Chapter

2

First Impressions

In This Chapter

You know first impressions are important. That’s one of the reasons you’re reading this book. But do you know how quickly and permanently people form opinions about you before you even speak a single word?

One minute. That’s how long it takes people to size you up upon first meeting you. If that seems unfair, consider that you’re doing the same to them.

What your body says in that first minute—your facial expressions, your voice, your grooming, and the way you dress—will be the basis on which people form lasting impressions of your character, personality, income, and education.

In this chapter, you learn the things you do with your body that communicate volumes about yourself and how to fix your body movements and actions to make good first impressions.

Snap Judgments

Using a scenario of attending a networking meeting, let’s see how body language says more than words could ever say.

It’s half past seven on a bright Monday morning. You’re fresh, pressed, and dressed your best as you pull into the parking lot for the monthly Chamber of Commerce networking breakfast. Fluff the hair, check. Breath mint, check. Business cards, check. Elevator speech, check. Elevator image, ch … wait, my what? Read on.

In a couple of minutes you’re going to walk into a building and try to convince a bunch of people you’ve never met to do business with you. You want to impress them as a confident, competent, and personable business person.

You’ve got your elevator speech—that Toastmasters summary of who you are, what you do, and why they should do business with you, short enough to deliver between floors on an elevator (thus the name). It should roll off your tongue with passion, humility, and authenticity. That’s a good start.

But it’s your elevator image—that all-important combination of dress, facial expressions, grooming, gestures, and tone of voice—that will leave the true lasting impression.

	YA DON’T SAY

Your first impression is going to stick in the minds of others and it rarely changes. Psychologists say this is a primal instinct—like fight or flight—originating in the amygdala, one of the oldest parts of the brain.

The good news is that you’re in control of how you present yourself.

People make snap judgments about you every day.

Ten Quick Fixes for Great First Impressions

In a business setting, a new suit is sharp, and the shine on those shoes gets you extra points. But your success will ultimately depend on a combination of the image you convey and how well you read the messages others are sending you.

The following quick fixes will help get you started right away in understanding body language, both your own and what you observe of others. We will cover the various body parts in further detail in Part 2.

Quick Fix #1—Personal Assessment

First of all, to be able to create a good first impression on others, you have to get real with yourself. Ask yourself:

• Am I as successful as I want to be?

• When was the last time someone said I impressed them?

• When was the last time someone said they remembered meeting me before?

Now take the following Personal Assessment Quiz to get a true picture of yourself, which will help you make the necessary adjustments.

1. What is the appropriate amount of eye contact in a face-to-face encounter?

A. 50–70 percent

B. 70–80 percent

C. 80–100 percent

2. When making eye contact with your customer, where do you focus your eyes?

A. From the tip of the nose to the outer corners of the eyes

B. From the tip of the nose to the mouth

C. Glance at different places around the face

D. Don’t have a clue

3. Which best describes your handshaking style?

A. Hand on top pressing down toward the ground

B. Grasping with both hands, one on either side

C. I don’t shake hands unless I have to

D. None of the above

4. How do you prefer to make a sales pitch?

A. Tell the customer about our company and services; when I’m finished I ask them questions

B. Ask the customer a series of questions to understand their needs and budget

C. Build rapport and trust first; then ask the customer to tell me about his or her business

5. When listening to a customer’s complaint, I …

A. Play it cool, don’t sweat the small stuff, and keep my face expressionless

B. Lean slightly forward; tilt my head occasionally; and nod, signaling I understand

C. Lean back, taking it all in, and sometimes cross my arms

6. What color do you wear to build trust?

A. Green

B. Blue

C. White

D. Whatever color I feel like wearing that day

7. Which best describes the way you would present a proposal to a customer face-to-face?

A. Hand the customer the proposal, with a pen to sign it

B. Place the proposal in an envelope, and slide it to the customer to open

C. Place the proposal in the center of the table, and let the customer reach for it

8. If you are a man, when meeting a prospect, what would you wear?

A. A power suit

B. Dress pants, sport coat, buttoned shirt, and tie

C. Khaki pants and a polo shirt

D. None of the above

If you are a woman, what would you wear to meet a male business prospect?

