CHAPTER 11
You’re the Boss
YOU ARE THE MANAGER of a busy public golf course in the suburbs of a major city. You just came into work, and you can tell already that it is not going to be a good morning. Why? Because a middle-aged man in golfing clothes has just burst through the front door looking enraged . . . and carrying a steering wheel in his hand.
He storms up to the counter, brushing past the people in line, and demands in a loud tone of voice to see the manager. You rush over and introduce yourself. He ignores your outstretched handshake, waving the steering wheel at you as he exclaims, “See this? Your stupid golf cart almost killed me and my family out there! My daughter has just been taken to the hospital with cuts all over!”
This is the kind of situation that customer service professionals often dread the most. It potentially has serious consequences: At least one person has been injured, and there is a real possibility of litigation. And wherever the fault of this situation ultimately lies, the customer is likely to blame you. (People don’t usually tear steering wheels off of golf carts in the course of normal driving.)
What do you say in response to this person? And then how do you guide the rest of the transaction from there? In this chapter, we offer some guidelines based on the techniques discussed in the previous chapters.
Lean Into the Customer’s Biggest Concerns
The customer in the previous example has just given you a critical piece of information that must jump to the top of your priority list: His daughter has been taken to the hospital, and his family was involved in an accident. Everything else is secondary at this moment. This means there is only one appropriate initial response: Lean into these concerns and proactively acknowledge them, as discussed in Chapter 2. Here is an example:
“That’s terrible! How is your daughter doing? Are you injured? And how is everyone else?”
If you have ever reported an accident to the police or to your insurance company, you may recall that these transactions always start by asking how everyone is. The reason: It expresses concern for what is most important for anyone in this situation.
At this point, it is critical to give this customer whatever time and space he needs to tell his story. Use what psychologists call minimal encourages (“I see . . . sure . . . absolutely”) to let him know that you are paying close attention to what he is telling you. Otherwise, stay out of his way until he has said whatever he feels the need to say, with as little “editing” as possible.
You might feel uncomfortable at this stage of the conversation because you have no idea how the other person is going to respond to what you say. He may calm down and reply to your questions, or he may continue to lash out at you. His words might drip with anger and sarcasm. He could even threaten you with things like legal action.
Ultimately, though, it doesn’t matter what he says. Because you will do exactly the same thing in response: Lean into that response with gusto. For example:
Him: We could have all been killed out there!
You: Absolutely! Losing control of a golf cart can be really dangerous! That must have been incredibly frightening. Thank goodness no one was killed!
Him: I’ll bet you were pinching pennies and skimped on maintaining these golf carts.
You: No one should ever have a mechanical failure like this happen to them.
Him: You’re going to pay for this!
You: If this were my daughter, I would be reacting exactly the same way.
Note that in each of these responses, you are neither defending yourself nor contesting the other person’s assertions. Your goal here is to respond to each thing this customer says in such a way that he is nodding his head to whatever you say. This means you are reflecting his reality and his emotions in a way that shows him that you get it.
Ask Good Questions
Once this person tells his story, and in all likelihood continues to vent his frustrations, you really have only one lever you can pull to try to calm him down, as discussed in Chapter 8: Ask good questions.
In the thirty seconds after you start speaking, the other person will decide whether you are with him or against him. What you say in those thirty seconds often decides whether he will ramp up or ramp down his anger. By asking questions that draw out the details of the situation, you align yourself as being on his side and start calming him down. For example:
“Can you tell me what happened?”
“Did you notice anything different about the golf cart before the accident happened?”
“Are you and the rest of your family members able to walk around OK right now?”
By getting this person to open up about the details, you ground his anger by focusing him on the present moment. More important, you show him you are interested in the details of what happened as he sees it.
Asking the Right Questions
In a contentious situation like this, the right questions do not just serve to calm the other person down—they can also shed light on the facts of the case. For example, if this person drove your golf cart into a ditch after having a few beers, this may be a very different legal scenario than if the steering wheel simply fell off. Ask good questions, and take good notes!
Once you have established the details of the situation, your next priority should be to ask questions about his welfare and that of his family:
“Is there anything I can do for you right now?”
“Do you need to get in contact with anyone?”
“How is the rest of your family doing right now? Is there anything they need?”
Often, showing a genuine concern for everyone’s welfare represents a turning point in discussions like these. Questions like those above are not only courteous, but they serve a valuable function in the dialogue, shifting its focus from recrimination to next steps. As long as they are sincere and appropriate, these questions stand a very good chance of starting to calm the other person down.
One final note on information-gathering questions: They will only work if they are designed to hear the customer, not to challenge him. He is already in the red zone, and whether he is in the right or in the wrong, you cannot successfully explore whether he was reckless, distracted, drinking, and the like—at least not at this moment—through direct questions. Such questions have a 100 percent probability of generating heat rather than light. Your best and perhaps only chance of getting to the real truth is to create a comfort zone that may breed more honesty.
Respond to Threats with “Can-Do” Language
When something really bad happens, many of us make a critical mistake: We try in vain to make the problem go away right now. In other words, we try to defend ourselves, respond equivocally, or even blame the other person, in hopes of somehow convincing him that this is not our fault. Of course, this strategy always fails miserably.
A far better approach is to accept reality and presume that the other person is going to challenge and threaten us, and then respond in a way that speaks to his interests. This is not the same as admitting fault: You probably do not have enough information at this point to do that, even if you wanted to. Rather, you focus on what you can do, as described in Chapter 6, and lead with that in each of your responses:
Him: I plan to launch an investigation of this incident!
You: Of course. We both want to find out what happened here. I am going to insist on that as well.
Him: You’ll be hearing from my lawyer about this!
You: I will be happy to cooperate fully with your lawyer. I’ll give you the name of our counsel.
Him: You are going to have to pay for our daughter’s medical expenses!
You: We will work with you to do whatever is fair for both of us.
Note carefully that in each of these exchanges, you are not admitting liability or agreeing to compensation—yet. You simply do not know enough at this stage to make such judgments. Ultimately, the liability for this may rest with you, the golf cart manufacturer—or even the person in front of you.
At the same time, in your responses you are studiously avoiding the use of negative expectation to challenge or threaten this individual. Statements such as, “We’ll have to see what our policy is” or, worse, “We need to make sure this wasn’t your fault,” serve no purpose at this juncture. Save them for the courtroom, if needed. Right now, your job is to choose words that de-escalate the situation, build trust, and move both of you toward the likely next steps in the process: police reports, insurance claims, legal consultations, and the like.
The Law of Reciprocity
In situations like these, there is an additional step you can take, one based on what is known as the “law of reciprocity”: If you do someone an unsolicited favor, most people feel obliged to return the favor.
In the previous situation, where tempers are frayed, emotions are running high, and a daughter needs medical treatment, there is likely to be follow-up. What this customer thinks of you at the end of the transaction may have a bearing on whether he negotiates in good faith or decides to “sue the bastards” (e.g., you!). Therefore, you might consider whether an appropriate gesture might change the dynamics of the transaction.
For example, do people need rides to the hospital? Do they need a meal that you can cover as a gracious gesture? If they are from out of town, do they need lodging? You are not obligated to make gestures like these. If there is still too much tension or hostility, they may even seem patronizing or, worse, an attempt to buy them off. However, if your communications skills are working as they should, consider whether you can offer something appropriate. This could be a case where a $95 motel bill might forestall a $50,000 lawsuit.
However you handle the situation, the key is to consistently be honest and genuine, and speak to the interests of the other person. With the right words, and the right mindset, you have a very good chance of resolving situations like these in such a way that everyone wins.