CHAPTER 17

Getting Along with Your Manager

Spotting and Solving Personality Problems

You worked hard to develop the skills to do your job. You’ve found a position that allows you to put your training to good use. Things couldn’t be more perfect. Now, six months into your employment, your dream job has turned into a surreal nightmare.

You’re obviously competent. You’re ambitious and dedicated. You like the people in the company. The problem, however, is that you really dislike your boss. It’s not that she is abusive or dishonest, but her management style and her personality in general set your teeth on edge to the point that you hate being around her, and it’s making you have second thoughts about whether you should be in the position at all.

Sound familiar? At times it’s hard to understand why two decent, mentally healthy people can drive each other insane. But whether we call it bad chemistry, personality clashes, or not being on the same wavelength, some people are harder to get along with than others, and if one of those people is your manager, supervisor, or team leader, you can be in for a miserable time on the job.

Before You Take the Job

Personal style differences in the workplace can wear awfully thin, particularly in already stressful and frantic work environments. If you find yourself working for a boss you just can’t tolerate, no matter how much you like everything else about the company and your responsibilities, you’ll probably still end up hating your job.

To avoid finding yourself in such a predicament, learn to spot potential personality problems during an interview, before you take the plunge. Knowing what to look for can help you avoid making a disastrous decision and make life easier once you’re on the job. Of course, once you’ve decided to join a firm, efforts to establish a strong mutually respectful working relationship with your manager will pay big dividends in your career development.

Know your own style and look for compatibility. When applying for any new position, it’s important that you have a good idea about how you like to exchange information and interact with others. Do you warm up to people quickly or are you more reserved until you get to know someone? How’s your sense of humor? Would you be happy working in an atmosphere that encourages good-natured bantering and even a few practical jokes, or do you embarrass easily or get your feelings hurt often? Do you prefer to work in an environment where collaboration and feedback are important, or would you rather work in solitude?

Think about what you would consider a perfect day at work. Is it an environment where you can accomplish your goals without interruptions; or does a successful day involve meetings with colleagues, group brainstorming sessions, and talking to many different people?

You may be uncomfortable with a manager who gives you a few high-level instructions and sends you on your way with little guidance. Conversely, you may be frustrated by someone who checks on you too often, micromanaging even the simplest tasks. A clear understanding of your own style is an essential starting point for identifying the potential for conflict or compatibility with a manager.

Determine how your energy level will fit with your potential manager’s. Will a supervisor who roars in every morning like a category five hurricane stimulate or stymie your creativity? Do you appreciate a boss’s calm, soothing style, or would you have an overwhelming urge to check his pulse? Recognize that people peak and slump at different times of day. Is the morning your best time to handle challenging assignments, or do you need to ease into your day? A manager who is most creative at 3:00 P.M. may be distressing to someone who was full of vigor at 10:00 A.M. that morning but is hitting a low by midafternoon.

Although you probably don’t want to work for your clone, it helps if you have a similar (or at least compatible) approach to work styles and interpersonal communication. That way, you won’t waste your energy trying to avoid situations that irritate either of you and can concentrate on getting the job done.

Obviously, you can’t completely assess someone’s personality in an interview, but personal style can give you a good clue to what a person is like. Author and management consultant Pat MacMillan notes that observing personal style can give you some idea of what’s underneath the surface—value systems, emotional maturity, and philosophies about dealing with people.

When meeting your prospective employer, pay attention to eye contact, voice inflection, and body language. Notice whether the handshake is firm or unenthusiastic. Observe the individual’s general deportment. Does he or she come across as confident, arrogant, down-to-earth, or insecure? Does this person smile quickly, put you at ease immediately, and make conversation effortlessly, or is his or her behavior guarded and reserved?

In addition to demeanor, notice your interviewer’s conversation style. Does he integrate the personal and the professional? Is he interested in whether your father is out of the hospital or that your daughter’s soccer team won the city championship? Or does he appear to be all business, with little interest in what’s going on outside the office?

Some managers view the world as a friendly place, full of basically good people with a few bad apples. Others see a world (customers, coworkers, the media, and so on) full of potential challenges that make them always ready to catch people goofing off or making mistakes. Look for clues about this person’s managerial style. Do you hear a lot of “we” and “our” or is it primarily “I” and “mine”?

How people manage time and handle schedules can also affect the quality of your working life. Will you get plenty of warning about that huge presentation, or will you find out about it forty-eight hours before show time? When you go to an interview, be aware of the surroundings. Check out the noise level and kinds of activities among current employees. Observe whether people seem stressed or relaxed. I’ve visited organizations where I can sense the tension the moment I walk into the office.

