One of the Rules is that you need to accept yourself (see Rule 4). But if you want to be truly happy you have to go one better. Yep, you have to actually like yourself.

Some of us have no problem with this, in which case you can skip on to the next Rule. But most of us struggle with it at least sometimes. To begin with, you have to want to like yourself. It’s no good feeling that you shouldn’t like yourself, that this would make you vain or arrogant or self-centred. It can be a tough call, but you have to break down any psychological, religious, cultural or self-creating feeling that you don’t deserve to like yourself.

Listen, this isn’t about thinking you’re a fabulous person without any faults. It’s about being relaxed in your own company and appreciating your qualities. I don’t know about you, but I like lots of people who are flawed, tricky, complicated, imperfect. So I don’t see why I shouldn’t be allowed to like myself too, with all my shortcomings. Why should we be harder on ourselves than we are on everyone else?

So recognize that while you’re not perfect, you’re no worse than lots of likeable people. And the same Rule applies to other people. I have friends and family who – despite the fact that I like them – occasionally behave in ways that I’d prefer them not to. I can see past that and still like them. So it stands to reason that I too can be likeable even when, sometimes, I do something I later regret.

This is particularly hard for people who haven’t been lucky enough to grow up loved and valued. If this is you, I know this might not be easy. However, I really want you to grasp this because you of all people deserve it, and happiness may elude you until you do.

Start by finding bits of yourself to like. Make a conscious note of them (you don’t have to tell anyone else). Be aware of the times you can look back at a particular incident and think, ‘I like the way I handled that’. Now build on that, focus on the qualities you’re comfortable with, and keep looking for aspects of yourself you enjoy. If someone could wave a magic wand and change any part of you, which bits would you choose to hang on to? Those are a good place to start in cataloguing the things you like about yourself. And really listen if people commend you for something, or give you a compliment, instead of just brushing it off. Once you get into the habit of noticing your positive attributes instead of focusing on your shortcomings, you might well be surprised how many of them there are.