NEURON SECRET FOUR

The Neuron Principle of Passion: Without passion and purpose, you are a ship without a rudder.

Do our dreams speak to us? If so, are they evil sirens bent on luring us toward the rocks of doom? Or benevolent oracles offering a portent of our future? Maybe they're only random brain impulses devoid of any prognostication or meaning at all. Then again, perhaps they are the trumpets of our soul, alerting us to a change in the melody that guides our hearts.

Several years ago, on a fateful Saturday in June, the images that filled my head when sleep finally came were not the surreal or disconnected wanderings found in a typical dreamscape. They seemed as vivid and tangible as real life. I can remember each second of my nightmare in horrifying detail. Every time I recall this story, I shudder with fear, and my throat tightens.

In my dream, a bitter wind woke me from a deep sleep. I opened my eyes to the glint of the morning sun as it brushed away the night. Glimmers of violet rested atop distant hills and revealed the gray rectangles of scattered houses on the horizon. I sat up, tugged at the collar of my Navy pea coat, and tried in vain to cover my neck.

Dogs barked and roosters crowed. A frigid gust tossed dry leaves into the air and transformed them into spiraling paper airplanes. The fresh scent of the morning dew awakened my senses. I squinted toward the remaining darkness as I sat on the side of a grassy hill. Below me, more than a football field away, a row of tract homes lined a quiet street. I turned my head. Above me, a tall fence ran across the top of the hill and stretched for hundreds of yards in both directions. I could not see what lay beyond.

I felt movement near my leg and glanced down. Blond curls covered the edges of a worn jacket. My wife, Sarah, opened her blue eyes. She stared up at me and smiled. My heart melted, and I was filled with joy. Then my heart sank, and I felt only agony.

I knew why we were here. Why we sat under God's sky on this cold and damp earth. Why we struggled to stay warm in our dingy clothes. I knew why my stomach remained empty, along with my pockets. Why I had no roof over my head and little hope in my heart.

We were homeless and just trying to survive.

We were nowhere because we had nowhere to be.

The sun crested on the horizon. Dashes of crimson yellow illuminated four figures in a yard at the bottom of the hill. A man and three Doberman Pinschers. The dogs barked as they lifted their noses in our direction. One caught our scent and charged up the hill. The other two followed close behind.

My heart thudded. I jumped to my feet and beckoned for Sarah to stand. I pointed toward the fence at the top of the hill. She squeezed my hand and ran. I sprinted in the opposite direction and started yelling. I prayed that the dogs would take the bait and come after me.

All three dogs raced toward me as I ran. My lungs heaved and my muscles burned. The dogs yelped as they drew closer. Barks echoed off the silent hillside like rifle shots on a battlefield. I instinctively recoiled as distant memories filled my head. The angry howls grew louder and sent a shiver down my spine. My breath misted in the wind as I dashed up the hill.

Leaves crackled under the pounding of paws.

The lead dog was nearly on me.

I could almost touch the tall fence.

I forced my legs to move faster, but as a Doberman Pinscher bit at my feet, I knew I'd never make it.

I stopped and turned to face my enemy. The lead Doberman leaped into the air. Long fangs glistened in the morning sun. I raised my right arm in defense. Large incisors bit into my flesh. A dozen pointed knives stabbed through my skin. Stinging pain filled my head. I screamed and rolled onto the ground.

The Doberman clamped down harder. The two other dogs howled as they raced toward me. Only seconds remained before all three might tear me to pieces. The pain in my arm was unbearable, but also familiar. I'd felt this agony before, in a distant land fighting a distant enemy. My mind battled the panic that swelled inside my chest. I closed my eyes and tried to relax. The dog loosened his grip but did not let go.

As the other dogs drew near, I knew I had only moments to act.

I grabbed a nearby rock and smacked it against the side of the Doberman's head. He grunted and opened his jaw wide enough for me to break free. I turned and scrambled up the hill. The three dogs nipped at my heels as I climbed over the fence. I heaved myself onto the hard ground. The Dobermans jumped and barked, but the fence was too high. They could not follow.

I removed my coat and gingerly rolled up my sleeve. My wound oozed but it did not gush. I knew I'd been lucky. The Doberman had not punctured an artery. I tore off part of my sleeve and wrapped the torn flesh. I donned my coat and ran toward where I'd seen Sarah climb the fence.

I found her there, frightened and hiding in the bushes. Together, we ran down a winding road until we found a large country home with a long driveway. Near the house sat a white Ford pickup truck with a cover over the back. I peeled away the cover, and we climbed in behind the cab. I pulled the cover over our heads. We curled up together, shivering, starving, and scared. Drained and wounded, I finally fell asleep.

Hours later, a bright light made me open my eyes. The cover over the back of the pickup had been removed. Sarah also opened her eyes. We looked at each other, and then upward toward the sky. When my vision finally cleared, I saw four faces peering down at me. A man, a woman, and two young girls. Panic gripped my heart. We'd been caught. We were trespassing, and they had every right to call the police and have us arrested. I had no idea what might happen next, but I feared the worst.

The mid‐fifties man was plump and balding. He glanced at my Navy pea coat. “Are you a veteran?”

I nodded but could not find the will to speak.

He motioned with his hand. “Follow me.”

Given no choice, Sarah and I climbed out of the truck. The man and woman walked toward the house. The two girls ran ahead and opened the front door. Starving and defeated, Sarah and I followed.

