Chapter
9
Display of Emotions
In This Chapter
• How to determine the authenticity of emotions
• How to understand your image
• How different emotions look
Emotions cannot hide. The body displays them in one way or another. This chapter shows you how that’s true and what several different emotions look like and the common characteristics of each.
Central Casting
Let’s say you’re an actor and you’re auditioning for a part in a new television show. You’ve been given a script and a character description. Now it’s up to you to convince the casting director to pick you over all the other actors auditioning for the same part. To get the part, you have to be believable. You have to be authentic. To pull this off, you’re going to have to draw on your emotional memory bank, and summon real feelings from your life that are similar to the ones described in the script.
Have you ever cringed through an actor’s painfully inept performance in a community theater production, or found yourself completely captivated by an Academy Award–winning performance?
A skilled actor must convincingly portray a believable character and move an audience to feel as if the events they portray are real—or at least real enough to suspend disbelief.
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WORKIN’ IT |
What’s My Motivation?
Body language opens up a new channel of communication to an audience, to colleagues, and even to a partner or spouse. By becoming a student of how feelings look on the outside, you will gain a better understanding of the image you present to others and become better at detecting a variety of emotions, such as anger, suspicion, attraction, disdain, fear, and insecurity, when it’s aimed at you.
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SAY WHAT? |
Throughout the next few pages, you’ll be presented with several body language photos. Look at the photos carefully, taking specific note of each feature: the eyes, forehead, mouth, legs, feet, shoulders, arms, fingers, hands, and head. How different body parts are displayed and carried by someone is the formula to their feelings and emotions.
When a confident person enters a room, you know it. Heads turn in acknowledgment. But why is that, exactly? It begins with a high level of self-esteem. People gravitate to positive energy and those who exude it. It looks like this:
• Squared shoulders
• Uncrossed legs, arms, and hands
• Open body language
• Body parallel with another’s
• Direct eye contact
• Takes up space
• Stands with legs shoulder-width apart
• Walks with purpose
Physical signs of confidence.
No one wants to place their confidence in people who don’t have confidence in themselves. Low self-esteem is almost impossible to mask. It leaks out in some of the following ways.
• Closed or cringing posture
• Arms crossed below the waist
• Poor eye contact; often looks down or away
• Takes up little space
• Rounded shoulders
• Takes short, tentative steps, and may even drag feet
• Awkward or unnatural gestures
• Candlestick legs—legs closed and together, or crossed at ankles.
Physical signs of low self-esteem.
Arrogance is not confidence. Confident people feel competent from the inside out; they have strong opinions and know who they are. An arrogant person is the emotional equivalent of putting perfume on a skunk—false bravado over an insecure core. By looking down on others, they elevate themselves with the following gestures:
• Hands behind head
• Distance—positioned farthest away
• Nose tilted slightly up, or protruding chin
• Crossed arms
• Smirk
• Puffed-up chest
Physical signs of arrogance.
As we said at the outset, there’s no one sure way tell if a person is lying, but liars do leave some clues. Look for the following:
• Body that angles away from others when talking
• Fidgety hand to face and neck gestures
• Excessive eye contact
• Rapid blinking
• Crossed arms and/or legs
Physical signs of deception.
Just like a peacock fluffing its feathers, humans use preening gestures to prepare for courtship. Intimacy requires close space, but flirtation can occur from across the room.
The infamous hair toss, coy head tilt, leg display, and heel slipping slyly out of a dangling sling-back shoe are all signals of flirtation for women. For men, grooming gestures, like adjusting the shirt cuffs, combing their hair with their fingers, the burly bouncer stance with arms crossed and wide stance say, “Hello ladies!” A few others for both sexes are:
• Dilated pupils
• Close body contact
• Flushed skin
• Chest protrusion
• Hands in pockets, thumbs out
Physical signs of flirtation.
From mild frustration to insensate rage, some of these volcanic gestures have been known to spark 911 calls. Most of us have seen enough of these:
• Clenched fist
• Furrowed brows
• Lips pulled tight and stretched horizontally
• Hard walk
• Clinched and/or pulsating jaw muscles
• Piercing eye contact
Physical signs of anger.
