Determining the scope of a conflict
Considering taking action
Getting to the bottom of things
Coaching employees through a problem
Keeping an eye on progress
As a manager, it's inevitable that you spend a considerable amount of time involved with employee conflicts. But knowing there's a problem and knowing when to do something about it are two very different things. Trying to guess when you should let something ride, how much you can trust employees to work out a problem on their own, or where to turn for help if you're not terribly comfortable handling a conflict yourself isn't easy.
It may not always feel like it, but resolving conflict at the lowest level possible saves you time, money, and energy. Managers often overlook the cost of conflict, or the cost of doing nothing about a conflict, when considering the impact of disagreements. An executive once told me, "I provide conflict resolution training for my employees so I can implement their ideas rather than solve their problems." Smart cookie!
This chapter provides insight into whether you should step in to mediate a conflict on your team. It also gives you ways to monitor progress if you decide to put the resolution process in the hands of the employees involved.
Even the smallest squabble takes away from important projects and deadlines. So when a conflict at work is increasingly taking more of your attention and you have less time to focus on the bigger picture, you may be tempted to look the other way and hope the problem disappears. You may find some benefit to giving a conflict time to work out on its own, but you won't know whether you're doing the right thing without investigating to see whether your strategy has an impact on your teams' productivity and the bottom line. Taking a broad view of the situation and considering both hard costs (like lost inventory) and soft costs (like team morale) helps you determine whether it's time to step in. Use the costs worksheet in Figure 5-1 to see how conflict affects the bottom line.
Hard costs are measurable costs that can be deducted from your financial statements. These are items like lost inventory, legal fees, and revenue decreases from lost sales. Though they're tangible and usually easy to find and add up, managers often overlook them in the midst of conflict. If you're curious what a problem is costing you, it's time to put pencil to paper. Here are some of the more common hard costs that could be attributed to unresolved conflict:
Wasted time: Time is money, and if people are avoiding one another and delaying outcomes, there's a cost to that. People in conflict have to have an outlet for their emotions and can often waste time by commiserating with anyone who will listen as a way to vent what's happening. Talking about conflict is a good thing, but complaining without any progress toward resolution is just, well, talking. Employees start avoiding one another, taking longer lunches and breaks, and coming in late or leaving early as a way to cope.
Tip
Pay attention to the number of hours being wasted in a day or week and consider whether you can afford to wait this out.
Lost workdays: When people are uneasy in an environment, they seek comfort. Staying in bed with the remote in one hand, chocolate in the other, surrounded by a pillow fortress is inviting. If you're expecting people who are in conflict (or who are surrounded by conflict) to work without resolution, they may be taking sick days just to avoid the stress.
If you've noticed that your group is without the information it needs to move forward on a project or you're short a staff member during the busiest day at the store, you're enduring an unnecessary cost that could be directly related to conflict.
Reduced productivity: People often find their thoughts drifting to a conflict and replaying it over and over, thinking about what went wrong, why they're right, and then snapping back to reality when the phone rings. It's not a stretch to say you're probably spending precious work time thinking about the situation, too — and you may not even be one of the people directly involved! When you have to work on a project with someone you're not getting along with, the job takes longer and the final product is affected.
Performance and quality: Even if you don't notice a marked drop in productivity, you'll probably notice a diminished quality in the work that's being delivered. Maybe your employees are able to carry as many projects as they always have, but are they as responsive to the details? Someone has to pick up the slack and correct mistakes that are made due to other distractions, and that someone is often you, the manager.
Are you still getting the same quality you were before there were problems? Distractions get in the way of an individual's ability to be creative, and the company may be losing out on good ideas and clever solutions to problems.
Healthcare costs associated with stress: Stress can contribute to a number of health problems, such as high blood pressure, headaches, and stomach ulcers. Some workplace stressors may not be avoidable, but allowing the stress of unresolved conflict to continue only adds to the pressures your employees may already face. More health issues mean more visits to the doctor and potential increased healthcare costs for your company. They may also mean more on-the-job injuries.
