A friend of mine at school was amazingly resilient when being shouted at by teachers. I have to say I didn’t mind being told off as much as some, but this guy was so unaffected even I was impressed. I was at school with him for years and I remember hearing once that he’d been on the receiving end of a serious telling-off from a teacher in a lesson I wasn’t in. So I asked him what it was all about. He told me he had no idea. I pointed out that he must have had some idea what the teacher was so angry about, if only from the words the teacher was shouting. He looked surprised and said, as though it should have been obvious, ‘I have no idea what he was saying. I wasn’t listening.’ I wasn’t expecting this, so I asked him to explain himself. His reply was this: ‘I never listen when teachers are cross with me. If I listened, this little voice inside my head would be telling me to do exactly what the teacher is telling me not to. And that’s never going to be a good idea. So I just don’t listen. I can’t do the opposite if I don’t know what it is.’

I was delighted with the brilliance of his response, and on occasion I have used various adaptations of it since then. Because I’m like him – I also have a little voice in my head telling me to rebel against whatever I’m being told to do. Lots of us do, although I suspect we’re still a minority. Some people, on being told what to do, will appreciate the guidance, or accept the directive, or follow the instruction. Others find it more difficult to do as we’re told.

You need to identify the people around you who are secret rebels, because telling them what to do can backfire. If you’re their boss, you might encounter quiet resistance, or a determination to do things their way and not yours. If you’re their parent or partner or friend, things can get a lot shoutier than that.

You have two options here. The first is to adopt reverse psychology – this works especially well with kids. Tell them not to do the thing you actually want them to do, and you should both be happy. Just don’t let them know afterwards that you manipulated them or they will be furious (and the ploy will never work again).

The other way to handle a secret rebel is to avoid giving them any more instruction than necessary. Indeed, if you can, let them know that you’re not trying to control or direct them in any way. Set the parameters you have to, and leave them to get on with it in their own style: ‘The research needs to be completed by Friday week, and I particularly want to know where the competition are on this. I’m sure you can work out the best way to go about it, so just ask if you need anything from me.’

The rule with rebels is the less you give them to kick against, the less they’ll rebel. More than that indeed – they’ll appreciate being allowed to do things their own way.