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Dealing With Loss and Bereavement

Losing a loved one is never easy. But when you’re a virtual employee in a virtual world, it can sometimes feel all the more isolating. When things like this happen, you want to make sure that your lack of proximity doesn’t get in the way of your ability to acknowledge your employee’s loss and offer condolences, virtually.

Let’s Level Set, Shall We?

Everyone handles loss differently. Some people need to be around others who can occupy their mind so they think a little less about the pain. Others prefer to be alone and deal with their grief in their own way and at their own pace. Still others are somewhere in the middle—they want to be around people, or not, depending on the moment and people. Whichever way you deal with loss, one thing is for sure—we all want people to acknowledge our loss and validate our feelings of grief appropriately. That doesn’t change in a virtual world. In fact, reaching out to a virtual team member who just lost a loved one could mean more to that employee than you ever could imagine, simply because you don’t spend time with them every day. It shows that you are thinking about them and care about them.

“How Can I Be Sensitive but Not Intrusive?”

When one of your staff members loses someone they love, as their manager, you will likely be the first person in the workplace to get the news. It is a normal reaction to want to reach out and comfort them, but how on earth can you do that for a virtual team member? Whether that team member is across the state or around the world, you can and should show your comfort and concern.

Here are a few things you can do:

• Be respectful, especially if you’ve never met the person in real life. As their manager, ask the employee what their level of comfort is with you sharing the news with the rest of the team, what specific information they’re comfortable with you sharing, and whether they do or don’t want to be contacted virtually by co-workers. Then be sure to abide by their wishes. Some people might not want their team to know what’s happening. Others might not mind people knowing, but don’t want to chat over phone or go on video. Being able to tell your team the person’s communication preferences can help everyone avoid wasting time or making things unintentionally awkward.

• Don’t have the initial conversation over email or chat. If your team member told you the news via email or chat, immediately pick up the phone and call them, or ask if it’s OK to contact them over video. Too much can go wrong or be misinterpreted in an email or over IM, and in a situation like this, you want to make sure that your employee can hear the compassion in your voice.

• As a team, send flowers and a card to the grieving staff member. Or, if the family requests donations in lieu of flowers to an organization the deceased was involved with, make a donation on behalf of your team or organization, in addition to sending a sympathy card to the employee.

• Look up your bereavement time policy. Remind your employee what the bereavement policy is so they know how much time they can take off.

• If at all possible, attend the funeral services. This will mean so much to your employee.

• Give them time. Your employee may need a little time to adjust back into work. Allow for that time and be sure to check in with them often. And, if they need a little extra help with their work, recruit another team member or members to help temporarily.

• Host a team video chat. After things have settled a little bit, perhaps have a group video conference so the team can offer their condolences face-to-face. But only do this if it seems appropriate.

When It’s One of Your Own

Something that’s not pleasant to think about—but happens—is what to do when one of your own virtual employees passes away. Since you likely do not know the family, make sure you exercise an extra level of respect and sensitivity when it comes to many of the same steps we just discussed concerning sharing information or details with fellow staff members.

In these situations, you as the manager often become the single point of entry for people to grieve, communicate, and vent. This is normal and important. But you also need to make sure you take time to grieve, communicate your feelings, and vent to people you trust.

Here are a few other issues to consider when the death is with one of your virtual employees:

• Company hardware. Communicate with the family how to return any workplace materials, but wait until the time is right. As painful as it is, and as cold and unfeeling as it may feel, in a virtual world it’s necessary to address the safe return of organizational materials.

• Company software and email. Many virtual organizations can turn off or re-route employee technologies, accounts, and files with the push of a button. We usually talk about this in connection with someone leaving the organization, but this is also something that needs to be done when an employee passes away.

• Job responsibilities. As the manager, you need to determine who can carry the individual’s roles and responsibilities during this time of grief and transition. It isn’t always easy to do, considering how everyone might feel, but the work will still need to be done and it needs to be reassigned.

A Few More Thoughts

Budget for anything. This is an area that often needs some budgetary considerations because a virtual workplace can be anywhere and things like sending flowers or shipping back a work computer takes money and planning.

Create a plan. Not to add a sobering element, but this could be your funeral. And does your team or your boss know how they might handle this? Doubtful. So it’s important—like developing any other policies—to create a SOP or plan so anyone dealing with something as difficult as a company death knows what to do, who to contact, and how to handle the details.

Signing Off

Death and bereavement are never easy subjects to talk or write about. But our best advice to you would be to be respectful and sensitive, and keep the level of confidence that the staff member or their family has asked of you. Find out what your employee needs; remember, in their time of grief they might not think to come to you for help. Offer compassion and empathy and let them know that you are there and will help however you can while they are going through this tough time. Basically, think about how you would like to be treated, and then plan ahead for the inevitability of life.