CHAPTER
10

Testing Your New Beliefs

In This Chapter

• Proving yourself right
• Creating a plan of action
• Determining the best way to act
• Learning from your own reactions and the reactions of others

In CBT, you use reality testing to test your old thoughts and beliefs and reinforce new beliefs. It helps you compare old and new beliefs and decide which are more helpful in your life. The preceding chapters have helped you to become aware of your thoughts, analyze them to find the negative thought processes, and come up with alternative thoughts and beliefs. In this chapter, you will take things one step further by creating experiments to test out those new beliefs and thinking styles—in essence, to test out your new reality.

Reality Testing

On paper, as you complete your thought logs, you come up with different ways of thinking. And, on paper, these may seem to make sense. Even so, you might not be convinced. You probably need some proof to fully accept the new way you think about yourself, others, and the world. Reality testing, also called behavioral experiments, allows you to be interactive in the CBT process.

DEFINITION

Reality testing or behavioral experiments are concrete actions that seek to prove your new way of thinking and disprove your old way of thinking.

To create a behavioral experiment, start with your ABCD log:

A: Describe the situation and identify a particular problem.

B: Record your negative beliefs.

C: Record what you assume will happen.

D: Identify your problematic thought processes (refer to Chapter 2 if you have trouble identifying these) and write down ideas that challenge your these views. Where are you catastrophizing, mind reading, or overgeneralizing?

Now add column E for evidence testing—creating an experiment to test out your predictions and beliefs.

E: Write down an alternative outcome. Think about other ways in which the situation might develop. Record how much you believe in this new outcome using a scale of 0 to 100 percent.

CBTIDBIT

It is helpful to measure the success of your plan by using a grading system (0 to 100 percent). This keeps you from falling back into old patterns of thinking. Measure both the success at carrying out your action plan and how close your prediction came to the outcome.

Once you’ve completed the chart, create an action plan to test out your new outcome. Write down specific actions to take that will increase the chances of your prediction occurring. For example, if you are going to a party where you don’t know anyone, instead of writing “I will be friendly,” write down “I will smile and say hello to at least five people.” Once you create a plan, put your plan into action. Write down exactly what happened and then review the information. Ask yourself:

On a scale of 1 to 100 percent, how close did I follow the plan?

On a scale of 1 to 100 percent, how close was the outcome to your new prediction?

When reviewing your results, try to look at them from a positive perspective. Pay attention to your thoughts to be sure you aren’t reverting back to negative thinking patterns, such as looking at the situation as black and white or overgeneralizing the results. The skills you learned in Chapters 1 and 2 should help you to look at the results more objectively. Reality testing should reinforce your new beliefs and give you a reason to continue making changes in your thinking and behaviors.

The following is an example of how you can use reality testing:

A: You are attending a dinner party.

B: You predict you won’t know many people. You predict the evening will be a disaster. You think you will feel left out and that others will find you uninteresting.

C: You are anxious and don’t want to go to the party.

D: I am overgeneralizing and fortune-telling about all parties and all people. After all, the person who invited me is a nice person. I do not have any information to prove the people at the party will reject me. I have been in new situations before and they turned out okay. If I am not enjoying myself I can leave after the cocktail hour. I do not have any evidence that I am not capable of holding a conversation with others or successfully attending a party. I am only responsible for making polite conversation.

E: I can go to the party for at least one hour and talk with at least two people. This will prove that I can navigate a dinner party as successfully as most people around me.

Behavior Plan/Strategy:

• Bring a bottle of wine and thank my host for inviting me.
• Make small talk with a few guests.
• Smile and say hello to everyone.
• Ask other guests questions, such as “Where do you work?” and “What do you like to do on the weekends?”
• If I stay for dinner, I will talk to the people sitting on either side of me.

Once you have created a plan, do your best to follow through. Then review and rate the results. For example:

I would give the overall outcome a rating of 80 percent since I enjoyed myself but also felt a little awkward.

I would give myself a 90 percent for carrying out the plan. I did bring the wine and said thank you for inviting me. I talked to most of the people at the party but not the couple sitting across from me. The person to my left was busy talking to the man on the other side so we did not get a chance to talk about his work.

Overall: Based on my experience, I have to say that my original prediction did not come true and I can have a good time, even if I don’t know anyone where I am going. I can have conversations with people I don’t know.

An experiment such as this helps you review your original beliefs. Before going to the party, you believed you weren’t very interesting and no one would find talking to you enjoyable. You now have to reevaluate that belief. Your experiment disproved it. Although you may not be ready to believe that you are always going to enjoy parties when you don’t know anyone, you have to accept that it can sometimes happen. Your new belief might be:

I can sometimes enjoy parties even if I don’t know anyone.

