Relaxation Techniques and Strategies
In This Chapter
- How breathing properly can help you manage everyday stress and anxiety
- Using meditation to focus the mind and improve health
- Relaxation techniques to reduce tension in your body
- How lifestyle changes can improve your outlook and overall health
In today’s world, stress is inevitable. We spend our days hurrying from one place to another. Our lives are filled with work, family, school, and responsibilities at home. We barely have time to relax. This hurried and stressful lifestyle takes a toll on us, both emotionally and physically. High levels of stress contribute to high blood pressure, heart disease, and digestive issues. Emotional stress manifests as irritability and anxiousness and can lead to anxiety disorders, anger problems, and depression. One part of managing stress is to learn relaxation techniques you can employ in your everyday life. In this chapter, we will talk about meditation and breathing techniques.
We all breathe—in and out, all day, every day. Breathing supplies our bodies with oxygen and rids it of toxins. No matter how you breathe, you are obviously getting enough oxygen to sustain life, but often, we don’t breathe properly. How you breathe affects your health, emotionally and physically. When you take in the right amount of oxygen, you give your body energy, increased focus, and feelings of relaxation and calmness. When you exhale properly, you rid your body of harmful toxins and carbon dioxide, making room for oxygen in the blood.
Proper breathing means breathing both into your chest area (allowing your ribs to get involved) and lower abdominal area (allowing your lower diaphragm to expand and contract). Both lower abdominal area and chest area should expand when you inhale and contract on the exhale.
There are several common ways in which people breathe incorrectly.
Reverse breathers breathe into their chest on the inhale and pull their abdominal area inward and upward. Both areas should move together for proper breathing.
Collapsed breathers breathe into their lower abdominal area only and hold their chest area stationary, preventing their ribs from expanding and contracting. This promotes feelings of depression.
Shallow breathers breathe mostly into their chest region and hold their lower abdominal area stationary. This can cause a feeling of light-headedness and anxiety.
IMAGINE THAT
Many shallow breathers mostly into their pull in their stomachs when breathing, forcing their shoulders upward. This makes them feel as if they are using their abdomens to breathe, even though they are not. Your shoulders should not move when you are breathing properly.
During periods of relaxation or sleep, you breathe more slowly and use more of your lungs. But during times of stress, your breathing changes and you take more frequent, shallower breaths. This is part of the fight-or-flight response and it, along with an increase in adrenalin, is meant to provide a quick burst of energy to deal with an impending threat.
When our ancestors faced physical dangers, such as an animal attack, the fight-or-flight response worked well. Our senses went on high alert to handle, or run from, the threat. Once the threat had passed, our bodies returned to normal. But today’s stresses are different; worry about financial problems, relationships, jobs, and security can keep you in a constant state of fight or flight. Your body stays in high alert and your breathing continues to come in short, sharp breaths.
Proper breathing is an essential part of treatment for anxiety disorders. It also helps in learning to manage everyday stress and to combat chronic pain, insomnia, anger, depression, and many other physical and emotional problems. The other relaxation techniques in this chapter—meditation and progressive relaxation—require proper breathing to be effective.
GIVE IT A TRY
Lie down with your right hand on your chest and your left hand on your abdomen. Take a few breaths, paying attention to which hand moves more. If your right hand moves more, you are taking shallow breathes and breathing with only the top part of your lungs. If your left hand moves more, you are breathing correctly.
Your Turn: Breathing Techniques
Proper breathing takes practice. If you have been breathing improperly for many years, your body has become conditioned to breathe that way. You now have to retrain your body to breathe properly. Try using one of the following exercises every day, for 5 to 10 minutes. As you continue to practice, breathing properly becomes automatic.
Feel the Difference
Lie down on the floor, with your spine straight. Place one hand on your chest and one on your abdomen. Breathe in, filling your chest and then stop. Hold for a few seconds and then breathe out. Breath in again, filling your abdomen with air. Hold for a few seconds and then release the air. Feel the difference between the two types of breathing. Understanding and feeling the difference helps you learn how to control your breathing.
Breathe Deeply
Lie down on the floor with your knees bent, your feet slightly apart. (You can also do this sitting upright in a chair. Sit on the edge of the chair, making sure to not lean back, and keep both feet flat on the floor.) Make sure your spine is straight. Place your right hand on your chest and your left hand on your abdomen. Inhale deeply through your nose, bringing the air into your abdomen (your left hand should rise up and your right hand should move only slightly). Exhale through your mouth. Try to slow your breath so you are breathing six to eight times per minute. Count four seconds on the inhale, pause gently, and then count four seconds on the exhale. Pause gently before the next breath starts. Continue for 5 to 10 minutes.
