29.
Harassment and Bullying
We live in a world that seems to become more angry and volatile every day—especially in the casual or socially based online world. One result has been an increase in bullying and harassment. We’ve all seen the commercials about the kid who is bullied at school because he doesn’t look like everyone else. And we’ve heard the stories about the female subordinate who’s being harassed by her male superior in the workplace, threatening to destroy her career unless she does what he wants.
No matter the age, no matter the means, and no matter the vehicle, harassment and bullying are never acceptable. Every human being has the right to live their life in a way that is free from any type of harassment. We hope that increased awareness around this topic will one day lessen, and even eradicate, the bullying and harassment in stationary and virtual workplaces.
Despite being a problem everywhere, these behaviors manifest differently in the virtual workplace, so that’s our focus in this chapter.
Let’s Level Set, Shall We?
The definitions of harassment and bullying include a range of actions, from persistently annoying to creating an unpleasant or hostile situation to treating someone in a cruel, insulting, or aggressive fashion to forcing or coercing someone to do something. This abuse can happen verbally or physically, online or in person. These definitions are absolutely loaded with meaning and description, and a lot of different behaviors and actions can and do fall into them.
Bullying and harassment are easily recognizable when they are played out at their worst. But on the sliding scale of bullying and harassment, are you able to identify where it begins? What do you do as a manager when the situation is not black or white, but gray? And what needs to happen differently when this is taking place in the virtual workplace? Well, we have a few specific thoughts on that topic.
I Manage a Virtual Team; I Don’t Have to Worry About This
Spend a few seconds on social media and you will likely encounter bullying and harassment. People tweet and post mean, aggressive, insulting, and even slanderous things to and about other people every second of every day. Why is this happening? Behaving inappropriately is much easier when people are protected behind a computer screen and anonymous screenname. In fact, for some, as they sit alone at their home computer with no one else around, that screen can become a type of Fort Knox—emboldening them to freely speak their mind.
Think of it this way: When you are walking down a street with a lot of other people, your natural reaction if you accidentally bump shoulders with someone is typically going to be a quick apology before you continue on your way. You have no protection—you are out in the open. Of course, that’s not why you apologize; you do it because it’s the right thing to do. However, when someone cuts you off on the highway, it’s much easier to lay on the horn and make all sorts of gestures. (Disclaimer: We are not condoning this behavior … just suggesting it happens.) Somehow being within the confines of a large, metal vehicle empowers you to act differently than if that “protection” wasn’t there. When protected by that armor, the “right” thing to do suddenly doesn’t matter so much—you know? What about your rights? You have been offended and that other person? Well, they had it coming.
All of this is just to say that, sometimes, online bullying and harassment occurs from a place that feels safe to the bully. Unfortunately, this means that it can be more difficult to detect in the online workplace. On the bright side—thanks to screenshots and cut and paste—bullying in the virtual space is often easier to prove than bold, in-person bullying and harassment.
As an ethical and effective manager it is crucial, both ethically and legally, for you to take every report of bullying and harassment seriously. If you don’t, you could find yourself in a world of personal and professional trouble down the line. When a report of bullying or harassment is brought to your attention, you must do your due diligence to investigate and get to the bottom of the situation.
What Does Virtual Bullying and Harassment Look Like?
Bullying and harassment occur on a sliding scale. Sometimes, it’s beyond obvious that it’s happening. Other times, it can be very subtle and difficult to discern whether the situation truly fits either definition. But you’ve heard the old adage, “Better to be safe than sorry.” This is a fantastic time to put that into practice.
What does this look like in a virtual environment? If we look back at our definitions, it can be someone constantly putting someone down while on a conference call, calling someone names, or insulting them in front of others. If there are witnesses, it is easier to detect and prove. But this monster can also rear its ugly head in much more subtle ways. Perhaps an employee is bribing another employee to do their work using employer-supplied cell phones, or making sexual remarks or innuendoes or sending inappropriate memes or pictures through the organization’s chat platforms.
This is not an exhaustive list. Many other situations—both more and less subtle—can arise among your staff, and the single most important piece of advice we can give you is to take each and every report of bullying or harassment seriously.
