Chapter
17
Negotiation Signals
In This Chapter
• How conflicting body language betrays internal conflict
• How to recognize signals during negotiations
• How to resolve conflict
• How to get cooperation
After you’ve started your own business or landed your dream job, negotiation skills will be vitally important to your success. Your growing ability to read body language will serve you well, because it is an intricate part of any negotiation.
Many of the body language signals in negotiations mirror the signals you’d look for in any interaction. We’ve touched on many of these “tells,” in different contexts, in previous chapters. In this chapter, we explain how to tell when negotiations are headed south, and how to turn them around.
The Trump Card
Donald Trump is a master of negotiation, and he has a technique all his own. Did you think “The Donald” was seriously considering running for president in 2011? Trump’s body language sent mixed messages, so let’s take a closer look.
When asked if he was going to run for president, Donald Trump replied, “I think I may run for president.” At that precise moment, he affirmed with a small head nod (“yes”) followed by licking his lips and swallowing, indicating that this was a big decision, but yes, he was considering it.
Here’s a clue that contradicts his words. During one interview, Trump leaned forward with his hands between his knees, resting his forearms on his mid-thigh, with his hands in a low steeple position, fingers pointing to the ground. At the exact moment when Trump was asked if he planned to run, he tapped his thumbs together, synchronized with the beat of his words, meaning he was contemplating running.
So what does this all mean?
The low steeple, the swallowing, the licking of the lips, and the tapping of the thumbs on beat were indicators that he was conflicted; it was a huge undertaking, yet he was contemplating running. The low steeple contradicted any confidence in his ability to win the presidency. Later, in fact, he decided not to run.
These gestures indicate low expectations.
Like Trump’s downward-pointing fingers signaling an unconscious expectation of defeat, here are other “tells” of body language in a business setting.
You’re at the negotiation table, looking across at your opponent’s expressionless face. Their hands are crossed, motionless, on the table-top. They appear confident at first glance, but you notice their shoulders and the back of the chair are slightly vibrating. Their stone-faced expression and calm exterior are betrayed by the tap dance of their feet under the table. They’re concealing anxiety, and tap-dancing feet can also signal the following:
• Anticipation
• Boredom
• Nervousness
Rocking
When you feel like you’ve got a big fish on the hook or a good deal in the making, you may find yourself rocking back and forth on both feet like a see-saw. Watch for this in who you’re negotiating with as well; it can indicate they think they have you where they want you.
Rubbing Hands Together
When you rub your hands together in a negotiation, it means, “This is going to be good!” This actions signals anticipation that is positive.
Grooming Gestures
When you touch your hair, adjust your clothes, pull on your shirt cuffs, or rub your arms or legs, these are actually self-soothing gestures. This is anxiety leaking out.
Karate Chop
Vertical slashing with the hand—almost as if it were a meat cleaver—is a gesture to be taken seriously; it’s the silent equivalent of “It’s my way or the highway.” This is frequently used for emphasis. It’s the gesture Donald Trump uses in his television show, The Apprentice, when he says: “You’re fired!”
You’re fired!
Finger Pointing
When someone points a finger at you, at someone else, or in a particular direction, they may be bullying or playing the blame game.
Finger pointing is a bullying gesture.
When someone reaches with one hand across their face to scratch the other side with the thumb or fingers, this can be a signal of deception. This deal may not be on the up-and-up.
This gesture can indicate a dirty deal.
Pupil Dilation
When a deal looks or feels good to someone, their pupils will dilate. When a deal smells bad, you may notice their pupils constrict.
Running your finger around the inside of your collar shows discomfort. In other words, it’s getting hot in here!
The heat is on!
Flared Nostrils
Flared nostrils are a body language indication of either anger or arousal. Depending on the person, this could mean things are going well or going south.
Flared nostrils can be a sign of anger.
When someone twists their wedding ring around and around their finger, it’s a signal about their spouse. They’re worried about what their spouse’s response will be to what’s being discussed.
Twisting your wedding ring around your finger signals spousal conflict.
Shifting, squirming, or changing body position can indicate a variety of internal conflict concerns including irritation, frustration, fear, or even deception.
Internal conflict is apparent when you squirm or are unable to get comfortable.
Leaning Away
Resistance is expressed in body language by leaning back or away, with folded arms. Pulling on an ear or the nose also expresses resistance.
Reserving Judgment
When you place a hand over your mouth with a clasped palm around your chin, you may be reserving judgment, or it may indicate deception.
This gesture either shows you are reserving judgment or being deceptive.
Critical Thinking
A person with their hand resting on their cheek, with their forefinger up, is thinking critically.
The hand resting on the cheek in this manner indicates a critical thinker.
Stroking of the chin means a person is evaluating something and thinking about it.
You appear to be evaluating someone or something when you stroke your chin.
