OK, that last Rule goes the other way too. People are more likely to help and support you if they like you. But some people don’t seem to like you, so it’s harder for you to get them on your side. They may not be deliberately scuppering your plans (the next bit of the book is about people who are particularly difficult), but neither are they going out of their way to help.

You’re not going to get these people to like you by baking them cakes and flattering them and giving them flowers and generally trying too hard. In fact, other than treating them as your normal Rules self, there’s no point trying to get them to like you at all. That’s because what you really need from these people is respect (and trying too hard will cost you respect). It’s very hard to dislike someone you respect – unless they’re actually unpleasant. Which you’re not, because you’re a Rules player and always treat other people decently. Someone you respect may not be your best friend, but you’ll like them well enough. That’s well enough to be helpful and supportive if they ask. If someone respects you they’ll value your approval, so they won’t lightly risk it by being unco-operative or difficult with you.

If you ask, you’ll get lots of advice on how to earn respect, but it all boils to this:

• Be good at what you do.
• Know you are good at it.
• Do it with integrity.

Whether it’s at work or among your friends or at the local club you help run, make sure you’re good at your job. That doesn’t only mean meeting your deadlines or hitting your targets, because to do your job really well you must also achieve your aims with calmness and grace and without fuss or making unreasonable demands of other people. Got it? You don’t just do the job well on paper – you do it well in terms of your interactions with other people too.

The reason you have to know you’re good at what you do is because you won’t earn respect if you keep asking for approval and recognition and confirmation – either verbally or in unspoken ways. You’ll just look needy.

And as for integrity – always adhere to your values, even when it might be easier not to. Uphold what you believe in in little ways and – if necessary – in bigger ways. Always treat other people with respect and decency, and stand up for them if they need your backup.

Do all of that – which shouldn’t be so hard – and it will be well-nigh impossible for people not to respect you. And once they respect you, it’s easier for them to like you than not.