We’ll talk in a bit about what good parenting is – what your role as a parent is. First, let’s look at this Rule – give your kids a break means to support and encourage your children. In fact this should be to support and encourage all children, not just your own. Children get a pretty poor deal of it. They get it in the neck from all directions and the word that figures most in their lives is ‘no’. No, you can’t do this. No, you’re not old enough for this. No, you can’t have that. No, you’re not going there. No, you can’t see that film.

Cast your mind back and see if it wasn’t the same for you.

‘No’ is terribly easy for us to say. It’s the word that trips so readily off the tongue. But to give support and encouragement we do have to train ourselves out of it. We have to learn to say ‘yes’. Obviously we need to qualify our ‘yes’, depending on the age or skills or development of the child. But a resounding ‘yes’ gives them a great boost even if it is followed by a ‘but not at the moment’, or ‘when you are old enough’ or ‘when you have saved up’.

It is also easy to say to a child, ‘You’re not very good at that’, or ‘I wouldn’t do that if I were you, you’ll only fail’. Better to encourage them and let them learn that they might fail than to set the idea running in their mind beforehand. I know we all want to protect them from harm, from failure, from disappointment. But sometimes we have to push them forwards and shelve those worries for the moment.

Truly successful parents are the ones saying, ‘Go on, you can do that, you’ll be great at that, you’ll be terrific’. By voicing such positive enforcement, our children get to believe in themselves and can do more, be more, achieve more. If we just say no they’ll grow up with low self-esteem and lacking in confidence.

A friend recalls how she desperately wanted to be a ballet dancer when she was 6 years old. She was already showing the signs of being destined for her current 6 ft tall, large feet, athletic build – as far from a ballet dancer as you can imagine. Her parents must have been able to see this, and could have told her that really she should do something else. Like all-in wrestling for kids. But instead, they found her a ballet class. It didn’t take long for her to realize that ballet wasn’t right for her and she stopped going because it made her legs hurt. However, it was her choice to stop. And she left with her self-esteem intact. (She only wishes they hadn’t taken the photos.)

Whatever they want to do, it is not your job to edit their dream, stand in their way, voice your concerns, limit their hopes or discourage them in any way. Your job is to give guidance while supporting and encouraging. Your job is to give them the resources to achieve whatever it is they want to. Whether they do or don’t achieve is by the by. If they had the chance, that’s everything.