So you two met and fell in love and resolved to spend your lives together. And you are, I hope. But at what level? I’m not being funny here but serious (for once). Just sort of living together, going through the days, not really connecting isn’t good enough, I’m afraid. You have to have a passion for your life together. A what? A passion. Being together has to be a strong bond, a common sharing of experience, a dream--fulfilling romance that carries you both along. Love isn’t for the half dead, the sound asleep (or even the merely dozing off), the can’t be bothered to make the effort any more. You have to make the effort. You have to stay awake, in touch, in tune. You have to share dreams and goals and ambitions and plans. You have to have passion for being with each other.

Look, I know that all relationships go through peaks and troughs. I know we get complacent and even a little bored at times. But you are dedicating your life to someone else’s happiness in a way, and that requires focus, strength, passion, drive, enthusiasm and effort. What’s that? You’re not dedicating yourself to someone else’s happiness? Then what are you doing? That’s what a relationship is all about in a sense. And if you’re not doing that, what do you think you are doing?

You have to really care, to still be in love, to want your partner to be fulfilled, successful, happy, complete.

In an ideal world you only get one crack of the whip at this. (I know that lots of people have several partners over a lifetime but I assume the aim is always to stay together for life and not to split up.) This is your chance to have a really good strong relationship based on mutual trust, responsibility, shared happiness, drive and the pursuit of excellence. It isn’t? What is it then? It has to be if you are going to get the maximum out of it. Your partner isn’t just there for someone to chat to when you get a bit fed up and want some company. They are there because they love you and you them. They are there for you both to have a relationship. If that isn’t as much as anyone needs as an incentive to live life to the full and have a passion, then I don’t know what is.