Develop Your Breathing Muscles
This exercise requires a small sand bag or five pound bag of rice.
Lie down on the floor with your knees bent and your feet slightly apart, about the width of your hips, and your spine straight. Place the bag of rice or the sand bag across your lower abdominal area. Relax and breathe naturally. After a few breaths, you will notice that the weight of the rice causes your abdominal area to work a little harder during the inhale and to relax a little more on the exhale. As you notice your breathing getting deeper, slow your breathing. Count four seconds on the inhale, pause, count four seconds on the exhale, pause, and then let the next deep breath begin. In this exercise, you can breathe through either your nose or your mouth, whichever you do normally.
Balloon Breathing
This exercise can be done lying down, as in the previous exercises, or sitting upright on the edge of a chair with your feet flat on the floor. Place your right hand on your abdominal area and left hand on your chest. Start by breathing slowly with your mouth into your lower abdominal area, and then gently breathe into your chest area (count five seconds). When your entire torso fills up with air like a balloon, gently hold the breath for a count of two to three seconds. When you are ready to exhale, purse your lips together slightly and let the air slowly out and watch your chest and belly deflate. When you have fully exhaled, gently hold the abdominal area inward and count for two to three seconds before breathing in again. Let the next breath begin naturally and continue this cycle counting: five-second inhale, two- to three-second pause while holding the air in, five-second exhale, two- to three-second pause before breathing in.
Sighing
Sighing and yawning are your body’s way of trying to get more oxygen. You can use sighing to increase your oxygen intake and help you relax. This exercise can be done while standing or sitting. As with the previous exercise, make sure your spine is straight. Breathe in and then sigh, letting the air rush out of your lungs. Repeat several times, feeling your body relax a little more each time.
When you think of meditation, you might imagine a monk sitting cross-legged, eyes closed, humming. You might think of new-age religions and wonder if you are meditating in order to find enlightenment or some great universal truth. You might think that only mystics and high priests meditate. However, a great many people, from all walks of life, meditate on a daily basis. Meditation is a useful tool anyone can use to clear the mind. It helps to calm your thoughts and allows you to better control your reactions to the world around you.
What Is Meditation?
Meditation is clearing your mind from the barrage of constant thoughts. When you meditate, you focus your thoughts on a single object (such as your own breath or a photo) or on a mantra (a specific word or phrase). Whenever another thought comes into your mind, you bring your focus back to your object or mantra, not allowing distractions to clutter your mind. Meditation is awareness; you are alert, yet your mind is calm.
DEFINITION
A mantra is a sound, word, or phrase used to create a mental vibration. Mantras can have specific meanings; for example, the mantra So Hum means “I am.” Some people repeat the sound “om” as their mantra. You can choose a mantra with a special meaning to you, use a sound, or find one from ancient meditations.
Many people find meditation difficult in the beginning. It is hard to push aside all conscious thought and remain quiet and still. As you practice meditation, it becomes easier. You may even find yourself meditating for brief periods throughout the day. Some people worry that when they meditate they will lose control and fight the feeling of letting go. However, meditation is safe and you always remain in control.
Why Meditate?
For centuries, monks and high priests have been touting the benefits of meditation, claiming it improves health, well-being, and satisfaction with life. According to recent scientific research, they may be right. Studies have shown that meditation may reduce the risk of high blood pressure, heart attack, and stroke, as well as help to control chronic pain.
STOP AND THINK
While meditation can provide many physical and emotional benefits, it isn’t right for everyone. Before beginning a meditation regimen, talk with your doctor. There is some evidence that certain mental illnesses, such as schizophrenia, may worsen with meditation.
In addition to improving physical health, meditation also has a positive effect on your emotional well-being. It helps lower stress levels and improves symptoms of depression and anxiety. One study showed that meditating immediately before a stressful event helped participants cope better during the event. For those without any specific health issues, meditation may improve empathy, compassion, and satisfaction with life.
Your Turn: Simple Meditation
There are many different meditation techniques. The following exercise focuses on concentration. In Chapter 8, we’ll go into detail on mindfulness meditation.
CBTIDBIT
Before meditating, take a few minutes to stretch. This helps loosen your muscles and tendons, allowing you to you sit or lie down comfortably.