Once inside, I waited for the ugly hand of fate to punish us. I waited for the man to grab his phone and call the police. I waited for the woman to scold us for trespassing on their land. None of these things happened. Instead, the two children beckoned for us to join them in the kitchen. We followed and sat at their table.

“I'm Fred,” the man said. “This is my wife, Karen, and my two daughters, Jill and Kaitlin. Thank you for your service. Now let's get you two something to eat and a warm bed.”

Karen approached and rested a loving hand on Sarah's shoulder. Jill and Kaitlin stepped near and wrapped their small arms around me. I lowered my head and sobbed into my hands.

I awoke from my dream, sat up in bed, and cried until morning brushed away the shadows. As the tears touched my cheeks, conviction touched my soul. I knew then that I had been given one last mission to complete before I left this earth. I knew it was time to leave my petty worries and fears behind and serve more than my selfish pride. I knew what my purpose in life must be. To decline this mission to pursue money or fame or the petty pleasures of life would leave me tossed against the rocks in an empty vessel devoid of love.

The next day, a harsh summer sun hammered the city of San Diego, California, and turned once‐green lawns into dry and brittle dirt. Despite the heat, I shivered as I sat on the patio of an American Legion facility and recalled my dream. The meaty scent of grilled hamburgers caught a ride on the breeze and taunted my nose. A large television, mounted on the wall, displayed a San Diego Padres baseball game. The crowd at the game cheered as the pitcher threw a strike. On the next pitch, the guy on the mound offered the opposing team an easy home run. A few dozen veterans, seated all around me, groaned in unison.

A young Marine to my right leaned over and said, “I should have stayed in Afghanistan.”

He was sitting in a wheelchair. He didn't have any legs. He smiled and held out a hand. “I'm Jimmy.”

We shook. His grip was firm and his smile engaging.

“I'm Bill,” I said, “but everyone calls me B.C.”

“I know who you are,” Jimmy said. “I read your book, Red November. Loved it.”

“Thanks. Are you an avid reader?”

Jimmy nodded. “You know what they say about being in a combat zone. It's two percent sheer terror and 98 percent sheer boredom.”

I nodded again. “I was a Navy diver. Waiting around for the next mission is always the hardest part.”

Jimmy wheeled a bit closer. “Reading helps. Calms you down a bit. Helps you fight better. You word jockeys probably don't even realize how many lives you're saving.”

Jimmy's comment hit me like a blow from Evander Holyfield. I was reminded of my responsibility to use my writing talents to do more than just entertain or inform. I had a responsibility to help others by making a difference and inspiring change.

That afternoon, I met with two veteran colleagues, Ken Greenawald and Tony Stewart. I had served with Ken aboard my first submarine, the USS Haddo (SSN‐604). Ken had been a sonarman, much like “Jonesy” in the movie The Hunt for Red October. He was now a technical expert in the medical field. I had met Tony at the American Legion. He was also a former submariner and an American Legion base commander. Now a civilian, he was a Veteran of the Year recipient and served as the administrative director for the U.S. Navy SEAL training command.

We sat on the patio and shared the usual comments about sports, politics, and world events. Guys aren't the best at going beyond skin deep. We keep things bottled up. Our egos can't risk showing the world too much of our souls. Moved by my dream and what Jimmy had said, I let down my guard and opened my mouth, along with my heart.

“I want to do something for veterans,” I said.

“I'm a veteran,” Ken said. “Why don't you get me a cheeseburger?”

I smiled. “After I get you a burger, I want to find a better way to help veterans, their families, and our troops.”

Tony leaned forward. His face turned serious. “I'm in. I've been thinking about this for a long time.”

Ken sat up straight. “I'm in, too. What can we do?”

We tossed around ideas, debated a few, and landed on one. We'd start a nonprofit called the Us4Warriors Foundation and find unique ways to help 100 percent of veterans and their families, and not just one or two segments. We knew that thousands suffered from posttraumatic stress disorder, depression, or alcoholism. Many were struggling with transitioning from military to civilian life. We didn't want to just “give them a fish” and “feed them for a day” but instead help them through difficult situations and then empower them to become better leaders of their own lives and within their communities. We knew that they possessed unique training, experience, insights, and leadership skills, and we wanted to help them leverage these qualities. We also wanted to help their families, especially children who'd lost a parent in combat.

Four years later, the Us4Warriors Foundation was honored as San Diego county's veteran's nonprofit of the year.

Over the past three decades, I've had the privilege of serving as a senior executive for several organizations. I launched four start‐ups and successfully sold three, helped build companies and teams from scratch, consulted for multibillion‐dollar firms, and coached dozens of executives and teams on sales, marketing, management, and team leadership skills.

Along the way, I heard the whispers of my life's purpose call to my heart, but the disjointed tune never coalesced into a clear melody. Not until I had that nightmare. Not until I was granted the privilege of living one night in the shoes of the hopeless. And not until that family took me in and showered me with love.

EROS LOVE

My personal story above about finding passion and purpose underlines the Fourth Neuron Secret: The Neuron Principle of Passion: Without passion and purpose, you are a ship without a rudder.

This principle is related to the Greek form of love called eros, which is about passion, romance, and a love of life and work. Although this may sound emotional, looking at eros from a neuropsychological perspective validates that it is instinctual and carries overtones of curiosity and caution.

