department, read up, or take a management class that includes styles.)

Identify and support any skill gaps he has and give him chances to work in areas that would develop those skills. Keep challenging him for continued growth. Ask him what he wants to learn and what his career goals are. Support his career path development.

Keep him busy and give regular feedback.

Be flexible, firm, and fair, just like you are with all employees.

When She Went Around You to Your Boss

At some point in your career, you may have a direct report who goes directly to your boss to get what she wants instead of going through you. She knows you will find out and that will cause more communication problems with you, so that employee is communicating something indirectly to you. It happened to me when I was on a lengthy business trip in the United Kingdom. I came back to find out a manager who reported to me had gone to my boss and requested that he become the project manager on a worldwide project we were about to begin. Ironically, it was a good idea. It just was not done properly. He should have contacted me when I was in Europe, but chose to go to my boss instead. I realized that I did not have direct, open communication with this employee and that was the problem underlying the fact that he went to my boss. When your direct report goes around you, it is up to you to get communication back on track.

1. Issue: How to handle the situation when a direct report goes to your boss, and how to prevent it from recurring.

2. Problem definition/facts: Your employee did not discuss her request, suggestion, or complaint with you. Instead, she went directly to your boss. She did not communicate directly with you, but indirectly. Does she not trust you? Does she not think you are capable in your position? Is she afraid it will cause a confrontation if she speaks to you directly? Might you not give her what she wants? You probably do not know why she chose to not communicate with you until you ask her.

3. Action steps:

Discuss the situation with your boss and get agreement about how your boss will handle it next time by referring the person back to you. Get support that your boss will back you up in the meeting you are about to have with your direct report. Work back and forth with your manager until you are in complete agreement about the communication you are about to have with your direct report.

Make sure you have your emotions under control and you can conduct a neutral, fact-based conversation with your employee.

Hold a one-on-one meeting with the direct report (face-to-face if possible, and at least voice-to-voice if it can’t be in person).

• Acknowledge what happened. Give direct eye contact. Ask why she went directly to your boss and listen carefully to her answers. Ask more open questions in a neutral tone until you cut through all the excuses and find out the real reason. Explore the situation, “Can you help me understand why you went directly to my boss?”

• State why it was inappropriate. Discuss reasons for not going directly to your manager. Tell her that you and your boss are in agreement about this and what will happen if she goes to your boss again.

• Tell her you want to work well together and that communication needs to improve between you so that the work can get done appropriately. Communication is part of her job (if that is stated on her job description, show it to her). Get her agreement to improve communication. Put the onus on the employee. Ask “How do you think we should handle this?” Clarify her expectations of what she thinks you can do differently. If appropriate, agree to what you can change in the interest of the job. Ask what she will do differently. Clarify.

• Have your own idea of what needs to happen and discuss. State “This is what I expect …” and ask “Is there something I can do to help you be more comfortable with this situation?”

• Have employee restate the expectation and what she will do to meet it.

When He Is a Great Strategist but Can’t Complete Tasks

When a person is an innovator and a great strategist, he has a conceptual, big-picture way of looking at the work. These abilities are essential for certain work, for example, starting a new department or creating new products and services or other projects that have not been done before. These skills are not needed for jobs that require following policy and procedure or doing things that are routine and must be done a certain way. The first question to ask when the strategist cannot complete tasks is, “Are his qualifications well matched with job requirements?” He may be in the wrong job. If he is matched appropriately to the work, a performance problem may be emerging.

1. Issue: How to deal with a manager (direct report) who has great ideas and is a good strategist but who can’t focus on getting tasks completed.

2. Problem definition/facts: Direct report (who also is a manager) missed the last two deadlines. He did not prioritize his team’s projects or the tasks within those projects last month. He surfs the Internet, engages in water cooler talk, and spends an hour a day on personal phone calls. He does not delegate to staff members. He creates effective strategies and contributes innovative ideas and approaches that save the company time and money. The manager of this direct report must separate the two issues of his strategic contribution and the management duties he is currently not accomplishing. The focus here needs to be on what changed in the last month and how to get him back on target.

