‘Sugar and spice and all things nice . . . slugs and snails and puppy dogs’ tails’ – isn’t that how the rhyme goes? So which are you? The slugs and snails or the sugar and spice? Chances are, you’re a bit of both. Look, it’s true that men and women have differences. We would be fools if we didn’t accept and recognize that. But we’re not so different that we are separate species – or from separate planets, as some would have us believe. We actually have more in common than we have differences. If we embrace those things we have in common and accept what is different, we might get on a whole lot better instead of treating each other as if we were separate species. A same-sex relationship avoids the assumption that you’re inherently different, but you’re still two very different people.

A relationship is, if you like, a team made up of initially two people (later the team may get swamped by lots of junior team members) who both bring talents and skills and resources to the relationship. Every team needs different people with different qualities to achieve things and to make the project work. If you are both strong leaders, quick decision makers and impulsive hotheads, then who is going to see to the detail and finish off projects? Who is going to do the work instead of just generating the ideas? Never mind just accepting the differences – see the benefits! Try to view differences in the light of them being special talents – differences that could be used effectively to make your team function better.

And what of the things you have in common? It can be great (shared views, shared tastes) but it doesn’t always make life simple (shared love of being right, shared need to be in control). If you are both genuine leaders, you might both be wrestling for the driver’s seat. Instead, agree to take it in turn to lead. The things in common should be celebrated and used – in combination or alternately – to really fire you both up and make the relationship special and successful.

Look, you’re in this together – whatever ‘this’ is – and you need to work together to make it successful. If you combine the talents you have in common, you will get a lot further and have an easier time of it than if you both pull in different directions. Strip away the layers and we are all human, all frightened, all vulnerable, all trying to make some sort of sense out of our lives. If we focus on the differences and make a big deal out of them, we risk losing the input and contribution of somebody who can help to lighten our load and make the journey more fun. All those crass internet jokes – if a woman was a computer she would be this, and if a man was a car he’d be that – really don’t help. Real life isn’t like that.