The mythological Greek god of love, known as Eros, was the son of Aphrodite and either Ares or Hermes. No one really knows because, apparently, Aphrodite got around. In some Greek myths, Eros was portrayed as a child of Chaos, a primordial god whose name describes his personality quite well.

As you may recall, Eros, also known as Cupid, was the little guy with the bow and arrows, that when shot into your heart could make you fall in love with the first person you saw. Perhaps that's why the world's divorce rate is so high. Cupid keeps missing and shooting the wrong people.

The ancient Greeks tell us that after Eros fell for the beautiful Psyche, her jealous sister tricked Psyche into betraying him. Thereafter, crushed and filled with sorrow, Psyche wandered the earth in search of the bow‐and‐arrow guy but never found him. She failed to look in the local pubs, one can surmise.

Finally, Psyche prevailed upon Aphrodite for help. A fan of ludus playful love, Aphrodite invented a bunch of “fun” tests for Psyche that when successfully passed would lead her back to Eros. Psyche's love allowed her to pass the tests, rejoin with Eros, and become immortal. They gave birth to a daughter named Hedone.

When Hedone grew up, she became the goddess of pleasure, delight, enjoyment, and as the name implies, hedonism. Leaders might wonder how Eros and his family, or the Greek form of love derived from this god, embody a Neuron Leadership Principle. The connection is passion.

All too often, as leaders, we become so business‐like, so rigid, so stressed, so focused on the bottom line, that we forget how to have pleasure in our professions. We fail to instill any form of excitement, passion, purpose, or abandonment in our troops. Then we ask ourselves why they're not delighted to work until midnight to complete a project.

In modern times, the Greek word erotas translates into “intimate love.” In ancient times, Plato thought of eros as a feeling one might initially have for someone that also entails admiration for that person's inner beauty. Taken to a higher degree, this can lead to an appreciation of all things beautiful. Plato refrained from discussing eros as sexual love, which led to the term “platonic love.”

In Plato's Symposium, a famous ancient dissertation on the topic, he intimates that eros love can help one's soul better understand, recognize, and remember beauty, which can serve as a cognizant steppingstone toward an understanding of spiritual truths.

The ancients both feared and desired eros love. They described it as passion and perhaps even madness derived from “love's arrows.” They explained “love at first sight” as the piercing of the heart by these arrows, which later blossomed into a passion, longing, or even agonizing and painful ache.

Many fairy tales and adventure stories that little girls and boys love to read and someday experience begin with eros love and ends with “they lived happily ever after.”

Obviously, the writers of these tales never had teenagers.

In Frank L. Baum's The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, the Tin Woodsman, Lion, and Scarecrow all believed they were flawed in some way. Their individual passion and purpose in life became their quest to find the Wizard, who they believed could grant them what they lacked. Once they met the “Great and Terrible” Oz, they discovered that he wasn't so terrible after all and that none of them lacked a heart, brains, or courage, they just thought they did. By showing compassion, Oz helped each of them attain their initial desires but then inspired them to raise their sights even higher.

“… and remember, my sentimental friend, that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others.”

—The Wonderful Wizard of Oz

CURIOS AND CONSCIOUS

Eros teaches us to be passionate and curious, but also balanced and moderate. We should be curious enough and attractive enough to others that they will risk opening their doors wide enough to show us their honest and true selves. We should do likewise, but cautiously. Until we have developed a more trusting relationship with someone, we should not open our doors so wide that we risk serious harm if the other person turns out to be “dangerous.”

For those in sales or marketing, this principle is powerful. All too often, in our initial engagements, we want to flood customers with a long list of value propositions. The eros principle teaches us that customers have difficulty changing their course of direction, and attraction is far more powerful than promotion. Also, it requires a strong element of curiosity. If we're not curious, we can't be attracted enough to something or someone to eventually become passionate. That curiosity can be stimulated by something interesting, novel, and relevant. For marketers, on your websites and in your collateral, try delivering just enough information to stimulate your customers' curiosity and desire to engage with you to find out more.

For leaders, to motivate your team to follow you or make changes, they must be attracted to you as a leader. Does your style appeal or repel? Be courageous enough to lower your guard and let others see your true self and encourage others to do the same via your example. Foster curiosity about yourself, your vision for change, and your environment. For example, you might share a few snippets of interesting, new, and relevant information about a market niche you're exploring. Raise your team's curiosity and then encourage them to discover more on their own. In this way, you will attract them to this endeavor and help them feel like explorers forging an exciting path toward the X on the map.

From a neuroscience perspective, we know that trust is a critical factor in improving performance and job satisfaction. According to the 2015 Society for Human Resources Management Employee Job Satisfaction and Engagement Survey, trust exhibited between senior management and employees was the second most important contributor to job satisfaction.¹ Google's Project Aristotle study conducted on 180 teams discovered that the highest performing teams had a culture of trust.²

Eros love entails fostering team trust as well as narrowing your organizational, departmental, team, and personal focus down to a single, clear, and compelling purpose borne of passion. This purpose needs to be less about business and more about a greater good. The Conscious Capitalism movement outlines four key tenets organizations can use for this:

Higher purpose: Also known as the “mission”—the purpose of the company beyond making a profit or dominating a market position. A compelling sense of purpose can create a high level of engagement by the stakeholders and generate tremendous organizational energy.