Sabotage and theft: If employees reach a point where they feel no one cares about a situation, it's not all that unusual for sabotage and theft to ensue. This possibility may sound extreme, but in some cases employees have gotten so angry with one another that they hid equipment the other people needed to do their jobs, just to cause them additional frustration. Theft can be as simple as an employee removing inventory or as underhanded as taking ideas to another company where the employee will be rewarded and not looked at as the person with the problem.
Turnover: Regardless of the size of your organization, there's a dollar amount associated with the cost of hiring, processing, and training every new employee. Even if you run a job site and call the union hall to hire someone off the bench, there's a cost involved in getting that person up to speed on the project.
Termination packages: If your HR department determines that a conflict carries a potential legal risk to the company, it may negotiate a termination package that includes additional financial remuneration. Unresolved conflict can lead to a termination package that's more costly to the company than if someone stays or leaves on good terms.
Legal costs: How far an employee is willing to take a conflict to prove a point, to get you once and for all, or simply to buy himself some time while he considers other career options is often unpredictable. After a lawsuit is filed, you'll spend money on legal fees and wages for all the employees who are addressing the court case, not to mention that the money you pay out isn't going toward productivity or more sales. You never really "win" when a conflict reaches the courts, and your bottom line suffers along with the confidence of your employees.
Soft costs, on the surface, are those things that may not seem measurable or easily assigned a specific dollar amount, but they still affect your bottom line. Soft costs often distinguish you from your competitors — they're the intangibles that contribute to or detract from your success. Here are just a few examples of soft costs:
Morale: People are likely aware of an ongoing conflict, and this awareness can affect morale on all levels. Over time, when employees are unhappy and they share their disgruntled attitude with others, the situation wears on those who have to listen to them and shades their view of the company as a whole. Even staff who aren't directly involved in the conflict may start to believe that the company doesn't care, so why should they give it their all?
Decreased customer service: Taking care of employees who interact with customers keeps clients satisfied. If someone who deals with clients is unhappy, you run the risk of her taking it out, knowingly or not, on customers. The cost on the bottom line could be devastating.
Reputation: Word gets around fast when people find a great enterprise that really values its employees. When conflict goes unresolved, it also affects a company's reputation. When employees and customers begin speaking negatively about their experiences, reputations erode. Disgruntled employees' comments can scare off a future valued employee and potential customers.
Loss of skilled employees: In addition to the hard cost associated with employee turnover, consider the soft cost when a skilled employee leaves out of frustration and you have to retrain a new hire. In addition, when a highly skilled employee leaves, he takes with him everything you taught him and he gives his expertise to your competitors. Retaining skilled employees keeps production high and training time to a minimum.
Thoughts of screaming in the hallway, threats of physical harm, or slashed tires may come to mind when you hear the words "severe conflict." The truth is, though, that a problem between employees is severe when it costs you more to ignore than it does to address it. If an employee has placed a letter of resignation on your desk, or if important documents have come up missing, for example, the problem has moved from a minor disagreement to a severe conflict. Use the lists in the previous sections to help you determine whether the few people involved can work things out on their own or can manage to get beyond the problem with a little coaching from you. If minimal intervention doesn't resolve the problem, it's severe enough to require a mediation meeting like the one I outline in Chapters 6 through 9, or you may need to call in resources like those I give you in Chapters 13 and 14.
If you've determined that the cost of doing nothing about a conflict is too high, then it's time to take action and address the issue. You may already know most of the details about how the situation escalated, or you may be the new kid on the block who has inherited a big problem. Either way, tactfully approach those impacted and see if you can get at what's really going on.
Before you begin any conversations with your employees, know what your intention for meeting is. Will you call them in for a disciplinary action, or will you have a discussion that encourages them to be a part of the solution? Determine whether you're on a fact-finding mission and going to HR for documentation, or you're going to allow room for a confidential conversation. There's nothing wrong with either course, but be sure to communicate your intention so the employees don't feel blindsided after they open up.
Tip
Try to resolve the conflict at the lowest possible level. Plan a resolution strategy that uses the least amount of escalation. Start with the employees before you bring in anyone else. Your intention should be for those involved to save face, for them to see that they can work out disagreements on their own, and for you to keep the cost (and exposure) of the conflict down. Let your employees feel empowered by their ability to work things out rather than afraid of what may show up in their personnel files.
