People want to feel that they matter, that they’re important to you. If you’ve ever had someone forget your name who really should know it, you’ll know how it makes you feel: unimportant, inconsequential, uncared about, not interesting or worthwhile enough to remember. It’s a horrible feeling. When someone does remember you, you get the opposite feeling.

Of course, if all they do is remember your name, it doesn’t usually count for much (apart from avoiding all those negative feelings you’d have had if they hadn’t recalled it). It depends how well they know you, when you last met, and how you know each other – the CEO remembering even just your name after meeting you once two years ago would feel pretty good.

I once worked with a very well-known actor when I was young – actors meet people all the time, cast, crew, directors, and can do several jobs a year with all those new faces. I didn’t expect to meet this guy again because I was doing a fill-in job on a small corporate production that only lasted a few days. As I told him (he was very chatty with everyone), I had other career plans lined up. By chance, I had a couple of weeks spare about two years later and worked for the same film company again. And it so happened this actor was back for this film too. I assumed he wouldn’t remember me – how could he? – but as soon as he saw me he gave me a really warm greeting and asked why I was there and how the career plans were going. He remembered exactly what I’d been up to. I can’t tell you how chuffed I was and how good it made me feel that I’d been worth remembering.

So never underestimate the value of remembering people, and the details of what they’re up to, especially if they might perceive you as being senior to them in some way, or ‘above’ them, as I viewed my actor friend. Remember the names of the receptionist’s kids, or the fact that a colleague has a big family celebration coming up, or where your neighbour is off to on holiday, or that your cousin’s wife likes peppermint tea with a bit of honey in it.

Are you thinking, how the hell am I supposed to remember all that? I suspect you may be. And I’ll give you two answers. Firstly, the more you are genuinely interested and engaged in the conversation, the more likely you are to remember it (that’s how the actor did it – he listened to people properly). And secondly, you can write it down. Because obviously you can’t be expected to remember it all in your head. I’ve kept countless notes on customers’ files to remind me when their daughter’s driving test is, or what kind of wine they like. If you know your cousin and his wife will be over again in November, set an electronic reminder of some kind for yourself.

My dentist always knows what I’ve been up to – holidays or trips I said I was going on when I last saw him, for example. I’m quite sure he keeps notes. Am I offended that he’s ‘faking’ interest in me when really he has it all written down? Of course not. I’m pleased he considers me worth making notes about, and appreciate him taking the trouble. I don’t care whether he remembers it in his head or on paper.