If we’re busily maintaining dignity and being peaceful, it’s tempting to think that we’re detached and so there’s no place for big feelings and such like. Well, the good news is, it doesn’t work like that. It is OK to feel emotions. It is OK to feel angry when someone really hacks you off. It is OK to feel huge sadness and grief when you lose a loved one. It is OK to feel tremendous joy. It is OK to be scared, anxious, relieved, excited, apprehensive and all the rest.

We are human beings and we have emotions. This is all quite natural. It is quite natural to feel big things deeply and it’s OK to let it all show. We don’t have to be ashamed of our feelings. It is OK to cry. Sitting on our feelings isn’t a good idea. They just get squashed that way. Far better to let them out, deal with them and then get on with things.

If we go through trauma, upsetting experiences and difficult times, it certainly doesn’t help to be thinking all the time that we have to keep a lid on it or people will think us weak or out of control. I know it might look as if it contradicts keeping our dignity, but feeling emotion is not undignified unless we express it inappropriately or at the wrong time.

Sometimes even getting angry is totally appropriate – as long as we remain in control and don’t do anything we might regret later. Getting angry reminds people that we aren’t a pushover and that they have hurt/offended/threatened us deeply and seriously and that their actions have caused us great pain. Of course we shouldn’t get angry over silly things – instead we choose to show anger only when it is needed, and needed seriously. Likewise it’s not good to get angry and take it out on innocent people – if you can’t express the anger appropriately, then you need to find a way of letting it out that isn’t going to hurt anybody else. But let it out you must. Bottled anger eats away at you.

It’s not just anger that shouldn’t be permanently restrained. Neither should fear or anxiety or great joy or any of the other emotions. Just because we are feeling big emotions doesn’t mean we are out of control. We can be quite emotional and still be in charge of what we are expressing. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t feel stuff – and feel it big time. It is natural and you shouldn’t even make any attempt to stifle it. Of course you can make sure it is let out at an appropriate time and place, but that is within your control.