Warning
Although your intention may be to act as an objective facilitator, tell the employees upfront what your organization requires you to report so they can determine for themselves what they're comfortable sharing with you.
You may think that determining who should be involved in a discussion about a conflict is relatively easy, and that the only people you need to speak with are the two culprits. But unless you ask around, you could be missing crucial players.
Create a list for yourself that includes those directly involved, and then add any other staff members who may be impacted by the problem. If you learn from your initial conversations that another person needs to be involved, you can easily add her to a mediated conversation.
As you meet with each person, ask whom he or she sees as key players in resolving the conflict. You may be surprised by how many names you get. If it becomes apparent that a number of people are involved and their presence in a meeting is necessary to reach a resolution, look to Chapter 10 for processes to facilitate larger meetings.
Tip
When employees are in conflict, they often build armies as a means to strengthen their point of view. Make sure to check in with secondary players to determine their level of involvement and whether you think they'll be valuable in resolving the issue. They may be satisfied just knowing that the conflict is being addressed and learning about the outcomes at a later date. You don't need to involve the whole gang if you can resolve the conflict with just a few people.
Where you meet communicates a lot to other employees. If everyone sees one closed-door meeting after another, fear and stress can escalate. Your employees will be more focused on what's happening behind the door than on their work. Similarly, publicly walking up to someone's cubicle and starting a conversation where others can overhear can cause your staff to shut down and share very little, causing you to miss important information.
Consider what's commonplace for you and the least disruptive for those involved. If it's not out of the norm for you to ask someone to stick around after a meeting, do that. If it's going to raise concerns and curiosity, think twice. Whatever you decide, your goal should be to choose a place that is private and inconspicuous, where people can speak freely.
When you begin approaching employees to gather information, be consistent with all parties. Communicate the same message to each employee and demonstrate that you're not in this to take sides. Prepare a simple statement that explains the approach you're taking to resolve the matter. I like to use language as simple as the following:
I'd like to talk with you about your working relationship with Ted. I'm going to be talking to him as well to get his perspective. My intention is to understand each of your perspectives, and I hope we can resolve this ourselves. I won't be sharing anything you tell me with Ted or anyone else. Can you share with me what's been happening for you?
End the discussion by letting both parties know what type of follow-up you've planned, even if it's just to give the situation more thought. Give them time to consider how they want to proceed and let them know when you'll be checking back in with them. Provide a way for them to correspond privately with you if they think of any other information they'd like to share or just want to touch base.
Note
The simple act of having a chat that starts with "I'd like to get your perspective" helps employees see their role as a problem solver, so being consistent in your approach with all sides multiplies your odds of success.
Keeping the questions open ended rather than asking questions that only require a yes or a no draws out more information. Open-ended inquiries allow your employees to tell their stories while you get beyond the surface details you may already know.
Here are some of my favorite questions to get you started:
What's been happening for you in this situation?
What have you tried to do to resolve the conflict?
What do you think the next steps are to resolve this situation?
Who do you believe needs to be involved to resolve it?
Is there any additional support I can offer you?
If the conflict in your workplace involves a threat to safety or a glaring legal issue, deal with it immediately. Beyond an emergency situation, put the pieces of the story together to determine whether you need to intervene.
After your individual conversations with the main players and those employees affected by the conflict (refer to the earlier section "Approaching Employees and Gathering Information"), you should have a pretty good idea about what's been going on. You can probably even see that those involved may have had the best of intentions, but a miscommunication has kept them from seeing each other's perspective and moving past the problem.
You should also have a clear idea of the timeline of events. This conflict may have started at different times for different people. The individuals involved may not even be upset by the same incidents! When you know who the key players are, how long things have been brewing, and who needs to participate in creating solutions, consider what you've observed in the working environment. These are the kinds of things you've probably noticed but haven't thought to add to the list. They're important, so pay attention to
Reactions from team members when those in conflict interact
Contradictions in the stories being told by those involved
Body language, such as rolling eyes, avoiding eye contact, not acknowledging one another, and just plain tension in the room
Expressed (or overheard) frustration by other team members
Resistance to working on group projects
Warning
Don't be surprised if, at this point, you feel you can solve the problem in record time. All you have to do is call everyone together and announce your decision. Problem solved, move on. But wait! If you take full responsibility for deciding the outcome this time,
You're signing up to take full responsibility for resolving every future conflict.
