In her wonderful book Watching the English,^* Kate Fox observes that in any small transaction, like buying a newspaper, there will be around three pleases and two thank-yous – and that’s a minimum. Yes, the English (and a few other nationalities besides) are terribly polite but what’s wrong with that? We have to interact with a whole host of people every day and a little politeness has to be a good thing. The Rules Player maintains good manners in all things. And if you don’t know what good manners are, then we are in trouble.

You’re probably thinking that you have good manners already. Most of us believe we do. However, the more you hurry and the more stress you are under, the more manners are likely to slip. All of us, if we’re honest, will admit to forgetting to properly express gratitude for something when frazzled by life, or feeling a huge temptation to push in front of somebody doddery when rushing to catch a train.

However rushed and fraught you are (and following the Rules should make you less so), you should always make the effort to show these good manners:

• queuing without jostling
• complimenting people when you need to (and when they deserve it, no use throwing compliments around if they aren’t justified and earned)
• not sticking your nose in where it isn’t wanted
• keeping a promise
• keeping a secret
• keeping basic table etiquette (oh come on, you know this stuff: no elbows, no talking with your mouth open, no over-stuffing your mouth, no flicking peas with your knife)
• not shouting at people who get in your way
• apologizing when you get in someone else’s
• being civil
• not swearing or being religiously profane
• opening the door ahead of people
• standing back when there’s a rush
• answering when spoken to saying ‘Good morning’ and such like
• thanking people when they’ve looked after you or done something for you
• being hospitable
• observing manners of other communities
• not grabbing the last piece of cake
• being courteous and charming
• offering visitors refreshment and going to the front door to say goodbye to them.

No matter how many small interactions with people you have each day, don’t let the manners slip. They cost nothing and yet can generate so much good will and make everyone’s life that much more pleasant.