A. Pantsuit with a blouse

B. Dress with a jacket

C. Skirt suit and camisole

D. Any of the above

9. During a sales call, what do you usually think about?

A. Making the sale

B. Finding solutions to meet the customer’s needs

C. Features and benefits of my product/service

10. If you could ask your prospects what they thought of you, what do you think they’d say?

A. Fun, likable, and easygoing

B. The jury is still out

C. Confident and competent

D. Not sure; I’m afraid to ask

Check for the answers to these questions in Appendix B.

How did you do? If you aced it, you’re on the right track for making good first impressions. If you didn’t, no worries; that’s what we’re here for. In Appendix B, you’ll find detailed explanations for why each answer works to your advantage in creating good first impressions.

Quick Fix #2—The Handshake

Giving a proper handshake is crucial in any business or social interaction. How you shake hands can build or shatter your credibility, trustworthiness, and reputation. The following is a list of different types of handshakes and what they say about the people who give them.

	YA DON’T SAY

The CEO Handshake: For a handshake that communicates confidence and competence, the CEO is hard to beat. Reach out with thumb high, until the web between your thumb and forefinger connects with the same spot on the hand you are shaking. Wrap your hand firmly around the other four fingers, pressing your thumb into the fleshy part of the hand. Pump two or three times, while making eye contact and giving a warm, sincere smile.

With preliminaries out of the way and as you’re giving your elevator speech, the gentleman you’ve been talking to leans forward, tilts his head, and nods. He gives you his card and asks you to set up an appointment with his assistant. Congratulations! The next two handshakes were made for such an occasion.

This handshake expresses confidence.

The Closer: To solidify a deal, glance up at your customer’s eyes as you move in to shake; look down at the clasped hands to signal that you’re on solid ground; then look up and seal the deal with a warm shoulder pat using your other hand. Works every time.

The Closer handshake helps you seal the deal.

The Thank You: When somebody pays you a compliment, or apologizes after a disagreement, the Thank You handshake is a great way to express sincere gratitude. In this handshake, you embrace the other person’s hand with both of yours. This gesture, often accompanied by a smile or other emotional response, is also a great way for you to compliment or congratulate someone. It’s a definite crowd pleaser.

A gracious handshake mends fences and expresses gratitude.

	WORKIN’ IT

Just as handshakes can make great first impressions and seal the deal, there are also handshakes that will kill them. The following handshakes should be avoided at all costs:

The Wet Limp Fish: Imagine going hand-to-hand with a clammy, sticky, wet fish. Yuck! This handshake projects low self-esteem, neurosis, and anxiety. It can sabotage your best efforts.

Nothing kills a deal faster than a limp/wet handshake.

	WORKIN’ IT

The Wimp: A lifeless handshake is sure to turn off potential prospects. Shake hands like this and you’ll be perceived as weak, insecure, shy, and lacking authority.

A lifeless handshake undermines your authority.

The Princess Grip: Unless you’re royalty, this fingertip grip suggests prissiness and superiority. In business, any dainty, gentle gesture should be replaced with the confident CEO handshake.

A fingertip grip comes across as prissy or haughty.

The Aggressor: We all know one of these—the kind of self-centered jerk who’s always cutting in line at the grocery store. To an aggressor, your hand is a target. Before you can even extend your arm, they’ve snatched up your hand and wrung the life out of it. Aggressive, impatient, and presumptuous; avoid this one if you can help it.

Turn it down a notch—this handshake comes across as aggressive.

The Dominator: Thumbs down on this gesture, unless you want to be perceived as a control freak. The dominator treats every handshake as a contest, coming in from above and pushing down with a hard squeeze. Also known as the Knuckle-Cruncher, the biggest impression this handshake leaves is in the poor victim’s hand.

	WORKIN’ IT

Shake it, don’t break it.

Quick Fix #3—Eye Contact

Eye contact is critical, but where you focus your eyes is equally important. Here’s a rule of thumb for good eye contact:

• 70 to 80 percent eye contact signals “You have my undivided attention.”

• 50 to 70 percent signals “I’m not fully engaged.”

• 50 percent or less signals “I’m disengaged.”

• Defocused or glazed-over eyes signal “I’m bored.”

• Dilated pupils signal arousal: “This is a great business deal,” or “I’m physically attracted.”

• Shifty eyes are perceived with suspicion, as if you are dodging the truth.

• Excessive eye blinking is perceived as anxiety or anticipation.

	BODY BLOCK

What you look at sends certain signals and is as telling as how long you look:

• Eyes focused on the tip of the nose to the corner of the eye is just right in business.