STOP AND THINK

There are two types of goals: measuring success and measuring each step, called intentional goals. To be successful, you need to focus on both. For example, if you want to lose 10 pounds, this is your overall or success goal. The steps you need to take, such as changing your diet and exercise habits, are your intentions. If you measure the success at your intentions on a scale of 0 to 100 percent, it is easier to see where you can improve and you are less likely to give up.

Comparing Behaviors

You can use planned experiments to test behaviors as well as beliefs. Suppose you want work on how you handle fights with your partner. Your overall goal is to resolve the fight and have a healthier relationship. You want to know what types of behaviors you could use to help reach this goal. To start, list several different behaviors. These are your intention action goals. You might list the following:

• Not talking to one another for one hour and then just moving on from the argument.
• Acknowledging his side of the argument without getting defensive and criticizing him. Using the sentence “I can understand why you are upset because….”
• Writing a letter to your partner explaining what is upsetting you.
• Giving each of you a few minutes to cool down and then talking without interrupting each other.

You can now try out different behaviors to determine which works best for you. Keep a report card and use the same rating system, giving each action a score from 0 to 100 percent for how well you executed the action and then rate how much it contributed successfully to the outcome goal of resolving the fight.

Report Card:

Not talking to one another for one hour and then just moving on from the argument.

How well I did this: 60%

How effective it was: 80%

Notes: This was effective when I was able to do it, but was harder to do than I expected.

Acknowledging his side of the argument using the sentence “I can understand why you are upset because….” without getting defensive and criticizing him.

How well I did this: 80%

How effective it was: 90%

Notes: This was easier than I expected. Having a specific response gives me some control. This strategy opened the door to him having empathy for my side.

Writing a letter to your partner explaining what is upsetting you.

How well I did this: 99%

How effective it was: 40%

Notes: This strategy was easy for me to do, but it just reignited the fight.

Giving each of you a few minutes to cool down and then talking without interrupting each other.

How well I did this: 40%

How effective it was: 90%

Notes: This strategy was incredibly hard to pull off, but when I did, it helped.

By keeping a self-rated report card you can note which behavior you used and how well each contributed to the outcome. After a while, you can look back to determine which behavior gives you the most desirable outcome: in this case, resolving the argument and feeling more satisfied in the relationship. After you have reviewed your different approaches, you can draw a conclusion:

“Overall, when my husband and I fight, the best course of action was to use a preplanned statement and acknowledge his feelings and point of view. This ultimately leads to him wanting to know how I feel as well. We both end up feeling that the other person has listened.”

This type of experiment also helps when you are trying to create a level of comfort for a task you find difficult. Suppose you have anxiety when you fly in an airplane and you have a trip coming up. You want to lower your level of anxiety. Start by creating small steps, each one leading you closer to being comfortable flying.

Your actions and goals might be:

Use the same report card system to chart your progress. Rate each action and each goal on a scale from 0 to 100 percent. Don’t move on to the next step until you have completed the task by at least 80 percent and the goal by at least 90 percent.

GIVE IT A TRY

Think about how you drink your coffee each morning. Do you rush through, drinking it as you get ready for work? How much do you think you would enjoy it if you used mindfulness and slowly drank the hot coffee? Make a prediction and give it a rating from 0 to 100 percent. In the morning, wake up 15 minutes early to sit down and practice mindfulness while drinking your coffee. How much did you enjoy it? Did it match your prediction?

Feedback

Another type of behavioral experiment is to create surveys and ask for feedback. Surveys work best in formal settings, such as work or school. In less formal settings, you will need to settle for informal feedback. This type of experiment is helpful if you worry about how other people react to you.

Formal Surveys

Suppose you feel you must be perfect at work in order to get promoted. You try hinting to co-workers or your boss for feedback on your performance, but don’t seem to get the information you are looking for. You feel judged for every mistake you make. You don’t think your co-workers are being honest when they say something positive. You can create a survey to test this negative thought process while gathering some constructive information on your performance.

You might include questions such as the following:

• How would you rate my overall performance in the last six months?
• Was there a time in the last six months when you thought I was not doing enough? What specifically could I have done differently?
• What do you consider to my areas of strength?
• What do you consider to be areas that need improvement?
• What skill would you like to me focus on developing over the next six months?
• What are your expectations (what is the policy) when it comes to responding to emails and calls during my personal time, such as nights, weekends, and vacations?
• How would you describe my communication with clients?
• How would you describe my communication with co-workers?

Then, set up a meeting with your boss and ask her to complete the survey. Ask other important team members to complete it as well. You now have specific information to prove or disprove that your boss and co-workers are negatively judging you at work.

IMAGINE THAT

Sometimes you may find your original prediction is correct. For example, your original belief may be “My boss doesn’t want to hear my ideas.” Your experiment may prove this to be true. You then need to think about whether the results say something about you or about your boss. Maybe he is simply close-minded or intimidated when others have good ideas. While you may not like the results, you can now make a decision about what is best for your life.

