Introduction

This is where it all began over a decade ago. I bought my first book on how to read body language. As a jury consultant, I wanted to know how to read jurors better.

Armed with my new knowledge, I watched the prospective jurors as they entered the courtroom, single file, and filled the gallery—pierced tattoo guy, the CEO in his pressed navy-blue suit, the football coach, the homemaker, the cash-strapped single mother, the retiree, the grandmother, the woman who looked like she’d had a really tough life, the small business owner, the college student, the military retiree … the list goes on.

We had to pick 12, but which ones? I listened carefully as each juror gave a five-minute rundown of their life and worldview. I paid attention and made notes on their tone, voice inflection, punctuation, and how well they articulated their words.

Their facial expressions were a newly opened book to me as the judge styled the case and read the charge—murder in the first degree! I could actually see their feelings—some surprised, others saddened; one had a smirk on her face, another scratched his neck.

I felt like Sherlock Holmes with his magnifying glass, examining every facial tic, and the way each prospective juror held his or her hands, arms, and legs—all clues to what they might be thinking and feeling.

Applying what I’d learned, I made my juror selections, marveling at how much my new knowledge of body language helped the pieces fall into place—revelations I can’t wait to share with you.

As your body language mentor, I will guide you through as we embark on this journey together in the amazing study of human communication. Many of the scenarios are true experiences drawn from my mediation practice, my time in the courtroom, my own family, and stories I have heard from clients who have attended my training seminars.

This is not the quick fix or seven-day plan that promises your life will forever be changed if you follow these steps and techniques. Rather this book is based on the realities of everyday life, remaining authentic and true and based on solid research, not merely subjective opinion.

How This Book Is Organized

Part 1, Silent Messages, begins with a body language boot camp. You’ll learn the truths and myths about reading body language in a fun, easy-to-read format that will keep you engaged. You’ll learn how to build and maintain rapport with anyone and have them eating out of your hands. You’ll learn why you missed the clues and our natural ability to retain, capture, and store information in our brains. You’ll learn how to read the muscles in other people’s faces that are dead giveaways to know how they are feeling, a powerful negotiation skill in every walk of life. You’ll discover how your first impression sends a strong message about your character, abilities, and trustworthiness. What you wear can expose your age, income, and secrets you might not even know about yourself. We’ll share the do’s and don’ts when applying for a job interview or going on a date, as well as the meaning behind different handshakes.

Part 2, Body Talk, begins to dig a bit deeper into how you communicate and process information. You’ll learn how to read another’s eye movements through seeing, hearing, and feeling. Along the way, you’ll do a few exercises to see how well you’re learning the information. You’ll learn the meanings behind cultural gestures, as well as norms of what to do and not do when traveling around the world or simply encountering people of other cultures in your neighborhood. And when you travel back to the United States, you’ll learn how to use hand and arm gestures to convey your message to others to lead, motivate, inspire, and persuade them in business negotiations, sales, and everyday relationships. Next, look down at your feet because you’ll learn whether you’re ready to take a hike or you’re taking life one step at a time.

Part 3, Deception Detection, is all about reading deception, motives, and intent. You’ll learn why kids lie, from small white lies to big fat whoppers, and when you should be concerned and when not to worry. This part gets to the heart of what everyone is curious about. How can I tell if I’m being duped, cheated on, or getting the run around? You’ll learn how to read voice, words, and phrases. You’ll learn how to decipher excuses people give you and what they are really revealing. After reading this part, you’ll no longer be looking through rose-colored glasses; it will all be crystal clear.

Part 4, Strictly Business, teaches you to how to successfully navigate a job interview from start to finish to land you that dream job you’re after. You’ll also learn how to handle negotiations and read negotiation tactics, buy signs, and signs of resistance. You’ll learn how effective speakers move about the room and use space as a powerful tool to anchor a message. You’ll learn when the deal is heading south, and how to change your course to seal the deal. Then we move on to relationships—how to read love signals, as well as red flags that it’s over.

Extras

Additional information is found in sidebars within each chapter. Here’s what you’ll find:

	WORKIN’ IT

	BODY BLOCK

	SAY WHAT?

	YA DON’T SAY