Now I’ll be honest here. Among my friends I’m not actually known for my tolerance or my ability to let things lie. Frankly, if someone puts me down or winds me up, my first instinct is to respond in kind. When I was (much) younger this led to the occasional fist fight. Even when I learnt to stop picking fights – or letting other people pick them with me – I still couldn’t resist a smartass retort or a petty act of vengeance.

Well, it’s hard. If your neighbour cuts down a tree that’s technically yours, you feel aggrieved and want to cut down one of their trees that overhangs your fence. Even if you didn’t particularly like the original tree – which isn’t the point. Or perhaps a colleague at work takes credit for an idea that you came up with. How tempting to get back at them by omitting to mention until the last minute that the deadline on their current project is being brought forward, or by drawing attention to the fact that last month’s catastrophic exhibition was their idea.

However, think about it. After many years even I learnt to think this one through, so I’m sure you can. Anyone who is prepared to cut down your tree or nick your idea isn’t about to take your little act of revenge lying down. Nope. They’re going to bulldoze your garage next, or try to get you fired. Then what’ll you do? Blow up their car? Hire an employment lawyer? Are you sure this isn’t getting out of hand?

Actually this is one lesson I learnt from my kids.^* The thing about siblings is that they’re so upfront with their squabbles that you can watch the whole thing spiral out of control much faster than in grown-up versions. We so-called adults plot and scheme and plan our Machiavellian strategies over days or even months.

Brothers and sisters can go from a minor disagreement to all-out war within minutes.

Look, retaliation can only lead to one thing – an escalation of hostilities. That’s the story of wars the world over and throughout history. And we’re no different in our dealings with neighbours, colleagues and all those other people we get thrown together with, whether we like them or not.

So how do we call an end to this madness? The cycle is only broken when one of those involved is mature enough to see that someone has got to bite their tongue, or hold back, in order to stop it in its tracks. Someone has to be grown-up enough to bite their tongue, assume the moral high ground, take it like a man,^** call a halt and just let the whole thing drop. Yes, even when you have got a really cutting retort, or cunning masterstroke, up your sleeve. It really is sometimes better to do nothing, say nothing. Come on, if I can do it, anyone can.