Chapter

6

See What You’ve Been Missing

In This Chapter

You may have heard that eyes are the windows to the soul. You’ve already learned that eyes can talk. But are they really windows? And if so, are our deepest thoughts vulnerable to any Peeping Tom who wants to look in? Is it possible to draw the drapes, or is it even necessary?

In this chapter, we explore the myths and truths of eye movement—what they say, and what they don’t. We explain Neuro-Linguistic Programming, or NLP, what it means, and what people think it means. And we give you a chance to read a few eyes yourself. When we’re finished, you’ll never look at eyes quite the same way again.

Eye Witness

What’s the first thing parents say to children to make sure they’re telling the truth? They say something like, “Look me in the eye and tell me you didn’t ….” Only the most brazen child could bluff!

We all have experienced that guilty “sheepish” look, firsthand. It is hard for us to imagine others being able to lie without giving it away somehow. And so, law officers, judges, psychologists, human resource directors, educators, and corporate executives invest in truth-detection training, seeking the power of the “all-seeing” eye.

So is it always possible to tell when someone’s lying? Do the eyes give you away? Let’s look a little deeper.

NLP

Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) began as a thesis project at the University of California, Santa Cruz, by Dr. Richard Bandler and Professor John Grinder. The duo’s mission was to develop human behavior models to better understand why some people naturally excelled in certain tasks while others struggled or failed at the same tasks. Although largely discredited for its original purpose, this research did help clarify what the eyes do and don’t reveal.

	SAY WHAT?

One of the more valuable aspects of NLP research was the identification of eye-accessing cues. Studies have found that the human brain imprints images in visual, auditory, and kinesthetic form from our experiences. These images are stored in our memory and are available for recall at a later time.

You may have noticed, in conversation, that people’s eyes are not stationary. They tend to move from side to side and up or down during the conversation. This is the visual equivalent of the sound your computer makes when it is searching the hard drive for information.

NLP suggests that there is a strong correlation between different types of eye movement and the ways different people process information.

For example, if you ask a boy, “What color is your front door?” you may see his eyes move upward (and to the left or right, depending upon whether he is right- or left-handed). NLP suggests this means he is accessing and recalling information from the visual part of his brain. If he were to look down in response to this question, he may be recalling the information from some “felt,” or kinesthetic experience.

	YA DON’T SAY

Sensory or Representation Systems

From NLP, we now know that certain eye movements are physical manifestations of thought processes. By observing these movements, or eye-accessing cues, we can get a sense of how someone processes input and recalls stored information. These so-called sensory or representation systems are tied to the learning and communication styles discussed in Chapter 5.

Sensory or representation systems are how we separate and store our memories. For example, when you think about your grandmother, you might either look up to access your visual databank, or down to recall the kinesthetic scent of her fresh-baked apple pie.

Reading these cues can reveal how a person processes information: visually (seeing), auditorially (hearing), kinesthetically (feeling and emotion), or through auditory digital (internal reflection based on facts, figures, and logic, independent of external sensory input).

Look Here

Following are photos of the six most common directions that eyes may travel when someone is asked a specific question. Keep in mind, the patterns switch left or right depending on whether the subject is right- or left-handed.

Visual, recalled.

Visual, constructed.

Auditory, recalled.

Auditory, constructed.

Kinesthetic.

Auditory, digital.

Eyes on the Prize

Now, put yourself in the place of the model in the preceding pictures. Try each of the following eye movements on for size. Assume you’re right-handed. Don’t move your head, just your eyes:

• Visual, recalled: Look up and to the left.

• Visual, constructed: Look up and to the right.

• Auditory, recalled: Look toward left ear.

• Auditory, constructed: Look toward right ear.

• Kinesthetic: Look down and to the right.

• Auditory, digital: Look down and to the left.

Now, flip the script and pretend you are left-handed. Swap left for right in the previous instructions; up and down remain the same.

However, like snowflakes, no two people are alike (thank goodness). Not everyone fits into one specific right-handed or left-handed system; we’re just talking about tendencies. Suffice it to say that people’s eyes often reveal their dominant communication and learning style. Variances between left- and right-handed people are less predictable.

	WORKIN’ IT

No Eye Movement

If, when asked a question, the other person’s eyes do not move anywhere, and they answer without delay and spontaneously, this indicates that the experience or event is close by.

The experience was not coded and stored in the memory, because the experience was so close, and thereby it is easily retrievable.

What’s Your Style?

To determine your primary sensory or representational systems, ask yourself questions that require you to process in visual, auditory, kinesthetic, or auditory digital mode. See if you can find a fairly consistent pattern, then match the sensory or representational system that provides the closest match.

You can start with the following questions, but you’ll probably get a better result by crafting questions that relate to your specific business or relationships. Practice on others as well. Track their eye movements and match them with the primary representational system:

• What was the color of your first car?

