One of my friends claims he can barely stand to be around his own brother, because his brother turns everything into a competition: who has the best-paid job, the most expensive car, the most valuable house, the most exotic holidays. As you can see, in his brother’s case it’s all about money.

Other people are competitive about sport or shared hobbies (‘What kind of camera have you got?’ ‘I’ve got a more specialist model train than you … ’). Or parenting. Ooh, that’s a thing. A big thing. Whose child was toilet-trained first, or got the best grades, or had the best part in the school play.

It’s not just about bragging for these overly competitive people – not only must they do well, but they also need you to do less well. That’s what sets it apart from mere boastfulness.

Of course, there’s a reason for it. Generally, these people, when young, were given more praise or recognition or adulation for winning than they were given for, say, working hard or for being good losers. The really unlucky ones were actively chastised for failing to win or come top. In some cases their parents – and to some extent teachers – focused specifically on sport or exam grades or career success. (You and I know that career success needn’t have anything to do with money, but parents busy raising over-competitive kids generally think it does.) Sometimes they just weren’t allowed to come second at anything.

All of which means that it’s nothing to do with you, so don’t take it personally. As with so many difficult behaviours, it’s all about them. Its effect on you is important, however. You consider them difficult because you dislike having to cope with their extreme competitiveness. Why is that? Do they make you feel inadequate? Are you tempted to join in to prove you have equal value? Well, that stuff is about you – your reaction is a big part of the problem.

Listen, I’m not saying it’s your fault. If someone else is taking competition to an obnoxious level, you’re certainly not to blame. Your ability to cope with it might be improved, however, if you had the confidence to let it go, laugh it off, feel sorry for them. Or if you’re tempted to join in and get really competitive, maybe you suffered from some of the same warped values as a child. In which case learning to recognise this and recalibrate your values will be hard, but you’ll be happier for it.

Personally, I do have a favourite way of dealing with these people. It might not work for everyone but it works for me. I become inversely competitive – I try to come last in the competition: ‘My child is already potty trained at 18 months … ’ ‘Really? I wasn’t planning to start mine before they’re at least two.’ It’s not difficult with these people, and it tends to shut them up. What’s more they think they’ve won, and I know I have – it’s my private way of enjoying it instead of being riled by it. Keeps me happy.