NEURON SECRET ONE (REDUX)

The Principle of Prosperity: To prosper, you must love yourself by being humble and teachable.

Jeff Jones is an executive vice president at SkylineDx BV, a leading biotechnology firm located in Rotterdam, The Netherlands. Today he is responsible for executing complex global strategic plans for market development and commercialization for the firm's medical diagnostic solutions. A few decades ago, his missions were far more dangerous.

“I volunteered for U.S. Navy SEAL teams when I was 20,” said Jeff. “I knew the training would be challenging, but I didn't know that I'd be only one of fifteen guys to graduate from a class of fifty‐six.”

The training Jeff completed was at the Navy SEAL Basic Training Command, or BUD/S, which stands for Basic Underwater Demolition/SEAL.

Said Jeff, “Most people know that Navy SEAL training is the most demanding, dangerous, and difficult in the world. A large majority who start BUD/S never make it all the way through. They ring the bell and wash out.”

The bell Jeff referred to is an old Navy ship bell that's attached to a stanchion in the courtyard. A trainee who has had enough and wants to quit grabs the dangling rope, rings the bell, and then sets down his helmet and walks away. Those who are left standing in the yard, shivering from cold and aching with fatigue, are either more motivated to quit or to do whatever it takes to graduate.

Navy SEAL trainees are divided into small teams that bench press and shoulder heavy telephone poles together for hours. They face dangerous waves and rocky shores while riding in small rubber Zodiac boats. They march, run, and exercise together. At midnight, under dark skies and an uncaring moon, they shiver together along the shore, arm in arm, as the freezing surf threatens to suck them out to sea. Within a few weeks, they either ring the bell or learn how to become brothers in arms, literally.

“Hell Week either defines you or crucifies you,” said Jeff. “You learn what you're made of, but you also learn what teamwork is all about.”

Hell Week in BUD/S pushes trainees to their limits and beyond. They must endure an entire week of sleep deprivation and extreme mental and physical fatigue. They must depend upon each other to graduate or even survive. Most of the bell ringing happens during this week.

During the infamous Hell Week at BUD/S, and the other long weeks of living hell, Jeff refused to ring the ship's bell. When he finally completed his training and added the coveted ombudsman pin to his uniform, he thought the hard part was over. He soon discovered that it was only beginning.

“SEALs don't make mistakes—at least we're not supposed to,” said Jeff. “When we do, someone might die. We are taught to keep anything of value with us at all times. Compasses, maps, whatever. My team was transiting to a mission aboard a C‐130 transport and I made the mistake of leaving an important map pouch on the plane. When my officer in charge found out, I learned more about being humble in five minutes than I had throughout my previous twenty‐two years of life.”

Jeff's officer in charge (OIC) did not become an authoritarian pirate and make Jeff “walk the plank.” Instead, he authoritatively told Jeff a Vietnam War story to emphasize how one small mistake can domino into several critical consequences for the entire team.

“Using a combat story to teach me a valuable lesson was brilliant,” said Jeff. “When I heard the real‐world consequences of unintended mistakes like mine, it hit me hard. Instead of just telling me how I'd let down the other guys on my team, he showed me through a powerful and memorable story. I remember almost every detail of that story even today, and it helped teach me to never make a mistake like that again.”

Jeff's SEAL team boarded the USS Grayback (SS‐208), an old diesel submarine used frequently for clandestine insertion operations. During the six‐day underwater transit to their station, haunted by his OIC's story, Jeff was motivated to regain the trust of his leader and teammates.

“I didn't make excuses, and I didn't let it defeat me. I decided that I needed to become humble and teachable and take full responsibility for my mistakes. I also decided that I needed to make amends to the guys on my team. I spent the entire six‐day ride recreating every detail of those maps and volunteering for extra duty.”

Jeff managed to redeem himself and added another stripe to his sleeve by the end of that deployment. Today, he is grateful for the mistakes of his past and the pain they caused him. In his opinion, pain can either defeat you or help you find the courage and strength to “get back on the horse” and ride again with renewed vigor and commitment. He feels it's important for team leaders not to berate or belittle others for making mistakes, but instead become a mentor by doing three important things.

