Managers — especially new managers — tend to be at a loss the first time a conflict arises and it doesn't just sort itself out. Finding the right language and the right techniques to use at the right time takes finesse. For some people, that dexterity comes naturally, but for others, perhaps even you, it's a learned skill that comes with experience, training, and opportunity. This book is a great place to start! Check out Chapter 5 to gain insight into how to evaluate the details of a conflict, and see Chapters 13 and 14 to consider internal and external resources.

No one ever wants to be the first person to notice that the toilet is overflowing in the restroom. Maybe that's a bad analogy, but you may feel that if you address a conflict, your suspicions about bad behavior and work performance will be proven true, and you'll have to deal with it — all of it. Consider the impact on others (and the company) if you sit back and do nothing.

Losing hope and a willingness to commit to problem solving are common responses when a manager feels that his efforts are all for naught. If previous attempts at resolution haven't gone well, others may have lost trust in your abilities. Trying something new may be exactly what's needed.

While some managers see problems and "wish" them away, others like to stay completely in the dark. You can't be expected to address something you don't know exists, right? Maybe you're busy, or the work is getting done so you think everything is fine, or you're an off-site manager who isn't able to see the day-to-day drama at the work site. Keep an eye on how your team interacts, the language choices they make, how they speak to you about one another, and whether specific individuals work a little too hard at not working together.

Taking the time to assess a situation and make a plan burns up energy and attention. It's smart to sit back and consider your next steps instead of jumping into a conflict willy-nilly, but inaction doesn't get you any closer to resolution. Develop a plan with clear goals in mind, and get whatever help you need to put it into action. Start with Chapters 2 and 3 to determine possible underlying issues or emotions, and then flip to Chapter 4 to consider how you may be contributing to the difficulty. Find a mentor, HR employee, or an outside expert who can help you break what may seem like an overwhelming situation into manageable pieces.

Hey, whatever is happening between Seth and Lauren is something they're just going to have to work out on their own! You may not be sure why they can't get along, and you may think that what you don't know won't hurt you. Not true. If it affects the business, it is your business.

People have different managerial styles, and some like to take a more hands-off approach. These managers go into the workplace with the philosophy that their employees are adults and they should be able to resolve differences like adults. You may believe that you're there only to make sure the work gets done — not to hold hands or babysit employees. Changing your perspective from "babysitting" to "mentoring" gives you an opportunity to hone your leadership abilities.

You know as well as I do that managers are busy. They have meetings to attend, budgets to review, inspections to conduct, paperwork to file, and on top of that, staff to oversee. They don't always have enough time in the day to get everything done, and when a manager has to put his work down and step in to resolve a dispute, it can be distracting and frustrating. Addressing personnel issues, though, is an important part of being an effective manager. In fact, it may be one of the first questions asked of you in your next job interview. Have something positive to say about your abilities in this area.

Conflicts shouldn't be knock-down, drag-out fights in which the winner takes all. It's possible for two people in an argument to turn their disagreement around and walk away the better for the conversation. Just because two employees aren't getting along doesn't mean the only answer is to fire one of them. You have plenty of other options, and the more you work with each of them to brainstorm solutions, the more you expand your choices.

If, after your best efforts, it's clear that it would be best for an employee to move, be sure to keep other employees focused with the tips I lay out in Chapter 10. Grace and dignity in an otherwise difficult situation are a matter of choice, but you can help ease an outgoing employee's distress by modeling positive behaviors and attitude. Chapter 19 covers ten things anyone can control in the midst of conflict.

Before you were a manager you were an individual contributor — a subordinate. You had to watch your step and keep your reputation intact if you were going to be promoted. So it makes sense that you now want to be careful about anything that could adversely affect the way others view you. But being overly concerned about being seen as an ineffective or weak manager who can't handle his people doesn't help you create a reputation as a problem solver. Co-workers see it, even if you think you're doing a good job of masking the problems. Simply put, ignoring conflicts on your team affects your reputation in a negative way.