Stakeholder orientation: Explicitly managed for the good of all stakeholders including customers, employees, investors, suppliers, and the larger communities in which the business participates. By creating value for all stakeholders, the whole system advances.

Conscious leadership: Management is driven by service to the firm's higher purpose and focuses on delivering value to the stakeholders. Conscious leaders adopt a holistic worldview that goes well beyond the limitations of traditional business. Enterprises and individuals are part of a complex, interdependent, and evolving system with multiple constituencies.

Conscious culture is captured by the acronym TACTILE:

• T = trust
• A = authenticity
• C = caring
• T = transparency
• I = integrity
• L = learning
• E = empowerment

A conscious culture is very tangible to stakeholders and outside observers.

In the fourth quarter of 2016, Whole Foods Market reported record earnings of $3.5 billion with almost 8 percent EBITDA and a return on invested capital of 13 percent. They returned $44 million in quarterly dividends to shareholders.

John Mackey, co‐founder and co‐CEO, said that the company had made measurable progress toward attaining industry‐leading sales per gross square foot and healthy returns on invested capital, despite being a difficult year for food retailers in general. The firm's higher purpose statement is posted on their website and twice uses the word “love.”

Whole Foods is a Conscious Capitalism company. Recall that extensive studies validate that public companies operating by the four tenets noted above outperform their counterparts on Wall Street by a factor of 11 to one. To be profitable, the best firms still focus on profits but even more so on a greater good. They open their eyes and hearts and become guided by a passion and purpose that transcends money and accolades.

Aristotle was a famous philosopher, but he was also adept in biology. His Ethos ethical beliefs were based on psychological theories about human nature. He believed that humans were biologically wired to be rational, virtuous, social, and happiness‐oriented. Do you as a leader align your policies, rules, procedures, and culture with natural human tendencies? Or do you create built‐in conflict by forcing square pegs into round holes?

Richard Ryan and Edward Deci created what is known as the Self‐Determination Theory, which is based on Aristotle's humanistic philosophies. Their model suggests that employees will work harder and perform better for leaders when given tasks that are meaningful and serve a higher, moral purpose. Does your organization take the high ground by striving to serve a higher purpose beyond only profits?

PASSION, VISION, AND MISSION

Lenny Alugas is a senior vice president at Western Union. He grew up in New Orleans, earned an engineering degree, and was later recruited by Hewlett‐Packard as a pre‐sales engineer. Seventeen years later, Lenny was running a $160 million business unit with 600 employees. While there, he became a big fan of HP's leadership development programs and philosophies.

“HP had a well‐defined and excellent set of core values,” said Lenny. “They believed in an open‐door policy with their leaders and encouraged managers to walk around and observe their environment. They had a strong desire to create effective teams where people could thrive.”

Lenny recalls that HP considers their number one passion to be customers and employees. Even today, on the HP “About Us” web page, the company leads with a quote from Dave Packard about the necessity of people working together toward common objectives.

Under Shared Values, HP lists passion for customers, trust and respect for others, and achieving results through teamwork as vital to success. They also indicate that a commitment to employees and leadership skills are top corporate objectives. These philosophies are apparently working. HP is consistently listed by Forbes as one of the top 10 technology firms in the world.

“When you received a pay raise at HP, they gave you a print‐out with all the information on it,” said Lenny. “That wasn't good enough for my boss, Paul Hansen. He always hand‐wrote a personal note on that paper to congratulate me and thank me for my hard work. That meant a lot to me. Twenty‐five years later, I still have copies of those notes.”

Lenny enjoyed his time at HP, but after many years decided to explore the world of a “start‐up.” He joined Veritas in the early nineties and helped drive the company toward success and an acquisition 12 years later by Symantec. At one point, Lenny was managing a $4 billion software maintenance renewal business with several hundred employees.

“Symantec also had some excellent leaders,” said Lenny. “I enjoyed working for our CEO, Steve Bennett, who came from General Electric. He had an incredible leadership philosophy. I resonated with his beliefs that leaders should communicate the firm's mission, strategy, and goals clearly, and ensure employees are inspired to attain them. Also, he felt it was important to develop personal character at every level.”

Lenny also praised Bennett's philosophies that good leaders need to have the courage to make decisions and teach their team members how to do the same. Bennett indicated that it was vitally important to treat employees as if they were valuable investments. He encouraged his direct reports to keep at least 30 to 40 percent of their time free so they could invest time in their people.

“I learned several valuable lessons from the leaders I worked for at HP and Symantec,” said Lenny. “Most importantly, I learned that it's vital to develop a strategy, mission, and vision that align with your passion and purpose, and then communicate those clearly and effectively to your entire team. Then, inspire your team to work together to achieve the vision.”

Lynelle Lynch is the president of Bellus Academy in San Diego, California. The academy is one of the largest and most successful beautician, spa, and training schools in the United States. Said Lynelle, “On their first day at the academy, we ask students to write down their passion, purpose, and goals. Many of them say they want to bring joy and beauty to others and perhaps someday own their own spa or salon. To help them attain their goals, we offer some of the best beautician and spa training, but we also teach them business, marketing, sales, and entrepreneurial skills.”

When students graduate from Bellus, the academy helps them find jobs by uniquely connecting them with spas, barbershops, and salons around the world. Lynelle also believes in supporting the military and giving back to the community. The school accepts military assistance funding, offers complimentary services to the military and discounts to veterans, and frequently sponsors outreach programs to offer free haircuts and services to the homeless.