One, clearly articulate why the action taken was a mistake and why this person let down the rest of the team. Two, use a powerful story to teach this person how such mistakes can cause serious consequences. Three, quantify the potential consequences and outline what needs to be done to correct the mistake and make amends to the rest of the team.

“Leaders need to walk a fine line,” said Jeff. “In the teams, we understood that even small mistakes could cause huge problems or even the failure of a mission. In my civilian position, it's not usually that catastrophic. When something goes wrong, I need to temper my emotional and instinctual responses and apply some logic. I need to quantify the consequences and then decide how to respond. I need to ask whether this is ‘a hill worth dying over’ and ensure the disciplinary actions I take are on a par with the potential consequences.”

Jeff has learned that for leaders, being humble equates to being fair. When someone on his team makes a mistake, he recalls the map mistake he made. This helps him to remember that we are all human. While he does not excuse missteps made by those on his team, he also does not “blame or inflame.”

“I never attack someone personally for a mistake,” said Jeff. “I also don't lose my temper and start yelling at them. That's the worst thing a leader can do. Instead, I first ensure that this person was not set up for failure. I ask whether I or someone on the team did something to contribute to the mistake. Is this person overworked? Do they have all the resources they need? Did we stretch them too far? I then ask the person why they believe a mistake was made. If I hear excuses or blaming, I help them to be brave enough to take responsibility for their part.”

Jeff's advice to aspiring leaders, or any leader who wants to continue to grow, is to find another leader that you admire. Observe them, emulate them, and perhaps even ask them to be your mentor. When you do, it's vital to be humble and teachable, for without these two qualities it's almost impossible to learn and to grow.

“Character isn't just a word in the dictionary,” said Jeff. “It's an important principle that I believe every leader should reflect. We build character by having the courage to take risks. When we take risks, we will always make mistakes because we're human. When we make mistakes, we need to learn from them. To learn, we need to be humble and teachable. By doing so, we will build character and become better leaders.”

THE SECRET OF EUDAIMONIA

We reviewed the first part of Neuron Secret One when we embarked on our Hero's Journey. We are now ready to complete our journey by understanding the second part of the first secret. We have reached the end of our Hero's Journey, we have found our way back home, and we have hopefully returned with our discovery—the magical elixir, the MacGuffin, or the prize we sought. Finding our way home, to the heart of our heart where eudaimonia resides in its purest form, was not an easy or fast journey. The path was not void of thorns or trials, but the voyage was worth the reward. We are now ready to share our newfound knowledge with our ordinary world.

The elixir I have endeavored to share with you is this: Leadership is Love.

As leaders, we must learn how to love ourselves enough to be able to love others. Then and only then can we lead. By accepting the role of a leader, we have a profound responsibility to help others, most especially our teams, to become one of the 33 percent that's engaged in their work. Even more so, to be one of top five percent that's inspired, motivated, and highly productive. To accomplish this goal, we need to take our own elixir and help our teams do the same so we can all become better leaders. We can do this by being brave enough to take three giant steps forward:

1. People before profit. We explored this truth when we discussed the tenets of Conscious Capitalism, wherein we can be more profitable by placing our passion and purpose above only profitability. Attaining eudaimonia requires that we also do this for our people. We must become committed to the wellness, well‐being, and happiness of our teams. This goal must supersede making a profit, as crazy as that sounds. Think of it this way: plenty of baseball teams have tried to “buy” their way to a World Series title. They bought the best coaches and players and equipment and whatever and were convinced that dollars were king. Investment is important, of course. Teams who spend nothing gain little, but plenty of teams with less than half the payroll of others have taken it all. In most cases, they won because they achieved a measure of eudaimonia. They focused on the players and their well‐being. As Randy Jones taught us earlier, they played for each other, not for an owner's balance sheet.
2. Wellness programs. We need to fashion a framework and process to foster an environment of eudaimonia. It's not enough to simply say to your department heads, “Hey, make everybody happy, okay?” The best leaders invest in coaches with years of experience in creating and implementing wellness programs and mindsets. For example, Dr. Bill Hettler co‐founded the National Wellness Institute and created a model for wellness in 1977. He called it the Six Dimensions of Wellness. Many CEOs use this model, but also bring in consultants and coaches, such as those from CUSTOMatrix, to create customized and effective change through leadership eudaimonia programs to ensure that teams operate at peak efficiency.
3. Mindfulness metrics. Once a program is implemented, it should be measured continuously. We live by Key Performance Indicators (KPIs) for just about everything we do in business, and we should do no less for the well‐being and mindfulness of our teams. Perhaps with the help of experts in this field, we should create a series of measurements to ensure progress toward something like the Six Dimensions of Wellness, which include factors related to social, physical, emotional, occupational, intellectual, and even spiritual satisfaction. The best way to do this is by first understanding each person's neuron profile (you can use the app at www.neuronleaders.com). You'll then have a better understanding of the optimal neurotransmitter balance needed for each person to feel and be at their best. You can even begin to help people adjust their diets and lifestyles to be happier. For example, if someone's dopamine level should optimally be high, drinking too much coffee could lower this and make them feel miserable. Why should you care? Because a happy camper is a productive one. When your teams are not just checked in but also dialed in, when they're firing on all cylinders because they're full of joy and a desire to show up every day and contribute, then profitability soars.

Leadership coach and consultant Jordan Goldrich said, “Many results‐driven leaders in our society, especially if their style is abrasive, controlling, or commanding, may react negatively to the concept that ‘leadership is love.’ They may see this mantra as touchy‐feely or New Age psychobabble. Perhaps they need to consider the fact that using the seven ancient forms of love outlined in this book aligns with the practice of holding people accountable. It's also consistent with letting people go when they do not perform. The difference is that the conversation is focused on behavior and consequences. The tone and the words used should not be demeaning, humiliating, or disrespectful.”

THE REVELATION

In The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, L. Frank Baum concludes with a short but sweet 24th chapter:

What had changed when Dorothy returned home? Certainly not Kansas. It was as gray and plain as ever. Not her Uncle Henry, who was “milking the cows in the barnyard.” Not Aunt Em, who was working in the garden. Nothing had really changed except Dorothy.

The revelation that Dorothy discovered along the path of her Hero's Journey is that she had been focused outwardly. She had previously assumed that in order for her to attain happiness, everything and everyone in her ordinary world needed to change. What she discovered in the Land of Oz—the magic elixir she brought back home—was that nothing needed to change except Dorothy.

Once she set aside her ego, shed the debilitating beliefs of her past, and faced herself in the mirror, she realized that there's no place like home.

Those of us who desire to lead cannot do so by forcing everything and everyone in our world to change. We must instead close our eyes, look inward, and make the appropriate and wise changes to our life, to our reactions, to our expectations, to our attitudes, to our communication style, to our mind and heart, and to our leadership style. We can then see a magical change in us—and perhaps in everyone we lead.

THE SELFISH LEADER

Recall that Sigmund Freud gave us interesting insights about our ego. He described the Id as our instinctual drive for survival, our Superego as the emotionally derived learned behavior, and the Ego as the logical mediator between the two. We often hear ego referred to as something bad that we should strive to avoid. Ego is neither good nor bad, it just is. It is an attribute that we all have. Asking someone to rid themselves of their ego is like asking them to chop off their head or rip out their heart.

Our ego is neutral. When we allow ourselves to become unhealthy psychologically, we can become egotistical. This is self‐serving and can be viewed as a negative trait. When we are healthy, we can have a strong ego drive that motivates us to perform at our best as leaders. This is a positive trait.

We need to set aside our unhealthy egotistical tendencies and form healthy daily habits to allow our positive ego drive to engage our ears and our heart so we can learn, grow, and fulfill our destiny, and help others to do the same.

