Now you have all your variable, movable pieces, you’d better start moving them. This is where the real bargaining comes in. And there’s one principle you need to bear in mind at all times: never give without taking. It’s a process of constant trade-off. If your client asks for a better price, say that could be possible if you had a longer lead time, or if they paid up front, or you delivered to one central point and they handled the distribution out to their branches.

Remember, the other person has got to feel as if they’re winning before they’ll say yes. So the corollary of this is that you shouldn’t expect to take without also giving. Indeed, you shouldn’t want to. You want the other person to feel as good as possible about the whole deal so they won’t just walk away from it. And so they’ll be happy to deal with you in the future. So offer faster delivery if they’ll pay up front, or suggest you could lower the price if they lower the spec.

This sense of balance is a vital theme that runs through all negotiations. It’s important that you give, but not so much that you seem to be a pushover. That’s not a reputation you want. You want this person – and anyone they speak to – to know that there’s no point making unreasonable demands of you because you’re not going to fall for it. However, you’re pleasant and realistic, and positive to do business with if you’re treated fairly.

So whatever they ask, never say ‘Yes’. Always say ‘Yes, if … ’. When your brother asks if you’ll take your elderly father to all his medical appointments, don’t just say yes. Say yes, you could do that if he’ll take responsibility for Dad’s household admin. If your colleague wants you to write their presentation for them because that’s one of your strengths, you might say yes, if they’ll keep an eye on your accounts when you’re on holiday next month.

It’s worth pointing out here that not all negotiations declare themselves as such. If you have a big business meeting to discuss the terms of a new contract, you know that’s a negotiation and you can switch into gear. When your child asks to move their bedtime, or your brother asks your to manage your dad’s medical visits, it isn’t always immediately obvious that you’re in a negotiation. But you probably are.

The only time this isn’t the case is when you’re genuinely happy to do something for nothing. That’s fine – I hope we all do people favours without expecting anything in return. I’m not suggesting we should always be asking what’s in it for us. It’s important to be generous. But no one wants to be a sucker. Your elderly neighbour might really need you to help with her weekly shop, and it’s a kindness to do it for her without expecting anything in return. But your colleague could perfectly well write his own presentation, so it’s quite reasonable to suggest you swap favours.