When someone makes a steeple shape with their fingers, they are usually making or about to make a factual, expert, or profound statement.
Steepling of the fingers is the sign of an expert.
Making gestures with a closed hand means you may be feeling insecure or could be hiding something.
You may also be timid or feeling uneasy if you use this gesture.
What Am I Thinking?
Let’s test what we’ve learned so far in this chapter.
Look at the following photo and determine what each team member is thinking. Begin by determining who you think the CEO of the company is. Keep in mind there are those in the photo who fit more than one emotion.
Take a quick glance overall, and then study each person to see what clues you can pick up. Take into consideration the expressions on their faces, their body language—the angles of their shoulders, hands, and arms. Match the following emotions to the people in the photo (note: there may be more than one answer for each person):
• Suspicious
• Guarded
• Anxious
• Angry
• Skeptical
• Disengaged
What are they thinking?
Check your answers in Appendix B.
Gaining Cooperation
One place you don’t want to experience resistance is at work. Here’s how can you gain cooperation using a few body language concepts.
Seating Arrangements
Something as simple as the seating arrangement at the conference table can influence the level of cooperation your team experiences. When you want cooperation from your team members, the best place to sit at the conference table is midway down the table on either side. Avoid the head and foot of the table; these positions indicate taking charge. When the leader seeks cooperation, they become part of the team.
Let’s assume you’re sitting at the conference table negotiating with clients, and a conflict develops between your best sales guy and your client’s attorney. Gauging the temperature in the room at this point is crucial, so stay alert.
You feel the chill in the air as your client disengages. You read their blank stare. Are they uninterested or frustrated? And how do you re-engage their interest?
The first error most negotiators make is to talk too much. You learn more when others are talking. So button it up and encourage your client to talk. Here’s how:
• Lean forward; tilt your head slightly and make genuine eye contact; nod your head on a major point to assure the client you got the message.
• Change the topic. You can’t change your client’s state of mind by repeating the same points on the same topic. Look for common ground.
• Encourage your client to adjust their stance by sharing a story, showing them photos, or giving a testimonial.
• If the client appears fidgety, take a break and walk together to the coffee machine. Walking and talking can release tension. If you can, take a walk outside. A change of scenery can sometimes adjust an attitude for the better.
 |
WORKIN’ IT |
Here’s a scenario demonstrating how minimal encouragers can help work through someone’s conflict in a negotiation:
Salesperson: Aren’t these kitchen appliances beautiful?
Customer: They’re perfect. But money’s tight right now.
Salesperson: Right now?
Customer: Yes, I have my daughter’s college tuition coming due.
Salesperson: Really?
Customer: Yes, so right now new appliances are out of our budget.
Salesperson: But …
Customer: We would love to buy new appliances, but not right now.
Salesperson: Not right now?
Customer: Yes, maybe in the fall.
Salesperson: In the fall?
Customer: In the fall, we will be in a better place financially to make a purchase.
Salesperson: And …
Customer: We’ll be ready to buy then.
Salesperson: Great! You know, we can set up a payment plan for 12 months, interest-free, and your first payment won’t begin until fall. This way, you won’t have to wait for your new kitchen; you can take all your new appliances home today.
Customer: That’s fantastic; let’s do it!
Following are three photos of one-on-one business encounters. With the techniques you have learned throughout this book, identify the clues suggested by the client’s body language and select a strategy to answer the client’s questions and close the deal.
Negotiation 1.
Negotiation 2.
Negotiation 3.
• Do you need to go back and build rapport?
• Address the clients’ concerns that you see written on their faces.
• Identify your customer’s communication and learning styles.
• Is your client withholding information? Can you use minimal encouragers to get them to open up?
• Are they telling you the truth?
• Listen to their voice tone and pace and the words they select.
• Are they giving you excuses?
In this book, you learned how to read facial expressions; identify the meanings of gestures, and interpret body language, voice, and words. Now that you have the foundation, use the skills to identify the spoken and unspoken clues your customers, colleagues, opponents, and friends are giving you, to interpret what they are really saying.
If you see frustration in one face, it means you’ll need to clarify information. If you see sadness or pain, then it’s a clue there is some emotional issue that needs to be addressed before you can move forward. If a client appears disengaged or vacant, that is a clue that you need to change your strategy to reel them back in. If they’re leaning away, back, or toward the exit door, you’ve lost them; so you’ll need to use your rapport-building and communications skills to realign them. The answers and solutions are literally right before your eyes.
The Least You Need to Know
• Pay attention to inconsistencies between spoken words and contradictory body language.
• Negotiations can be enhanced by careful attention to body language clues.
• Conflict resolution is often a matter of reading body language and changing tactics quickly and accordingly.
• Minimal encouragers can help a client answer and overcome their own objections.