To effectively make leadership decisions and inspire others, we need to balance our personal, selfish needs and wants against what is right and best for the members of our team and what is in the best interests of our organization. The ability to do this effectively begins with properly taking care of ourselves. If we are unhealthy physically, mentally, or spiritually, our judgment may be cloudy, our patience thin, and our decision‐making ability far from optimal. Therefore, to be a better team leader, we need to first focus on our own personal well‐being.

To many, this may seem selfish and contrary to what we were taught as children. Shouldn't we be selfless and care more about others than ourselves? Shouldn't we strive to be “servant leaders”? Those in medical professions know that it's virtually impossible to care for patients effectively if you're suffering from malaria. We've all heard the adage that you should first place the oxygen mask on yourself in the airplane before placing it on the small child next to you. On the battlefield, the soldier with the broken leg can't carry his wounded buddy to safety.

Therefore, to be a great leader, we need to be a selfish leader. This means taking better care of ourselves by improving our diet, exercise routines, sleeping patterns, and work habits. Working too hard does not always produce more results and often leads to mistakes, bad tempers, and illness.

When we do make mistakes, the worst thing we can do is to hide them, lie about them, or blame others. History records the decisions made by John F. Kennedy during the Bay of Pigs fiasco in 1961 as “disastrous.”¹ Many blame Khrushchev's subsequent brash moves that led to the Cuban Missile Crisis on Kennedy's missteps. Rather than deflect, diminish, or deny, Kennedy had the courage to be honest and open with the American people. This led to what psychologists refer to as the “pratfall effect,”² wherein a leader's endearment to others can increase if they admit they are flawed and make amends for the downfalls.

Some historians attribute Kennedy's ability to be genuine, charismatic, and more often than not to make good decisions to his commitment to self‐care. Most people are not aware that when Kennedy was three years old, he had scarlet fever. Some say this and other factors led to chronic digestive and back pains that plagued the president throughout his life. He endured years of painful medical tests and rarely complained. Close friends commented that Kennedy never spoke about his problems.

During World War II, Kennedy volunteered for PT boat duty but was turned down due to his ailments. His father pulled some strings to overrule the Navy's decision. Kennedy silently endured his pain during his 17‐month tour in the Pacific where he completed numerous near‐suicide missions—including the one where PT‐109 was cut in half by a Japanese destroyer.

When Kennedy was later elected president, despite his frequent bouts with pain, he set an example for others by adopting good daily habits. He was an avid swimmer and hit the pool twice each day. Dr. Hans Kraus, a New York orthopedic surgeon, encouraged daily exercise sessions to help Kennedy manage his pain, improve his mental acuity, and maintain the stamina needed to function as the President of the United States.

Each day after lunch, Kennedy took a two‐hour nap. J.B. West, head of the White House staff, recalled that “during those hours the Kennedy doors were closed. No telephone calls were allowed, no folders sent up, no interruptions from the staff. Nobody went upstairs for any reason.”

Kennedy awoke in the late afternoon and returned to the Oval Office at around 3:30 PM for meetings, briefings, and other duties. He frequently worked until after 8:00 PM but did not force others to do so. Instead, he led by example and became one of history's most revered leaders.

FIVE LEADERSHIP LESSONS

Drew Martin is the chief information officer for Jack in the Box, a Fortune 1000 company with 2,250 locations worldwide. They are one of the nation's largest hamburger chains, serving over 500 million hungry eaters each year. Prior to working for Jack in the Box, Drew learned a lot about leadership while working for PepsiCo, where the company emphasized three key leadership categories related to vision, agenda, and collaboration.

Said Drew, “PepsiCo encouraged leaders to clearly define a vision, create an agenda with goals while inspiring teams to reach them, and create an atmosphere of cooperation by treating people with respect.”

Drew also believes that it's important for leaders to surround themselves with excellent advisors. Leaders should be humble enough to realize that they rarely have all the answers and should welcome and listen to the opinions of others. They should also be teachable enough to seek advisors who may disagree with their viewpoints. You will often learn more from others who are not like‐minded as they can force you to “think outside the box.”

