Give Compliments and Concessions

It’s simple: compliments make us feel good. And concessions make us feel like we’re getting something or getting out of something easily, which makes us feel good. Here’s how …

How to give compliments

Have you ever been given a compliment that feels forced or insincere? This feels horrible. The first and foremost thing is that you are sincere in giving compliments. If you do not typically express your feelings, your compliment may be sincere, but you may come across as insincere because you are uncomfortable. It takes practice. Begin by complimenting those who you’re most comfortable with, and work your way up to more difficult situations.

Another important characteristic of compliments that have a positive impact is that they are specific. The best thing to compliment is something that is within someone’s control. Let’s say that you go to a potential referral partner’s office, which she shares with several colleagues in her practice. Rather than compliment something in the waiting room (which may or may not be her doing), compliment something in her office. Be careful not to compliment something that people can’t easily replicate, like one of my friends did; I have naturally curly hair. When I have the time—which is about as often as it snows in Florida—I straighten it. One day, I made the time to straighten my hair, and my husband and I went out with friends for dinner. My friend said, “Oh, I love your new hairstyle! It looks so much better!” “Oh great,” I thought. “How bad do I look every day? It won’t look like this again for another three months!” Have you ever had something like this happen to you? It’s not good.

To be specific, compliments must be customized to the individual. Let’s go back to tipping in restaurants to learn more about this. In a 2010 study, researchers went into four restaurants (two were major franchises) and observed 360 dining parties ranging from 1 to 17 people. The servers (two male and two female) were asked to wait tables as they normally would but to give a compliment to randomly determined tables, while the other tables received no compliments. Servers complimented diners on their meal choices after they ordered by saying, “You both made good choices” to parties of two, and “You all made good choices” to parties of more than two. Servers recorded their tips, and total check amounts and tip percentages were calculated. Compliments in general increased servers’ tips by 3.1 percent, but there was an interesting twist—compliments increased tips only with parties of three or fewer diners. Compliments made no difference in parties of four diners, and compliments actually decreased tips with parties of five or more. The sex of the server did not make a difference. Another interesting finding is that one of the four servers received lower tips when she provided compliments. The researchers theorized that she was less verbally expressive, so perhaps people saw her compliments as not genuine. Without her data, the overall increase in tips for the other three servers was 4 percent when they provided compliments. The researchers explain the increases in tips when servers complimented diners as being due to an increase in likeability and perhaps the principle of reciprocity.

Progress down the hill rather than up

In his groundbreaking book Influence, Robert Cialdini tells a funny and poignant story: Walking down a street one night, he was approached by a Boy Scout who asked if he’d like to buy a ticket to their circus that Saturday evening. Cialdini declined and the Boy Scout said, “If you don’t want to buy any tickets, how about buying some of our chocolate bars? They’re only $1 each.” Cialdini observed: “(a) I do not like chocolate bars. (b) I do like dollars. (c) I was standing there with two of his chocolate bars. (d) He was walking away with two of my dollars.”

Cialdini was fascinated by what had happened; he and his research team decided to explore the phenomenon further. They devised a study in which college students were approached on campus and asked if they wanted to volunteer to take a group of “juvenile delinquents” to the zoo. No surprise—83 percent of students declined. Other college students were also asked this same question, but first they were asked if they would volunteer to work with “juvenile delinquents” for two hours a week for two years. Of those who were first presented with this more extreme request, 50 percent agreed to the zoo day. Three times as many people agreed to the smaller request if they were first presented with a larger request.

How can you apply the concession effect to your marketing?

When presenting your programs, begin by presenting your larger, more expensive program. If a prospect is not interested, you can move to the next program and activate the concession effect. You will also achieve the benefit of psychological anchoring. Anchoring occurs when we get something in our mind and it frames how we see other things. If a consultant typically charges $300 an hour, we see her as a $300-an-hour consultant even if we get a discount. We feel grateful that we are getting a great deal. As long as your initial anchor or offer is reasonable for your profession, your background, and your practice, concessions can work nicely. Do not mark something way up only to mark it down—people are savvy to this tactic and don’t like it. Also, do not get in the habit of giving concessions every time, or you will never sell any of your higher ticket items, and you may psychologically undermine the value of what you offer.