Can you recall the last time you were in agreement with your client or prospect, when you expressed the same opinion as them? Did you have a sense this feeling of accord influenced them sufficiently enough that they wanted to purchase your goods? Were you even deliberately attempting to do this at that time?
Most people do not, generally, consider agreement as a method of persuasion. You likely agreed with your prospect’s point of view because you did and nothing more! I agree, that may sound obvious, and I would like to add that this is, indeed, how most people think about agreement.
In this chapter, we discuss the effect that just appearing to agree engenders in others, and how to actively use this to increase rapport, remove resistance and raise responsiveness. We introduce a linguistic pattern, a combination of words that takes advantage of the agreement effect and enables us to subtly redirect and control conversations, bringing them closer towards our objective, and we explore how to flip objections into positive reasons to buy.
Before we describe how to prepare and use the agreement frame, let us first make clear what we mean by the word ‘frame’ in this particular context. The term ‘frame’ defines the boundaries around a conversation or an experience and, in this chapter, we are discussing the experience of agreement.
Having described frames, let us return to the agreement frame and discuss what it is and why it is so powerful. ‘I agree’ is something most of us say every day and have little idea that it forms part of a tiny, yet significant, language pattern. It becomes a dynamic, persuasive technique once we appreciate the effect the words ‘I agree’ have on others and how we choose to use this insight to create the outcomes you seek.
Think about these questions for a moment:
- How do you feel when someone agrees with you?
- How do you feel about the person agreeing with you?
- What often occurs conversationally when someone agrees with you?
Now answer these questions:
- How do you feel when someone disagrees with you?
- How do you feel about the person disagreeing with you?
- What can sometimes happen conversationally when someone disagrees with you?
When others disagree with us, very often, we are immediately on our guard and, as we persevere to make our case, the conversation may become more clinical and, occasionally, depending on the context, it may cease altogether, and rapport subsides as both parties agree to disagree.
Conversely, can you remember how you felt when one of your colleagues agreed with something you said? We like it when others agree with us, don’t we? It is human nature. Have you noticed once you say to someone, ‘I agree’ or ‘You’re right’ that, usually, they instinctively continue speaking, offering more information? This happens because they have not detected any resistance to their line of communication. You are going to take advantage of this aspect of human nature to strengthen your persuasive abilities.
How to agree with the disagreeable
Without being entirely unethical, we do not even have to subscribe wholly to our prospect’s viewpoint when we use the agreement frame.
Should something be said that you really cannot accept under any circumstances, it is still possible to enjoy the benefits of the agreement frame effect by saying:
- I can agree with part of what you’ve said and . . .
- It is possible at some point I might agree with that and . . .
- I agree you said that and . . .
- I almost agree with that and . . .
By intentionally using this pattern, you have chosen to agree with your prospect to deliberately increase their responsiveness. You will appear aligned to their way of thinking. They will sense this and, as you notice their resistance lowering, you assume control of the conversation and steer it towards your goal.
Review the following statements:
I can imagine you thinking how incomprehensible it is to agree with these objections and, guess what? I agree you might believe that, and that is why everything will become clear once we examine the structure of this response.
The agreement frame pattern structure
The agreement frame pattern has three stages and we look at each one in turn.
Stage one
Your chosen form of agreement statement followed by the word ‘and’. (This list is for guidance only. Use whatever form of agreement most fits your communication style.)
- I agree you are right and . . .
- I agree and . . .
- I could not have said that better myself and . . .
- You took the words out of my mouth and . . .
- Yes, perfect. You are right as usual and . . .
- I respect your point of view and . . .
- I agree you might think/have thought that and . . .
- I appreciate your stance and . . .
- I recognise the value of what you are saying/have said and . . .
- I could not agree more and . . .
- You’re quite right and . . .
- Maybe you’re right and . . .
When using the agreement frame to counteract objections, it is most effective to express your response in the past tense. This will not be perceived by your prospect, however, on a subconscious level, it effectively makes the doubt historic. For example, ‘I recognise the value of what you have said and . . . ’ or ‘I agree you might have thought that and . . . ’
Stage two
A linking phrase:
- I would add/I would like to add . . .
- That means this . . . this means that . . .
- That is why . . .
Stage three
Reintroduce into the conversation the subject that is important to you, thus steering it towards your objective.
The structure of the agreement frame is:
Agreement Statement + And + Linking phrase + Redirect conversation to subject of your choice
How to reinforce a sense of agreement
One of the most powerful and little-taught techniques to reinforce agreement is to proactively incorporate body language into your presentations. Look your prospect in the eyes and, while stating your agreement phrase, slowly nod your head three times. This has the effect of further deepening rapport and convinces your prospect you are on their side.
- Always use ‘and’ to separate the two parts of the agreement pattern, because ‘and’ continues the flow of the conversation and leads your prospect from where they currently are towards where you want them to be.
- Try to avoid using the term ‘I understand’ as an agreement statement because it is quite difficult to understand anyone. It is far easier to agree with others rather than to profess to understand them.
Listen to political debates on the radio or television and notice how often professional politicians use agreement to lead the interview towards the specific areas they wish to discuss.
Recently, enjoying my daily fix of the morning news, a presenter, well-known for his no-nonsense and rather forthright interviewing style, was interviewing a senior politician who had just given a rather oblique answer to his first question; unhappy with the response, the presenter continued with:
| Presenter | Nobody would argue with that (pause while politician continued to speak) and the question is . . . ?’ |
This is an excellent example of a modified agreement statement, ‘nobody would argue with that’ is another way of saying ‘everyone agrees’. Whether anyone would or not is irrelevant. Then, leading the conversation by saying, ‘and the question is . . . ?’ The message in this example is to be confident using your own style of agreement and adhere to the structure of the pattern.
Agreement and reframing
To further elevate your powers of persuasion, combine the agreement frame with reframing. This will afford you an unstoppable ability to counter most objections.
When we reframe, we take a prospect’s objection and repeat it from a positive perspective. Mastering this requires a little preparation. A good starting point is to list the aspect of your product, service and/or company that receives most objections. If necessary, have a brainstorming session with your colleagues. Once you have a list of objections, turn each one on its head and express it positively using the following Reframe pattern.
The Reframe pattern structure
Where X is the negative statement about your product/service and Y represents how you have converted it into a sales advantage. For our example, we will use a price objection.
- The issue is not about X. The issue is about Y. Continue with ‘and that means’ or ask a question.
After practising flipping the negatives into positives, add the agreement frame to the front of the reframe. The pattern looks like this:
Agreement statement + and + I would add + reframed negative statement + A question.
The complete response is as follows:
Well, thank you for your honesty. I have to say I agree how you might have thought that pricing was high and I would say, having listened to what you’ve said, the issue seems not to be about the price. The most important issue is about quality, isn’t it? What’s the most significant benefit your company will enjoy by using higher quality products?
- The agreement frame will not work if the words ‘but/however/yet’ separate Stage one and Stage two.
- Use only the word ‘and’ to separate stages one and two of the pattern to maintain the forward movement of the conversation and lead your subject towards your goal.
- ‘I understand’ tends to be avoided as an agreement statement.
- Listen for this pattern on television and radio talk shows.
- Practise agreeing with everything anyone says and observe their response.
- Practise disagreeing with others and notice how the response differs.
- Nod your head three times as you say an agreement statement (do not overuse this technique).
- Follow this pattern: agreement phrase and head nod + and + linking phrase + topic of your choosing.