14.

Disciplinary Meetings

Nobody likes to talk about (or to be the recipient of) disciplinary action, but sometimes people do things that make it necessary to address those things in a way that is fair and equitable for all.

You want to believe when you hire a new person that you’ve hired the right person. When making your decision, you trust your gut and your intuition and most of the time, that works out just fine. Other times, it doesn’t. But whether it’s a brand new employee or the employee who has been with you the longest, “offenses” can happen. Sometimes they’re big and very clearly against policy. Other times they’re more subtle, gray, and maybe even somewhat … understandable.

Whatever the reason, and however much you won’t want to, you’ll need to have that disciplinary meeting. Even virtually.

As we’ve discussed in other parts of this book, our aim is less to give you a bunch of best practices within your organization’s policies and procedures, and more to give you the tools, ideas, and suggestions for how to make disciplinary meetings work effectively in a virtual setting. That said? We do want to share a few best practices as to how to conduct an effective disciplinary meeting.

Let’s Level Set, Shall We?

Hopefully your policies are clear on what is acceptable behavior in your virtual environment and what is not, but it’s mission impossible to cover every single scenario in an employee handbook—so don’t even try. But let’s agree to something right here at the beginning: Any and all disciplinary action that needs to be taken should be perceived as an opportunity to review your policies and procedures and make adjustments when necessary. What gaps need to be filled? Are some of your policies unclear? Where are they perhaps too strict? And where are they not strict enough?

Ready. Set. Let’s Make a Plan.

Like anything worth doing—even if it’s not a fun thing to do—you should start with a plan. But this isn’t just any meeting. This is a serious meeting about the behavior or actions of someone you supervise, and trust us when we suggest that it’s fine to acknowledge that it might be unpleasant for both parties. What you need is a solid disciplinary action meeting plan, or DAMP.

A good DAMP isn’t that complicated and most organizations have one you can follow. But in case yours doesn’t, here’s a simple eight-step DAMP you can use right away, or use as the base to start creating your own:

1. Get all the files in order. Make sure you have the employee’s file and any formal details or documentation of the disciplinary issue.

2. Prepare for the employee discussion. Create the outline, build the questions, plan for the follow-up, consider inviting a third party, and so forth.

3. Schedule the meeting.

4. Conduct the meeting.

5. Review the agenda and stick to it.

6. Ask for input or create space for input to be provided.

7. Provide a copy of the whole thing.

8. Schedule a follow-up meeting.

You are an adult, so we’re not going to break down each step—most of them are pretty self-explanatory. But we do want to take a closer look at a few steps for the sake of supporting your efforts as a virtual manager.

Step 2: Inviting a Third Party

Disciplinary meetings can be awkward, and sometimes you need to have an additional person present. We encourage you to reach out to your HR or legal team to determine this decision, but we also want to address how this can work virtually. You’ll need to use a service that offers more than just a one-to-one video meeting. These days almost all video conferencing services offer multi-participation features; if yours doesn’t, consider using a free or third-party platform that ensures all who are invited to the disciplinary meeting can and will be able to effectively attend.

Step 3: Schedule the Meeting

Have you ever been pulled into a meeting where you were yelled at or told you had done something wrong, with no warning or time to prepare? It’s never fun to be blindsided. It’s not the ideal way to deal with a disciplinary issue in the virtual space either. Not just because it’s an ineffective way to deal with these kinds of meetings, but also because you need to be on camera.

Even if a virtual employee spends a large chunk of their day on camera, it’s still not commonplace to just video call anyone, anytime. Is it acceptable? Sure. But while these meetings should be done swiftly, you should still schedule them. If this isn’t possible, give the person at least the slimmest acknowledgement of notice so they can tidy up their desk and straighten their dress shirt or pajamas. We’re not here to judge.