You'll have lost an opportunity to show employees how they can proactively resolve future issues.
You'll have taken away the chance for them to understand (and not repeat) what got them to this point in the first place.
Instead, follow these recommendations based on your unique situation:
If you know that both employees see a problem and express an interest in finding an answer, allow them to try to resolve the conflict on their own (see "Empowering Employees to Handle the Issue Themselves" later in this chapter). You can still step in to mediate later if necessary.
If you know that one employee acknowledges a problem but the other doesn't, help the employee who's denying the difficulty see the benefits of having a conversation with the other person. They could have a productive conversation on their own, or you may need to mediate their meeting. (For guidance on facilitating a meeting, see Part II.)
If you know that neither party believes there's a problem, you need to consider a course of action that takes into account the impact that the conflict is having on the rest of the team and what it's costing the company. If the impact and cost is minimal, you can give it some time. If you're not comfortable with the level of impact, act by either mediating a meeting between the two parties (see Chapters 6 through 9) or begin planning for a team meeting (see Chapter 10).
If you know that a conflict is affecting your entire team, use techniques customized to resolve group conflict effectively. (Chapter 10 provides a detailed process you can use.)
If the problem isn't affecting the whole team, give the parties a little time to figure things out on their own. Even if you learn that one or both employees seemed oblivious to the conflict, the fact that you had initial conversations will highlight the need for them to do something. Allow time for them to connect to resolve the issues, and then schedule individual follow-up conversations. Here are some questions to ask at the meetings:
How have things been since we last met?
Do you feel the situation is improving?
What have you tried?
What do you need to do to move forward from here?
Would you be willing to meet with the other person if necessary?
It's common for people to want to save face and try to resolve a problem without their manager's involvement. So, if those involved all feel confident they can handle the situation on their own, let them work it out.
Even though you aren't guiding them through the conflict resolution process, you can help employees prepare for the conversations that they'll have with each other. Communicate your expectations for follow-through clearly, and include housekeeping details and decisions such as the following:
Whether their communication will be part of their personnel files
Confidentiality — who needs to know about the meeting and agreements
The timeframe in which you expect them to meet
Your availability for the meeting if needed and how they'll let you know
What type of feedback you'll need from their meeting (written or verbal)
How they plan to address future disagreements
How often and in what format you'd like to be informed about progress
The exact date you'll be checking back in with them
When and where they'll meet (think safety, comfort, and time of day)
Resources they may need from you, such as access to a private meeting room or someone to cover their shifts
Whether agreements will be in writing or a handshake will do, as well as the level of detail needed in an agreement (such as a summary for you but a detailed document for them)
What they'll do if they come to a standstill
What homework or preparation is needed prior to the meeting so they have important information on hand
Tip
Providing each person with information from Chapter 15 (which details how to have a successful one-on-one conversation) is a good way to set everyone up for a productive discussion.
Let both parties know you're rooting for them, that you have confidence in their ability to look at the situation from each other's point of view, and that you're ready to help them as needed.
Coach the parties at various points in the process doing the following:
Ask them to treat each other with common courtesy and to walk away from the conversation without doing additional damage to each other. In our everyday lives we're generally courteous people — we're kind to those we meet and liked by many. But being your best can be difficult when you disagree with someone. Frustration can set in, and you can find yourself responding defensively. Get a firm commitment from both employees that if either person becomes frustrated to the point that he wants to verbally attack the other person and the conversation goes south, one of them will ask for a break and the other will honor the request when asked. A walk around the block may give them enough time to cool off before continuing.
Ask them to listen, and assure them that listening doesn't mean agreeing with what the other person is saying. Listening demonstrates that you respect the other person enough to hear what's important to her. Ask them not to interrupt one another, and encourage note taking when the urge to say something out of turn arises. Discuss the importance of restating what they heard the other say as a way to demonstrate a willingness to begin to see the other person's perspective.
