Your resources

Let’s start with ‘Who am I?’ and ‘What inner resources do I have?’ From this base camp we can climb to achieve our personal heights, moving upward on our journey of discovery, making choices, developing ourselves and enjoying a sense of satisfaction when we make the summit.

Usually, because we are too busy with the ‘doing’ part of our lives, we do not take time out to think about who we are and what we have. Most people if you asked them, ‘Who are you?’ would usually put external labels on themselves rather than describing who they really are. For instance you might say of yourself:

‘I am single, I live in Woodside, I work as a programmer for an engineering firm, I have a dog and I am interested in astronomy, I am slightly overweight but I am working on it, I have a daughter. Let me tell you about my daughter ...’

All of this, of course, is absolutely true but it describes the person in terms of marital status, geography, employment, pets, interests and body image, and suggests someone who is not comfortable talking about themselves.

This is like restricting our view to the state of the car body not the engine, the farm and not the farmer, the photograph not the person. Of course you can make inferences – a low, wide and two-seater car probably has a racing engine, a beautifully kept farm indicates a well-organised farmer, from a photograph one can infer body shape, age and perhaps even social status – but they would all be inferences and assumptions. We know from experience how unreliable assumptions are and how wide of the mark are the impressions formed from the dog breeder’s glossy brochure.

In working on and understanding ourselves we must mine below the surface level at which we are comfortable. Then comes the confidence to show to the world who we really are and those things of which we are really capable.

There are large filing cabinets of psychology papers gathering dust, which all come to roughly the same conclusion: ‘The best indicator of future performance is past performance.’ So most of our navel-gazing will be looking back at our lives.

Much of the way we are today reflects the way in which we developed during childhood. It was Ignatius who said: ‘Give me a child until he is seven, and I will give you the man.’ This is true: the buds we have in childhood usually blossom in adulthood.

Some activities

Now, as you were warned (promised?) earlier on, we come to some activities for you to complete and brood on. Take your time over these activities otherwise you will wear yourself out. After each activity do spend some time reflecting on them. You might like to make notes on any insights that you have gained in your log book. You may find some activities will be more challenging or interesting than others but to get the best results please do all of them.

Serendipity or ‘What did I receive without much work?’

1. Given my family background what advantages did I gain?
   

   (a)

   (b)

   (c)

   (d)

   (e)

   
2. What advantages are there in being male/female?

   (a)

   (b)

   (c)

   (d)

   (e)

   
3. What are the advantages that my personality provides for me?

   (a)

   (b)

   (c)

   (d)

   (e)

   
4. Given my IQ and my EQ what advantages do I have?

   (a)

   (b)

   (c)

   (d)

   (e)

   
5. What can I do with minimum effort that others seem to find difficult?

   (a)

   (b)

   (c)

   (d)

   (e)

   
6. How have I been helped by family and friends?

   (a)

   (b)

   (c)

   (d)

   (e)

   
7. What were my early hopes that have helped my life to date?

   (a)

   (b)

   (c)

   (d)

   (e)

   
8. In my leisure and in my career what do I really enjoy doing?

   (a)

   (b)

   (c)

   (d)

   (e)

   
9. What has my health enabled me to do?

   (a)

   (b)

   (c)

   (d)

   (e)

   
10. What advantages did school and/or college give me?

    (a)

    (b)

    (c)

    (d)

    (e)

    
11. Besides my own efforts, to what would I attribute my early successes?

    (a)

    (b)

    (c)

    (d)

    (e)

Reflection points

All these aspects about yourself came mostly for free. You can call it fate, karma or serendipity but they all came with very little effort on your part.

What is helpful here is that knowing the ‘gifts’ that you have been given keeps you from thinking that you are better than you are, it keeps you grounded in reality and enables you to better appreciate the achievements you’ve had to work at.

Reflection 1

Some of the questions will reveal more about yourself than others. Review all your answers to the above questions and then complete the following statement:

In my early life I was fortunate in that _________________

Reflection 2

What advantages here should you leverage to your gain? What are the springboards of your life up until now?

‘By three methods we may learn wisdom: first, by reflection, which is noblest; second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.’ Confucius

Activity: when I was young

As we have noted, the best indicator of future performance is past performance. For the majority of us, our main interests and predilections mature rather than change as we grow older. Even if life forces us to travel in a different direction we ease back to our true selves as soon as we possibly can. Think of these preferences as your life anchors: tides and storms of your experience attempt to batter you but your anchor keeps you in place ready to sail with your preferences when the tide is right.