3. Action steps:

Ask questions to determine how well the employee thinks he is matched to the job, what has changed in the last month that he didn’t prioritize projects and began missing deadlines, and what he can do to handle the situation.

Have the employee clarify the expectations for schedules and responsibility to prioritize. Keep him focused on task at hand rather than big picture if that is the job requirement. Define milestones and checkpoints in the projects. Follow up weekly or twice a week for a while—monthly is too long between your progress check-ins. Find out what is helpful to the employee in completing tasks. Explain resources and tools available.

Refer to company policy on Internet and personal phone time and discuss impact on the work. Define your expectations and get his agreement to comply with them.

Discuss strategies for delegating, and have him review his priorities. Provide training for time management and delegation if needed.

Ask how the employee’s creative ideas can be addressed and perhaps used to better the workflow, processes, or organizational interests. Assign challenging projects that require innovative ideas.

When She Does Too Much Personal Stuff at Work

What if your direct report spends a lot of time doing personal things at work? There are many considerations before you tackle this one. Is the person working a lot of uncompensated extra hours (like working with people overseas at night) and needs to catch up on personal stuff during daytime hours? Is it really a problem for the work and the team? Is the individual’s performance affected? If you conclude that your direct report or team’s performance is affected, or the direct report could be more productive and take on more tasks, then you might want to choose some of the action items delineated by a manager who had this problem.

1. Issue: How to ask people to spend far less time doing personal stuff instead of working.

2. Problem definition/facts: The manager observed the employee doing social networking on the phone and on nonwork Internet sites over the last month. He does not know how much time the employee is spending doing personal activities, but he doesn’t think she should do it at all. The manager made a joke about it once but the behavior didn’t change.

3. Action steps:

Determine exactly how much personal time is being spent on the job. Is it worth discussing?

Discuss what’s going on that is causing the personal time. Listen and empathize. State the company policy on computer and phone use. Get agreement on compliance to policy.

Outline important tasks in priority order. Discuss actual performance compared to what is expected. If the employee is not meeting job requirements, discuss what is needed to perform satisfactorily. If the employee is meeting expectations and has extra time, can she take on additional or more challenging assignments? Check the appropriate workload.

Ensure deadlines are set and clearly understood. Temporarily implement shorter-term checkpoints. Agree what the employee needs to accomplish so you can stretch out the time between checkpoints.

Calculate the hourly compensation and multiply it by the number of hours per day, week, or month spent on personal issues. This is the cost to the company, and probably the person has not thought of it in those terms.

If appropriate, educate the person on the ethics of exchanging work for compensation.

Discuss distractions to other teammates and the necessity to role model good work habits.

When a Good Performer Starts to Come to Work Late

When performance suddenly changes, it is important to address it right away and see what caused the shift. If this is a new occurrence, it is best to approach the situation gently and get the facts of what has changed for the employee. At one client company I consulted with, a valued employee began coming to work ten minutes late every morning. His wise manager took a gentle approach and discovered that the employee had no car and the bus schedule had changed. The earliest the employee could get to work was on that bus. The company flexed his schedule for him even though it was a manufacturing job that had strict hours. The company kept an outstanding employee by finding out the cause and providing a workable solution. You might not be able to flex hours or see the need to do that.

1. Issue: What to do when a good performer starts coming to work late.

2. Problem definition/facts: Work hours are important to the nature of this job. The employee is needed at the workstation on time and has begun to be late. The cause is unknown.

3. Action steps:

Follow the feedback process described in Chapter 8 of this book.

The first time you notice lateness, immediately discuss it with employee. This teaches the employee that the behavior was noticed and that the policy is important. It also teaches the rest of the staff that you intend to enforce the policy.

Ask what’s going on in a neutral, friendly tone of voice. Listen and discuss.

Explain the expectations and company policy. Let the employee know she is valued as a part of the team and why it is important to be on time. Explain the impact on the team and other implications of coming late.