Ask questions to get a snapshot of your interviewer’s personality. Come to the interview prepared to ask questions that will reveal information about your potential boss’s personality, and notice the way your interviewer responds. Does she answer quickly or does she ponder issues before reacting? Does the fact that you’re asking questions have an unsettling effect? Does he elaborate with examples and anecdotes, or do you get bare-bones facts and little else. When your prospective employer describes the job you are considering, pay attention to whether the interviewer focuses on goals and big picture results or provides a lot of details about daily activities.

Just as a savvy interviewer will probably ask you behavior-based questions, you can do the same. You might, for example, inquire about how this person helps employees develop or how he deals with conflict. One way to find out more about a manager is to ask how he or she came to work for the company. People generally like to talk about major turning points in their lives, so listen carefully to what factors prompted the choice of a work place. It may reveal a good bit about what makes this person tick. Conversely, not getting much response to your questions may also tell you that this person may not be particularly forthcoming with information once you’re on the job.

In some cases, you can gather some information by talking to current employees. For example, find out whether the manager makes most of the decisions and then informs everyone of how it’s going to be, or lets everyone do his or her thing, unless a crisis or something really important arises. If you prefer an autocratic style to one of more shared responsibility, you may feel at ease in such an environment. If, however, you like to be a part of the decision-making process and be accountable for results, both successes and failures, then you need to work for someone with a more participative approach.

Once You’re on Board

Making the success of your association a priority will benefit both you and your manager in the short-and long-term. At times, unfortunately, subtle personality differences surface after you have been working for a manager for a while. Even if things are going well, here are some suggestions on how to avoid any problems that might crop up in the future.

Maintain an open dialogue. As you interact with a manager, remember that solid working relationships don’t develop overnight. Continue to let your boss know what encourages and motivates you, at the same time as you persist in identifying what your manager needs from you. Always couch these conversations in terms of your desire to be a more effective contributor to the company and a valuable resource to your supervisor.

You may want a manager who can tolerate criticism and be willing to delegate. Or you may need a boss who is friendly and pleasant when things are going well and supportive when the chips are down. Do you require constant inspiration and sincere appreciation? Or do you spurn emotional appeals, believing that logic and objectivity are the mark of a mature individual?

One of the key components of a supervisor/employee relationship is feedback about performance. If you depend on frequent updates about what you are doing right and what you need to improve upon, you’ll be frustrated working for a manager who performs an annual performance review that focuses only on the problem areas. The “as long as you don’t hear from me, things are okay” philosophy doesn’t fly with those who look for positive reinforcement. On the other hand, if you’re the type who wants a lot of freedom in which to do your job, a micromanager will frustrate you (and you will annoy her or him). If possible, come to an agreement about the nature and frequency of feedback.

Use your manager’s personality traits as an opportunity for self-examination. Your boss may criticize your tendency to be lenient on those members of your team who miss deadlines or skip assignments. Instead of writing off his criticism as a function of his dominating personality and need for control, consider whether you should learn to be more assertive. Being everyone’s friend may make you popular with the troops, but you may not come across to those above you as seniormanagement material because you appear unable to hold others accountable.

Ask for opportunities to get some training or work with a coach to help you develop an area in which you may be weak. Recognizing strengths in your manager doesn’t mean that you should set out to imitate him or her to the extreme, but identifying where your personality differences might stifle your opportunities for growth and promotion, and looking for legitimate ways to narrow the gap, will benefit both you and your manager.

Finally, you’ll have an easier time if you recognize that your manager was simply born with a tendency toward a particular personality and isn’t intentionally out to make your life miserable. If you have trouble dealing with your superior’s personality, you essentially have two choices. If the situation becomes intolerable, you may want to seek another job, or you can acknowledge, accept, and learn to deal with your boss’s personality and behavior. Ideally, you can become a beneficial ally, leveraging your strengths and differences to offset each other’s quirks and ultimately to create a powerful team.

The Bottom Line

Some people are harder to get along with than others, and if one of those people is your manager, supervisor, or team leader, you can be in for a miserable time on the job.

Look for important verbal and nonverbal signals in the interview process.

On the job, getting along with your manager requires open, ongoing communication and an ability to see both sides of the issue.

Learning to deal with your manager’s personality differences can help create a powerful work team.

Action Plan:

Over the next thirty days,

I will stop ___________________________________________________

I will start ___________________________________________________

I will continue ________________________________________________