What makes you anxious – giving a big speech? Starting in a new job? Waiting to run onto the pitch for an important game? Broaching a difficult conversation with someone? Going into an exam (or getting the results)?

When you’re really nervous, you can shake, sweat, struggle to string words together, your heart rate increases and you can feel weak. What’s more, your head is full of clamouring thoughts, usually centred on what could go wrong and how terrible it would be if it did. You imagine all kinds of humiliating or catastrophic scenarios.

Because it would be terrible if it went wrong, wouldn’t it? I mean, you’d really mind. A lot. That’s the reason you feel nervous. It seems obvious, but you probably aren’t thinking about the reason for it because you’re too busy trying to calm down and stop thinking about failure.

Now then. Suppose you were about to go into an exam you didn’t care about. You’re only doing it because you’ve been told you have to, but it’s a subject you’re not interested in, and you don’t need to pass in order to do anything that matters to you. You didn’t bother studying because you don’t care what happens – the whole exercise seems pointless. Are you feeling nervous? Of course not, because you don’t care.

So when you encounter someone who seems really nervous, just remember that it’s really important to them to do well. Whether they’re a new member of the sports team, or a colleague about to give a presentation, or someone asking you for help or advice – their nerves show you that they care. And that’s always a good thing. Shows they have integrity and drive and want to succeed.

So be sensitive. Be reassuring. Be kind. Don’t tell them not to be nervous – they’ll just worry that they’re disappointing you, or their nerves are getting in the way. No, don’t tell them. Help them not to be nervous. Show them how to achieve what they want, tell them you’re glad they’re nervous because it shows they care.

The best cure for nerves is confidence. And you achieve that by knowing what you’re doing. If you go onto that pitch knowing you’re the best player there, or walk out on stage confident that you could deliver your speech in your sleep, or sit down to an exam having revised for it so thoroughly you know you can answer any question – well, then you’ll be far less nervous. So when someone seems anxious around you, remind them how much they know, or run through their moves or their presentation with them, or reassure them that they’re not expected to know how to do the job on their first day.