This activity is designed to discover if, when we were young, there were early signs of what direction in life we might follow. A friend of mine who is a priest remembers ‘baptising’ his sister’s doll at a very early age. Susan Hill, the bestselling author and my contemporary at university, was writing stories at a very early age, so it was not surprising that she wrote and had published her first novel The Enclosure when she was just 15 years old.

So here are some orientation questions that might prompt the discovery or recognition of some reoccurring themes in your life.

When I was small, people used to say that I was very good at

The very first compliment that I can remember was about my ability to

Other compliments I received during my childhood have been for

When I was a child, I could spend hours doing

My interests and hobbies when I was small were

When I was a child, I daydreamed about being

When I was a child, the thing I was most proud of was

My childhood heroes were (give brief reasons why)

The subjects at school that I found easy were

My school reports usually said that I was

My role in the family was

My siblings would ask me to help them with/when

My parents always thought I would

In reviewing your answers are there any recurrent themes? What has persisted from your childhood into your current life? What do you like to do during your leisure and in your career to date that originated in your past? How has your childhood affected or influenced the person you are today, the relationships you enjoy and the career that you have chosen?

‘The child is the father of the man.’ Sigmund Freud, Austrian neurologist and psychoanalyst

Activity: your history

Yes, of course we are a product of our genes and our genetic history, but here we must do some serious work on our own history as our environment also has an effect on who we are. So we begin with an activity called life line:

The horizontal axis of this graph represents your life from when you were born on the left to where you are now on the right. The vertical axis shows your emotional line, which shows how you have felt at different points in your life; above the line are the good times and below the line are the hard times. The higher above the line the better it was for you and the lower below the line the worse it was for you

Nobody’s life is a straight line of meritocracy: we all have ups and downs, successes and failures, highs and lows. Here is an example of an early part of life:

Life line: stage 2

The first thing we need to do is interrogate your life line to see what it can teach us. So ask yourself the following questions of the overall graph:

Are any patterns emerging?

• Is there a span of time when something happens to take you off on a new tangent/direction or adventure?
• If there are patterns, what could this tell you about your life and/or yourself?
• If there are patterns then for most people life comes in waves of five to seven years. If this is you then where are you in your current ‘wave’ and what do you want to achieve in your next ‘wave’?
• Are there periods of success followed by downtimes or is it mixed?
• Did you anticipate the major changes or did they take you by surprise?
• Were you proactive or reactive?
• Did you ever have a plan for yourself?
• Did it go to plan or were there some surprises?
• Is there any relationship between your life line, health line and relationship line?
• Does one line ‘push’ the other or does it ‘follow’ certain events?

Now we will look at the implications your life line has on your future.

Above the line

Look at all the items and events above the line and ask yourself the following questions. Be as specific as you can (this is a good activity to record in your log book):

• What motivated you to initiate this event?
• Did you plan it or did it just happen?
• Discovering you
• What, if anything, did you do to achieve this event in your life?
• What, if any, risks did you take to achieve this event?
• Why was the event enjoyable?
• What made it enjoyable?
• Who did you tell about it and why them?
• What were the feelings/emotions you enjoyed?
• Who were you with during the event?
• What part, if any, did they play to make the event enjoyable?
• Did this event change you in any way?

Now write in your development log book the answer/reflection to the question:

I have been most happy in my life when I __________________________ because ____________________________________________________

Now list what you have achieved so far; list as many things as you can think of that you have achieved, or you are proud of, with regard to:

• your family, friends and other personal relationships
• your career
• your material wealth and possessions
• your spiritual development.

If you wish you can also review:

• your health, personal development and learning
• your ‘inner’ or psychological development.

Below the line

Now look where your line has fallen below the average line. In as much detail as possible – unless it is too hurtful to go there – ask yourself these questions. Again it’s useful to use as much detail as possible: it will maximise learning and possibly help you to avoid the same mistakes again.

• Why was it painful?
• Did it just happen or did you contribute in some way to the event?
• What were the emotions that you felt?
• Who did you discuss the event with and why them?
• Who helped you recover or gave you advice to help you move on?
• What did you learn from the experience?
• How, if at all, did your behaviour change?

Having done this, complete the statement: In the future I must be aware of __________________________________

Now, having reviewed the ‘ups’ and ‘downs’ in your life in considerable detail, we can move on to the next stage.

‘When we begin to take our futures less seriously, it means we are ceasing to be afraid of them.’ Katherine Mansfield, author

Life line: stage 3

You now have a list of achievements. But what might you want for the future? In your log book complete the following phrase:

 

Given the totality of my experience in life to date, in the future it would be sensible for me to _____________________________

If you wish you can ask the same question of:

• your health and relationships
• your personal development
• your career development
• your material aspirations.

Again record your decisions in your log book.