When Drew joined Jack in the Box, he discovered that the company's executives encouraged their leaders to embody the leadership lessons taught by Norman Brinker, the late founder of Jack in the Box, Chili's, Bennigan's, and Burger King restaurants. Five of these lessons were outlined in an excellent article written by Jeff Campbell, former president of Burger King USA, in a February 2017 article. They are paraphrased below.

1. Leading by Example: Teach others by setting the right example rather than only issuing explicit orders.
2. Leadership by Inclusion: Rather than prescribe actions to subordinates, a leader should provide the objectives and allow team members to design the best paths to achieve them.
3. Leadership by Understanding: Seek to understand your team's strengths, weaknesses, and tendencies.
4. Leadership by Identification: Create clarity about the firm's purpose, mission, and values, and encourage innovation.
5. Leadership by Optimism: Maintain a positive attitude and a winning mindset.

NEURAL PATHWAYS

Executive coach and consultant Jordan Goldrich said, “Leaders who desire to embody the seven types of ancient love discussed in this book, in both their professional and personal lives, may find this difficult because of how our brains are wired. Partly because of genetics and partly because of learned behaviors and thought patterns, it's not easy to change our responses to events that generate negative and judgmental thinking and feeling.”

Jordan notes that experts have learned a great deal about the human brain in the last few decades, which offers us new processes for making desired changes. For example, today we have functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) systems that enable us to monitor the electrical impulses and blood flow within our brains in real time. We now know that our thoughts and actions are mediated by impulses in our brain that travel through systems (highways) of neurons that fire in tandem. Scientists call these “neural pathways.”

“The more utilized and therefore larger a neural pathway becomes,” said Jordan, “the more resistant it is to change. You can't get rid of your established neural pathways that govern your habitual thoughts, feelings, and behavior. Your brain is wired to produce thoughts and feelings that trigger habitual responses to people and events.”

In Jordan's forthcoming leadership book, The Least You Can Do, he discusses how the structure of the human brain is “set in its ways” by the time we reach young adulthood. However, we can rewire our brain by focusing on, and mentally rehearsing, new thoughts and feelings that trigger behavior more consistent with our desired values.

This process is called neuroplasticity, which deals with the brain's ability to reorganize itself by creating new neural pathways throughout our life. The good news is, our brain can develop new neural pathways that are programmed to produce different thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. As we seek to drink our own elixir and implement new habits, these neural pathways will enlarge. Eventually, they will become more dominant and offer us greater choice and control over how we think, act, and react.

SECOND LIFE

Urban Miyares met the love of his life in New York City in the early 1960s. She lived five blocks away in the Yorkville area of Manhattan. They were only 13, but Urban's heart was smitten. He graduated from high school, got engaged, and then had his dreams dashed upon the rocks of life.

“I got drafted,” said Urban. “That was in 1967, during the height of the Vietnam War. I finished basic training in South Carolina and joined the Army ninth infantry division as a rifleman.”

Urban had previously completed training at the Non‐Commissioned Officers Academy in Fort Pope, Louisiana, so the Army advanced him to the rank of sergeant. Urban grabbed a pack of malaria pills, his helmet, and his rucksack, and boarded a plane. In the delta of South Vietnam, he trudged through rice paddies, hacked through elephant grass and thick brush in rubber tree plantations, swatted giant mosquitoes, and gained a fearful respect for bamboo viper snakes.

“The whole time I was in country,” said Urban, “I felt dizzy and nauseous. I lost a lot of weight, I couldn't sleep, and I was constantly exposed to the horrors of war. The doctors diagnosed me with malaria. Then they said it was heat prostration, stress, or maybe peptic ulcers. They gave me Maalox and sent me back out into the field.”