THE PASSIONATE LEADER

Anthony “Tony” Stewart hailed from a small town in Kansas. U.S. Representative Bob Dole, also from a small town in Kansas, became a strong influence when Tony was growing up. He still remembers Dole's quote that we should be “doers and not stewers.” That mantra propelled Tony to pursue a career as a radio announcer at a local radio station while attending college. He'd been gifted with a smooth, soft baritone that earned him an award for his radio performances at the age of 19. During his first few years in college, Tony had also been cursed with a rebellious spirit that got him in a little trouble with the law upon occasion.

Tony finally decided to turn his life around by joining the Navy in April 1987. He originally thought he'd be a journalist in Uncle Sam's canoe club, but that opportunity evaporated not long after he completed boot camp. Instead, he opted for a yeoman rating aboard nuclear submarines.

“At first I thought a yeoman was just a glorified secretary,” said Tony. “I almost turned the job down because I didn't think it would be challenging enough for me. When I found out what a yeoman really does, and what submarines really do, I got excited.”

Tony completed submarine school in Groton, Connecticut, and was transferred to a submarine in construction in Newport News, Virginia. While waiting for the boat to be built, he reported to a support squadron in Norfolk, Virginia, where he gained a lot of knowledge about submarine administrative operations by rotating through a variety of assignments. He learned that a yeoman's job entails everything from human resources to operations management to legal support and handling highly classified information. That's when he became passionate about his work.

“During that first year with the squadron,” said Tony, “a master chief took me under his wing and gave me lots of opportunities to learn a variety of tasks. I was eager so I asked a lot of questions. Over time, I eventually learned most of the answers, and then other people started asking me the questions. That master chief kindled a desire to ‘own the process’ that I've carried with me throughout my career.”

Due to a delay in the construction of Tony's originally assigned sub, he was transferred to another boat in Bremerton, Washington. The USS Flying Fish (SSN 673), a Sturgeon‐class sub, was returning to the fleet after an overhaul. Reporting aboard was a culture shock and a lesson in humility for Tony. Despite being junior in rank, he had earned a reputation at the support squadron for being the guy with all the answers, so he quickly became the brunt of some unrealistic expectations from his crew and initially some undue harassment from his leader due to unfounded rumors that Tony thought he knew more than others.

Like all submariners, Tony was also overwhelmed by the requirement to qualify and earn his submarine warfare designator, which submariners call “dolphins.” Tony was faced with the significant challenge of earning the respect of others while embedding himself as a valuable member of an important team. He decided that allowing the stress to control his tongue would only make matters worse, so he instead chose to gain the crew's trust by endeavoring to be a good teammate and offering help wherever possible.

Tony is a strong believer that great leaders are built and not born. He advises exercising your leadership muscle over time, most especially by observing and asking questions.

“When I was aspiring to become a leader,” said Tony, “I observed the actions of other leaders, most especially the commanding officers on my submarines. The most successful ones were knowledgeable and confident, of course, but they were also passionate and relayed that passion to their crew. They loved what they did and loved their guys.”

Tony recalls two contrasting COs on two different boats. He described one as a “hammer” and the other as a “rake.” The hammer was more task‐oriented and often used a “push” leadership style wherein he was more apt to dictate his will and force compliance. He did not seek to be a coach or mentor, but instead delegated that responsibility to his junior officers and chiefs. He hammered his crew toward the goals he desired, and although he was moderately effective, and eventually rose through the ranks, he probably did not inspire many along the way.

The other CO was more relational in style. He was like a rake in that he cultivated performance rather than force compliance. Tony was stationed aboard a ballistic missile submarine with this CO where complex and sometimes dangerous drills and maneuvers were commonplace. Split‐second decisions were required, and one wrong move could be disastrous. The CO ordered battle station drills that required maintaining accurate depth, speed, and course settings. Tony recalls that while some COs seemed tense or rigid on the bridge during these types of drills, this CO was as “cool as a cucumber” while remaining attentive to his crew.

“Instead of barking orders like other COs might,” said Tony, “this guy finessed everyone into being leaders in their own right. He inspired us to work together as a team and support each other. He showed a genuine concern for everyone on the boat and led with confidence, strength, passion, and caring. We wanted to perform for him because we respected him, and that loyalty helped us achieve several unit awards for our efforts.”

Tony rode the boats for 20 years, retired as a chief petty officer, and is now the administrative director for BUD/S—the Navy SEAL training command—on Coronado Island in San Diego, California. Tony served as a Southern California district commander for the American Legion and was selected as a San Diego County Veteran of the Year. His experience aboard submarines, combined with his own research on the topic, helped him devise six core principles of leadership.

One, you must pledge to become a student of leadership. Longevity does not make a leader. You need to observe and learn from other great leaders to become one yourself. Two, connect with others. Leaders create leaders, and we need to foster close relationships with mentors and aspiring leaders on our team. Three, articulate a clear vision, passion, and purpose for your team.

Four, simplify things for your team. Break down complex steps into achievable, smaller ones and ensure everyone remains focused on the goals while completing the tasks. Five, be genuine and sincere. Two‐way communication is important. A leader should not do all the talking.