Ask what the employee can do to ensure she is on time. Get her solutions before you offer yours. Does she need your help?

Hold the employee accountable for the tasks given her.

If the lateness persists, there is a performance problem. Move into counseling, which is not covered in this book. Contact your manager and the Human Resources department to ensure you follow company policy on counseling.

D. Clearing Up Other Communication Problems

Employees Who Work Virtually

It is becoming more common, since the advent of the global economy, for managers to be responsible for goals that span the world. Their direct reports might reside in any continent of the world and not necessarily the same one as the manager. When direct reports work in a different facility, they are working remotely. Another common kind of remote work is telecommuting from home. Remote workers are connected via the Internet, which is referred to as working virtually. This arrangement might be full time or part time. Not having daily face time with employees is a challenge. It requires managing a long-distance relationship powered by trust. Expectations and process must be crystal clear, and opportunities for miscommunication are great.

1. Issue: How to clear up communication problems with employees who work virtually.

2. Problem definition/facts: There are time zone differences, which make it difficult to schedule Web meetings and phone conversations. There may be cultural differences. Lack of face-to-face communication makes it difficult to interpret each other’s verbal messages, because there is no body language to read. It is more difficult to give clear direction and follow up on progress. Some employees feel isolated because they are not at headquarters. Meetings are not consistent.

3. Action steps:

Be clear about job guidelines and performance standards. Set expectations right from the beginning (working virtually is a privilege if it means working from home part time). If working with remote sites—including overseas—with time zone considerations, what routine processes and check-in meetings will you set up? What are your expectations regarding hours and days of work?

Review goals and measure progress regularly. Give routine feedback.

Address problems immediately.

Return phone calls and e-mails promptly. Recheck the wording and tone of your e-mails before sending to prevent communication problems.

Schedule regular phone calls ahead of time (try twice a week). Keep scheduled communications solid. Be there and expect direct reports to schedule around those events also—compromise on time difference (switch up on who is inconvenienced the most). Record notes from calls and send them out to confirm understanding.

Schedule regular face-to-face meetings either in person or via available technology such as video conferencing or video chat, so you can see each other. Send out meeting minutes ASAP.

Change location of in-person meetings based upon teammates’ other needs to conduct business at various sites.

Manager should fly to employees’ locations on routine basis if budgets permit.

Team-building meetings are effective. Conduct them at one work location where people can see how things work at that locale.

Make time for visiting employees on a priority basis.

At home office, post photos of remote employees.

Leftover Problems with a New Group

When you manage a new group, whether in the same company or elsewhere, there could be problems that were not taken care of by the previous management. These lingering problems need to be faced and discussed by whoever is the new manager so they do not fester or explode. Underlying issues can affect the work and the newly appointed manager’s relationships with the team.

1. Issue: When starting a new management assignment, what is the best way to handle problems that were leftover from the previous manager?

2. Problem definition/facts: A number of problems might exist. Co-workers might not get along together. Some individuals might be under-performing and have not been given feedback to that effect. The new manager might hear complaints from team members. Technical, process, or workflow problems might be hampering productivity.

3. Action steps:

Identify the problem.

• Why is it important?

• What is the root cause?

• Why does it still exist?

• What personnel are involved?

Research the failed attempts to solve the problem.

Categorize severity of the problems and prioritize.

Work for a solution.

• Read books and articles on the topic (don’t reinvent the wheel).

• Solicit input to solve the problem.

• Interview the players involved to understand multiple perspectives.

• Examine alternative approaches.

• Establish acceptable behaviors and ground rules.

• Set specific expectations.

Formulate a plan to solve problems.

Implement potential best solutions.

Give positive reinforcement.

Evaluate the outcome.

