It should be a given that if you have someone’s loyalty, you have them on your side. So the question is: what makes your partner, your colleague, your friend, your boss, loyal to you? Some people are by nature more instinctively loyal than others, but you can get almost anyone to show you great loyalty if you know how.

The key thing to understand is that people don’t choose to be loyal to you. Either they feel it or they don’t. I used to have a boss who insisted that his team owed him loyalty – it was part of their job. However, this simply doesn’t work. It might have been their job to appear loyal, to act as a loyal person would have acted, but it simply wasn’t in their power to feel loyal or disloyal. Only he could control that. What’s more, if you tell someone to feel loyal when they don’t, you’re making an unreasonable demand of them. Which, of course, is going to push them into feeling less loyal.

Yes – less loyal. Because loyalty isn’t an on/off switch. Some of your friends might have some loyalty to you, but only so far. Your partner might be utterly loyal. Your boss might be loyal up to a point, but leave you on your own if you overstep a certain line.

So, if you want loyal people around you, you have to earn that loyalty. Like it or not, it’s the only thing that works. The good news is that the way you earn loyalty from other people is blindingly simple. You just have to be loyal to them. Nice and easy, eh? Accept that some people will always be easier to win over than others, and that’s not right or wrong, it’s just how they’re made. Then take every opportunity to show your commitment to them:

• Don’t gossip behind their back or pass on rumours about them.
• Stand up for them in front of ‘outsiders’ – people outside the family, friendship group, company, department, etc.
• Show support and sympathy where they need it.
• Don’t betray confidences but, beyond that, be as open as you can and co-operate with them.
• Always treat their opinions with respect, even if you disagree with them. You can voice your view without disparaging theirs.
• Listen to them when they are passionate about a view, a complaint, an idea, a project, whatever your own thoughts on the matter.
• Show you care about them individually – remember their kids’ names, or the fact they had a job interview last week.
• Be appreciative when they do something for you, whether a friend remembers your favourite meal when they cook for you, or a team member wins a contract. Don’t just say ‘Thanks’. Tell them why you appreciate it.

If you can do all that for the people you live with and work with, you’ll find yourself surrounded by loyal people.