PART III
LEADING COLLABORATIVE
CONVERSATIONS

Part III addresses feedback, coaching, delegating, and listening. These dialogues offer critical opportunities for the manager to energize direct reports about assignments. When you give feedback, you’re collaborating. When you coach, you’re collaborating. When you delegate, you’re collaborating. When you listen, you’re collaborating. Part III shows you how to do it.

How do Part I (“The Secrets to Creating and Sustaining Energized Relationships”), Part II (“How to Use Your Process Skills to Prevent and Solve Communication Problems”), and Part III (“Leading Collaborative Conversations”) interconnect? When a manager has developed a close working relationship with an employee and a process is in place, he or she is positioned to lead a collaborative conversation.

The relationship is key to a successful collaborative conversation. The manager depends upon the relationship to set the environment for a frank, open talk about the work expectations and the observed progress toward those goals. When the relationship is in place, there is greater opportunity for honesty about what has occurred to date and how to continue or make midcourse changes so the employee can produce a successful outcome.

Both people listen with greater give-and-take when the relationship is solid. They have more desire to understand the issues as intended by the other person. New information can be learned, and each person can redirect his or her focus, if needed.

Process is equally valuable to the success of the collaborative conversation. When process is delineated, each person can lean on the structure to define terms and examine the alternatives for future action. This provides a common vocabulary and set of expectations, both of which facilitate collaborative conversation.

Partnership Behaviors

For feedback to be absorbed and applied, a collaborative discussion, in which the employee explores the issue and best alternatives, yields the most ownership of solutions going forward.

Collaborative conversations require the intention to develop partnerships. The manager leads this by demonstrating partnership behaviors. Working toward win-win outcomes, or mutual success, is critical. Try to answer why changing the way the employee does things will benefit him in the short and long term. How will such change help him achieve goals, and why should the employee care? On the other hand, does the employee have a better way of achieving the goal than the manager? Is there a third way to best benefit the needs of the organization that emerges through collaborative conversations?

Partners value the opinions of the other partner and appreciate their ideas on an equal basis. They recognize one another’s talents, contributions, and knowledge. Associates are willing to learn from one another, listen to each other, and work as a team for mutual achievement. They share ownership of a goal.

An effective partnership builds on complementary knowledge, skills, and functional expertise. It creates common processes and vocabulary to enhance communication and goal accomplishment. Partnership is an opportunity to build and grow the working relationship for each other’s benefit as well as the organization’s.

Skilled managers develop partnerships with their direct reports. Partnerships lead to collaborative conversations.

Building and Maintaining Trust and Credibility

Collaborative conversations require trust. The manager needs to inspire trust before expecting to get it back. Sometime in your career you have probably heard someone say, “Trust me.” What was your reaction? Words do not inspire trust. Management behaviors do. Being consistent and doing what you say you will do are trust-building behaviors.

Most of us look for patterns of behaviors before we trust someone, and that trust grows deeper as we see consistent actions. When people align their words with their actions, they signal trustworthiness. Being honest and able to admit mistakes conveys open communication, which makes most employees more comfortable at work. Employees also look for indications that the manager is approachable, encourages and accepts their feedback, and stands up for them. Caring for the employees’ best interests, fostering mutual success, and getting to know employees grows trust.

The manager’s competence and clear-cut goals trigger credibility. The ability to provide meaningful information, to follow through, and to hold people accountable generates credibility. The actual act of delegating extends trust to the employee and leads to faith in the manager’s ability to assess the work and skills required to get it done. Removing obstacles to make the direct report’s job easier demonstrates a willingness to work on a two-way street. Sharing experiences, showing commitment to the work and interest in employees, and adhering to high professional standards produce credibility.

Sometimes employees describe a manager who is credible as one who is willing to “roll up his sleeves and get dirty” to help employees in a crunch. When he does himself what he is asking employees to do, the manager engenders loyalty and collegiality. “We did it together” grows teamwork.

Involving others in decision making and asking for feedback and opinions demonstrates commitment to a “we” approach. This behavior corresponds with a manager’s intention to work jointly. Behavior is what counts, not words or intentions. When a manager is always dependable, credibility and trust are built, and in turn grease the wheels of collaborative conversations and relationships.