Why is body language important?
In this chapter, you discover the meaning of the subtle gestures and movements that your prospects and/or clients make while you engage them in conversation or are making a presentation to them. The insight you will gain from observing your prospect’s body language will give you tremendous understanding about what they are unconsciously saying and feeling, and enable you to enhance your charisma, tailor your presentations more accurately, lower resistance, build rapport and increase their level of responsiveness to you and your message.
As well as learning to be acutely aware of the subliminal messages revealed by others, you will learn how to moderate your body language proactively to ensure, on an unconscious level, those meeting you feel comfortable in your presence.
A book on the subject of persuasion would be incomplete without reference to the unconscious, involuntary movements we make as we engage others in conversation.
Body language is a vast topic; entire books are devoted to it alone. For our purpose we review a small selection of movements occasionally referred to as ‘tells’ that you can use, and we reveal others you may choose to avoid.
Re-engineering your social status
Let us be clear; being perceived at a higher status than your prospect, colleague, client, or even your boss, might not always be a good idea. Equally, being considered of a lower status can be detrimental to your success. Before purposefully manipulating your perceived status level with the techniques revealed here, be mindful of others and, whatever situation you are in, determine the most appropriate level required to benefit you the most.
With tiny changes to your body language, you can alter how others perceive you both consciously and subconsciously. By changing your physiology, that is, acting as if you are more confident than you feel, others will view you as being self-assured and, curiously, you will become more confident. Fake it to make it.
You would be wise never to underestimate your prospect’s innate capacity to read the subliminal ‘tells’ you are unknowingly revealing. They may not be able to interpret what they consciously observe, but they will, undoubtedly, ‘feel’ a certain way about being in your company as a consequence of your body language. The information you are about to discover will empower you to be able to purposefully enhance the personal impact you have on others as we concentrate our attention on the movements of the hands, eyes and the head.
The hands
I wonder how much attention you pay to your hand movements when you speak?
Palms down
Figure 15.1 Palms down
Source: Tom Merton/Getty Images.
When we talk with our palms facing down, we are showing to others we have a high level of personal confidence, which is a good thing. In a worst case scenario, with excessive use, others may consider you bossy and/or controlling.
While you are progressively building rapport and making an active effort to lay down the foundations to most efficiently deliver your sales message, if your habit is to present with your palms down, counter-intuitively and without awareness, you could be creating subliminal resistance.
The message is to be confident, of course, while tempering signs of overconfidence by occasionally revealing your palms as you speak. Should you notice your prospect’s palms mostly in this downward position as they speak, you’ll know they are confident, possibly controlling, and maybe used to having their way.
If your prospect communicates mostly with their palms down, their personality type might be controlling. Should you observe this, adapt your approach to harmonise with theirs.
Palms up
Figure 15.2 Palms up
Source: ASDF_MEDIA/Shutterstock
Openly revealing your palms as you speak is a brilliant gesture to adopt proactively because to whomever you are talking, it subconsciously relays a message of openness and signals you to be a trustworthy, honest person wanting your message to be accepted and believed. It is not a display of status, power, authority or confidence unlike the palms down position.
If you notice your prospect displaying this palms up ‘tell’, they are keen for you to accept and understand what they are saying. Should they reveal a preference to communicate with their palms up, often, they may find themselves explaining themselves to others and lack authority or confidence in some way. Once you recognise this, adapt your approach appropriately.
If you mostly adopt palms up gestures as you speak, start interspersing slightly more palms down movements as you speak to reveal, on a subconscious level, to others that you are confident and in control as well as being open and likeable.
Finger-pinch hold
Figure 15.3 Finger-pinch hold
Source: Marcos Mesa/Sam Wordley/Shutterstock.
If you attend sales training seminars or, indeed, any event where you have to listen to a professionally trained speaker, you will notice the occasional use of the finger-pinch hold. This powerful hand gesture suggests confidence and that you are speaking with genuine knowledge and authority. It can also be used purposefully to direct attention to especially important points you are making verbally.
If your prospect adopts this hand gesture, they are signalling confidence, authority and status, especially when combined with the palms-down position mentioned earlier.
Develop the habit of using a finger-pinch hold whenever you wish to emphasise particular points in your presentation and start to combine palms down/up gestures deliberately as you speak. Be careful not to overuse these hand movements, as you run the risk of either appearing aggressively overconfident and brash or insecure and requiring acceptance. Always show sensitivity towards your prospect by adapting your body language to ensure others feel comfortable around you.
Cautionary note about the finger pinch
The finger pinch is an accepted hand movement for Europeans and Americans. However, in Brazil it has rather negative connotations. We will leave it to you to research its meaning.
Hands close to the mouth
Figure 15.4 Hands close to the mouth
Source: wavebreakmedia/Shutterstock
Next time you are talking to a prospect, notice whether they unconsciously move their hands towards their mouth. This can be a sign that they:
- are thinking/evaluating what you are saying;
- want to speak, but they are curbing their desire to do so. Observing this movement may prompt you to pause a moment and allow your subject to talk. If they do not, they are either still refraining from doing so or evaluating what you are saying;
- know they have said something not entirely factual if simultaneously you notice the upward movement of their eyes to your left. Take this is your cue to ask more probing questions.
