There’s another reason why you have to accept other people’s decisions if you’re genuine about wanting to help them. It’s important for everyone to feel in control of their own lives. If you start making their decisions for them – however well-meaning you are – you’re taking away that control.

Yes, you might be right that they’re heading towards disaster, but at least they’re behind the wheel of their own car, and they have the option (whether they choose to take it or not) of turning down a side road, or slamming on the brakes. If you grab the steering wheel, they’re going to feel even more terrified.

What’s more, this is their car, and you don’t know as well as they do how it drives. You might not have made allowances for the iffy clutch, or the indicators that don’t work unless you waggle the lever.¹⁰ So now they’re even more anxious because no one knows their car – or their life – as well as they do.

A friend of mine who is a volunteer for the Samaritans tells me that sometimes people phone them who are suicidal because they feel they have no control over their lives. The Samaritans’ policy is to listen and not give any advice – not even to tell them they mustn’t take their own lives (whilst nevertheless trying to help them see an alternative for themselves). Apparently, this simple act of allowing them to make their own decision about suicide, permitting them control over their own life, can be the thing that helps them make the choice to continue living. A sense of control over our own lives is indeed that powerful.

So it’s no surprise that for your friends, family and colleagues – who I hope are not suicidal – normal levels of happiness and well-being are reliant on the sense that they’re in control of their own lives. If they’re always being told what to do, they’ll feel anxious and unsafe. This can be a particular problem with teenagers who often feel they’re being told what to do all the time. At such a vulnerable age, this can have serious consequences for their mental health.

There are few instances I can think of where taking control of other people’s decisions does enough good to balance the harm inherent in taking away that control. I know you don’t think you’re controlling them, I know you think it’s just good advice and they’re free to ignore it, but if you give that advice too strongly to someone who is already anxious and vulnerable, it can feel to them as if you’re making their decisions for them. And how it feels to them is the only bit that matters – your intentions are irrelevant.