Getting Employees to Positively Accept Change

Since a manager is expected to continually introduce and implement change with his team, having a plan can help. Some people need more time to adapt to change than others. Some are early adopters and some like to hang back and avoid making mistakes. Also, people can take only so much change at one time. When they have a lot of change simultaneously—at work or in their personal lives—they may have more difficulty accepting the change in a positive way. The manager’s reaction to the change serves as the role model of how the employees should react. Show that you as manager accept and embrace the change. Always be positive about and support the change since you are going to implement it anyway.

1. Issue: How to get direct reports to accept corporate changes with a positive reaction.

2. Problem definition/facts: The manager hears complaints when changes are communicated. Several of the employees don’t change their behavior after the announcements. When discussing the change with the manager, these employees furrow their brows and use closed body language.

3. Action steps:

Introduce change with positive words, excited tone.

Announce change in a group meeting.

• State the situation and expectations in an open and straightforward manner. Be clear (no gray areas) and concise about the change. Give clear “whys.” Address rumors.

• Tie the change to employees’ personal wins. Emphasize the positive impact on their future.

• Allow enough time for people to air their concerns and ask questions.

• Listen to feedback and empathize. Respond to any uncertainty direct reports express.

• Emphasize the need to get on board and work together.

• Ask staff for suggestions on the best ways to incorporate the change.

Provide necessary resources and remove obstacles that prevent staff members from making the change.

Give employee feedback to your boss and strategize together.

Find the informal “leader” of the employee team and try to get that person on board with the change.

Reward employees who accept and demonstrate the change behaviors during the transition period.

Get direct reports involved in the change, if possible.

If individuals do not do what is expected to incorporate the change, handle this with one-on-one meetings to find out “What’s going on.” Restate expectations, find out what they will do to comply, and state consequences of noncompliance.

E. Helping Employees with Their Communication Problems

Generational Differences

There are four generations in the workforce right now. Typically they are called (from oldest to youngest): Traditionalists, Baby Boomers, Generation X, and Generation Y (or Millennials). There are many books and articles on the subject of their different perspectives, values, and beliefs about work. Each generation offers rich contributions due to the varied experiences they bring with them. When the manager is adept at identifying and facilitating conversations about differences, people problems can be prevented and/or solved.

1. Issue: How to help my team when generational differences cause them discomfort.

2. Problem definition/facts: People on my team are of all ages and thus representative of various generations. They sometimes get annoyed with each other when they have miscommunications. They tend to cluster with people of their own generation and complain about the other generations.

3. Action steps:

Openly discuss diversity of generation with the entire team. Ask for and give examples of benefits of having a diverse group.

Communicate with entire team about any disruptive behaviors observed and the impact on other team members.

Teach employees to adapt to each other’s differences and grow together.

Showcase employees’ unique offerings and how they think they can help teammates using their unique experiences.

Show that you value each person’s offerings equally.

Ask how team members can learn from each other. What are their other ideas for profiting from this opportunity to work with differing generations?

Do team-building projects and/or training.

Mix and match team members. Some companies pair up people of different generations in a cubicle or on a project so they can share info and help each other. Some TV stations partner anchors of different generations; for example, CNBC pairs Erin Burnett, the youngest person to anchor a three-hour daily business news show, with broadcast veteran Mark Haines.

Office Politics

Different people define “office politics” differently, so it is important to define exactly what one means by office politics. This term usually means there is a communication problem, it is not being directly resolved, and there are bad feelings about whatever the real issue is. Once defined, a manager may or may not be able to fix the problem, depending on whether it is within his span of control. At the very least, the manager can listen and discuss the direct reports’ concerns openly when they complain of office politics.

1. Issue: How to handle office politics that are distracting staff from their work.

2. Problem definition/facts: A direct report is advocating for his own personal agenda. This person is not operating in the company’s greater interest, and his actions are causing a decrease in efficiency and motivation among teammates. The manager wants collaboration instead of blaming and manipulation.

3. Action steps:

Specify what management’s agenda is. Identify and communicate corporate, group, and individual goals clearly.

• Coach team toward goals.

• Listen to feedback when team is not aligned.

• Realign employee and the rest of the team toward goals.