“I always try to wrap up any conversation I have with my team with one question: ‘Is there anything I can do for you?’ When I ask this question, I really mean it. This helps me find ways to help them and remove any barriers to their success. One of my most important jobs as a leader is to remove my team's roadblocks.”

The sixth principle is reward achievement. When Tony Stewart and I co‐founded the Us4Warriors Foundation, along with Ken Greenawald, I knew that Tony's leadership skills made him the best choice to be the CEO. He eagerly grabbed that ring, and through his efforts, knowledge, and connections, the foundation flourished. Over time, we grew to 11 directors and 250 volunteers, as well as dozens of associates and advisors.

I recall several meetings where Tony called a few people to the front of the room. He then rang a ship's bell, handed them a certificate of accomplishment, and praised them for their hard work and achievements on behalf of the foundation. I watched the faces of these volunteers radiate with pride. Broad smiles stretched from cheek to cheek, and tears filled their eyes. I could see that these individuals were inspired and motivated to achieve even more. They were not being paid a dime, yet I knew that they would willingly follow Tony to hell and back. In my opinion, this is the mark of an inspirational team leader.

I'm convinced that Tony achieved the loyalty and dedication of hundreds of volunteers and successful partnerships with outstanding veterans support groups like the American Legion, because he focused first on defining a clear and compelling commander's intent. Together, our team created three core principles—our passion and purpose—that helped the Us4Warriors Foundation become San Diego County's number one veteran's nonprofit in 2016. They are:

We are dedicated to helping the whole veteran—100 percent of veterans in every way rather than a small selection in limited ways.

We are focused on the mission and not the money—the foundation is almost all volunteer. No directors are paid, and no one wastes a dime. All donations are put to work where they are needed most.

We are passionate about creating leaders—we don't just feed veterans a “fish for a day.” We also help veterans and their families thrive as leaders of their own lives through our five core programs.

“You must have a sense of passion and purpose to be a great leader,” said Tony. “Sometimes that passion is something grand. Other times it's as simple as helping others. At all times, it is not achievable without the help of others. No leader is an island. We can't achieve anything great alone. When I look back on every worthwhile goal I've ever achieved, I don't think about the goal. I think about the people who sacrificed and helped us attain that goal. I think about the fact that we did it together, as a team.”

One of Tony's most important goals is helping every individual on his team find their own personal passion and purpose in life. He seeks to know what motivates and inspires them. He then finds ways to align their personal passions to those of the organization. This ensures buy‐in to the vision and commander's intent, as well as sustained dedication. Tony recognizes that keeping the flames of passion alive is difficult at times. People can get tired or burned out. They can forget about the “why” that drove them initially. Great leaders find ways to stoke the coals and keep the home fires burning bright by continuously and creatively reminding their teams about the vision. They use success stories, personal recognition, award ceremonies, and “pep rallies” to constantly reignite passion and purpose.

“When we conclude a board meeting for the Us4Warriors Foundation,” said Tony. “I ask each board member to sound off by using one word to describe how they feel. I listen closely to the word they chose because it helps me understand where they are right now. Then, as I always do, especially if the word they chose was not upbeat, I ask them what I can do for them.”

Even when Tony's plate is completely full, he always asks me what he can do for me. This is one of the best examples of eros love that I have ever witnessed from one of the best leaders I have ever known.

FLYING HIGH ON PASSION

Sangita Woerner grew up in a traditional Asian Indian household. Both of her parents were first generation and immigrated to America before she was born. Sangita's mother was a stay‐at‐home mom and her father worked for Ford Motor Company throughout his career. He advised her that the two most reliable career paths were engineering or accounting. She decided to pursue the latter.

After graduating from college with an accounting degree, Sangita eventually discovered marketing and worked her way up the ladder to a vice president of marketing position at Starbucks. She then became the vice president of marketing for Alaska Airlines, where she empowered, motivated, and guided her team toward success. Aspiring leaders at Alaska Airlines often speak of Sangita with admiration as they try to emulate her leadership style and approach.

Sangita advises her team, as well as up‐and‐coming leaders, to focus on what's important. Almost every leader can be challenged by dozens of problems, tasks, and distractions daily. Discerning which ones to focus on at any given time takes practice, patience, and an open mind.

“I think it's critical to listen to your team, colleagues, customers, and mentors. Their input can help you determine proper priorities and make informed decisions.”

Sangita recalls being encouraged by a mentor to refrain from focusing only on results and to spend more time turning her head from side to side. He advised her that she was not spending enough time building relationships and ensuring that she was in step with her team on the journey toward their goals.

“He said that I couldn't end up on the finish line alone. I needed to run the race alongside my team and colleagues. By fostering closer relationships, I'd be rewarded with diverse perspectives and insights and perhaps more efficient paths to reach our goals. Every person can bring something unique and special to the table because we all have different backgrounds, expertise, and viewpoints.

“A leader can accomplish far more with the help and support of an empowered and impassioned team,” said Sangita. “While it's important to remain focused on a grand vision, sometimes it's just as important to focus on what you and your team can accomplish on a smaller scale every day.”

REBOOT

Maurice Wilson was born and raised in Chicago, Illinois, and at the age of 23, he decided to join the Navy. He entered boot camp in 1973, near the end of the Vietnam War. Up to that point, Wilson had felt like a ship without a rudder. He had not yet determined his life's passion or course. During boot camp, he met an African American master chief who had served in the Navy for more than two decades. As an African American himself, Wilson was inspired by the master chief's example. His eyes were drawn to the ribbons, pendants, and stripes on the chief's uniform, but even more so to the chief's genuine kindness and energetic confidence.