Step 1: Find a comfortable place for your meditation. This place should be peaceful and free of distractions. Turn off your phone and close your door to avoid any interruptions. While it is possible to lie down and meditate, there is a chance you will fall asleep; therefore, it is better to sit up straight in a comfortable chair or with your legs crossed on the floor while maintaining a straight back. If this is too uncomfortable try kneeling on a pillow placed on the floor.
Step 2: Close your eyes and take a few moments to breathe normally, in through your nose and out through your mouth. You can take a few deep breaths to help relax if you want.
Step 3: Focus on your breathing. Feel your chest move up and down with each breath. Notice how your breath feels coming in and going out. Imagine yourself breathing in all the goodness around you and breathing out any negative thoughts.
Step 4: Continue to focus on your breathing. If another thought pops in your mind, simply refocus your thoughts to your breathing. In the beginning, you may notice thoughts continuously popping into your mind. As you practice meditation, you should notice this happening less often. If you have trouble paying attention to your breathing, use a mantra, repeating it over and over.
Step 5: As you continue breathing, notice the stillness of your mind and relax. Continue to bring yourself back to your breathing or your mantra any time you notice thoughts intruding.
Start with 10 to 15 minutes of meditation per day. Work your way up to about 30 minutes. You can break this up to 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes in the evening, or take some time at noon to calm your mind and prepare for the rest of the day.
If you have a hard time staying focused on your breathing, seek out a CD or app that will walk you through a meditation session (see Appendix B: Resources). Especially if you’re a beginner, listening to a soothing voice that reminds you to pay attention to your breathing can be helpful.
Your Turn: Kirtan Kriya Mediation
This meditation exercise uses a simple mantra—SA TA NA MA—and stimulates your meridian points. It is a more active meditation that can be helpful for those who have a hard time meditating due to distractions or an inability to relax the mind.
Meridian points are energy points in the body that are often used in acupuncture and acupressure treatments. The belief is that stimulating these energy points improves blood circulation and stimulates nerve endings.
This type of meditation has been shown to improve memory function by increasing blood flow to important brain structures.
Step 1: Sit in chair with your feet on the floor (resist the urge to lean back) or sit on the floor with your ankle to your opposite knee. Keep your spine straight.
Step 2: Touch your thumb to your index finger, middle finger, ring finger, and pinky finger in sequence. As you touch each finger, vocalize one sound of the mantra (SA TA NA MA). Keep a slow steady rhythmic pace.
Step 3: Repeat the mantra and motion out loud for two minutes, in a whisper for two minutes, and in silence for four minutes, followed by in a whisper for two more minutes, and finally out loud for the final two minutes. The total time is 12 minutes.
If you have a hard time doing this on your own, you can download a recording from a website that specializes in spiritual recordings, such as SpiritVoyage. You can also find apps for Android and Apple products, or you can record your own voice to guide you through the sequence.
Relaxing Your Muscles
Progressive muscle relaxation is a technique that involves tensing specific muscle groups and then relaxing them to create awareness of tension and relaxation. It is termed “progressive” because it proceeds through all major muscle groups, relaxing them one at a time, and eventually leads to total muscle relaxation. When your body feels relaxed, your mind can have calmness and clarity. You may want to do this exercise before the mediation or breathing exercise to help your body feel calm.
IMAGINE THAT
Many people don’t even realize their muscles are tense. Progressive muscle relaxation teaches you what your muscles feel like when tense and when relaxed. Once you can feel the difference you can take a few minutes, no matter where you are, to tense and relax specific muscles and aid in reducing tension.
Your Turn: Progressive Muscle Relaxation
For this exercise, you may want to tape the instructions and then follow along your recording. There are also apps available to lead you through the progressive muscle relaxation.
Before you begin, find a comfortable position. You can lie down for this exercise. Make sure you are wearing loose, comfortable clothing. Close your eyes and take a few minutes to breath normally, in through your nose and out your mouth.
Forehead: Raise your eyebrows as high as you can to tighten the muscles in your forehead. Hold it for 10 seconds. Then relax, feeling the release of tension.
Breathe in and out, in and out.
Eyes: Close your eyes tightly, holding your eyelids shut as tight as you can. Hold for 10 seconds. Then release, feeling your muscles loosen.
Breathe in and out, in and out.
Mouth: Smile as wide as you can. Tighten the muscles in your mouth and your cheeks. Hold it for 10 seconds. Then release, feeling your face relax and soften.
Breathe in and out, in and out.
Head and neck: Pull your head back as far as you can. If you are sitting, move your head as if you are looking straight at the ceiling. Hold for 10 seconds. Then release, feeling the muscles in your neck lighten.
