Simple Is Superior

It is often tempting to go the complex route. Complex can be seen as more intelligent, interesting, or thought-provoking. We mistakenly assume that people will follow us just because we get what we’re saying. This is the “fish in water” problem. The complexity of an ocean is familiar to fish, and they don’t know any different. A fish may be able to communicate well with another fish in the ocean. But what if the fish needed to communicate with a turtle or a seagull? Or a fish in a lake or pond or fishbowl? Just because something is familiar or simple to you does not mean that it will be to others.

Know your audience

There is a time and a place for complexity of information. In general, complex does not engender discussion. Let’s say that you give a presentation, and in one segment, you list 10 important pieces of information. You feel good that you’re showing great detail and highlighting your specialized skill set. As an audience member, I’m sitting there trying to process all 10 pieces of information that you just listed. I want to ask a question, but by the time I organize my thoughts, the moment has passed and you’re on to something else. This does not promote discussion. The general rule of thumb is: the broader your audience, the less detail to include. If your presentation was on an area in which I was also an expert, I could easily process your 10 pieces of information. Greater levels of detail and specificity can make audiences more involved if they are also experts in your topic.

You don’t have to say it all up front

I often write an e-mail and then edit it down by 50 percent or more. It is more difficult to write something concise than something wordy. It may take a little more time to craft a message that delivers all of the crucial information in a pithy manner, but it is worth it. Ironically, when you quickly give someone what they need, they are likely to take more time to have a discussion with you.

Imagine that someone calls you with an idea for a joint venture. He takes several minutes with a spiel about his background, idea, and so on. As he talks, you begin to feel anxious that this conversation will take a long time, and you start feeling uncomfortable as you think of the things that you’re being pulled away from. You aren’t really listening, and the caller is not creating the positive emotional responses that we know are so important. You make an excuse about why you have to go, and the caller has not successfully initiated a new relationship. Imagine a different scenario: Someone calls you. He introduces himself in a sentence and shares his idea for a joint venture in another sentence. Then he switches gears and discusses why he is interested in you (this hits on several of the key things we’ve discussed, such as capturing attention by showing your interest in the other person and highlighting what’s in it for them). In just a handful of sentences in under a minute, the caller has engaged you, and you will likely be engrossed in a back-and-forth discussion.

Let’s say that you see that one of your connections just posted a status update on Facebook so you send her an instant message (chat) through Facebook. Keep it simple—something like “Really enjoyed your update about the snowstorm, thanks for sharing!” And be sure to comment or Like it on their page as well. This simple message is likely to get a response that may or may not lead to more extensive discussion. If it doesn’t, that is fine; you have still furthered the potential for a relationship. And if it does, great, you have moved the relationship along.

It is a common misconception that we need to say everything right away because it is likely to be our only shot. Instead, the more likely scenario is that if you say everything right away, it will be your only shot because the person will be done with the conversation. Good conversations are like a tennis game. The ball goes back and forth. It is up to both people to continue the conversation. Don’t feel that you need to do all the work, and don’t feel that you need to get it all in at the beginning.

Simplify with schemas

In psychology and cognitive neuroscience, schemas are mental maps or ways of viewing the world. Our schemas can help us to simplify complex concepts by fitting them into our existing frameworks. It is like filing papers into folders (schemas) and placing them in your filing cabinet (your memory). Schemas can be helpful or harmful. Dr. Jeffrey Young has developed an empirically validated process called schema therapy that helps people to identify and modify unhelpful mental schemas. Someone who has many difficult childhood experiences of people dying or leaving them may develop a schema such as “People abandon me,” which creates fear, anxiety, depression, and other personality and mental problems. Schemas can be helpful in saving people mental energy and quickly conveying a concept. The challenge, of course, is that we do not know the exact schemas that people hold in their minds. The more you know about your audience, the more you will know about their schemas. Some schemas have been found to be consistent across different groups of people. The deep metaphors that we discussed in Chapter 3 are examples of such schemas.

You can activate schemas through the use of metaphors and analogies to help people quickly learn your material. This is especially important when you need to convey complex material in a simple manner. Educational psychologist Richard Mayer conducted an experiment in which he asked two groups of students to perform computer programming problems. One group was provided with an analogy beforehand: “The long-term storage function of the computer was described as a file cabinet; the sorting function was described as an in-basket, save basket, and discard basket on an office desk.” When the students attempted to learn to program the language of a database, this analogy didn’t make a difference for easy problems, but it made a major difference when the students attempted complex problems. The group of students who had been given the analogy performed twice as well on complex problems versus students who had not been given an analogy.

Consider the level of knowledge that your audience has about your topic. Experts have more developed schemas about their subject areas. They may not need schema prompts to quickly and easily understand your material. People with little background in your field can greatly benefit from the activation of a schema that they already have. When my husband and I were buying our first house, our real estate agent, Jean Zantapolous, in an effort to help us understand the commitment that buying an old house entailed, said, “An old house is like another family member.” How can you come up with similar schemas or metaphors to help your clients understand and make the best use of your services?

We’ve come to the end of this section on deepening your connections by being memorable, following up with excellent value, and stimulating discussion. We’re ready to jump into some fun and unique ways to influence people to take action. Let’s go!