“He was everything I envisioned a leader should be,” said Maurice. “He had a passion and purpose to serve his country and help others to do the same. I feel fortunate that, at least for a time, he became a mentor and motivator for me to perform at my best so I could eventually become a master chief as well.”

Twenty‐two years later, Maurice did indeed add that second star to his uniform as a master chief. Then he “ran out of gas.” He hadn't formulated a vision beyond that goal, so he decided to retire. Listless and uncertain about life beyond the Navy, he became “an aircraft carrier without a rudder.” Maurice spent the next eight years floundering and wondering. He wanted to serve, to achieve, to give his heart and energy to something, but didn't know what that “something” might be.

He started working for the Urban League, a community‐based organization, in San Diego, California, but found difficulty “fitting in” due to his military mindset, which had defined his demeanor for half of his life. Struggling but motivated, Maurice went back to school. He had an interest in behavior‐based education, so he focused his energies in that direction. That's when he met Ronnie Foman. They became instant friends and together joined the Call of Duty Endowment, a nonprofit founded by Bobby Kotick that's dedicated to helping unemployed veterans find jobs.

While helping Bobby launch the Endowment, Maurice and Ronnie met with dozens of transitioning veterans and started asking questions. They learned that most were still unemployed because they were “fish out of water.” Most had learned valuable skills, managed hundreds or thousands of people and millions of dollars in budgets and assets, and had worked in high‐demand and high‐stress environments. In many cases, they were highly qualified for almost any civilian job in their area of expertise, but lacked the confidence and knowledge to seamlessly transition from the military into a civilian career.

“They didn't know how to recalibrate their lives,” said Maurice. “In the military, they'd had a clear vision and were following their passion and purpose. Now they were on the street without a uniform, without a job, and without a direction in life.”

Maurice watched many of them spiral downward. They lost even more confidence and hope and became depressed. Some became so distraught that they took their own lives. They became one of the “22” veterans on average who commit suicide every day. Maurice decided it was time to make a difference.

“I asked Ronnie, ‘what's going on here and how do we fix it?’ We agreed that these veterans needed a ‘mental reboot.’ They had been conditioned by the military to think and act a certain way. They had come from a structured environment with a different mindset and now needed to reorient their brains and lives. It's like someone moving from a small town in Alaska where it's cold and unpopulated to Phoenix, Arizona, where it's hot and crowded. These veterans needed help to adjust to the contrasts.”

Inspired by a new passion and purpose to help veterans transition, Maurice and Ronnie founded National Veterans Transition, Inc., a nonprofit they nicknamed Reboot. Their charter is to assist veterans in adjusting to civilian life and securing meaningful employment through best‐practice performance social solutions and techniques. They accomplish this by offering early‐stage cognitive‐behavioral educational intervention to help their fellow veterans “reboot” from military programming. They show veterans how to develop a successful reentry plan and, most importantly, help them discover their new passion and purpose in life.

“Most of the veterans we work with have been so dedicated to and consumed by their military duties that they've never had the opportunity to understand their own personal mission in life,” said Maurice. “We help them find that, determine the best career path to align with it, and translate it into an effective resume. We also help them gain the confidence they need to interview with companies and show them why they're the best candidate for the job.”

To date, Reboot has helped almost 2,000 veterans boost their confidence and transition effectively. Selected veterans attend a three‐week workshop where they are mentored by experts in social and career transitional requirements. They're also taught universal principles of cognitive science from two of the best authorities in the United States—The Pacific Institute and Operation Legacy.

I had the privilege of attending a Reboot graduation ceremony in San Diego, where I watched several of the Reboot graduates speak about their experience. Many of them welled up with tears when they spoke about where they had been just a few weeks earlier as compared to where they were now. They talked about walking through the doors of Reboot on that first day with their heads and spirits in the gutter. They had been uncertain, afraid, depressed, and lost. The instructors at Reboot taught them how to manage their positive and negative thoughts, unlock their potential, and gain the desire and confidence needed to accomplish any goal they desired.

“It's truly fulfilling to be a part of helping someone change their lives,” said Maurice. “Virtually everyone who walks out of here does so with their heads held high and a bright smile on their face. They step in front of recruiters and hiring managers with a newfound purpose and confidence, get multiple offers from companies, and go on to become some of the best leaders these firms have. If I were an employer, I'd actively seek to hire veterans. Almost all of them are disciplined, smart, hard‐working, loyal, and passionate.”

Quite a few employers agree with Maurice. Many of them now have several recruiters who are dedicated to hiring transitioning veterans, and for good reason. They've seen the latest research from Gallup and other research firms. They know that around two‐thirds of employees are disengaged and “checked out.” Just the opposite is true for most veterans. Veterans have spent years in situations where it was impossible to be checked out, even for a few minutes. Lives could be lost if someone took their eye off the ball. Handling stress and pushing yourself beyond limits was a way of life. Being in the military taught them how to naturally gravitate toward the best leaders and learn how to become leaders themselves. For a civilian employer, these veterans can help bring a vibrant spark to almost any team. Once they embrace a firm's passion and purpose, most will enthusiastically volunteer to “take the point” and “carry the flag,” and inspire others to do the same.