• Reward progress toward goals.

Determine what exactly the direct report is doing or saying that is referred to as a personal agenda. Meet with him to hear his perspective.

• Identify what the direct report is doing to interfere with meeting goals. Determine how this impacts team members’ ability to do their jobs.

• Identify specific conflicts in the employee’s agenda as it relates to management’s agenda and goals.

• Identify a strategy for the employee to make adjustments in an effort to resolve conflict.

• Confirm agreement on future actions.

Create an open environment where opinions are honestly discussed and people listen to differing points of view.

• Manage upwards, support upper management, and have regular communication with all disagreeing parties.

• Expose issues and deal with them to avoid escalation.

• Offer alternatives and be open to compromise.

Getting Work Done While Interacting with Different Personalities

Sometimes when people don’t get along or when there is conflict, they use the phrases “personality conflict” or “personality differences.” Phrasing the problem in “personality” terms makes it vague and difficult to resolve. A better idea is to get more specific about what you observe. Sometimes the problem is a just a difference in opinion or a disagreement about how to approach the work. Sometimes the problem occurs when behavioral styles clash. Behavioral style preferences are the way different people respond to situations, problems, timing, and other people. It’s easier to get work done when people expect differences and do their best to state the facts.

1. Issue: How to help direct reports get their work done when they are having trouble interacting with different personalities.

2. Problem definition/facts: Some staff members are shutting out other personalities. People are afraid to express their opinions. There are miscommunications and misinterpretations of what coworkers mean. The manager wonders how to achieve goals with all these different points of view. These problems with coworkers have been stated by staff and are perceived as “personality” problems.

The first thing we needed to clarify was what this manager meant by personality problems. We worked together to turn the personality judgments into observable behaviors. In the following list, the first phrase is the original judgment and the actual observed behavior is shown in parentheses: no motivation (needs instructions), informational gap (needs better listening skills), too passive—asks no questions (needs direction and encouragement to ask questions), and easily distracted (changes focus and goes from task to task).

3. Action steps:

Talk to Human Resources about doing a formal style assessment for your whole team to learn how each person works best and how to flex styles to improve relationships and get results. There are several assessments available, but there may be concerns about how they are used in your organization.

• Help staff to be more open-minded by training them in style differences and how to work best with each style.

• Identify the different styles.

• Flex your own style to communicate in coworkers’ styles.

• Find personal stimuli that help each person be productive.

Don’t judge people as “personality problems.” Be specific about the behaviors that can be seen and heard and ensure that your staff do that also.

Set clear expectations and goals about the work. Give clear deadlines and emphasize the importance of working together to meet goals and deadlines.

Give regular feedback on progress.

When there are differing perspectives, listen to all points of view. Prepare alternative solutions based on differing viewpoints.

Provide excitement and enthusiasm about the work and its purpose. Establish trust and teamwork. Value contributions of all teammates.

Teach staff listening skills through communication training.

When Two Employees Don’t Get Along

Sometimes a manager ignores the situation when two employees don’t get along. The manager might hope the two will sort out their problem by themselves or that the conflict is temporary and will go away. A better idea is to intervene early and facilitate a discussion with the two employees to identify the cause of the problem and talk about the impact on the work and the team. If left to fester, things generally get worse, as in the following example.

1. Issue: How to handle the situation when two employees do not get along.

2. Problem definition/facts: Coworkers say they are uncomfortable working nearby when two particular employees interact. Staff say these two create an uncomfortable work environment. These coworkers call each other names. Their behavior wastes their own time and that of coworkers and the manager. Emotional outbursts distract them from focusing on the work—occasionally one of them misses a deadline or goes home early. They do not share information with teammates when requested or when they should initiate it. They both refuse to communicate with other team members when approached for information.

3. Action steps: Immediately seek information from Human Resources (HR) about whether these two employees fit the description of creating a “hostile work environment.” Follow all requirements and recommendations that HR makes. If it is not a hostile work environment, get HR’s recommendations, which may include:

Meet with both employees at the same time and discuss that job responsibilities require them to work together and with other team members.