Nervousness is often accompanied by anxiety. To an observer, an anxious person appears uneasy in their surroundings and sometimes in their own skin. Emotional leakage surfacing as nervous energy looks like this:
• Fidgetiness
• Rapid eye-blinking
• Cracking voice
• Excessive thirst
• Grooming or self-soothing gestures
• Rapid breathing
Physical signs of nervousness or anxiety.
With symptoms ranging from mild to chronic, a depressed person looks as if the energy has been sucked right out of them. Movements are slow and sluggish, punctuated with deep sighs and erratic breathing. Self-pity is often expressed through sad expressions and a pouting chin. Depression is often accompanied by guilt, shame, and despair, following a disappointment or loss. Characteristics of depression are:
• Slouching
• Eyes downcast
• Head hanging
• Eyes unfocused, or closed for long periods
• Hand-wringing
• Rubbing face or neck
• Furrowed brows, pulled together with horizontal lines across forehead
• Protruding lower lip and/or raised chin pout
• Slumped shoulders
• Lifeless arms
• Empty or absent appearance
Physical signs of depression.
A self-doubter’s verbal communication is often rife with long pauses, suggesting that they’re never quite sure of what they are saying. This person’s words and actions are often out of sync as they try to appear more confident than they are, but underlines every action with a micro-expression of underlying doubt—biting their lip, or lifting their eyebrows in an almost frightened expression. Look for the following:
• Bottom lip bite
• Eyes asking a question, rather than giving an answer
• Double shoulder shrug that means, “I don’t know”
Physical signs of self-doubt.
“Stop and pay attention,” this person is saying nonverbally, “I have something to say.” They might point their index finger right at you, as if to say, “Yes, you; that’s who I’m talking to.” Or out of desperation to get you to listen, you may see exasperation in their facial expressions or hear it in their voice, raised to a high pitch, along with some of the following body language:
• Close distance
• Hands and arms extended
• Palms stretched open, fingers apart
• Leaning at the waist, extending out from the torso
• Pointing the index finger
• Rapid slicing or chopping hand gestures
• Eyebrows raised, eyes wide open and fixed in place
This bossy employer leaves the employee feeling anxious, insecure, and ashamed.
There’s a skeptic in every crowd. Look for some of these telltale signs:
• One eyebrow raised
• Concealed smile with lips together, stretched horizontally
• Laughing or giggling
• Both hands clenched together with one pinky pointed upward
• Peering above their glasses
• Pointing an index finger at another person
Physical signs of a skeptic.
There’s nothing pleasant about this duel for dominance. The power play is often seen in couples, mediations, and business conflicts. The displays of power are seen in both group communications and one-on-one. This shows a stand-your-ground attitude with only one agenda: “Mine”—a win/lose proposition. Look for the following:
• In-your-face intimidation
• Hand behind the head
• One or both eyebrows raised
• Leaning into your space, and then leaning back farther away (may be accompanied by a smirk)
• Dominating the conversation
• Chopping or “hammerhead” hand and arm gestures
• Eyes averted, and appearing disinterested when another person is speaking
Physical signs of a power play.
Appreciation is sincere gratitude. Saying, “Thank you so very much for all you’ve done. I just want you to know how much I appreciate your kindness and support.” Here’s how it looks with the audio off:
• Hand over hand gesture
• Warm smile
• May appear emotional
• A handshake accompanied by a hand-to-shoulder grip
• Close distance
• A hug
Physical signs of appreciation.
Crossed Arms: The All-Purpose Gesture
Crossed arms are often perceived as signs of having a negative reaction, but a group of guys huddled in the hall at work may all have their arms crossed and be mirroring each other, which is a rapport-building gesture that shows everyone is doing the same thing and is on board.
Of all the gestures you may observe, crossed arms may have the broadest range of meanings. Here is what some of the most common meanings look like:
Cold.
Bored.
Defiant.
Guarded.
Insecure.
Dominant.
Thinking.
Comfortable.
The Least You Need to Know
• Emotions and feelings are clearly displayed in body language, whether you want them to be or not.
• Confident people display open body language, make appropriate eye contact, and walk with a sense of purpose.
• Before others can believe an emotion you feel, you have to believe you are feeling it yourself.