For more information on Reboot, or to contribute to their cause, please visit www.nvtsi.org/.

TEN EROS LEADERSHIP REVIEW POINTS

1. The Fourth Neuron Secret is the Neuron Principle of Passion: without passion and purpose, you are a ship without a rudder.
2. Eros is instinctual in nature and appeals to our instinctual R‐Complex brain.
3. Adopting this principle requires an understanding of, and desire to live by, the ancient Greek form of love called eros.
4. Eros is about passion, romance, and a love of life and work.
5. The eros principle teaches us that attraction is far more powerful than promotion and requires a strong element of curiosity.
6. Eros love entails narrowing your organizational, departmental, team, and personal focus down to a single, clear, and compelling purpose.
7. The tenets of Conscious Capitalism embody the eros principle of focusing on passion and purpose more than just profit.
8. Team leaders need to select team members with great care and ensure they will embrace the firm's passion and purpose.
9. The Wizard in The Wonderful Wizard of Oz provides a good metaphorical representation and embodiment of this principle.
10. This principle can be summed up with these two words: be passionate.

THREE STEPS TO EROS LEADERSHIP

1. Policy: Leaders should meet with each team member quarterly to review the firm's mission, passion, and purpose and inspire buy‐in on the part of each member. Also, to review the member's personal passion and purpose in life and discuss how this aligns with the firm's goals.
2. Procedure: Every organization should consider the benefits of adhering to the tenets of Conscious Capitalism, and align these to the firm's mission, passion, and purpose. Executives should consider becoming involved with this organization, and create and frequently review metrics to ensure progress toward achieving the Conscious Capitalism tenets.
3. Practice: Leaders should strive to continuously communicate the firm's core tenets, mission, passion, and purpose. Also, to frequently share stories—such as customer success stories—that embody these principles and inspire employees to improve productivity. The Neuron 3‐Act Play chapter discusses how to accomplish this.

ONE EROS LEADERSHIP EXERCISE

For this exercise, you will need to dig deep to discover three important things:

1. What are you most personally passionate about in life?
2. What is the passion and purpose that drives your organization?
3. What is the passion and purpose that drives every member of your team?

For number one, this should expand beyond your profession and encompass your entire life. For example, I revealed in this chapter how I had come to know, without doubt, my life's passion and purpose. You may already know the answer to this question intimately. If so, write it down. If you are religious or spiritual, you might consider meditating and praying on this. If you are not, consider quieting your mind, looking deep within, and allowing your inner passion to reveal itself. Once you know what fills your heart with a glow, waters your eyes, and drives you forward each day, write it down.

For number two, your organization may already have a mission statement, which in many cases outlines the professional purpose of the firm. This is a good starting point, but might not go deep enough. Your firm or department or small team needs a clear passion and purpose that can change lives or even the world as we know it. The people in your organization will be more motivated if they believe that what they do each day can make a difference beyond quarterly profits. For example, I was asked to complete an executive leadership consulting project for a multimillion‐dollar consumer electronics firm on an emergency consulting basis. The former team had left, and I needed to build a new one from scratch. While I had previously launched a consumer electronics division from zero to almost $30 million within two years, I had not done so in this industry. In fact, this sector was completely foreign to me.

The company manufactures electronic cigarettes, or “vape” hardware as it's called. These devices were cutting edge and sophisticated, with advanced microprocessors. The users were typically technical, younger, and “hipper” with a propensity toward nose rings and tattoos. My first inclination was that I was not the best fit for this project as I could not align with any passion and purpose that might drive this type of company. When I set aside my prejudices and misperceptions and took a closer look, I found something that opened my eyes…and my heart.

I learned that the U.S. tobacco industry was trying to discredit the vaping industry and had encouraged the FDA to impose regulations that were orders of magnitude more restrictive than those found in Europe. They were downplaying the fact that vaping was 90 percent safer than smoking cigarettes and highly effective at helping smokers to quit. The flashbulb went off, and I worked with my team to create a compelling passion and purpose statement that we could all get behind: We save lives.

This mantra became our driving force and propelled us forward each day to excel at delivering the best quality, performance, and enjoyment on the market. Why? Because we knew that if we delivered joy with every vape “cloud,” we had the opportunity to save a life. If someone loved our products so much that they could quit smoking forever, then perhaps we could stand proud because we helped them have a longer life.

What's the passion and purpose of your organization, division, or professional endeavor? Discover it, discuss it, write it down, and then use it to inspire performance.

For number three, meet with each member of your team to determine their personal and professional passion and purpose. What drives them to get up and come in to work or brings them joy in other areas of their life? What are their dreams and aspirations? This should be more than just “we want a new car or a new house or a big raise.” This should be far more personal. It may be difficult to coax some people into opening up and revealing their deeper desires, but your goal is to gain their trust over time so that eventually they will. In this way, you can help them to personally want to help your organization succeed because you can show them how they also achieve their goals.

It's time to clothe my dreams in reality,

To move beyond jealousy and possession,

isolation and imprisonment,

To confront boredom and loneliness,

sadness and lovelessness,

To make known my secret needs and reveal my

hidden yearnings,

To risk self‐exposure as the only path to final

freedom,

To surround myself with the energy flowing from

the earth's core,

The passion of rivers and resilience of trees,

And thus, to clothe my dreams in reality!

—Dr. James Kavanaugh, from Quiet Waters