Let your head and neck sink back into your pillow or the back of the chair. Feel all the stress in your face and head melt away.
Breathe in and out, in and out.
Breathe in and out, in and out.
Fists: Clench your fists, hold for 10 seconds, and release.
Breathe in and out, in and out.
Upper Arms: Tighten your biceps, hold for 10 seconds and then let your muscles go limp.
Breathe in and out, in and out.
Shoulders: Tighten your shoulders, bringing your shoulders back as if your shoulder blades could touch. Hold for 10 seconds and release, feeling the tension in your back and shoulders dissipate.
Breathe in and out, in and out.
Abdomen: Tighten the muscles in your abdomen, sucking in air as you do. Hold for 10 seconds and release.
Allow your upper body to sink into the chair or bed, feeling the limpness in your muscles.
Breathe in and out, in and out.
Breathe in and out, in and out.
Buttocks: Tighten your buttock muscles; hold for 10 seconds and release.
Breathe in and out, in and out.
Thighs: Tighten the muscles in your thighs; hold for 10 seconds and release.
Breathe in and out, in and out.
Calves: Pull your feet toward you, feeling the muscles in your calves tighten. Hold for 10 seconds and release.
Breathe in and out, in and out.
Toes: Curl your toes under; hold for 10 seconds and release.
Let your legs sink into your mattress or chair. Feel how loose your muscles are.
Breathe in and out, in and out.
Breathe in and out, in and out.
Starting with your head, let total relaxation wash over your entire body, from your head to your feet.
Breathe in and out, in and out.
Breathe in and out, in and out.
As with meditation, this exercise takes practice. The first few times you complete the exercise, you may not feel that it did much or that your muscles are still tense. Be patient and continue to practice progressive muscle relaxation every day. As you practice, you will begin to notice it is easier to control your muscles, both tensing and relaxing.
It can be difficult to give yourself time for hobbies, socializing, and exercise, especially when you feel overwhelmed with other responsibilities. However, all work and no play creates stress overload, which can be harmful to your health. As much as possible, allow yourself time to relax and take pleasure in life. It can be difficult to give yourself permission to put aside other duties in favor of something you enjoy, but keep in mind how important it is for your physical and emotional well-being and give yourself time each day for hobbies or activities you enjoy.
Hobbies
The responsibilities of our jobs, homes, and children often interfere with taking time to enjoy our own hobbies, such as gardening, fishing, dancing, drawing, or reading. We frequently put aside these types of activities for ones we see as more important. However, participating in activities like these, whether alone or with a group, usually helps to lower stress levels and allows you to relax.
If you’ve been neglecting a hobby that you enjoy, make time to reintroduce to your life. For example, in the past you may have enjoyed painting, finding it relaxing and taking pride it your creations. You keep telling yourself that when your children are grown, when your job is less demanding, when you have more time, you will pull out the paints and start again. Life may never slow down, so it’s important to find time now.
Your Turn: Create a Wish List
Write down all of the things that you enjoy doing and that help you relax. Think back over the past and include hobbies or activities you once enjoyed, even if it’s been a long time since you took time to enjoy that activity. Include any activities you are interested in learning or starting, even if you have not done it before. This is your wish list.
Next to each item, write down the last time you participated in the activity.
Put a star next to one or two activities high on your list of “wants.” Be creative in scheduling time each day or week to submerse yourself in your hobbies.
STOP AND THINK
Ask yourself what has prevented you from doing the activities on your wish list and create a response plan. For example, if you want to exercise but end up working late, then either plan to tell your boss you will do your work at home or come in early tomorrow morning. Or you might plan to work out in the morning. Paying attention to what gets in the way of achieving your goals and creating a plan prevents you from making false promises to yourself.
We all have different schedules and different demands on our time. The trick is finding a way to build activities you enjoy into your schedule. Consider these strategies:
- Wake up a half hour earlier and give yourself a quiet time to pursue an interest.
- Make an arrangement with your spouse that allows each of you to have one evening per week for your own activities.
- Plan to leave work earlier a one day per week and use the time to do something you enjoy.
- Use your lunch hour to do something you enjoy.
- Give up some responsibility at work to take on hobby or personal goal.
Hobbies don’t usually overtake your life, but you should work toward a balance. Everyone’s lifestyle and responsibilities are different—what works for one person may be too little or too much time for another. Find the amount of time each day or week that works for you and make it a priority to give yourself that time.