Steeple position
You may see those in authority or of high status using the steeple position hand gesture, as it is a powerful indicator of confidence and self-assurance. Should your prospect assume this stance, you will know you are, potentially, dealing with someone with a high level of self-confidence, knowledgeable in their field and used to commanding respect.
Figure 15.5 Steeple position
Source: Hinterhaus Productions/Getty Images
You may send others the same message about yourself by adopting this hand gesture. To be convincing, though, you must also remember those of higher status tend to move less. If you are someone who moves your head, hands and arms often and rapidly, this gesture will appear incongruous and you will be transmitting to others the opposite message to your intention.
Hand clench
Figure 15.6 Hand clench
Source: PhotoAlto/Eric Audras/Getty Images.
This is a very revealing tell. The fingers are not always intertwined, as shown in Figure 15.6; the hands may be observed one on top of the other. Initially, you might believe it gives the impression of confidence, especially because those doing it often smile.
Hands clenched in this manner or one on top of the other can indicate a restrained, anxious or negative attitude. In a sales setting, the person adopting this hand configuration may be holding something back, feeling anxious or unconvincing and failing to negotiate effectively.
Eye contact and head movements
The right eye link for developing deeper rapport
Most people are mindful of the significance of maintaining non-threatening eye contact with customers and prospects. Now we are going to take eye contact up a level in a way you may not have considered.
While the neuroscience community does not accept the concept of left dominant, right dominant personality, it agrees that each side of the brain controls different functions. For example, language is a left brain function and attention is a right brain function.
When we think of attention, we think of concentration, thought, awareness, interest and consideration.
To enhance rapport and create deeper connections with others, access the right hemisphere of their brain by lining up your right eye with theirs. When you try this, it is easier if you position yourself a little to the left of your subject. You will be amazed at the effect it has.
Eye blocking or squinting
If you ask a question and your prospect subtly squints their eyes, they are subconsciously trying to block that question, and their response may be untruthful. This is called eye blocking.
Squinting can also be seen while someone is reading something disagreeable. It will happen instantaneously without his or her awareness and is a very useful ‘tell’ when negotiating contracts or devising plans.
If you see your prospect squinting slightly, following a question, and you have ruled out the sun is in their eyes, progress cautiously with the knowledge you have gleaned and try to corroborate what they have said later in your meeting.
Head nodding
Figure 15.7 Head nodding
Nodding the head at the point of asking a question helps to elicit a positive response covertly. Adopt this habit moderately, for obvious reasons, to remove resistance and make others responsive to you and your message.
Practise nodding your head three times as you look at your prospect in the right eye when asking tag questions, such as: Can’t it? Won’t it? Doesn’t it? Hasn’t it? Won’t you? Don’t you? Isn’t it? Aren’t you? You will discover, in most cases, the person with whom you are talking will automatically nod their head in agreement, even if they disagree.
Head tilting
Tilting the head to the side can indicate a sign of interest, sometimes curiosity or query, especially if the head moves forwards at the same time. Should you see your client tilting their head and simultaneously moving backwards, however, this can indicate uncertainty or suspicion.
As you listen to your prospect speaking, tilt your head slightly to the left or right at an appropriate moment to imply, subliminally to them, that you are interested in what they are saying. This will deepen rapport, remove resistance and increase responsiveness.
Keeping your head still
We have mentioned head nodding and tilting; some of us tend to move our heads too often when speaking. When the head is still or moved slowly, it can show that a person is serious, confident and authoritative. Continuously moving one’s head with constant ducking and darting eye movements indicates someone under threat and of a lesser status.
When the head remains still, it is easier to observe others with the right eye link. Curiously, by holding your head in a fixed position or moving slowly, others will perceive you as someone of higher status and seniority than maybe you are.
Head movements and the truth
When a person responds to a question or statement and shakes their head either positively or negatively as they speak, the likelihood is they are being truthful. On the other hand, if the head movement occurs slightly later than the speech, there is a possibility that what they are saying is untrue and, again, this is your prompt to investigate further.
The eyebrow raise
Figure 15.9 The eyebrow raise
Source: PhotoAlto/Eric Audras/Getty Images.
Raising the eyebrows to others indicates you are friendly and open and, therefore, confident. It is a clear way of asking for attention from others. If you move your head slowly on a single plane, then look at someone while raising your eyebrows, you are demanding attention and a response.
Meeting others
Charismatic, confident people meet others in their space. It is vital to be client-focused so, when meeting someone for the first time, step forward first to shake their hand, not the other way round.
- Limit how often your hands are face down when making presentations, to avoid being thought of as controlling.
- Allow your palms to face up occasionally to appear open and trustworthy.
- Pinch your thumb and first finger to direct attention to particular points (do not do this in Brazil).
- Keep your hands away from your mouth; observe whether your prospect has this habit.
- Steeple your hands; this signals a high level of confidence.
- Do not clench your fingers.
- Nod your head three times to elicit yes responses when asking questions.
- Tilt your head to show interest. If your prospect does this, you know they are at least curious.
- Line your right eye to the right eye of your prospect, to deepen rapport.
- Move your head slowly.
- Raising your eyebrows reveals you as friendly and open and, when combined with slow head movements, will command attention.