	‘The best moments of your life are when you are being your authentic self.
	Then you are in your creation and doing what you love to do.’ Don Miguel Ruiz, Mexican author

Activity: life influences

Let’s now turn to the ‘influences’ on your life. Consider the events/people that have influenced and/or helped or had a significant effect on your life up until now (e.g. parents, siblings, family members, significant others, managers, teachers, coaches, friends, etc.). Complete the following table:

Then consider your major achievements/golden moments in your life to date:

Now consider the times that you have been most successful/ happy in your life:

Remember the risks you have taken in your life:

Consider when and how you have helped others:

Updating your log book

Write in your log book, or list them here, at least three or four things from the above activity which may have a bearing on your future

1. _____________________________________________
2. _____________________________________________
3. _____________________________________________
4. _____________________________________________

Activity: develop a personal mind map

It is not easy to say who we are in a succinct way so in this activity there is a structure to assist you to explore who you are, developed by Tony Buzan. He calls it ‘mind mapping’.

You could think of yourself in four main categories, namely your:

• skills
• traits or personality
• values
• reputation.

Draw them as balloons and then you may want to draw smaller balloons showing a sub-section or an outcome of that particular balloon (category).

So, for example, if you have skills in the first balloon it would look like this:

When you do this for yourself, the larger the sheet the more balloons you can add so that you have as much information about yourself as possible. See if you can obtain some A1 paper or flip chart paper and attach it to a suitable wall. You will be surprised at how much you can expand your mind map.

This will be a challenging but interesting activity. It will cause you to think really deeply about yourself. Because it is difficult, since you don’t often reflect on who you are, you might find enlisting some friends to help is useful (perhaps even have fun doing each person’s balloon ‘map’ in turn). If you do this you must tell them to be very honest with you – and that you will still be friends after the activity!

Activity: your ‘I am’ statement

Now, using all the information that you have gathered about yourself from your mind map, construct a 30–50 word statement about yourself, including as much as you can in each category.

For example, using the mind map opposite, this person might describe themselves in the following way:

Skills

I am a very creative person, mainly in the arts – particularly in music and poetry – who is blessed with good teaching skills, reflecting my ability to give excellent presentations based upon my research and my love of being practical.

Traits

I am an extrovert by nature, which means I am friendly and outward going. Being empathetic, but in a down-to-earth and practical way, friends trust me and say that I give good advice.

Values

I consider myself to be an honest and fair person who values their independence and who is also committed, especially to my family and friends. I like to work hard which sometimes means I can be competitive – I always strive to be the best I can.

Reputation

I have a reputation for being professional in my dealings with other people. Some would say that I am highly competitive and quick to see opportunities for myself and others; friends say I am kind and always the eternal optimist.

Being able to understand and describe yourself in this way will be a tremendous help when you come to developing confidence in yourself to develop and grow. I hope you can see how this process reflects a much better understanding of yourself than saying ‘single, living in Woodside, etc.’

Activity: select and use your ‘I am’

Develop a series of ‘I am’ statements around that which you wish to become. Below are some examples of positive statements:

• I am good person.
• I have integrity.
• I do what is ethically right and good.
• Whatever life puts before me it will be a useful experience that will make me stronger, wiser and more tolerant.
• I am strong enough to understand and make allowances for other people’s weaknesses, and their behaviour towards me.
• Other people’s behaviour is about them, not me.
• I focus on the joy of living my life and helping others where and when I can.
• I am what I eat and drink, so I eat and drink good things.
• I am what I watch and play and listen, so I watch and play and listen to good, positive things.
• I take exercise which I enjoy. I walk when I don’t need to drive or take the bus or train.
• I smile and laugh whenever I can – life is good. Getting caught in the rain reminds me that it is good to be alive to feel it.
• I forgive other people. Deep down everyone is a good person, just like me.
• I am a compassionate, loving and caring person.

Say your ‘I am’ statements out loud and with conviction. If possible, find somewhere where you can shout them as loud as you can. It’s an invigorating experience and helps to embed the statements into the subconscious, where they will take root and grow in strength. As this happens, you will see how your behaviour will change to reflect them.

	‘There is not a person anywhere who is not capable of doing more than he thinks he can.’ Henry Ford
	‘He who gains a victory over other men is strong; but he who gains a victory over himself is all-powerful.’ Lao-Tzu, founder of Taoism
	‘No man is free who is not master of himself ... Is freedom anything else than the power of living as we choose?’ Epictetus, Phrygian philosopher
	‘You are already complete. You just don’t know it.’ Zen saying
	‘Ignorance is not bliss. Ignorance is ignorance.’ John Laws, Australian radio presenter