Becoming Fluent and Providing Value
,How do we uncover someone’s preferred language? It’s simple—all you have to do is listen. People usually speak in their preferred language. Going back to love language in intimate relationships—one of my clients, Mario, a busy partner in a law firm, told me that his wife had been feeling stressed out lately. So one night on the way home from work, he stopped to buy her flowers. She was happy with the flowers. Later that evening, however, she said to him, “Honey, I would really feel more supported if you helped out some more. If I encounter one more overflowing trash can or stack of dirty dishes in the sink or trip over one more pair of shoes, I might lose it!” Can you guess what each of their languages are? His is gifts, whereas hers is acts of service. He thought to get her flowers because little gifts cheer him up, but what she really wanted was some help around the house.
One of Mario’s goals in our work together to build his practice was to save time. So you can imagine how happy he was to learn that it meant more to his wife for him to spend two minutes taking out the trash than 20 minutes debating what flowers to buy. Simply listen to what people talk about when they get stressed or excited, and you’ll soon identify their language. The next step is to practice speaking it.
Giving referrals
If your potential referral partner’s language is referrals, begin by getting clear on what types of clients they seek. Learn more about what they specialize in. Familiarize yourself with the types of services they provide by asking for a case study. Understand how what they offer is different from what others in your referral network offer. Of course, you will give referrals only to professionals who you feel can offer excellent services to your clients, friends, family members, or colleagues, so be sure you are knowledgeable and confident about their backgrounds and approaches.
We can be tempted to send people in the direction of someone who we want to get referrals from when that person may or may not be the best match for the particular client. I tend to give clients two to three names of professionals at a time so they can see who best meets their needs rather than to steer them in the direction of one particular person. In doing so, I usually give a quick blurb about each person. You might check out the blurbs that you use with your prospective referrals to be sure that the way that you describe them is accurate. The clients can then decide which professional they have the best chemistry with and whose approach they think will work well for them.
Saving time
If your business partners value saving time and you can find a way to help them do this, they will love you. Sharing resources is an excellent way to do so. For example, you can drop a line to let a business partner know about a new software you’ve been using that has helped you save time. Or send along articles on a topic that your partner is currently researching. If she lives or works near you and there has been construction and traffic, you can let her know about an alternate route that you discovered—any tips and resources that can save them time will be much appreciated.
Express your respect for their limited time by being as efficient as possible in your communications with them. If you collaborate on a project or client or patient, get them everything they need as quickly as possible. Stick to all of your deadlines.
Connecting people
This is a fun one because you get to play matchmaker for the matchmaker. These professionals have a wide network that they enjoy expanding as a way to build their business and to connect others. Your keep-in-touch action is to introduce them to other people. At the heart of making this one work is an understanding of what each business partner values. Imagine their networks as hot air balloons. The balloons consist of the sundry people in their networks. What brings it all together is their values—the basket. Understand what’s in each person’s basket. It may be the types of people, such as high-energy people who are out there creating a lot of change in the world. It may be personal values, such as a religious affiliation. It may be the type of work, such as a strong emphasis on research.
Once you understand the types of connections they are attracted to, you can periodically introduce them to others. You can do a three-way e-mail introduction. Or you can send a quick note with a link to the other person’s Web site. Or you can send a book or an article by the person and ask your business partner if she’d like you to make the introduction.
Adding intellectual value
Professionals who speak this language love to learn. They have a thirst for knowledge and enjoy learning the latest research. They are likely subscribers of several magazines and newspapers and perhaps listen to National Public Radio. They are especially interested in data and ideas that can help them be better at what they do. Thus, while they are intellectual, they are also practical and want to continuously improve their services. To keep in touch, you can send excellent articles written by other professionals accompanied by a simple message: “I just saw this article and thought you’d find it interesting …” You can send journals, magazines, or books. If your referral partner is a business leader, you might drop by her office with a copy of your favorite leadership book. It is ideal to send your own articles from time to time, but it is also nice to send other people’s articles. When you send your own, you provide value from the content of the article or book, but you also show your expertise, which increases your credibility and memorability. When you send other people’s articles, the effect feels slightly less self-serving, as though you simply saw something and thought it could be beneficial, so you sent it along.
These professionals also love excellent tips that they can pass along to their clients. You can make, for example, a list of “The Top 10 Ways to …,” have a brochure-sized pamphlet designed (one page, can be double sided), and have it printed on high-quality paper. Send over a stack of these tip sheets for your business partner to pass along to her clients. If she loves it, give her a list of five or six other tip sheet topics and ask if she’d like more.
Learning about their favorite things
We all have those few things that strike our “I could never talk too much about …” buttons. For many of us, it’s our kids and pets. It may also be favorite sports teams, activities, geographical locations (such as nearby beaches or mountains), and so on. You should already know some of these things when you use the attention-grabbing and relationship-building tools we discussed in Chapter 2. Stay in touch by asking or sending information about these things. For example, you might drop an e-mail and say, “I remember you saying Joey was into acting, and I noticed that the middle school is putting on a performance of Charlie & the Chocolate Factory. Is he in it?” Or you might drop a dog-lover a New York Times article about a Labrador who saved someone’s life. You may have taken note that your business partner was running in an upcoming marathon and send over a little care package of energy bars and Gatorade for her training. You’ll need to keep track of people’s interests. One of my clients, a real estate agent in a middle- to upper-class suburb, found that many of her clients had dogs and considered themselves to be “dog people.” She created a spreadsheet recording the kinds of dogs that they had.
With these personal things, a little goes a long way. When you have something in common with someone, don’t hesitate to share it. For example, if you both have twin boys, send over a photo of your boys playing or being silly with a line like, “Isn’t it fun to have twin boys?” Revealing some of yourself builds camaraderie and reinforces the similarities between the two of you. For this to work well, however, you must have made a positive first impression. If they didn’t like you, they won’t be interested in learning what’s new with your twin boys.