• What will your hair look like in 10 years?

• What does the sun feel like on your face?

• What did it feel like when you lost your first pet?

• When you sing to yourself, what do you sound like?

• What did your child’s first words sound like?

• What three things would you add to your bucket list?

• How would it feel to swim in a bath of spaghetti?

Did you notice a pattern to your eye movements? What about others?

Building Your Eye Reading Skills

Knowing how someone thinks isn’t the same as being able to read minds, but it can sure come in handy. It’s a bit like dancing, though. You’ll want to hone your skills in private, or in noncritical situations, where the stakes aren’t very high. You’ll be fine as long as you keep it simple and remember the basics.

People who process information visually tend to look up and visualize what they’re thinking about. People who “think” with their ears look side to side. And people who “think” with their hands and feelings tend to look down.

Get in the habit of framing questions to match what you observe in the eye movements of others. Take note of their reactions, and keep practicing until it becomes almost second nature. Here are some scenarios to help you visualize the principles we’ve discussed.

The Big Chill

During a media training session on impromptu interviews, Kathleen broke character and stepped out of the mock studio.

“I just don’t know if I can do this,” she said, eyes drifting up and to the right.

It happened, literally in the blink of an eye, but Brad, a trained observer of body language, caught it. “Take me to where you are right now,” he said. “What are you remembering?”

Kathleen responded, her voice small and tight, yet somehow relieved to be getting her secret out in the open. She bared her soul, sharing her great fear of freezing up on camera and embarrassing herself, like her best friend had done.

With the problem out in the open, Brad shuffled the agenda and spent the rest of the session in exercises that targeted Kathleen’s fears.

Total Recall

Sonya was on a roll. Her sensible heels clicked smartly on the travertine tiles as she stalked the boardroom, waxing eloquent about brand essence, spin-offs, and the psychic benefit of having a beloved, if not dorky, mascot. She blasted through her vision of a vehicle for this mascot—a long, green, curvilinear convertible that would tour the country promoting the brand.

Her client, Irmagarde Gherkin, the pickle queen of Long Island, seemed to have tuned out. Her eyes were turned up and off to the left. Sonya could tell she was struggling to conjure a reasonable facsimile of this strange ride.

“Think Wienermobile, as a convertible pickle,” she said, hoping that the recalled image would be strong enough to close the deal for her.

Irmagarde smiled. “We’ll call it the Dill-orean.”

Mixed Blessing

Jerry Mander, Regional Vice President of Hi-Lo for Spot-On Carpet, had put it off as long as he could. Pushing away from the dinner table, he cleared his throat and asked for his family’s undivided attention.

“I’ve been offered a position in Berber,” he said, puffing up his chest a little. “It’s a big jump in pay, so little Jerry wouldn’t have to sleep in the laundry hamper any more, but there’s a catch. The job is upstate. We’ll have to move again in three months.”

Mrs. Mander, Sally to her friends, raised a hand to cover her mouth. Her eyes dropped down and to the right, as she thought about being uprooted again.

Jerry saw the look in Sally’s eyes. The same look was reflected on the faces on all of his kids. They’d gone out of their way to make friends in the short time they’d been in town and he wasn’t about to take that from them.

“Okay, okay,” he said. “We’ll put it to a vote. I’ll abide by the family’s decision.”

Risky Business

Redd Herring, a financial advisor with Gaussian Copula Securities, let his eyes drift to the clock on the wall over his client’s head. The client, Betty Tall, hadn’t moved in more than a minute, not since he’d suggested that maybe she might want to take some of her money out of pay telephone futures and maybe invest it in some more conservative index funds.

As soon as he said it, she was gone. Her eyes rolled down and to the left. He could see her lips moving, but she wasn’t saying anything—at least not that he could hear.

Redd waited. It couldn’t have been more than two minutes, but it felt like an hour. Betty had been his client for years. And if there was one thing he’d learned in all that time, it was to let her take the time she needed to think things through.

He was just starting to reach his limit (time always travels slower through silence) when Betty finally looked up at him and asked a couple of follow-up questions. He answered, and she submerged again into her thoughts.

Another minute passed before she sat up straight and tapped her lacquered nails on his aircraft carrier of a desk. “Where do I sign?”

Lyin’ Eyes

Yes, eyes are windows, but, as we’ve discussed, they are opaque windows that reveal thought processes, not the thoughts themselves. There is no certain way to tell what people are thinking, or whether they are lying, simply by looking in their eyes.

	BODY BLOCK

The Least You Need to Know

• Eye movements reveal thought processes.

• When reading eye movements, look for patterns.

• Learning to read eye movements can help improve communication.

• Eye movements do not reveal deception.