Informal Surveys

In many situations, a formal survey may seem unusual and may not be an effective way to get feedback on your negative beliefs. In these cases, informal surveys are useful. They work well with friends, significant others, and family.

Situation: I’m single and would like to develop a committed romantic relationship.

Problem: I cannot seem to get passed the first date.

Beliefs: I am ugly and overweight. This is why no one is interested in going out for more than a first date. I am never going to get married.

Challenges to problematic thinking: I know people who are heavier than me who are happily married. I have been asked out and obviously those people already know my size. Therefore, some people must find me attractive. Maybe it is just that I have not found the right person.

In this situation, your plan of action might be to invite a few close friends over for dinner and explain your concerns. Ask them for feedback on your appearance, how you dress for a date, your conversation style, and on the people you have been dating. Let them know you are looking for constructive feedback, such as suggestions on what to change and ideas on how to make those changes. Let them know this is not a pep rally nor is it an opportunity to tear you down. Keep the conversation focused on specific topics, such as what clothing might be flattering to wear or what behaviors you should avoid on a date. Let your friends know that they can be honest, and that you appreciate their feedback.

Write down everything they say and try not to react defensively. Initially, you might not want to hear the information, but after you’ve had time to reflect on the feedback, you can refer to your notes and make changes you think are appropriate. Recognize that although you are not perfect and your friends’ feedback is not the letter of the law, you now know some areas where you can improve and feel reinforced about some things you doing right.

Observation

There may be times when you’re not able to directly measure the results of your prediction by planning an experiment or taking a survey. Instead, you may record your observations. Suppose you recently moved into an apartment building. Many of the neighbors have stopped and said hello, but one neighbor won’t acknowledge you, even when you are both in the elevator at the same time. You immediately think this neighbor doesn’t like you. Each time you see him in the hall he ignores you and you are more convinced that he does not like you for some reason.

You decide to test your theory and determine if it’s correct. First, come up with a few possible reasons for your neighbor’s behavior.

• He does not like me.
• He is shy.

Because you can’t determine what he is thinking and it is inappropriate to ask him directly, you decide to observe his behavior with some of the other neighbors. You watch as he gets his mail and another neighbor is also getting her mail. You notice they don’t speak and barely look at each other. On the elevator, you talk with one neighbor but your unfriendly neighbor doesn’t join in the conversation. After days of observing, you notice that he seems to speak only to the people who work in the building; he barely nods to the other neighbors and only responds when someone speaks directly to him.

Your original theory has been proven incorrect. It isn’t that your neighbor doesn’t like you; he keeps to himself and doesn’t speak unless it’s necessary. The theory that he is shy seems to fit better.

STOP AND THINK

When reviewing your results from your reality testing, be sure to use your ABCD chart. This helps you avoid reinforcing old beliefs.

Observations help when you are trying to discover which theory best fits a situation. This type of experiment helps you create alternative theories and opens you up to the possibility that there may be more than one explanation. Your observations may support or disprove your original theory.

Each type of reality testing—formal, informal, or observation—has benefits. You need to decide which type is practical for your situation and which gives you the feedback you need to make positive changes in your thinking and in your life. No matter which type you choose, there are three key components that will help you create successful experiments.

Expectations: Establish clear expectations for what you want to achieve. You do this by breaking your overall goal into steps, the more specific, the better.

Feedback: Feedback is necessary. Use the 0 to 100 percent self-report card and ask for feedback from others. Avoid becoming defensive; others may not want to be honest if you are defensive.

Reward: Reward yourself for carrying out each step and moving closer to your overall goal. You might use a star system for each step. When you achieve 10 stars, give yourself a concrete reward.

Your Turn: Testing Your Predictions

Use the ABCDE log you created in previous exercises. Fill in each column.

A: What is the situation or problem?

B: What negative beliefs do you have about the situation?

C: What do you assume will happen?

D: What are your problematic thought processes and how can you challenge them?

E: Which type of reality test would best fit this situation? What action plan can you use to prove your old theory wrong? What action plan can you use to achieve your overall goal?

Determine a reward for each action goal and for achieving your overall goal.

Remember, feedback does not necessarily need to be from other people. Rating your goals with the 0 to 100 percent scale is also feedback. Keep a notebook with all of your reality tests so you can refer to the results when a similar situation comes up.

The Least You Need to Know

• When you test your new beliefs, you are like a scientist looking for evidence to prove your beliefs and thinking process.
• Your experiments should include identifying problematic thinking processes and ideas to challenge those thoughts.
• Reality testing can help you choose what behavior will best help you reach your goals.
• Feedback is essential to understanding errors in your thinking patterns.