More important, and just to make sure we’re being crystal clear: Don’t perform a DAMP over the phone. Or email. Or smoke signal, while we have your attention. If there was ever a time when video is necessary, it’s when you as a manager need to deliver difficult, critical, or essential news. This is not the time to pretend video isn’t the next best thing to “being there.”

Step 4: Conduct the Meeting

Conducting a disciplinary meeting in a virtual setting isn’t all that different from a stationary one. With that said, let’s talk about how to conduct yourself on camera.

Author Jordan Wellin (2017) said it best in his WISTIA article, “The Science Behind Why Your Gestures Look So Awkward On Video”:

The point here is that you might want to think about being a little more reserved in this meeting. A little more stoic. A little more relaxed, but in a calming and professional way. Because what you don’t want the person on the other end of the camera to see your angry eyebrows, flailing hands, and frowny faces—not only will they read these cues as you being non-verbally aggressive, but you will likely be thrown off by it as you watch yourself in the tiny box in the corner of the screen. This is a serious meeting, and your body language needs to be taken just as seriously as the words you choose.

But be real too. If your relationship with this person is typically laid back and relaxed, you don’t want to take a posture or tone that is too buttoned up or robotic. You want to make sure that the person knows this is a serious matter, but in doing so, you don’t want your own behavior to come off as completely unnatural. It’s a fine line, we know. But somebody’s gotta walk it!

Step 8: Schedule a Follow-Up Meeting

This is an essential part of any DAMP, the follow-up meeting. Assuming the person isn’t being fired, it’s important to create space for a return to the topic to see if there are any further thoughts, actions, or discussions that need to take place. (And if they are being fired, check out the next chapter, which is all about dismissals.) Please don’t think it’s acceptable to just roll a follow-up into your next one-on-one meeting. This should be a brief follow-up that is mutually scheduled to close the loop or make sure the loop can be closed around the subject.

A Few More Thoughts

Don’t record the video. Unless you have been given express permission from your HR or legal team, recording your conversation is not an option. Don’t even toy with the idea; there is no good reason and it only serves to unnecessarily escalate the circumstances. Also, in some states, including California, it is illegal to record communication with employees unless they agree, usually in writing.

Don’t conduct this meeting in an open office or public setting. You should avoid public spaces for this call. When you schedule the meeting make sure to suggest that the person you’re talking to finds a private space to take the call if they typically work in a public or nonprivate space, considering the subject matter.

During the meeting, don’t make accusations. Present the facts as you know them and as they’re outlined in the DAMP. Explain why something is unacceptable if they don’t understand.

Use the phrase, “Explain to me why… .” This will help you get their perspective. Don’t make them feel defensive or embarrassed.

Treat the person with dignity and respect. Talk with the person, not at them. Depending on what happened, they may have already beaten themselves up over it or they may be on the defensive, so treating them with reserve will help defuse the situation where possible. Alternately, they may not have a clue that they’ve done anything wrong, in which case they deserve the space to feel and react the way they’re going to feel and react.

Remember the purpose of the review. The goal is to come to a resolution—not to belittle or embarrass them. This is also why the follow-up meeting is so essential.

Ask questions. What do they think is the best approach for moving forward? What changes do they think they can make to ensure the same thing doesn’t happen again? Ask these questions again during the follow-up meeting.

Consider how to handle the rumor mill. The potential for gossip is especially high when other members of the team know the meeting is taking place or know the details of the situation. Even in a virtual setting, the rumor mill is real and needs to be quelled or addressed if necessary.

Signing Off

In more ways than not, a virtual disciplinary meeting isn’t that different from one done in proximity. However, this is a case where the little things count: Make sure the meeting is done on camera for best results, be mindful of how you might come across on camera, and ensure as much privacy and protection as possible for the call. These all translate to a proximity setting, but become even more essential once cameras are in play.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, this is a human issue like any management situation, set to the tune of technology. Never forget that you’re talking to a flesh and blood person with feelings and needs, and that you have a duty to address these issues with decisiveness and discretion. The technology just serves to make it happen seamlessly in a virtual world.