Social Activities
Engaging in social activities is an important ingredient to general feelings of well-being and overall happiness. Research has shown that people with strong social connections are better able to manage stress, are healthier, and live longer than those who lead solitary lives.
As teens and young adults, social activities are often a big part of our lives. But as we get older, work and family become more demanding. Your spouse and children may become your sole social outlet. However, having a social network is still very important. Friends fill in the gaps, giving you someone to talk to, to share stories, and to ask for (and give) help.
This can be especially difficult if you have anxiety. You might worry that you won’t fit in or find it hard to try new things. You aren’t alone. Reaching out to others, while difficult, should help you feel better in the long-term. Start small. Make a goal to add one activity to your weekly schedule. As you gain confidence, you can increase the time you spend on the activity or add a second one. This helps you slowly build your social connections.
If you are having a hard time finding friends outside of your family and co-workers, consider the following ideas.
Look for adult classes in your area. Use the wish list you created in the last exercise to search for interesting classes. This is a great way to meet people with similar interests.
Join a group. Your local paper may have listings for groups in your area. Websites such as meetup.com also offer groups for just about any interest. You can join social or exercise groups, book clubs, or groups that explore spirituality. Local businesses are also a good resource for groups. Specialty stores such as yarn shops, home brewing supply stores, and bookstores often host monthly get-togethers.
Look for community events. Events such as races, fundraisers, and festivals can be a great place to meet new people. Depending on the event, you may be able to bring your children (or your pets), have a fun day, and meet other parents. You can also volunteer and meet other people who are behind the scenes.
Visit a place of worship. Most churches, mosques, and synagogues offer an array of groups, workshops, and events in addition to weekly services.
Volunteer. Try to find organizations in your area based on your interests and passions. Check with the local hospital, senior center, or parks department. Volunteer to spend time with the animals at a local pet shelter. If you want to take small steps, start by volunteering to help at a one-time event and work your way up to volunteering on a weekly basis.
Physical Activity and Exercise Programs
We know that exercise is good for our physical health. It improves how the body functions. Regular exercise lowers levels of anxiety and depression. It improves sleep, concentration, and cognitive function. Between the ages of 19 and 64, you should get at least 150 minutes per week of exercise.
Your Turn: Activity Journal
How often do you do physical activities? Not just traditional exercise or going to the gym, but activities that get your body moving. Exercise doesn’t necessarily mean going to “work out” on the treadmill or weight machines. You may actually exercise more often than you think you do.
Start by creating an Activity Journal. Write down the date and any activity you did that day. Maybe you walked in the mall for an hour, did some gardening, took the steps instead of the elevator at work, took your kids swimming, or played golf. Keeping track of these types of activities may motivate you to do even more. At the end of the week, review your accomplishments and set goals for the following week. The goal of this activity is not to become physically fit but to become physically active.
The first step to creating a fitness program is deciding when you are going to exercise. It’s easy to say, “I’ll walk three miles whenever I can each day,” but that makes it too easy to simply not have the time one day, then the next, until you are no longer exercising. Instead, make a commitment and set aside a specific time each day, even if you start with 10 minutes a day.
CBTIDBIT
Research on patients who had recently undergone hip surgery showed those who made a specific action plan were significantly more likely to exercise and recovered more quickly than those who said they would walk 20 minutes a day. An example of a specific plan is “meet my wife at the bus stop after work and walk home with her.”
Structure your exercise time. You might go to the gym and do a specific set of exercises, join a weekly class, or commit to doing a specific routine or workout video at home. Using the right structured program for your needs and your level will help you stick to the program.
You also need to set goals. Setting goals helps you understand your purpose for exercising. Are you trying to lose weight? Be more physically fit? Increase your energy? You can’t see any progress unless you know what to look for. Setting specific goals not only gives you something to work toward, but a way to know when you get there. Create a physical goal, such as walking for 20 minutes daily. Set a specific action plan such as, “I will walk home from the train station every day” or “I will spend the second half of my lunch hour walking around the building.” Then create an outcome goal. What is one thing that is measurable? Track and record your progress daily or weekly.
Specific Action Plan
- Proper breathing—deep breaths from your abdomen rather than shallow breaths from your chest—are at the center of many relaxation techniques.
- Meditation can slow down the constant barrage of thoughts and clear your mind. Regular meditation can decrease symptoms of anxiety and depression.
- The process of progressive muscle relaxation, in which you tense and relax all the major muscle groups in your body, provides a deep feeling of relaxation.
- Physical fitness, social activities, and hobbies are important for your well-being. Make time every day for doing what you enjoy.