Be Affective to Be Effective

The Facebook post in scenario 1 at the beginning of this chapter was not affective. It did not contain emotion. To connect with people, you don’t want to be like a news reporter delivering news in a detached and professional manner. If you do this, people feel that you do not care, and, therefore, why should they?

Emotions are contagious. In psychology, we call this “emotional contagion.” Researchers have found that viewing positive emotions in someone leads to positive emotions in ourselves. Emotional contagion can be especially strong if the person expressing the emotion is charismatic or is in a leadership position. The authors of Primal Leadership, Daniel Goleman, Richard Boyatzis, and Annie McKee, describe how leaders’ emotions resonate with others. We have mirror neurons in our brains that reflect the emotions of others, and we are particularly likely to be influenced by people in a leadership role.

Emotional contagion can be a subconscious or a conscious process. Subconscious emotional contagion is thought to exist when someone displays an emotion and we unconsciously imitate the display of emotion (e.g., smile). As a result of our behavior (smile), our emotions shift and we experience an emotion similar to that of the sender. In this type of emotional contagion, greater displays of emotion can lead to greater feelings of emotion. A barely visible smile is less likely to be mimicked by someone and therefore less likely to create an emotional change, whereas a broad teeth-baring grin is likely to have a more substantial effect.

Conscious emotional contagion is thought to result from ambiguous social situations. When we’re in an unfamiliar or otherwise uncertain situation, we tend to look around at other people to match their emotions. In this type of emotional contagion, greater displays of emotion do not necessarily lead to greater feelings of emotion; rather, people are influenced by their perceptions of the authenticity of the emotion. Let’s say that you meet with a new client for the first time. In an attempt to make the client feel comfortable, you flash a big smile. You, however, are nervous about the meeting, and your nerves have the better of you, so while you show a smile, it does not feel genuine. Your client is less likely to have a positive emotional contagion experience.

An interesting 2006 study published in the Journal of Marketing investigated just how “service with a smile” works. Two hundred and twenty-three undergraduate students were told that the researchers were testing a new movie consulting service. The student would be a customer and meet one on one with a consultant. The consultants were actually trained actors, some of whom engaged in “surface acting” and provided service with a smile. Surface acting is consistent with the subconscious emotional contagion theories. Other “consultants” engaged in “deep acting,” a type of method acting where the actors truly experience the emotion they portray. Deep acting is consistent with the conscious emotional contagion theories. The researchers thought that both types of service with a smile (whether the smile was the result of surface or deep acting) would enhance customer emotions, satisfaction, and loyalty. They were surprised to discover that only the second type of service (deep acting) enhanced these factors. The authenticity but not the frequency of smiling made the difference. Unlike prior research, mimicry effects (from surface acting) did not occur. The authors postulate that mimicry effects may occur in short periods of time but fade during a more extensive service interaction. The more important factor is the authenticity of the service provider’s emotions.

What makes an emotion be perceived as authentic? One of the things that people look for is a genuine smile, also known as the Duchenne smile, after the physician Guillaume Duchenne, who discovered the two different types of smiles. In the mid 1800s, he was researching facial expressions and discovered that all smiles involved the zygomatic major muscles around the mouth. Only one type of smile (the Duchenne smile) involved the orbicularis oculi muscles. These muscles create creases around our eyes (crow’s feet). The Duchenne smile is perceived as more genuine. It is hard to fake because the small orbicularis oculi muscles are difficult to control voluntarily.

The most reliable way, therefore, to give a Duchenne smile is to actually be happy. How can you just be happy, especially when faced with a challenging client or customer? Well, the first and most obvious thing you can do is to truly be happy with your work. Focus on working only with the clients that energize and inspire you. Start saying no to referrals of your non-ideal clients. Charge what you are worth so you don’t have to overwork. Outsource the parts of your work that don’t utilize your natural strengths and talents so you can focus on what you do best.

The next thing you can do is to act. You can’t always be in a good mood, so on the days that you are not, learn to change your mood through acting. As we discussed above, there are two types of acting: surface acting and deep acting. We learned that when service professionals engage in deep acting, customers have a more pleasant experience. But isn’t acting exhausting and insincere? Alicia Grandey of The Pennsylvania State University set out to answer this question. She sent surveys to administrative assistants in a large Midwestern university and received 131 responses. She chose to focus on administrative assistants because of the high emotional demands of their jobs—they are expected to be continuously pleasant and courteous. Coworkers of the administrative assistants completed a questionnaire about the assistants’ interactions with the public. The results were interesting: Deep acting had a positive impact on interactions with the public and was not found to be emotionally exhausting; surface acting, on the other had, did not have positive impact and was found to be emotionally exhausting. Implications of these findings are that we may actually do well to engage in deep acting because of the positive cycle of feelings that results: the customer feels more positive, you feel more positive, and so on.

So how do you do deep acting and shift your emotions? One way is to use empathy. If you are faced with an irritated customer, remind yourself that she may have stressful things going on in her life and that she doesn’t mean to be rude to you. When we get into a place of acceptance rather than judgment (of ourselves or anyone else), we let go of negative emotions. The more that you know about your clientele, the more you can ask yourself what may be going through their minds. You can also ask them. One of my clients, Jordan, a real estate agent, found himself faced with a frustrated client. “Why isn’t my house selling?” the client demanded. Jordan felt an initial pang of anxiety but remained positive by reminding himself about the stress his client was under because he had already purchased another home. Jordan was able to remain positive and provide a warm, reassuring smile and response to his client.