Encourage sharing. In one-on-one conversations, you may have heard some key information that, if it were shared, would help create understanding and move the parties forward. When one person doesn't see things the same as someone else does, he'll often hold back information. People do this out of fear of being ridiculed for their point of view or so they can use it against the other person later if needed. Let both employees know that sharing certain details would help. Simply say, "I don't think he's aware of that and if I was talking with you and you shared that with me, it would change my view of things." Help them see the value of getting all the information out on the table so they can make the best decision and move forward.
People are more motivated to put their energy into something when they can see the benefit in trying. Help both parties see that they're in the driver's seats here. Tell them that, as the manager, you could decide what they'll do to resolve their conflict but there's a good chance one or both of them wouldn't be happy with the result. They have the opportunity to tell each other what's important and to ask for what they need. They'll be more likely to follow the solutions if they reach them together than they would if they had to carry out a mandate handed down from "the boss."
Note
If they need you or someone else to make a decision, they can always ask for that, but let them know now's the time to try it on their own first.
Warning
You may be tempted to encourage them to focus on resolution as the primary motivation to put this conflict behind them and be done with it. Unfortunately, that approach can put pressure on them to find an answer — any answer — even if it's not something that'll work. Let them know their time will be well spent if they come away understanding what's most important to the other person, that you're not interested in a quick fix. Assure them that you have other resources available to help them if needed.
No matter the outcome of their discussion, they'll want to know what to do next and how to end a meeting. They'll need to discuss and share the logistics of their next steps. Let them know that you'll expect some sort of feedback, even if the information they share is that they're giving it more thought.
If they come up with a number of steps that they need to carry out in order to resolve the conflict, make sure that they've taken the time to consider the order and timeline of the steps — the how and when. Have them put their agreement in writing — this strategy can prevent future conflicts if one person forgets an important step.
Finally, tell them that you'll expect them to consider the future. How do they want to approach one another if either person feels a need to meet? Have the parties consider how they'll follow up with you and how they intend to meet the expectations you gave them from the "Empowering Employees to Handle the Issue Themselves" section earlier in this chapter.
Your employees have met and all seems well after their conversation. You're hopeful that the conflict is behind them and that they're both moving on. So how will you know if things are on track or if you need to step in with another course of action? You have to pay attention to determine what's next.
Give your employees a little recognition for the risks they took in trying to resolve a conflict themselves; they'll appreciate it even if they were unsuccessful in resolving the situation. Say something like, "I appreciate your willingness to give it a shot. It's not always easy to see eye to eye on things. Your willingness to try indicates to me that we'll find an answer. We may just need to try a different approach."
Tip
Keep in mind each person's comfort level with receiving compliments — some people are a bit uncomfortable with praise. Even if one of your team members is the most humble person around, you can find a way to compliment him. A sincere e-mail, handwritten note, or after-hours voicemail can go a long way in helping him know he's on the right track.
Look for a number of different indicators to determine whether your employees have been successful in putting the past behind them. There's no need to run around playing Sherlock Holmes with an oversized magnifying glass, but look for subtle indicators of how things are going.
Your answers to the following questions can help you pinpoint trouble spots:
How do they interact? Are they respectful of one another? Are the other team members comfortable with how the two are behaving?
Are they able to share information freely?
Can they work together when necessary?
Are they finishing projects in a timely manner?
Are they working through problems or pointing fingers?
Do repeat issues keep popping up?
Keep a watchful but subtle eye on the situation. If you overdo it, your questions will remind them of their troubles and may indicate that you don't trust them to follow through.
If you think that they're doing really well, you can casually say, "How's it been going since you talked?" and give them space to share their good news. If you see specific concerns, bring those to light and ask for any solutions. You may say, "I noticed whenever we have a new order come in that the two of you seem a bit tense. Is there anything we can do to prevent that?"
Note
Your check-ins should be matched appropriately to specific, observable behavior. Not checking in at all could lead them to feel unsupported and uncomfortable asking for additional resources that they feel are necessary for continued success.