I had always worked in a culture of blame. I could swear all my managers came from the school of: “You do it, you own it. I don’t like it? I blame you.” I did the same thing with my managers and their teams.

I wanted to use agile approaches. I needed the features done and released. I kept managing the same way I had always managed.

One day, four of my managers asked for a meeting. They said they were all going to leave if I didn’t change. What did I need to change? My blaming.

I talked to the first manager and she explained she was tired of working around me and trying to smooth things over when I had a screaming and blaming outburst in a meeting. She told me I never had "little" outbursts. She gave me feedback, as I now see.

The other managers gave me other examples. They were sick and tired of me. Me. Not the company. Me. My blaming had gotten out of hand and had changed my effectiveness as a manager.

I didn’t think I could make things work without them. I told them that. They all smiled. That first manager told me she was happy I felt that way. They loved the product and their teams. I was the problem.

They taught me about feedback that day. I see now that they coached me. I am still a work in progress, but I’m working on my growth and agile mindsets.

They haven’t quit and the teams started to really rock and roll after I started to learn how to manage. It’s as if all they needed was a little reasonableness at the top.