Discuss expectations and impact of deadlines being met.

Discuss company policy regarding work hours.

State the expectation that all employees must work together to help each other meet business goals and the corporate mission.

Describe employees’ observed behaviors in factual, neutral terms.

Focus on the job-related impact of their behaviors.

Set ground rules for how they must speak to people (no name calling and so on).

Ask the coworkers to weigh in, one at a time, on how they each identify the problem.

Ask them to offer solutions on how to resolve their differences.

Offer both of them outside help if your company offers it (Employee Assistance Plan or HR).

Discuss consequences of not changing behavior including the company procedure for counseling.

Document the meeting according to HR’s recommendations.

Offer training in communication, conflict resolution, and team building.

If behavior does not change, contact HR for next steps regarding counseling and documentation requirements.

F. Managing Up

When the Relationship Is Going Well

Your relationship with your boss can lead to your success or to problems. Many managers make the mistake of waiting for the boss to take the initiative. The care and feeding of a reporting relationship involves both of you. Maintaining a good working relationship does not happen by accident. You must demonstrate your strength and confidence in your abilities by managing the relationship with your manager—even when it is going well.

1. Issue: How to manage the relationship with your manager when the relationship is going well.

2. Problem definition/facts: You have no problems and want to keep it that way. The manager wants to prevent problems by managing up.

3. Action steps:

Clarify your roles, responsibilities, and levels of authority (see Chapter 2). Know your manager’s expectations and work within that realm.

Establish a framework of goals/objectives and your method and frequency of communication. Can you meet weekly to discuss progress and plans? Keep your agreements on method and frequency of communication.

Create a shared vision of what success looks like in detail. Go through potential examples. Walk through how the idea might get done.

Assess where you are today vis-à-vis goals/objectives. Meet all goals or give early warning of why they won’t be met with backup plans of work-arounds.

Present your plans and goals for your group earlier than your deadline. Be sure to indicate how they dovetail with your manager’s goals and the overarching organizational goals.

Send e-mail ahead of a one-on-one meeting with the agenda to give your manager time to think. Be prepared for routine progress meetings. Work from agendas/lists.

Be considerate of your manager’s time-management challenges. Be brief and brilliant. Give a high-level overview of the major points you would like to brief the manager on. Give only the details that the manager is interested in hearing at the time.

Address the manager’s needs. Remind your manager of what he committed to and offer to help deliver it.

Be clear about what your manager has to communicate up and provide the necessary information or results on time.

Be factual when presenting what your group needs. Back it up with evidence.

Balance your manager’s expectations with those of your direct reports. Support your group when you represent their accomplishments and needs to your manager. Get answers for them when needed.

Discuss with your manager any variations in each other’s styles and how you can best adapt to get the best communication results. Flex your communication style to best meet your boss’s needs.

Tailor what/how to communicate and how often so that communications meet the manager’s needs.

Discover what your manager’s hottest topic is and be conversant on it.

When you need approval or a decision, be thoroughly prepared with your recommendation, rationale, costs, benefits, opportunities, and potential problems. Think ahead about the questions your manager might ask and include the answers in your recommendation. Have a back-up alternative ready.

If your manager is working remotely, the challenges are different. You need to take the initiative to speak more frequently despite time zone obstacles.

When the Relationship Is Not Going Well

Sometimes the relationship with your manager has not been developed, or it got off to a tough start. If so, it is up to you to decide on a plan to create a good working relationship with your manager. Don’t wait for the manager to take the initiative. You cannot be successful without partnering with your manager.

This holds true even if your manager is ineffective or incompetent. I’ve witnessed situations where exceptionally competent people left organizations because they did not realize it was their responsibility to manage the unhappy relationship with incompetent or ineffective bosses. Since their boss’s problems were well known throughout the organizations, they thought they would be covered. In fact, the people who did not manage up in adversity were perceived as having diminished organizational influence and power.

