Selecting a mentor

Many companies have set up formal mentoring programmes, but if your employer does not enjoy the advantages of such a system there is no reason why you should not find your own. Most successful adults are willing to share the ‘secrets of their success’ and find it flattering to be asked to do so.

The things to look for in a mentor include someone who:

• has been successful in your chosen field of endeavour
• enjoys a good professional reputation
• can clarify your goals and aspirations
• you can respect
• is empathetic
• is a good listener
• can motivate you
• you can form a close relationship with
• is perceptive and understanding
• can give honest and constructive feedback
• has a good network in your field
• will give you their time on a regular basis
• will respond to your needs
• you can trust
• will develop and challenge you rather than just teach
• can advise on your goals and ambitions
• can act confidentially
• is ideally about 15 years older than you.

If your mentor has most of the above attributes then they could probably walk on water and calm any storm. The most important thing is to find someone with whom you have synergy and mutual respect.

Things to avoid in a mentor include someone who:

• has just taken up a new position (they will not have time to see you despite what they might tell you)
• is so high up in your field, function or sector that you find it difficult to relate to one another
• is not popular – it’s a warning that they have difficulty motivating their staff and/or peers
• has unreasonable expectations of themselves and others
• is boastful, arrogant and/or talks too much, losing sight of you as the focus.

Mentoring sessions

Ideally, to begin with, it’s most helpful to meet weekly for the first month if schedules and commitments allow. These intensive initial meetings will give both parties the opportunity to really get to know each other and for the protégé be able to outline their situation, their needs and their expectations. During this period, mutual expectations are agreed, together with a form of contract (detailing what can or can’t be discussed, how the process might be terminated, mutual confidentiality, etc.) for each party and a timetable for possible meetings.

Occasionally, during this initial phase, should the relationship not live up to the original expectations of either party it can be ended without much embarrassment, pain or danger to either side. As we have said, synergy between mentor and protégé is crucial if mentoring is going to be successful for you both.

Once the start-up stage has been completed, after say one or two months, then periods between meetings can be extended to a month. (Although some people meet once a quarter, I would not recommend fewer meetings than this.)

As you are the protégé, it will be useful to record the action and learning points of your sessions with your mentor and also record your progress. This will form the initial agenda to be discussed at your next meeting. So I’m afraid you’ll need another log book.

Mentoring agenda

It is usually the protégé’s job to set the agenda and it’s helpful for the mentor if they can have the agenda a few days before the meeting so that they have time to prepare. The most popular topics include:

• taking stock of skills and competences
• personal relationships, both social and work
• understanding life and business issues
• errors of judgement
• challenges currently being faced
• reflection on past successes and failures to ensure learning
• consideration of networking opportunities
• developing short-, medium- and long-term goals
• personal promotion and self-presentation
• construction of future strategies
• appropriate qualifications, courses and programmes
• advice on what experience to gain for maximum development and opportunities
• sources and access to information and contacts
• career opportunities.

In all of this it’s the protégé’s responsibility to take control of their own development. It’s not the job of the mentor to teach but to guide and encourage the protégé to work things out for themselves and discuss alternatives, thus ensuring total ownership of the mentoring development experience.

How to prepare for a meeting

In preparation for a meeting with your mentor it will be useful for you to ask yourself some or all of the following questions:

• What have I done since we last met?
• What have I done differently?
• What have I found difficult?
• What have I found easy?
• What have I found interesting?
• What skills have I developed?
• How have I grown my network?
• What have I read?
• What have I learnt?
• What do I want to discuss with my mentor?

Terminating the relationship

On a semi-regular basis, say every six months, both parties should take stock of how the relationship and the work is progressing. This enables both parties to reaffirm their expectations and perhaps negotiate new ones. There should be no difficulty or embarrassment if either party feels that the process has come full circle.

Nothing lasts forever and one of the dangers of mentoring is that as a protégé you can become dependent on your mentor.

Fledglings have to learn to fly and sometimes they have to be pushed out of the nest to do so. A good mentor will know and inform their protégé that the time has come for them to fly solo. Usually the friendship that has been established over the months then continues on an informal basis. Most mentors are happy to provide an ‘after-sales service’ should their protégé need their help on a topic or difficulty. Assistance is usually given out of friendship.

• Support will keep you motivated and help you avoid potential pitfalls.
• A good support system gives you objective advice, encouragement, perspective and a way to mark success.
• Everyone you meet is a potential supporter.
• Mentoring offers one of the best forms of support.
• Synergy and mutual respect is crucial between you and your mentor.
• It’s your development – so you set the agenda and control the course.