One morning while on patrol, Urban felt sick and weak. His knees buckled and his mind lapsed into a dreamlike state while walking along the dyke of a rice paddy. He heard shouting, M60 machine gun fire, explosions, and then the sensation of flying before he blacked out. Two days later he woke up in a Saigon military hospital. An IV jutted from his arm and a solution bottle hung from a metal pole nearby.

A nurse walked in and said, “You're one lucky grunt.”

When Urban asked why, she said, “A medic found you alive in a KIA body bag.”

Urban never discovered the name of that medic until 38 years later when he met Brian Leet, who'd been an advancement medic stationed at a basecamp near the 9th Infantry Division. He'd been tasked with toe‐tagging dead soldiers. When he opened Urban's bag, he heard a whooshing sound. He leaned in close and realized that the “dead guy” was still breathing. Leet immediately rushed Urban to the 17th Field Hospital in Saigon where he was diagnosed with Type I diabetes.

Urban's diabetes soon caused peripheral neuropathy in his legs. Doctors at the Valley Forge Military Hospital told him that he might not live more than another decade or two. In 1968, the care and treatment for diabetes was archaic at best. Urban was discharged from the Army in December 1968 and returned to his life in New York City.

“I tried to find a job, but I got turned down everywhere. They told me, ‘We're not hiring a needle‐toting, baby‐killing Vietnam veteran at this company.’”

Left with no choice, he scraped together his last nickel and started his own company. It failed, and so did two other businesses he launched. When Urban discovered that no one was willing to offer help or assistance for disabled veterans, he vowed to one day help other veterans with their business endeavors. To help others succeed, however, he knew that he'd first have to prove that he could succeed. Despite his physical and psychological debilitations and the complications with his diabetes, he put his head down and went to work. Then he was thrown another curve ball. He went blind.

“Because of my other ailments, I wound up having several mini‐strokes,” said Urban. “Those eventually caused my blindness. I began to wonder if the Army medics were right; that I'd only have a few more years to live.”

Urban could have given up. He could have thrown in the towel, admitted defeat, and reconciled himself to the fate he'd been handed by the evil universe. Unable to look at his own gray eyes in the mirror, he instead looked deep into his soul and prayed for an answer. He was tortured day and night by post‐traumatic stress disorder from his Vietnam experiences. His diabetes and blindness restricted his ability to work, think, or get around. He suffered constantly from the neuropathy in his legs. Unsure if he'd ever get past first base, he decided to swing for the fence.

Urban pursued his entrepreneurial endeavors with passion and finally found success. He gained recognition nationwide and received a presidential commendation for his business accomplishments. Finally, having achieved a modicum of success, he decided that it was time to fulfill his promise to help other disabled veterans live their dreams.

As providence would have it, a fellow disabled veteran asked Urban for help to start a new business. Then another disabled friend called with a similar request, and Urban saw a lightbulb go off in his mind's eye.

“I started a nonprofit called the Disabled BusinessPersons Association,” said Urban. “I connected with others working in the Veterans Administration to start a pilot program to help disabled veterans start companies or find jobs.”

Urban Miyares was pronounced dead when he was 20 years old. When he came back to life, they told him he would not live past the age of 40. He is now 70. He can't see. He's had a stroke, had his thyroid removed, had a kidney transplant, has a spinal cord injury, and has a hearing impairment. He has neuropathy in his legs and needs assistance to get around. Despite these impairments, his mind is sharp and his spirit is strong and he has helped launch dozens of companies.

“I think people sometimes forget that I'm blind,” said Urban. “I laugh when they ask me to pass the salt.”

Urban found new life in serving others, mostly his fellow veterans. He got involved in sports activities for disabled persons and broke the record in the early 1990s for the fastest downhill skiing record set by a blind person—63 miles per hour. He then convinced the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs to sponsor a National Summer Sports Clinic where almost 100 disabled veterans cycled, sailed, kayaked, and surfed to earn awards in a series of competitive but friendly races.

“All of the participants had PTS, spinal cord injuries, amputations, brain injuries, visual or auditory problems, or neurological disorders,” said Urban. “When you have a disability, life becomes a team sport. Helping each other get through it is the best therapy I know. A lot of my fellow disabled veterans feel abandoned and lost, and I know just how they feel. Compared to what many of them have had to endure, I consider myself pretty lucky that I was given a second chance in life.”