• Eyes focused on the mouth signal, “I am thinking about what it would be like to kiss you.”

• Eyes focused below the chin signal, “I am thinking about the after 6:00 P.M. cocktail hour.”

For a professional impression, keep your mind on business and your eyes on the upper face of the person you’re chatting with.

Quick Fix #4—The Head Tilt

A slight lean of the head to the right or left, while maintaining eye contact, shows an active listener. When the tilt is held in a frozen position, it can indicate a conscious effort to appear to be listening, which may or may not be authentic.

Quick Fix #5—Head Nods

A man nods his head two or three times when he agrees with a specific fact or point. A woman tilts her head while bobbing it up and down, as if she is agreeable to anything and everything people say. This can appear weak, easily swayed, or lacking confidence.

	BODY BLOCK

Quick Fix #6—The Smile

A great smile is a people-magnet. Your genuine smile signals internal happiness and is associated with a positive outlook. We associate an infectious smile with people we can trust, and research has found that those who smile often are usually more generous and extroverted.

Quick Fix #7—Great Teeth

Fairly or not, poor oral hygiene is associated with low income and low social status. When you want to make a great first impression, or appear captivating and irresistible, beautiful white teeth are at the top of the list of “must haves.” As proof, how many successful, high-income-earners do you know who have discolored teeth or gaping holes in their mouths?

Quick Fix #8—Walking Style

Your style and pace of walking reveal more than you think. Here are different walking styles and what they communicate:

Best Foot Forward is a quick pace with long strides that says you are confident, determined, courageous, and purposeful.

High Octane says “Watch out; I’m coming through.” This express train walk will plow down anyone in its path. The fast walker is generally a type-A personality who wants to be the boss and in control.

Bigfoot is when you hear Sasquatch coming from down the hall. A persistent heavy footfall can make you seem stubborn or difficult to deal with.

Sluggard is like pulling your head along with your body like an old tugboat. The body barely moves; with each step, gravity seems to be pulling you backward. Best described as someone “dragging their feet” with effort. Sluggards are perceived as having low ambition or being laid back, lazy, sad, depressed, or uncertain.

Prancer is like a cat prowling down the hallway singing, “I’m too sexy for this place.” Sashaying in a single file line, shifting one foot in front of the other, causing the hips to sway; this walk shouts, “Look at me!”

Stroller is a “walk in the park” attitude. The stroller likes to take in everything around them. The stop-and-go stride is often perceived as easily distracted and leisurely, with the attitude, “What’s the hurry? We have all day.”

Check out your walking stride in the mirror or ask a friend to tell you what yours looks like. Making adjustments to how you walk could give you a leg up in creating good first impressions.

Long strides display confidence.

Quick Fix #9—Posture

Surely you can still hear your mother’s voice: “Stop slouching, and sit up straight.” Mom was right. Take the string test—while standing, tie a string around the top button of your shirt or blouse, then tie the other end around the button on your slacks. Now sit down as you normally would. Is there any slack in the string? If so, your posture needs to be adjusted until the slack is removed.

When you sit down, avoid pushing your buttocks into the back of the seat. Try leaving 1 or 2 inches behind you, without forcing; stretch straight up, keeping your shoulders and buttocks balanced.

Good posture conveys power and poise. And studies have shown that the simple act of assuming a powerful pose releases testosterone—in both men and women. So in essence, you can even make a good impression on yourself.

Quick Fix #10—Open Gestures

To appear confident, competent, and trustworthy, avoid crossing your arms or ankles. Closed gestures such as crossing arms, legs, or feet are perceived as guarded, unapproachable, resistant, and deceptive. Rather, keep the center of your body open, whether seated or standing.

Also, avoid placing your briefcase, folders, handbags, or books in front of you in any face-to-face encounter, because this closes your body as well.

Keeping an open posture makes you appear approachable and trustworthy.

Pulling it all together, when your posture is open, your smile is bright, your stride is long, and your handshake is confident, you’ve used body language to your advantage. You can thank that prospective client for the opportunity, hold that eye contact for a couple of seconds, and turn to join the others, confident that you’ve made a good first impression.

The Least You Need to Know

• First impressions speak volumes and often never change.

• Walk, handshake, and posture reveal your personality.

• Active listening is communicated through how you hold your head and how you nod.

• Never look below someone’s chin or at their lips; always focus on the tip of the nose to the corner of the eye.