Be an Observer
It’s hard to see bullying or harassment yourself in the virtual workplace because it is happening between two or more people who are not within your line of sight. Unfortunately, there are also many stories of people who feel bullied or harassed but are too afraid to say something because of potential repercussions. Even worse, some may even start to question whether what they are experiencing is truly harassment at all.
As a manager, this is just another reason to get to know your people. Don’t let the fact that you don’t all work in the same building deter you from talking to your employees on a regular basis—learn who they are and what makes them tick. It’s important for so many reasons, but especially for the topic at hand. Even if an employee experiences something that makes them uncomfortable, they may not bring it to your attention for any number of reasons. If this happens, we believe that your gut will sense that something’s not right if you’ve taken the time to get to know the person.
This is another time that you’ll benefit from using video instead of the phone when working with your employees. Video allows you to have a more sensitive finger on the pulse of their anxieties, issues, and demeanor. While these things can be heard and felt on phones or even through the printed word, they truly are more noticeable on the video screen, which will allow you to be more open and forward with your questions and concerns.
Don’t get so wrapped up in your own tasks that you forget to observe the temperature, actions, and behavior of your team. This doesn’t have to take a lot of time, and can bring great rewards in the long run. While you can’t make someone talk about something they do not want to talk about, if you’ve built a good rapport, they will likely feel more comfortable opening up if they have something to share when you ask if everything is alright.
What might be an indication that something is going on? Watch for some of these behaviors—your staff member:
• suddenly doesn’t speak up as much in meetings as they used to
• begins to call out sick much more frequently
• is generally not themselves
• exhibits decreased productivity or quality of work
• seems melancholy or distant
• is having trouble focusing
• suddenly does not want to work with another member of your team
• starts requesting a change in their work hours.
Again, it’s not an exhaustive list, but want to get you thinking about how you can begin observing your staff and recognizing when things are not as they should be. When you show that you have interest in and care for your staff, it makes for a comfortable environment where staff are more willing to come to you to discuss even the most difficult situations.
A Few More Thoughts
Document what you see as you see it. You absolutely must be able to attempt to prove the series of events and how they progressed, as well as any action steps you and an employee may have taken toward trying to resolve the situation. Document the conversations you have with both parties and keep these notes in a secure place. If you find yourself in the courtroom to testify on the situation it’s crucial that you’re prepared and everything is documented.
Pay attention to shades of gray. When a situation seems to fall in a gray area, the best thing to do is defer to the person making the report. If that person feels uncomfortable or threatened in any way—it absolutely feels like bullying or harassment to them—it’s your job to take it seriously.
Prepare your people. Once an employee comes to you with a complaint of this nature, instruct them to save emails, take screenshots of chat conversations, write up the details of specific incidences while they’re fresh, and so forth so you can add it to your documentation.
Waste no time addressing these types of situations. It is always a serious situation when someone comes to you saying they feel bullied or harassed. At that moment, nothing is more important. Recognize that it took a lot of courage for them to come to you, and make sure you show just as much concern for the situation in return. Also understand that if left unchecked, these situations can quickly escalate to dangerous places—and nobody wants that.
Signing Off
You need to be so careful when it comes to this topic. While you want to make sure you are doing your due diligence and investigating every situation that is brought to your attention, you also don’t want to swing too far in one direction. Accusing someone of being a bully or harassing someone is a very serious thing, and it’s not to be taken lightly. This is a time that you should reach out to your HR or ombudsman teams for council.
If you notice bad behavior in a meeting—say, someone talks down to or insults another employee—talk to that person one-on-one, either by video conference (which is preferred) or by phone. Give them the opportunity to course correct. One offense does not a bully make. We are not saying that behavior is OK, but maybe that person was just having a bad day and their actions were totally out of character. Give the situation a chance to settle after you talk and see if it works itself out.
That said, we really must emphasize one last time how serious bullying and harassment issues truly are—and how it is your job as a manager to take each situation seriously. We have all heard the horrific stories of how bullying or harassment led to people doing terrible and irreversible things. So be observant. Ask questions when necessary. Be proactive. And when a member of your staff willingly comes to you to confide about something that they are experiencing, remember that, if not handled properly, it could quite possibly turn into a life-or-death situation.