Like Dorothy, Urban was swept up by a tornado that landed him in the Land of Oz. He died there, came back to life, and then discovered that there's no place like home. He also discovered the secret of life and brought it back to an ailing world.

“Leadership is all about love,” said Urban. “Without it, you can't lead anything or anyone.”

Today, despite his disabilities, Urban is a leader with a heart filled with love. His Disabled BusinessPersons Association has helped hundreds of aspiring and current business leaders overcome their disabilities to lead productive, fulfilled, and joyous lives.

Urban will never actually see any of the disabled people he has helped. “That's okay,” he said with a tear in his eye, “I can see them in my heart.”

TWELVE EUDAIMONIA LEADERSHIP REVIEW QUESTIONS

1. Can I love myself enough to have realistic expectations for my own capabilities and performance, and can I be kind to myself when I make mistakes?
2. Am I willing to shed my unhealthy or debilitating beliefs and take the next step in my journey?
3. Have I accepted the fact that I cannot control or manipulate anyone else's behavior or attitudes?
4. Do I understand that those I lead are people, just like me, who may be acting on unhealthy beliefs and learned behaviors and are doing the best they can?
5. When I have tried to change, control, or manipulate people, places, or things, have I always been successful?
6. How do I feel when things don't go my way or others don't act exactly as I believe they should?
7. Am I looking for a quick fix to improve my leadership skills, or am I willing to play the long game?
8. Am I willing to let the coin of life fall as it may, or do I still want to control outcomes to my benefit?
9. Do I constantly seek approval and affirmation from others; am I bitter when it's not given?
10. Am I frequently indulging in an unhealthy personal lifestyle but expecting a healthy professional life?
11. Do I set unrealistic expectations for others and then get angry when they don't measure up?
12. Do I understand that this second part of the first secret can be summed by these two words: be wise?

ONE EUDAIMONIA LEADERSHIP EXERCISE

If we are currently employed or have an income, let's take a moment to be thankful for what we have. For this exercise, we're going to list ten reasons why we are grateful that we are employed or have an income. If you're not employed or have an income, imagine that you now have that perfect job or business and complete the list anyway. What you list might be as simple as “my profession lets me provide for my family” or “aspects of my business are truly fulfilling” or “I'd be bored if I didn't have a job.” Be imaginative here. Dig deep, and come up with ten great reasons why your situation is a benefit to your life. To complete this exercise, bring up a notes app on your mobile device, or use a sheet of paper, a notebook, or a document on your computer to create your list now.

Have you completed your list? If not, please do so now before continuing.

For those brief few moments of time, while filling out your list of ten reasons to be grateful, did you once have a negative thought about your current situation? If you did, that's okay. Remember that this is a journey and not a race or a quick fix. Before you can move forward, you must be willing to admit the following:

• I accept that I'm not perfect, and I'm willing to learn and grow and progress toward becoming the best leader I can be.
• I have not been granted the capability or responsibility to change my boss, my subordinates, or my peers.
• I must be willing to let go of the illusions of my past and open my mind to new knowledge, experiences, and actions.

If you're still having difficulty with any of these statements, go back and re‐read this chapter. The next time around, spend more time digging deeper into the concepts presented and how they relate to you.

I asked the river

       Where he was going

         and how he would know

         when he got there.

He only laughed at me

       Splashing across the rocks.

I asked the mountain

       When he was high enough

         and how he would know

         when he reached the heavens.

His echo only laughed

       Like thunder in the valleys.

I asked the trees

       How long they would live

         and how they would know

         when they were a forest

Their leaves only shook with mirth

       In the joy of a sudden wind storm.

Finally I was silent,

       As if there were no one else to please,

And I spent my time laughing,

       With the river, the mountain,

         and trees.

—Dr. James Kavanaugh, from Quiet Waters