Give Gratitude

Adam Smith once wrote, “The sentiment which most immediately and directly prompts us to reward, is gratitude.”

Getting in the habit of feeling and expressing gratitude is good for your business, your health and well-being, and for society. So what exactly is gratitude, and why does it move us to act for the betterment of both ourselves and others?

Gratitude is expressing appreciation for a benefit you received. Gratitude has been the subject of a great deal of recent research in the positive psychology movement and has been linked with improved mood and sleep, reduced stress, and enhanced satisfaction with relationships, work, and life.

Gratitude is viral

Michael McCullough and colleagues at the University of Miami propose that gratitude helps us determine benefits in situations, increases the likelihood that we’ll behave in helpful ways in the future, and motivates us to help others. Interestingly, gratitude extends the law of reciprocity because it also motivates people to help strangers who have not done something for them. Researchers Monica Y. Bartlett and David DeSteno published a study in 2006 that showed that when people felt grateful toward someone, they helped that person more, even on a dry and boring task. They were also more likely to help a stranger than were people who hadn’t experienced gratitude.

Getting into a grateful mind-set can also stimulate trust. Jennifer R. Dunn and Maurice E. Schweitzer from the University of Pennsylvania conducted a study that found that gratitude created a higher level of trust toward a third party (who was not involved in the feeling of gratitude) than when people thought about a time in which they were angry, guilty, or proud. Recall our earlier discussion of how trust builds relationships and enhances influence.

What really influences people?

Ryan Goei and his colleagues conducted two experiments to see what really influences people to take action: favors, apologies, gratitude, or liking. In the first study, 64 female university students were told that they were going to participate in a creativity experiment along with another student. The other student was actually a confederate. The participant and confederate sat in the room with the examiner and did three-minute brainstorming exercises. When they were done, the examiner told the two people (one participant, one confederate) that she would be back in two minutes and asked them not to talk. When she returned, a second brainstorming task was completed. The examiner left again, but before she did, the confederate asked, “While you’re doing that, can I get a quick drink?” The examiner responded, “Sure, but don’t be long.”

One group of confederates returned quietly. Another group came back with a bottle of water and said sincerely to the participant, “Oh, I should have bought one for you too. That was stupid. I’m sorry.” They were apologizing for a transgression they didn’t really make since people wouldn’t expect a bottle of water. A third group brought a second bottle of water and said, “Here you go, I bought one for you too.” These people were providing a favor. A fourth group gave the same apology as the one above but then went and got a second bottle and said, “Here you go.”

Everyone completed another brainstorming task. The examiner then asked them to complete a survey that measured how much the participant and confederate reported liking one another. They all did a final brainstorming task, and the examiner again asked them not to talk as she left. The confederate asked, “If we can’t talk at all, is it okay if I give her a note that doesn’t have anything to do with the experiment?” The experimenter responded, “That’s okay. But please, do not talk at all.” The confederate wrote a note that read: “Hey, I’m selling raffle tickets for my old high school. The tickets cost $1.00 each and the prize is a new iPod. If you are willing to buy any, would you just write how many on this note and give it back to me right away so I can make out the tickets after.” Participants wrote how many they wanted to buy on the paper and returned it to the confederate. The participants were then given a partial debriefing by the examiner and were told that the other person was part of the study and had been asked to make the request for raffle tickets. They were not told that the favor and apology incidents were part of the study. The participants completed a survey about why they complied with the raffle ticket request.

The results showed several interesting things. First, the favor increased a sense of gratitude but did not influence reports of liking. Second, the apology increased liking. Third, liking had no effect on compliance. Fourth, gratitude had a substantial (just under statistically significant) effect on compliance. The researchers concluded that the favor increased compliance probably due to a sense of gratitude.

We’d think that liking someone would make us more apt to comply with her, or that a favor would make us like someone more, but neither proved true in this study. To learn more, the experimenters conducted a second study to see what would happen if the request were more self-serving and if the apology were for a true transgression. In the first experiment, the raffle ticket request served to benefit a school. What would happen if the person simply wanted to earn money and made a self-serving request? In this experiment (which included both men and women), the confederates received a cell phone call. They answered it loudly and distracted the participant. Later on, they apologized for this. The confederate who gave a favor returned with two bottles of water as in the first study. This time the confederate made the self-serving request, “Hey, I’m selling raffle tickets, and if I sell enough tickets I win $50, and I could use it. I’m just taking pledges, so you don’t need any money right now. They’re $1.00 each and the winner gets $300. Think you could help me out?”

The results of this second study showed that the favor had a substantial effect on both gratitude and liking. This time, liking influenced compliance but gratitude did not.

Taking both studies together, we learn that a favor has a positive effect on compliance. We comply with a request more if someone has done a favor for us. Indebtedness does not impact compliance. This shows that reciprocity is different from indebtedness and that reciprocity is more due to positive emotions and gratitude. Feeling gratitude toward someone increases the likelihood that you’ll respond to a request, whereas feeling indebted to someone does not.

Apology has a positive effect on liking in both studies, even if you’re apologizing for not giving a favor (as in the first study). If you’re making a general prosocial request, gratitude is a stronger predictor of compliance than liking. But if you’re making a request that directly serves you rather than a social good, liking becomes more important than gratitude or other factors.

We like those who like us

The types of requests (e.g., for sales) that you will be making are likely somewhere in the middle of the two just described in the previous study. In the first study, the request was associated with a social benefit (a school). In this case, gratitude was more important than liking. In the second study, the request was associated with a personal benefit (earning money). In this case, liking is more important than gratitude. Why would we want to support someone we don’t like?

In our work, we receive a benefit but so does our client. To be on the safe side, why not employ both liking and gratitude? The good news is that you can easily achieve both with one simple thing: Tell people how you appreciate them. We like those who like and appreciate us. When you thank your clients, customers, and business partners, go beyond saying, “We appreciate your business.” Recall the effect of size on effectiveness of compliments; when a compliment is given in a generic way or to too large of a group, it can have no effect or even an adverse effect. Instead, personalize your expression of gratitude. The more personal it is, the greater likelihood people will feel that you truly like and appreciate them; the law of reciprocity will be activated, and they will feel the same about you.

Don’t limit your expressions of appreciation to people for having their business. Share your gratitude for the process of working with them and for them as people. For example, a divorce attorney might say to a client, “I understand how difficult this process is, and appreciate how well you are handling it. I can tell you are dedicated to your children and to making this as easy as possible on all of you.” A financial planner might say, “I can see that you value providing for your family and am honored to help you create the financial planning program to help you do that.”