Contents

Introduction

Understanding people

1 Understanding helps

2 No one has to be like you

3 People hear what they want to hear

4 People believe what they want to believe

5 Your attitude influences their response

6 Remember your first impression

7 People are tribal

8 Everyone wants to feel valued

9 They only tease you if they like you

10 … but banter isn’t teasing

11 Everyone else is insecure too

12 Spots don’t change

13 Behaviour isn’t character

14 Other people’s relationships are a mystery

15 Big words are there to impress you

16 Confrontation can be scary

17 People feel nervous because they care

18 Angry people are sad people

19 Crying isn’t always sad

20 Some people just don’t think

21 Square pegs don’t fit in round holes

22 Wild and wacky isn’t always fun

23 It’s hard being 13

24 They’ll shout if you do

25 Responsibility creates independence

26 Teenagers hate you because they love you

27 Talking is what matters

28 Listening is what matters

29 No one likes saying sorry

30 The world is full of rebels

31 Some weirdos are great people

Helping people

32 Put your oxygen mask on first

33 Get in the swamp

34 It’s OK just to feel

35 Listen, don’t solve

36 Know your limitations

37 It’s not a competition

38 Never give advice

39 Accept their decision

40 Give them control

41 Get them to think for themselves

42 Learn to be psychic

43 Listen to what they don’t say

44 People who can’t find an answer may not want one

45 Don’t tell people to move on

46 Loneliness is a state of mind

47 Give them privacy

48 All interactions are positive or negative

49 Not everyone wants help

Getting them on your side

50 Loyalty runs both ways

51 Remember the details

52 Flattery should never be empty

53 Praise effectively

54 Keep your praise in proportion

55 People want to be liked

56 Earn their respect

57 Have a sense of humour

58 Don’t be scared to admit your mistakes

59 Be tolerant

60 Make individual relationships

61 Turn the best side to the front

62 People generally agree with themselves

63 Credit people with your own ideas

64 Don’t tell them they’re wrong (even if they are)

65 Get them to collaborate

66 Be human

67 Share

68 Say thank you properly

69 Get under their skin

70 Criticise constructively

71 Agree without agreeing

72 Let them win

73 Make it three-dimensional

74 Give and take

75 Know what you both want

76 Get all their cards on the table

77 Give them a get-out

78 Never be scared

79 Don’t get caught on the hop

Difficult people

80 There’s only one person you can change

81 It’s scary being controlled

82 If they feel small, they’ll big themselves up

83 Shouty people want to be heard

84 Negative people can’t half be useful

85 Control freaks know they’re right

86 Blackmailers want to control you

87 Insecurity can cause mistrust

88 Prejudice comes from ignorance

89 Martyrs crave recognition

90 Sensitive people can’t toughen up

91 People will listen if it’s in their interest

92 Passive-aggressive people fear conflict

93 Patronising can be accidental

94 You can’t beat a true narcissist

95 Moaners don’t want to change

96 Competitive complainers don’t just need a whinge

97 Secrets are full of power

98 Some people just can’t lose

99 Manipulation is more than just persuasion

100 Busy people are less trouble

These are the Rules

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