It’s not only to your benefit to manage up in a difficult relationship, it is your responsibility to yourself, your staff, and your organization to initiate repair of the relationship and to manage the relationship with your boss.

1. Issue: How to manage the relationship with your manager when the relationship has problems or your manager is not effective.

2. Problem definition/facts: The boss makes unreasonable requests and gives unreasonable deadlines/goals. She requests something outside the scope of the job. Expectations and priorities are inconsistent and change from day to day. There are no written goals or deadlines. Staff feel intimidated because of her poor word choice and tone of voice. She tries to motivate people in a negative way instead of with positive recognition. She does not acknowledge job success. Her feedback does not match verbal goals. The impact of her behavior is loss of dollars due to people leaving, low morale, and low productivity.

3. Action steps:

State your intention to work well together and to support her goals. Tell her of your need for clear expectations and directions. Relate this to how it impacts her goals.

Ask for clarification on what needs to be accomplished. Ask for more structure, including written goals, so you can be sure to meet her expectations. Request prioritization of all projects and tasks. Clearly define responsibilities and priorities and give her a copy in writing. Clarify any misunderstandings right away and correct the written document.

When she changes expectations, restate what was originally agreed upon—scope, goals, and deadlines. State what has changed and when it changed. Discuss inconsistent expectations. Ask for clarification and write up.

Suggest that for “best results” more resources are needed (use statistics, failure data, historical data, person-hours needed to do tasks, and what other work is not getting done).

Give your manager frequent status updates—overload with information until she tells you she wants less. This gives her the opportunity to give you frequent feedback so you will know where you stand.

Suggest roundtable feedback with your manager and your team.

Say how loss of teammates is impacting the work.

Tell her what you are hearing from the team and express the desire to work together to improve the situation.

Make specific suggestions and clarify your manager’s needs. Ask specifically what you can do to help the situation.

Meet with your boss’s manager as a last resort if nothing works.

G. Handling Organizational Concerns

Handling Your Group When the Organization Has Problems

Organizational obstacles can hamper your team’s progress and cause stress and frustration. You might want to look back at Chapter 3, “Communicating Your Expectations: What to Say and How to Say It,” for more information on organizational obstacles. The “Six Communication Problems Arising from Unmet Expectations” section of Chapter 3 gives several specific concrete examples of what organizational obstacles are and how to handle them.

1. Issue: What to do when the organization has problems.

2. Problem definition/facts: Problems beyond the employees’ control prohibit maximum productivity.

3. Action steps:

Identify the problem and discuss it with your boss first. How does the obstacle impact the work your group is trying to accomplish? How does it impede it?

Talk in the language of your team’s action plans and goals.

Identify who can make decisions regarding possible solutions.

Work back and forth with your boss to provide possible solutions to the organization.

Be truthful with your group about the problem. Sometimes no organizational change is appropriate and the group needs to work around the obstacle.

Stick to facts and do not give opinions unless they are to advance a solution. Especially do not grouse or complain, as that invites morale problems.

Keep a positive approach and don’t give up.

Keep trying to solve the problem and inform your employees of what you are doing.

Act as a role model and encourage patience and perseverance in spite of obstacles.

Summary

People problems are just business problems enveloped in concerns about interpersonal communication or about how to handle conflict among people. People problems can be cloaked in emotion and this makes them challenging. The simple process in this chapter helps managers dig down to the business facts and observed behaviors related to the work. This chapter relies on both the importance of relationship and an easy, three-step solution process.

In preventing and solving people problems, the manager’s intention to preserve the working relationship is essential. So is the intention to discover the truth of both the work issue and the accompanying interpersonal issue. By describing the problem and facts, the manager can more easily solve the problem.

Next, Part III shows the importance of collaborative conversations in feedback, coaching, delegation, and listening. When you lead these management activities collaboratively, they prevent people problems. Each of these chapters pulls on the power of both relationship and having a repeatable process to follow and adds the dimension of collaboration.