I read something interesting recently. Researchers took two groups of people with opposing political views on a particular topic, and gave them each statistics and other relevant data – hard facts – about it. They discovered that regardless of which side of the argument they were on, people believed that the facts supported their view.

What we believe isn’t just about objective facts. It’s about our whole outlook on the world, which is a complicated mix of how we were raised, our past experiences, what our friends believe, who we want to impress, how we see ourselves. The whole concept of ‘belief’ is often applied to spirituality because it has as much to do with faith as with facts. And that’s something you can’t argue with, however much you might like to.

When was the last time you had a heated political debate with someone who ended up saying, ‘Actually, fair point. You’re quite right. I’ve changed my mind’? It almost never happens. Because we all debate the facts; but they’re just a tiny part of what makes up our beliefs. For example, a racist and a non-racist arguing with each other will quote loads of statistics about the effect of immigration on the jobs market, or inner-city crime rates, but the data aren’t the real reason they hold their view, so that’s not likely to change their minds.

What really happens is that we form our beliefs on the basis of a gut feeling, and then we post-rationalise it – we look for facts that back up what we’ve already decided to believe. Only we’re not aware of the process, so we fool ourselves into thinking our view makes more logical sense than the opposing one.

That’s why there’s really no point discussing politics or religion with other people (apart from people who already agree with you, of course). Problem is, words, facts, statistics – the tools you have to hand when you’re debating – will never change people’s beliefs.

Frequently, nothing you can do will change them, and you’re wasting your time. That doesn’t mean it’s impossible for someone to change what they believe. But the thing that will change them is an immersive experience. They have to live it for themselves – you can’t do it for them.

You might have changed your own beliefs over the years, either suddenly or almost imperceptibly. So look back at why you stopped voting Conservative and started voting socialist, or went from being an atheist to a Muslim, or stopped approving of private education, or came to think that abortion should be available on demand, or decided that maybe peanut butter and jam do go together.

How often would you say the change was the result of a discussion with someone who disagreed with your opinion at the time? I’ll bet the answer is almost never. It will be because you lived somewhere new, or got to know a group of people whose situation influenced you, or changed your personal circumstances, or did the kind of job that taught you to see the world differently. In other words, no one changed your beliefs for you. You changed them by yourself in response to your own life experiences.

Just remember that next time you’re in a heated debate with someone who holds a view that you consider to be stupid or illogical or untenable in some way. I’m not suggesting you shouldn’t stand up for what you believe in. Just be realistic about the chances of getting the other person to change their mind.